Kin of the Heart
Rated SAFE

Bumbling to a Save

Angel watched as Buffy took out the last vampire, admiring her form, her grace as she spun and drove the stake deep into his chest before he exploded into ash. Then she was backing off, madly brushing at her jacket.

"Ew. Okay, not as bad as demon goo, but I really need to remember to stake upwind," she wrinkled her nose.

"Thanks Buffy, you're a lifesaver, and I mean that literally," Xander offered as he climbed out of the bushes. The young man didn't even bother thanking Angel who had staked the other two.

"It's in the job description," she shrugged, "but aren't you out kinda late?"

"Huge with the lateage. My dad had a craving for beef jerky." Xander dug around in the bushes and came up with a small paper sack. "I couldn't really explain that I was creeped out walking in the dark because the vampires seem to be multiplying like radioactively mutated rabbits." Now Xander did glance toward Angel, and Angel considered just fading away into the shadow.

"Oh crap. Look at the time," Buffy gasped as she caught a glance at Xander's watch. "Mom is going to kill me. Angel, you can get Xander home, right?" She turned her bright eyes on Angel, and the determination to just leave faded and Angel found himself agreeing with a nod. And then she was gone, racing across a yard and leaping a fence with all the power and grace of a demon.

"Great," Xander breathed in a tone that made it clear that this situation was anything but great. Angel agreed with the feeling, but he'd promised to walk the idiot home, so he stepped onto the sidewalk and waited for Xander to pick a direction. When they'd found him, he was already in the bushes, so Angel didn't know which way was home. For long seconds, Xander just eyed him suspiciously before he turned and started walking west. Angel silently walked beside him.

"So, you're Angel," Xander said finally. Angel had been watching a fledge in the distance, and the question didn't register with him right away.

"Yes."

"Buffy's Angel, well not Buffy's angel as in guardian angel type angel because that would just be strange." Xander rattled the words out so fast that Angel just stared down at him blankly. "You know, what with you being a vampire," Xander added with a vague hand-wave in Angel's general direction.

"I got that," Angel said with a small frown. If Xander was going to talk, this was going to be a lot more awkward. He wished the boy would just walk in silence and grudgingly accept the protection Angel was grudgingly offering without the verbal torture.

"Oh, good," Xander nodded. "Sometimes people don't get my stuff, and explaining it… so not good for the humor, not that I was trying to be funny because I wouldn't joke about some big tragedy like someone being a vampire… or using a wheelchair. Wheelchair jokes are totally unfunny, and I would put vampire jokes—" he glanced toward Angel out of the corner of his eyes, and Angel braced himself for whatever idiotic adolescent comments he was about to make. "Who am I kidding?" Xander asked. "There are some great vampire jokes out there. I bet you've heard them all."

"I don't talk to people much." Angel looked at Xander meaningfully, trying to get the boy to understand that he didn't choose to talk to people much. The idiot completely missed the point.

"Are you one of those weird people who collects years of newspapers and has about a hundred cats?"

"Cats? What?"

"You know, those weird people who collect crap and then when they die, their bodies disappear into their own apartments and the police have to go climbing in through the piles of newspapers and cats to get them out. Are you one of those? Because I have to tell you, you have the weird vibe going although I don't suppose you're going to leave a corpse behind for the cats to chew on after you've died."

Angel stopped and just stared at the boy, and Xander stopped, too. "What? No. I don't have cats. I don't like cats."

"No piles of newspapers from 1904 in some corner of your place?"

"No." Angel growled the word and started walking down the street again, almost hoping that Xander just wouldn't follow. Then he could leave this idiot behind without breaking his word to offer an escort home.

"Oh, okay. So, you really haven't heard any vampire jokes?"

"No." Angel kept his eyes straight ahead and tried to ignore Xander.

"What's a vampire's favorite snack?"

"We don't—" Angel started staying.

"It's a joke. You're supposed to ask 'what'," Xander interrupted as he rolled his eyes. Angel gritted his teeth and pushed down on the feeling of helpless stupidity that rose in him every time he didn't understand the world well enough to live in it. He hated that Xander could make him feel like that, and he hated that it was over something as stupid as a joke. But how was he supposed to know how two people talked to each other? He wasn't a person, and he'd spent a century trying to NOT talk to people.

"But I—" Angel started, determined to cut this conversation off.

"Say 'what'!" Xander demanded with a melodramatic sigh. Angel was caught between just saying it and getting it over or breaking Xander into several small pieces that would fit into a storm drain. He had to take several unnecessary breaths to push back the Angelus thoughts.

"Fine. What?"

"Neck-tarines." Xander howled with laughter… or gave one good bark of it at least before he settled into chuckling.

"That's not actually funny."

"It is if you don't have to fight someone into doing the joke right," Xander shrugged. He glanced over and rolled his eyes at Angel again, and this time Angel didn't even understand what he had done that warranted the disapproval of this child. "Fine, here's another one," Xander said with a mightily put-upon voice.

"What does one lesbian vampire say to the other?"

"What?" Angel said obediently, hoping that Xander lived close… very close. He started eyeing random houses and wondering if he could get the owners to just take the boy in for the night.

"Same time next month?" Xander looked at him hopefully, the smile fading as Angel just frowned. "Get it, time of the month. Girls… their periods…" Xander waved his hand in some sort of sign that seemed to mean 'all that,' but Angel just stared at him blankly until Xander sighed heavily. "I give up. You're ruining my best material here. Look, I have a limited number of strategies for humor here. You're clearly not going for the eyerolling variety, and no way am I going for self-deprecating when I'm walking with this super cool seekret stalker dude that the girl I like likes. There's humiliating myself for laughs, and then there's going just too far."

"I don't want you—"

"So that leaves humor through brutal harsh truth, which again, you make difficult by having the whole hidden past going on," Xander cut him off without so much as an apology. In Angel's human life, that would have led to getting backhanded to the floor. In his vampire life, that sort of rudeness only led to a physical beating if someone liked you. If they didn't, they'd just kill you over it. All Angel could do is grit his teeth and enjoy the few seconds of silence before Xander started again. "So, how's the Romeo and Juliet thing going for you and the Buffster?"

"We're fine."

"You do know they ended up dead at the end, right?" Xander looked up at him, and Angel took a firm hold on his temper as the boy kept right on talking even with Angel giving every sign that he was ready to snap. "I mean, just checking."

"Yes, I know how the play ended. I've seen it several times," Angel answered tersely.

"Good because some people, they're still all with the 'awwww, isn't that sweet' when I'm more about the 'hey, look, dead people on the floor.' It's the star-crossed lovers thing. It never ends well. Like that movie with the boat and the singing and the girl who it turns out is part black only no one knows it until she can sing that song about loving her man. That ended up badly. She ended up a bitter old alcoholic, or maybe that was him, but there was alcoholism and bitterness involved."

Angel narrowed his eyes and looked down contemptuously at the brat. So, that was his game. He'd dealt with Spike and his petty jealousies for enough years to recognize that expression. Now Angel felt a little more secure with his footing. This wasn't about him not being human enough to carry on a conversation; this was about the boy being so jealous of Buffy's affection that he couldn't see straight. "You don't think I should be with her," Angel said calmly. Nothing this cretin thought would change how Buffy saw him.

"Well, duh," Xander snorted, and that wasn't the reaction Angel expected. "I mean, you give pedophilia a whole new meaning. If sixteen and thirty is a bad, I don't even have a word for the badness that is sixteen and… how old are you, anyway?" Angel blinked, right back to feeling off-balance as that word sank into his consciousness. It was an easy enough word to understand with the Latin roots, but Angel had never even considered…

"I was born in 1727," he answered automatically, his brain still distracted by that brutal word Xander had just casually thrown out.

"Oh wow. If I could, you know, do math in my head, I would so be making comments about sixteen and way too freaking old. 1997 minus 1727 is… just freaky."

"Two hundred seventy."

"Okay, see, that's weird, you have to admit that's weird. My grandmother is sixty-two and she can't even work the VCR, so the idea of someone nearly three hundred years old dating Buffy with her current Third Eye Blind obsession? Way with the weird. Do you even know who Third Eye Blind is? You know, Semi-Charmed Life?"

Xander had that expectant expression. He knew full well that Angel had no idea how to work a VCR or who Third Eye Blind was. Angel had a better chance of finding a three-eyed, blind demon that knowing what the hell he was talking about. Not even bothering to answer, Angel just walked a little faster.

"I'm taking that as a no. Of course, do you even know how to use a radio?"

"Yes," Angel growled.

"A VCR?"

"I've seen them."

"So that's a 'no' on using the VCR front."

"We don't have to talk," Angel pointed out darkly, his tone the sort that would have sent William and Dru running for safety. "We can just walk in silence until we reach your house.

"Riiight. When all else fails, avoid." Xander nodded and got a smug expression on his face that Angel immediately wanted to smack off.

"I'm trying to be patient with you because I understand that you are jealous and more than a little petty over the fact that Buffy likes me. But if you think you can get me out of the way so you can make your--"

"Oh please. Not even. I watch movies like "Night of the Comet" as sock puppet material because every man on earth being dead but me, that's about what it would take for someone like Buffy or Cordelia to look at me, not that I ever looked at Cordelia, Cordelia was more Jesse's speed… or not Jesse's speed because Cordelia was always way faster. But me… I’m not even up to Jesse speed, so girls like that are totally out of my league. Nope. If I got you to drop off the face of the earth, I still wouldn't have a shot at Buffy. Doesn't mean I don't want you to drop off the face of the earth."

Angel strode forward, ignoring the man-child's voice and the dark fury in his gut and the stirring of his soul that had just now started asking a lot of questions that Angel hadn't even considered before.

"You know why?" Xander demanded.

Still not answering, Angel walked fast enough that Xander had to trot now.

"Avoidance… so doesn't work with me. I just keep talking right over the awkward silences. See, here's how I figure it. You're a vampire, and she's a vampire slayer. "

That warranted a strong glare.

"Yeah, I know that part's obvious," Xander shrugged off Angel's venomous expression, "but here's the bit you seem to miss. Her job is to protect people from monsters. You are a monster; therefore, she's supposed to protect people from you. But instead all she talks about is poor Angel… Angel almost got staked helping her on patrol… Angel had to kill his sire… and doesn't sire mean father because the whole Darla being a sire thing is giving me freaky thoughts about what she had under that skirt if she fathered you."

The fact that this man-child was poking at Angel's most pained and most cherished soft spots was nearly enough to make him reconsider his no-hunt policy. The only way he could deal with his own pain was to shove it off for later consideration as he focused on the idiot's misunderstanding of the word sire.

"She's the vampire who created me."

"Right. Whatever, so not the point. The point is that Buffy is all tangled up worrying about you. So, when the day comes that she has to choose between saving you or saving some poor schmuck who tried making out with some skanky vamp from the Bronze in a back alley, who do you think she'd save?"

"She's the slayer. She'll do her job." Angel had never fooled himself into believing that Buffy would chose him over her destiny. Hell, for a while he'd been confused about why she'd choose him over this boy with his dark eyes and soulful expression, but now that he was spending some time with the brat, Angel was beginning to understand why a slayer would want a vampire over this annoying man-child.

"Okay, let's assume that," Xander said without sounding convinced. "So, she saves random vamp snack and watches you turn to dust. Oh yeah, that's not going to screw her up, not at all. She broods, she gets all depressed and eats way too much chocolate and stops training, and then she's very quickly a dead slayer. Good plan, that." Sarcastic nod.

"That wouldn't happen," Angel said, clenching his fists to keep from grabbing the boy and breaking him. He didn't want that future for Buffy.

"Oh please, you really don't spend much time with girls, do you? They got depressed over Ross kissing the Xerox girl, so letting the 300 year old monster she thinks she's in love with die… oh yeah, that's major life-changing, Prozac-sucking depression."

Angel didn't understand most of that, but he still understood the general principle. He didn't want to understand it, but he did. And Xander, instead of letting Angel catch his balance and make sense of this whole new world view, he just kept barreling on. "Unless of course she picks you over the vamp snack. Then she gets to be depressed AND hear Giles go on and on about how he told her not to get involved with you because it would mean trouble. Yep, I am speaking the truth man, and you so know it. Denial, your name is Angel. And I'm still thinking that's a stupid name."

"This is your version of humor?" Angel asked with a grim laugh of his own. He felt as raw as if he'd just been worked over by three Fyarl demons.

"Trust me, from this side of the conversation, this is all sorts of fun… unless you plan on eating me for it." Xander looked at Angel suspiciously.

"I don't kill people," Angel said, even though just minutes ago he'd been reconsidering that policy.

"Then yeah," Xander shrugged, "I'm calling this funny." And now Xander fell silent. Now that his words had done their damage and Angel couldn't escape the thought that he was someone damaging the one person he'd sworn to protect, now that he was questioning everything he'd done in the last few months, now the brat was silent as they walked down the tree-lined street. He turned a corner, and Angel followed, his guts still roiling.

"I can't just stay away from her," Angel said firmly, even if he felt anything but firm right now.

Xander snorted, a derisive sound that made Angel want to rip his guts out… that made him want to turn the boy and then rip his guts out so it would last longer. "Oh, right, leave it up to the 16-year-old to have control. That's right up there with pedophiles blaming 6-year-olds for being too cute. Actually, it's kinda worse because at 270, you really should have a little more control and you're all supposedly atoning for past evil-man, which implies you really shouldn't be doing more evil. Way to show no control."

"If I didn’t have control, you'd be dead right now," Angel pointed out with grim amusement as he pictured what he would do to Xander if he didn't have control.

"See… with a face like that, I'm thinking you should be named Ra’s al ghul or something, not Angel."

The sudden shift in tone left Angel feeling like he was trying to walk through rapids. Every time he figured out how to keep his balance, the current changed and he was again left floundering. "Who?"

"My point exactly, the lack of pop culture references… you so don't have any business dating anyone less than two-hundred. He's a villain… always has that really evil expression on his face like you have when you're looking at me right now. He has too much forehead, too. I'll loan you my Batman comics. You'll like them."

"I don't—"

"Don't have a life... I got that already. But I figure you need someone or something to distract you from this Romeo and Juliet thing you have going before you go and get your Juliet dead." Angel stopped in the middle of the dark sidewalk. Up to now he could put the child's words up to unintentional meanness or dumb luck, but this… this suggested that the boy had just made a deliberate attack. Angel wondered how long he had practiced this little conversation in his own head before having the chance to say it.

"If she knew you were saying this to me—" Angel started.

"I'd be totally dead, yep, get that. But here's the thing, I don't have the slayerly powers for good or Willow's mad research skills. I've pretty much got the truth and nothing but the truth, so consider this my contribution to making the world a better place. Hey, we're here. Thanks for the escort. I really, really hope we don't ever have to do this again." Xander turned and darted into one more little square house that looked like all the others on the block, a little shabbier maybe.

"I—" Angel started, but the boy was already gone. Boy. He could so clearly see that Xander was a boy, a boy trying to attack in the only way he could. Why was it so hard then for him to see that Buffy was a girl? Angel shook his head, trying to settle these new and disturbing thoughts as he turned and headed back for his apartment, not sure that anything would be the same again after this night.

Family Ties

Angel opened his apartment door and very nearly shut it again. Unfortunately, he didn't close it quite fast enough.

"Hey, Deadboy. Today's lesson is on the glories of the modern educational system: Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Breakfast Club, and the incomparable National Lampoon's Animal House." Xander held up three tapes, dropping them on Angel's couch before he went to dig through Angel's refrigerator. Gritting his teeth, Angel told himself that this was part of his penance for a century of murder and mayhem. He also told himself that he wanted to get rid of Xander, but the fact that Xander was pulling Doritos out of his cupboards and already had a Coke from the refrigerator in hand really did make it hard for him to do that. 

"At least eat something that isn't junk food. I bought milk," Angel pointed out.

"Nah-huh. I want my nice sealed Coke can because that milk has been sharing fridge space with your blood, and may I just say right now how bad that icks me out."

If Angel expected time to dull Xander's criticisms, he was going to have to wait a lot longer. Sitting on the couch, he looked at the tapes the boy had brought over. "Why I am watching films on high school? Why don't you bring more of those musicals? I liked Showboat," Angel complained as Xander toed off his sneakers and picked up the tape with the depressed looking teenagers on the front.

"Hey, the 'mostly dead' reference from Princess Bride, that so saved Buffy's skin... well, that and my powers of CPR."

Angel really couldn't argue with that. He wanted to. He wanted to point out that the movie had been inane and stupid. It really had been, but at least now he understood what Xander meant when he told Angel to have fun storming the castle as he sat on a tombstone and watched Angel dust vamps. Funny, he'd thought that backing away from Buffy would have meant seeing the boy less, but the less he focused on Buffy, the more he seemed to have inherited a younger brother... an annoying younger brother who was getting Doritos dust all over his couch. Angel looked at the mess in despair.

With a sigh, Angel got up to heat himself some blood.

"You're going to do the blood sucking thing right in front of me, aren't you?" Xander asked with a face.

"You're inhaling pure chemicals right in front of me," Angel countered. "Besides, I drink, I don't suck." He pulled the pan out of the cupboard and set it on the stove.

"Just keep that away from me because the smell of blood is doing seriously bad things to my appetite, and I'm a growing boy here. I need my calories."

Sighing, Angel just focused on his dinner while the opening credits of the movie started. "Hey," Xander called, "this sets up all the characters so you know their backgrounds, you have to see this bit."

Angel turned and watched as one teen after another got dropped off in front of a silent school. Why were they going to school if no one else was? Angel didn't ask because questions like that led to long and complicated answers that he often didn't understand any better than the movies Xander brought over.

"See all the pressure that asshole's putting on his son? So not with the cool. Wait 'til you find out what Andy did, and having been on the receiving end, I'm so not okay with what he did, but his father makes him do a lot of that stuff just with the way he acts. They should be able to make parents serve detentions, you know?" Xander snorted.

Detention. Restraining or confining someone. After Xander had served his second detention for not having homework done, Angel had finally caught on to the meaning as it referred to school, but that still didn't explain why these students were being dropped off for detention. Xander always served his after class.

Angel watched as a man in overalls told his son that he was a waste of lunchmeat. Angel flinched. Yeah, Xander was right, some parents deserved to take the blame, but then again, sometimes the punishments they received far outweighed any crimes they committed while trying to raise their children. The specter of his own past rose up, and Angel tried shoving it away. Tried, but didn't completely succeed. Maybe that's why he let Xander come over, so that he would be tortured with reminders of a life he once had. Angel turned back to the stove and swirled his blood. Maybe he just didn't like the young man being so alone. The first time Angel had invited him over, the boy had been sitting forlornly on his porch, and it didn't take vampire hearing to catch the vicious fight going on inside. Most of the neighbors could hear it. Now, Angel was never sure whether some fight at home or some unintentional insult from Buffy or Giles sent him to Angel. Xander rarely if ever discussed what was going on with him, even if he did make a habit out of torturing information out of Angel.

After pouring the blood into a cup, Angel ran water in the pan and headed back to his desecrated couch.

"The couch... so not a tragedy, so you can stop with the tragic face," Xander said without glancing away from the movie. He poked a chip toward the screen. "This guy? Snyder would love him. Snyder's problem is that he can't find enough sadists to hire as teachers."

Angel seriously hoped Xander was exaggerating. He probably was.

"So, what was school like in your day?" Xander asked before shoving an entire handful of chips in his mouth and then rubbing his dirty hand on his shirt. At least that was better than rubbing it on the sofa arm, Angel supposed.

"Strict," Angel said. "I had a friend who went to a hedge school and liked it well enough, but I went to a state school and I never learned much more than reading, basic numbers, and how to avoid getting hit with a very large stick."

"Hedge school?" Xander sprayed Dorito dust with his words.

"Catholics weren't allowed to teach and the schools tried to get us to not believe in the Pope, so a lot of boys, their parents paid storytellers or teachers who would teach out of barns or beside ditches or behind hedges."

"Really?" Xander sat up a little straighter. "You could get the whole rebelling and schooling things out of the way at once, which would leave many hours free for other pursuits, which seems big with the waste because you didn't even have video games to fill all those excess non-rebelling minutes." Xander nodded, and Angel didn't point out that in his day, children had very little time for rebelling. He himself had not rebelled against his father's beatings and insults until he got old enough to do it with a vengeance that had led to his own damnation. "So, your dad didn't go for the hedge thingies?" Xander asked.

"Hedge schools. No. He would rather have me protestant and wealthy than go to heaven. I suppose he didn't get either." Angel drank his blood and tried hard to concentrate on the movie and not the sick feeling in his stomach. Having Xander over was a little like self-flagellation, but the boy no longer seemed to enjoy the pain he caused. If anything, he'd turned pensive, chewing on one chip before pulling another out of the bag.

"How are Willow and Buffy?" Angel asked.

"She's back with Owen again. On again, off again, on again. Geez, he's like a yo-yo, and not in the sparkly fun way either because he can be slightly totally weird," Xander complained. Angel just nodded. Whoever Buffy dated would no doubt inspire jealousy and hatred in Xander's heart, but at least the boy was honest about that. After Angel had started backing away from Buffy, after he'd really seen how he was endangering her, both physically and emotionally, in a way he had never intended, he'd expected gloating from Xander. It never came. And as much as Xander hated Owen, and he did hate the young man, Xander never tried to break up the relationship Buffy was struggling to have with him. As much as Angel hated to admit it, a sixteen year old boy had been mature enough to see a truth that he at two hundred and seventy had missed. It hadn't been just the random, jealous babbling of some love-sick teen.

"Willow?"

"She's fine," Xander shrugged without more comment.

Angel settled in to watch the movie now that Xander had been successfully distracted from the topic of Angel's own past. The knock on the door came after the students had started smoking marijuana. Xander looked at Angel questioningly, but Angel didn't have any idea who might be showing up on his door. He wasn't exactly listed in the yellow pages. Yellow pages, another reference Xander had explained, bringing one over to use as a visual aid.

When Angel opened the door, he was temporarily so shocked that he didn't even say anything as the figure billowed into the room, a leather duster swirling dramatically around him as he stopped in the space halfway between the small kitchen area and Xander. Angel quickly moved to stand between them.

"Ta, mate." Spike sniffed, an affectation that was followed with a trademark smirk. "Long time no see."

"Xander, you need to go home," Angel said quietly.

"Long time as in...?" Xander asked softly.

"Go home."

"Right, this is me with the going."

Spike smirked wider, running a tongue along the inside of his lower lip. "Say hi to Bruno on your way out, pet. He's the vamp with the tattoo over half his face." Xander froze half way to the door, his wide eyes on Angel. Reaching out, Angel grabbed Xander's arm and pulled the boy safely behind him.

"What do you want, Willliam?" Angel struggled to find some calm. This situation was bad. The cramped quarters were far more suited to Spike's fighting style than his own, and Xander would never survive even being in the same room with two fighting Master vampires.

"Got a new bit then? He going to be the new baby brother once he's grown into his knickers?" Spike turned an appraising eye on Xander and Angel could feel the warm hand touch his back, seeking some sort of protection and reassurance. "All dark eyes, that one. Looks like your taste." And Xander's hand disappeared from his back.

"That's not your business," Angel said sharply, refusing to get pulled into Spike's game. "So, William, what brings you to the Hellmouth?"

"Just came from court. They say you're the slayer's lapdog. Funny thing that." Spike walked over to the chair and dropped into it, sprawling out as he frowned at the television. "Crap movie. Now Star Wars, that's a movie worth seein'. Anyway," Spike said, one more fast shift in topics, "court says you're sniffing up the slayer, but I've been tailing this slayer for a week now, and I haven't caught hide nor hair of you anywhere around."

Angel took a step forward, anger surging through his guts. He didn't think of Buffy as someone he could or should sniff up, not after Xander had said a few truths that made him see her as far more of a child than a woman, but she was his responsibility. He'd taken on a mission to help her, to protect her, and as much as he didn't want to, he would fight even Spike over that mission. "You don't touch her," Angel growled, barely keeping out of gameface. Spike blinked up at him, unconcerned.

"Slayers exist for us to kill them, you forgotten that or does the soul just muck with your head until you can't understand the concept?" Angel stepped back so quickly he collided with Xander and the boy gave a startled yelp.

"You know," Angel said quietly.

"Well, yeah. Not stupid," Spike pointed out with a frown. "Half the demon world uses your name like some sort of boogy monster. Be a bad little demon or the gypsies will shove a soul up your arse like with that Angelus."

"Soul or not, I will dust you if you touch Buffy," Angel said seriously. Spike just raised an eyebrow.

Calmly, Spike pulled out a cigarette and lighted it, casually blowing smoke into the room. "Yeah, heard you'd taken up stakin' the family. That's what the line's come down to, has it?"

"The line was always full of vampires who would stake each other over a meal," Angel pointed out contemptuously.

"True enough," Spike shrugged. "Doesn't mean you stake your own sire or childer, or did the court get that wrong, too?"

"Darla threatened Buffy." Angel watched as his words had an effect on Spike. The nervous twitch of his fingers stilled and for one perfect second, he was a silent statue. Then he pursed his lips and leaned back in the chair.

"Not sure what your game is here, mate, so this is your play."

Angel wasn't fooled by the cocky attitude or the carefree attitude. Spike had placed himself closest to the one piece of art that would best serve as a weapon, and he watched Angel with wary blue eyes.

"I don't want to fight over this, but for Buffy, I will," Angel said calmly.

"Just the slayer?" Spike asked as he leaned forward. His eyes flicked toward Xander.

"Buffy AND her friends are the ones I'll specifically hunt you down and stake you over," Angel compromised on. "I'm sure you can sniff out which ones spend time with her, at least if you haven't forgotten the lessons I taught you."  Angel's soul demanded that he stake Spike right here and right now, that he end the danger the vampire posed to the world. Another part of his soul reminded him that he had created Spike, and the guilt of that made his stomach twist. Angel had tortured the boy, had forced him to watch as Angelus took Drusilla over and over.  He'd dragged young William out on sprees of raping and killing.  Before that, William had been the least bloodthirsty demon Angel had ever met. Now he was famous for torturing and killing. Angel carried the blame for that.

"Still not sure what your game is here," Spike pointed out.

"And you're not going to. You leave Buffy and her friends alone, and you don't hunt where she or I will find you, and I won't have to turn you into dust." Angel offered the best treaty he could.

"Bloody hell, sounds like you really might be tamed," Spike stood up, but Angel spotted his moment... the fraction of a second when Spike had his body angled just a little too far. Angel surged forward and slammed his body into Spike's. His larger frame meant that he had Spike pinned against the wall before the smaller vampire could launch a counter-attack.

"Don't ever think I'm tame, Spike, you won't live to regret the mistake." Angel hissed the words out, his demon's vision focusing on the soft curve where Spike's neck and shoulder met. For a second, Spike's hands scrabbled across Angel's shoulders, and then he went still. His head tilted a fraction, maybe less than a fraction of an inch, but the gesture was there. Angel drove forward, biting deeply at the offered flesh and tasting the blood of his line. He stopped before he could take much. If he did, Spike would just have to hunt again, and Angel didn't want that on his conscience. Slowly, Angel backed away, his eyes still focused on Spike.

"Guess that answers that," Spike said, just a little of the cocky gone as he reached up and touched the raw wound on his throat.

"Are you still planning on going after the slayer?" Angel asked, still in gameface. Spike stared at him for several seconds.

"Your offer of a truce good?" Spike finally countered.

"As long as I don't see you hunt. I'm here to stop people from ending up the prey, but..." Angel stopped. He couldn't come up with one reason for not killing Spike right now when the younger vampire was submitting and his instincts would work against him. Then again, maybe Angel just liked people who annoyed him, and Spike had always fit into that category remarkably well.

Spike shook his head. "You were my Yoda. Bloody hell, you were the one who taught me to enjoy my unlife, and now this is what you're left with? Crap all movies in some pathetic flat that stinks of pig's blood?"

"We all make choices," Angel said calmly as he fell back into human features. "So, what choice are you making right now, William?" Angel took a step forward again, and Spike angled his body for another attack.

"If your slayer is all that precious to you, I'll let you have her until some other vamp catches her havin' a bad day." Spike stepped away from the wall, and Angel backed up to give him a clear shot at the door to leave. Through this whole exchange, Xander had remained shockingly silent, and Angel spared the boy a glance. He was pale and not actually breathing. Angel wondered just how long he'd been holding his breath because that was not a healthy expression.

Spike started for the door, his swagger a little less pronounced than when he'd swept in. "How's Drusilla?" Angel asked when Spike put his hand to the doorknob. Spike's eyebrow twitched, either in amusement or concern as he gave Angel a strange look.

"Not good. Got caught by a mob outside of Prague, and she's failing fast. Hellmouth perked her up a bit and Dalton's looking for a solution."

Angel didn't answer, not even sure what to say. If he had a part in creating Spike, then he'd molded every inch of Drusilla. Her madness for killing children, her cruelty, her joy in torture... they were all the scars he had left on her before and after he'd turned her. Without another word, Spike was gone and Angel was left alone in the apartment with Xander, the movie still going. He turned, not even sure how to explain that exchange to the boy.

Xander frowned at him for a second and then at the door before he sort of wilted onto the couch. "And here I thought you drinking blood was bad for my digestion," he joked weakly. "I'm pretty sure I'm going to vomit. Passing out may follow. Actually, first I need to feel my crotch to see if I actually peed my pants or just considered it. What with the lack of oxygen there in the middle, I sort of fuzzed out."

"You didn't soil yourself," Angel assured him even though he knew that Xander already knew that. "Spike is..." Angel stopped. How did he explain this to a sixteen year old child.

"Family?" Xander asked. "Fucked up family, but family. Yeah, I get that. I'm totally getting it boy, but next time I'm complaining about my dad, please just poke me with a stick or something because your family makes mine look almost functional." Xander gave a dark burst of laughter, and Angel didn't bother pointing out that Xander never complained about his father. All of Angel's impressions about Xander's family came from standing outside on the street listening to them. Xander looked up at him. "We need to tell Giles," he said before he bit his lip. It was a gesture of uncertainty Xander didn't usually have. Whether Xander was right or spectacularly wrong, he was always sure.

"Yes, we do. If Spike's in town, he has a plan," Angel agreed. "It's probably not a good one, but he has one. However, I think this will keep until tomorrow. Do you want me to walk you home?"

Xander sat silent for a minute. "Um, do you mind if I do the couch-crashing thing? The parental units are off on the blaming of each other for the lack of money, and that particular conversation always seems to come back around to why I seem to suck up so much money and not give any back."

Angel grimaced. "If you can handling sleeping on Dorito crumbs, you're welcome to it," Angel said. "I'll get you some blankets." He pulled a set of sheets, a pillow, and blankets out. If Xander was going to admit that he wanted to stay instead of just refusing to leave until he fell asleep, then he could get a little more comfortable than sleeping on the couch with a blanket over him.

"You want to finish the movie?" Xander asked. Again, there was that uncertainty that Angel wasn't used to seeing.

"I actually think I need to go kill something," Angel admitted. He didn't like how that made him sound violent and unbalanced, but it was true. Xander just nodded.

"I'm with you there, well, not in the actual killing of things, but in the weird needing to do something, not that I plan on doing anything except sit on your couch and excessively channel surf. He won't come back, will he?" Xander glanced toward the door, and Angel used a fang to bite down on the pad of his thumb.

"No, he made his point. He won't risk starting another confrontation after he's submitted," Angel said truthfully enough as he let his hand casually brush against Xander's hair. He could smell his blood mixing with Xander's own scent as the new scent marker laid over the smells of older markers. Not even a dozen washings would remove all traces of vampire blood and the fresh marker would warn Spike that Angel was serious about protecting his own. Now all Angel had to feel guilty about was all the random people he was likely to kill.

Angel grabbed his coat and sword and headed for the door. Xander's voice stopped him as he was ready to leave.

"Hey Angel," he said. The VCR was already off, and Xander had the remote in hand.

"Yes?"

"You can't pick your family." Xander didn't say anything else as he turned his attention to the television and started flipping through channels at a speed that made it impossible for even vampire vision to identify the pictures. Angel didn't answer as he headed out of the apartment.

Devil in the Details

Xander hurried as he headed for the Bronze. If Snyder hadn't been all with the 'help clean this up' after the swim team slopped all over the stupid floors, Xander would have been safely inside the club sitting next to Buffy way before dark. Instead he was power walking through the dark. Snyder just hated him because Ampata had disappeared, which made the school look bad, especially when it turned out that Ampata was supposed to be a boy, and boy didn't that look a little suspicious. But it still wasn't his fault he was always at the center of the weirdness.

He was officially stupid, Xander told himself as he walked even faster. He should have just gone home, it was closer. Xander snorted at that thought. Funny, but the more he avoided home, the more he wanted to avoid home. It was like some sort of reverse numbing process because the ability to just get away from his parents' fights... well, let's just say it was definitely reducing his tolerance for the random verbal assaults.

"Fancy meeting you here." The heavy accent sent Xander grabbing for a stake, but before he could even get it out of his waistband, Spike had grabbed him, one hand on the back of Xander's neck and the other on his stake hand, and this wasn't embarrassing, not at all. Spike looked so... okay, he looked like a Goth wimp with more scrawn than muscle, but the hands holding him were definitely not scrawny.

"Oi, stop fighting before I end up hurtin' you."

"Oh yeah, because vampires never hurt people. I'm not falling for that line you undead liar... guy." Okay, that wasn't his best line ever, but Xander hadn't peed his pants yet, and right now that was victory enough. Getting out of this without being dead would be even better.

Spike gave him a little shake that made Xander's teeth rattle. "Don't have to lie to you. If I wanted you dead, you'd be dead, pet. So let go of that stake and play nice before I rip your bollocks off."

Xander had no idea what bollocks were, but from tone of voice, he was guessing he wanted his right where they were thank you very much. He let go of his stake and listened to it rattle against the sidewalk before Spike started pulling him down a sidestreet.

"Angel is going to be so pissed with you... and Buffy... you know, the slayer. She's going to be big with the hunting your sorry ass down and doing the whole dust to dust thing." Even while Xander babbled, he couldn't help remembering what Angel had told Giles... that Spike was one of the most determined demons he'd ever known. Not a great one for planning or patience, but utterly focused, and Xander really, truly did not want that focus on him.

"Mouthy one, aren't you?" Spike asked as he changed his hold so that he held one of Xander's wrists and flung his other arm around Xander's shoulders.

"Too mouthy. You don't want to listen to me. Heck, my parents don't even listen to me, so random vamps, not really any reason to listen to me, so you should just let me go."

"Bloody hell, not some random vamp, am I? I figure Angelus will give you another three, four years to fill in and then we'll be family."

It took Xander a second to recover from that bit of stupidity. "Disturbo much? Angel is not going to turn me."

Spike gave Xander a look that looked a little bit like the one Giles had given him when Xander had confused whatsit demons with thingamajig demons and made them all think the world was ending again. "And you've known the sod for what? A couple of years?" Spike snorted, and Xander could feel the heat in his face. Okay, so he hadn't actually known Angel that long... really not that long... but he was sticking to the belief that Angel wasn't planning on killing him. If he was with the homicidal feelings, the whole night with the verbal jabbing about pedophilia so would have been the time for him to do it. But right now, Xander was more concerned with the way Spike was studying him. "How long *have* you known him?" Spike demanded.

Xander wasn't going to answer, but the grip tightening painfully on his wrist pretty much reminded him that he didn't have a choice. "Um, known in the having seen him around or known as in knowing his name or known as in figuring out he's a vampire or known as in showing up at his apartment for movie nights?"

Spike's eyebrow twitched.

"A couple of months, maybe," Xander said, kinda cutting it down the middle. The movies... that had been two months top... maybe a month and a half.

That made Spike just outright laugh. "Oi, he knows you for two months, and he's already marked his territory and is coddling you until you grow into your knickers. You're not a seer or somethin', are you?"

"Uh, not that I know. The only thing I'm really known for seeing is any snack food at a hundred paces. Other than that, I tend to trip over things before seeing them."

Spike stopped and really stared at Xander for a second before he started walking again, dragging Xander along for the ride. "Seers don't always know it about themselves. My Dru, she just thought she was cursed. I don't suppose you think your cursed or balmy or some shite like that, do you?"

"Balmy?"

"Crazy," Spike clarified.

"Crazy for wandering around a Hellmouth after dark, I'd be saying big with the yes," Xander agreed as they turned another corner.

"Hear voices? See things that aren't there? Cursed by some higher power?" Spike asked, and now he stared at Xander so intensely that Xander shivered. Spike just tightened his hold.

"Um, no, no, and maybe. I do seem to keep attracting demons. Demons and primals and vampires, oh my. I mean, this? So not even the weirdest thing that's happened to me this week. But then Willow had the whole demon-computer stalker dude which was weirdly creepy, so I'm not alone in the Twilight Zone. Of course, that still doesn't catch her up with me having the hyena primal and the teacher who tried to eat me, and the spirit-eating mummy that tried to suck out my life-force, and now Snyder is after my ass even more than ever because he's all blaming me because she was supposed to be a he and then she turned into a mummy, not that he knows the mummy part."

Xander bit his tongue to force himself to just stop. Yeah, people accused him of babbling just because he hung with Willow, who really was a babble champion, especially after too many Cokes, but he didn't actually babble much. He just said stupid shit. But with Spike walking arm in arm with him, Xander just had this weird feeling that if he could just keep talking, it was like proof that he was breathing, and breathing meant alive, and right now, any proof that he was alive was of the good.

Spike just nodded.

"You're supposed to tell me I sound like an idiot, and then let me go because you are too cool to hang with idiots," Xander pointed out.

"After a century with Dru, you aren't that hard to follow, pet. So, think I'm cool do you?" Spike asked with a sideways glance and a leer.

"Hey, no, just... no." The babble from earlier just dried up as Xander started having serious heart-failure levels of panic.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, pet," Spike said as he took his arm off Xander's shoulders. Xander retreated as much as he could considering the stupid vamp still had him by the wrist. "Angelus would have my testicles for a necklace if I tried anything with you. Just teasing is all, but after you're turned, when that soul and all the inconvenient human shite comes off with it, just remember that I don't think you're so hard on the eyes. I'll have to make sure to stay on the clod's good side so he'll share a bit after he welcomes you to the family."

"After he... Oh no. First, there will be no family because he is so not going to turn me, and second of all... welcoming?" Xander kinda squeaked the last word out. Spike laughed.

"Yeah, a sire always takes first taste, mate. 'Course Angel was always more for the skirts, but he welcomed me proper, and he never complained about my mouth on his tackle."

"Angel's gay?!!" Xander nearly swallowed his tongue. And now Spike really was looking at him like he had lost his mind.

"Hard to call it one thing or the other because we're demons, pet. Or Angel and I are anyway, you'll get there. And he always cared more than most about preferring skirts, but most demons are pretty willing to bugger anything that stands still long enough to get buggered, and he does seem to have taken a fancy to you."

Xander sat down heavily in the middle of the sidewalk, his legs just sort of going out from under him as his world pretty much shifted two inches to the right. Angel was gay. He was hanging out with a gay guy. Oh god, that so explained the hair.

"Bloody hell, if you're broken, Angel's going to skin me. Hey. You alright?" Spike let go of Xander's wrist and sort of poked him. Xander looked up and found Spike crouched in front of him looking confused.

"He's gay, like with the sex with guys and not the oddly old-fashioned happiness gay? Oh shit, he liked the musicals, of course he's gay. But hanging out with a gay guy, that doesn't make me gay because I'm so with the boobie appreciation." Xander realized that he had lost his mind when he found himself looking to Spike for reassurance. Instead of reassuring him, Spike was just looking more confused and a little concerned.

"Oi, let's get you back to the apartment," Spike said as he got a hand under Xander's arm.

"Hey, not gay here. I really don't think I should be visiting the gay guy's house. Shit. The Dorito tragedy face. Well, duh he's gay and just how stupid am I? No straight guy cares that much about his couch."

"Bloody buggering hell. I really did break the great sod's little pet. Look... what's your name again?"

"Xander."

"Right then, Xander, let's get you up and over to Angel."

"I'm not gay."

"Good for you. Never said you were, pet. Startin' to think this isn't a conversation we shouldn't be having at all. Come on, pet, up you go. One foot in front of the other."

"Hey, what's up with the being helpful weirdness?" Xander demanded as his brain finally caught up with current events.

Spike rolled his eyes. "Not going to hurt ya, pet, and right now, leaving you out here wouldn't qualify as safe. Vampires might not touch ya, but there are plenty of other nasties on the Hellmouth, more every day."

"Vampire's wouldn't--what?" Xander demanded.

Spike frowned at him, and that's when Xander realized that he was actually leaning against the vamp. He pulled back and stood on his own two feet, his heart pounding. Guy touching... touching of guys... touching of gay guy because Spike was the other half of the Spike and Angel oral show. And Xander had called the gay guy cool. And oh shit, he'd told Willow that Angel was all with the good looking before he even knew that Angel was all with the dead. Oh, he was so screwed.

"Ya smell like Angelus. Isn't a vamp on the Hellmouth who wants to tangle with a 270 year old vamp over a meal."

"I smell like a gay guy?" Okay, that wasn't exactly reassuring.

"Are you always this annoyin'?" Spike suddenly asked.

"This is me in annoying-light mode. You should see me when I set my mind to being annoying," Xander joked weakly. He was too busy trying to rearrange his brain with this new information. He slept at a gay guy's house. One night he'd fallen asleep on a gay guy. Oh he was more than just screwed, he needed a new word for screwed... preferably one that didn't have a sexual meaning because he might be screwed, but no way was he going to be screwed. No, not for the Xand man. No way.

Spike twitched his elbow, and Xander started walking. "The old man really is different now. Time was, if he'd planned on turning you, he'd be keeping you on a chain at his place, beatin' you regular so that every time he walked in the room, he commanded every bit of your attention." Spike pulled out a cigarette and lighted it, and now Xander had thoughts of gay and chains in his brain, and he was pretty sure that his balls were trying to climb back up into his body. "You really must have something he wants."

"Oh no, I have nothing of interest for any gay guys, and there will be no chains. Nope. Nuh huh. I should go home." Xander went to turn around and head for his house. If he wasn't going to die tonight, he needed to get started on the denial.

"We're going to the apartment, pet," Spike said firmly, and a hand locked on Xander's elbow, pulling him down the street even as Xander fought with everything he had. It didn't help at all, and Xander just ended up feeling even less with the manly when a scrawny looking Goth guy hauled him down the street without even having to work at it. With a heavy sigh, he eventually gave up and started walking under his own power.

"Still not gay," he said firmly. Spike didn't answer, but he watched Xander like he was expecting daisies to sprout out of his head or something.

"Angel, Angelus... you call him both, what's up with that?" Xander asked, desperate to change the subject, only talking about Angel wasn't actually subject-changing. His brain was broken because he really couldn't think about anything else.

"Both are him," Spike shrugged. "He used whichever fit in best, so in Italy he went by Angelus, but in England he was Angel more often than not. Which one he use now?"

"Just Angel."

Spike took a long drag on his cigarette and blew out a plume of smoke. "So, what's he do all day?"

"Mostly read," Xander shrugged.

"Read?" Spike sounded shocked, and Xander gave a little shrug.

"Yeah, not sounding like a whole lot of fun to me, but I had to nag him into getting a television at all, and then all the stuff he reads is like so old that I can't read more than a sentence before falling asleep. The girls think it's all cool how he reads Shakespeare and crap."

Spike snorted. "Great sod's worse than I thought. He always drink that pig's blood shite?"

"Okay, blood is one topic that I avoid ever thinking and/or talking about. Kinda like gayness. There will be massive repression after this."

"You've never seen him hunt?"

"Well, duh. He hunts all the time."

Spike looked interested in that. "Really? He kill the humans or just nip in and take a sip?"

Xander looked at Spike because that just did not make a lot of sense. "What?"

"When he hunts humans, does he kill 'em or just take some blood and send them tottling off?"

"Angel doesn't hunt humans. Okay, ick. Human here, for those who had obviously forgotten."

"But you said--"

"He hunts vampires. Goes on patrol and stakes all the fledges that seem to be multiplying way too fast. I mean, before Buffy, I lived here my whole life and never got hit on by one demon, not that Angel ever hit on me because he hasn't because I'm not gay and he knows it. I was talking about Ampata, who yeah, was a guy on the passport but trust me, when I knew her, she was all girl. Lots of girl. Nice boobies."

"Boobies, got it, pet," Spike assured him absentmindedly. "I suppose the fledges and minions are all makin' these low-level morons since Luke isn't around to torture the unlife out of them for breaking that rule. Angel never hunts a human at all? Does he even visit a suck house for some volunteered blood?" Spike asked.

"Whoa, suck houses? Like houses where vampires go to suck people? And please tell me that you mean suck as in killing because if we're talking about more weird sexual stuff, I really am not going to make it to Angel's apartment before the brain implodes under the weight of the repressing."

"Vampires in suck houses don't kill anyone. Bloody hell, hasn't Angel explained anything?"

"I'm starting to think no. Personally, I really would have appreciated a quick 'hey, guess what, I'm gay. And I had sex with this weird Goth vamp with a thick accent'."

"And cool," Spike added with a smirk. Xander barely controlled an urge to punch the smug vampire in the stomach, but that didn't generally turn out well for him. Spike just smirked wider at Xander's foul expression. "And a suck house is for people who want to be bitten. They pay, and a vamp will bite 'em and take just enough blood to make it feel really good. Don't generally get the best quality vamps in there. Usually they're old enough ta control the bloodlust, but if they were strong enough to be Masters, they'd either go out and hunt their prey or set up a stable. So, older and weaker vamps end up working the suck houses."

"This is just majorly disturbing. Majorly. I think I should go home and get some aspirin and pretend this night never happened. I can pretend that I don't know Angel's gay and go right back to assuming he's just anal-retentive with a hair fetish and a preference for musicals." Xander sighed as he considered those facts. "I really am an idiot." Xander looked hopefully over his shoulder toward his house, but Spike just tightened his grip on Xander's arm.

"Bloody hell, you're annoyingly obsessed with this."

"Yep, annoying, petty, vindictive and absolutely obsessed. I once held a grudge from third grade all the way through to high school." Spike looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "And those are my good qualities, so sex with me would be really, really bad. I would be all about me and totally obsessed. See, I'd be bad with the sex and an eternity of listening to me would make you go all crazy in the head," Xander pointed out.

Xander's last hope at escape ended when they reached Angel's apartment. Then again, it was a little later than Xander usually showed up, so maybe Angel was gone for the night, out killing vamps and not visiting suck houses. And really, that still made all sorts of unpleasant images go bouncing around in Xander's head. Gay images. He was so screwed.

Spike knocked on the door and leaned against the wall, one hand still on Xander's arm. The door swung open, and the flicker of a smile vanished as Angel's eyes went from Xander to Spike.

"Found your pet out wandering after dark. Thought I might bring him home for you. Should keep him on a shorter leash."

"And why didn't you tell me you were gay?" Xander demanded, his mouth opening before his brain pointed out that he should probably just shut up until Spike left. Angel got that dumbstruck expression.

"I... I'm not gay."

"Hey, you had sex with Spike, that's seeming pretty with the gayness, and I don't mean pretty as attractive because the thought of you two in bed... and I'm just stopping now. Still mad."

Angel's gaze was doing the tennis match thing, going from one to the other. "I only had sex with Spike the once, and that was more about vampire hierarchies than sex," Angel said slowly.

"And him sucking..." Xander waved a hand in the general direction of Angel's cock. "Don't you think that's with the gayness?"

"Bloody hell, pet. A mouth doesn't even have a gender. No offense Angel, but this isn't one of your better plans." Spike made a vague gesture toward Xander, and Xander glared right back at him.

"If you ever speak to Xander again, I will rip your tongue out of your mouth, William. You understand me?" Angel stepped forward, and suddenly Xander's friend was gone and a vicious demon was standing there, his body angled forward and long fangs bared in Spike's direction.

"Soddin' hell. Not like I lied to him or hurt him or somethin'. Never knew he'd get so balmy over something as stupid as whether you ever buggered me. I even pointed out that you were more about the skirts, but he was all off on this gay bollocks."

"He's sixteen. He's sixteen and human and a male from this culture. Of course that's going to bother him because he's a child. However, I'm trying to decide if you're intentionally getting in my business or just as thoughtless and careless as you always were." At Angel's angry words, Spike let go. Xander was left standing between the two vampires, and really, that was not a comfortable place to be right now.

"Xander, go in the apartment," Angel said, his voice tightly controlled.

"Um, maybe I should--"

Angel turned and growled at him.

"--go in the apartment," Xander hurried to finish as he ducked past Angel and into the apartment that had felt like a haven just yesterday. He stopped inside the door and turned to watch the conflict in the hall.

"You're the one who lets him bloody wander the Hellmouth."

"He's not my thrall. He has a life."

"Then you can't go and get your knickers in a twist if he learns things you didn't plan on telling him. You want to control him, keep him on a leash," Spike snapped, and then Angel was on him, pinning him to the wall. Xander couldn't hear the angry words hissed between them, but like that night days ago, it only ended when Spike tilted his head just the slightest bit and Angel bit him. After a second, Angel stepped back and slammed his fists into Spike's chest, slamming the smaller vampire into the wall.

"You're going to get yourself killed. Buffy will consider this an attack on one of her friends, so take Dru and get off the Hellmouth," Angel growled.

Spike stiffened at that. "I take her off the Hellmouth, and she'll bloody die. Is that what you want? Are you picking your brown-eyed boy over her? You never did respect--" Angel slammed his body back into Spike's.

"I respect her enough to not want her dust. Get off the Hellmouth."

"I can't," Spike snapped back.

"Between the Anointed one and Buffy, one of them is going to get fed up with your idiocy. You're going to get yourself and Dru killed," Angel snapped. Xander could hear the desperation in that threat. Oh yeah, the idea of them dead bothered Angel, and watching how Angel used his body, shoving it in, physically intimidating Spike, how the hell had Xander missed the whole gayness thing?

Spike snorted and shoved at Angel. Xander got the feeling that Angel chose to step back. "Anointed one is dead."

"What?" Angel stepped back far enough that Spike could move away from the wall, straightening his coat and putting on some of that cool swagger that Angel had kinda knocked off him when he slammed into him. Xander had been slammed into enough walls in his day that he couldn't exactly say he approved of the behavior, but Angel and Spike were both with the vampiness, and Xander was fairly sure that changed some of the whole Miss Manners rules.

"Wanker was all St. Vigeous this, St. Vigeious that. Woulda let him have his stupid ritual, only he sent a bloody minion to drag Dru into it, so I shoved a piece of wood in him."

"Okay, wait," Xander said, still safely one inch inside the doorway, so he wasn't technically out of the apartment. "We're all worried about this big huge power, and you just staked him like any other vamp? Feeling a little... um... let down. Where's the battle?"

Spike snorted and rolled his eyes. "He was just like any other vamp."

"That's not true, Spike. You could smell the power off him just like every other vamp could." Angel crossed his arms and stared with that same expression Giles used way too much, but at least he wasn't showing fang. Spike had fallen back into his own human face.

He shrugged. "Well, yeah. Had Dru in a right tizzy, that power of his, but he still dusted like any other vamp.

"Okay, I know I'm the only one here who rode the short bus, and I want to point out that my short-bus days were only like a month, but has everyone but me gone and got stupid?" Xander asked.

Spike immediately flashed into gameface, snarling, and Angel almost casually backhanded him. "What do you mean, Xander?" But Xander had already stumbled back into the apartment and Angel had to follow. "It's okay, Xander, Spike is not going to hurt you." Angel gave the other vampire a glare, but Spike just glared back as he tried to follow. He bounced off an invisible barrier at the doorway.

"Bloody hell. A vampire can't keep another out of his lair. What the bloody fuck?"

Angel smiled, and that was not a nice smile at all. "William, William, William, you never were able to think outside the box. The apartment legally belongs to someone else now, someone very alive, and I just have an invitation.

"But what if they kick you out?" Xander immediately asked. Funny, five minutes ago, he was thinking that he wasn't comfortable here any more, and now he was freaking at the idea of losing this place. And really... it didn't say much about him as a person that he was more worried about losing his safe haven than he was about Angel being homeless man again.

"They won't," Angel said calmly. "And William, you do not have an invitation, especially after that show of temper."

"He called me bloody stupid!"

"Um, actually, I wasn't really meaning you. I was more meaning Giles and Buffy and them," Xander hurried to say.

"Oh." Spike sort of deflated and leaned against the invisible barrier with all his cool back in place. "Callin' the slayer and her watcher stupid, good on you, pet."

"Xander, what do you mean?" Angel asked with a disgusted look in Spike's general direction. It didn't even dent Spike's cool. Funny, Xander usually looked way less cool when he was getting bullied.

"We're all reading really borderline coma-inducing books trying to stop this Anointed One, right?"

"Yes..." Angel said slowly.

"Well, he turns out to be slightly less important that a bug and Spike says it's all the minions making minions that's leading to the freakish increasing in death by barbecue fork. So, here's the short-bus question. If the low level minions wanting to make more low-level minions are the ones making all the trouble, why aren't we going after the low-level minions?"

Xander looked at Angel. Unfortunately, Angel didn't look like he had many answers as he just looked back at Xander blankly. It was Spike laughing that finally made them break their gaze.

"Shut up, William," Angel growled.

"Can't even count the number of times you beat my arse because I neglected some bloody detail. Always telling me not to get distracted by the obvious. Have a right to be amused, I do."

"I may beat you again," Angel snapped, but Spike just pulled a cigarette out. It really looked weird seeing him lean against that invisible barrier... even more cool as he did the impossible. With a click of his lighter, he lit up his cigarette and blew the smoke through the barrier.

"Seems like someone went and missed the devil in the details, or in this case, the demons in the cemeteries." Spike pulled his cigarette out of his mouth and ran his tongue along the inside of his lower lip. For a dead guy, he had way more cool points than was fair.

"So, we stop the minions from making minions by doing whatever Luke did, and presto… no more people dying by barbeque fork on a daily basis. Yes?"

Xander looked at Angel hopefully, but the vampire just looked constipated as he stared at Spike. "What?" Xander asked.

"Got a problem there, pet," Spike said slowly. "See, Peaches here just stakes the vamps when he finds 'em. No profit in following the rules for them. The whole reason Luke was effective as an enforcer, even if he was a great ugly wanker, was that he provided order in the court, protected the minions from bigger demons, and when they broke the rules… well… death woulda been kind compared to what he did to 'em. Tortured one sod for months after he caught him messin' with the mojo. Makin' a new minion or fledge without permission, that would lead to at least a week solid of getting' disemboweled over and over."

"Okay, that's just seriously ick."

Spike shrugged.

"He's right," Angel said quietly. "I can't torture them into obedience, and I'm not part of the court, so I don't even know which ones are making the minions."

"But Spike is, right?" Xander asked in confusion. Yeah, he was generally against torture, but if Spike torturing the minions into playing by the rules equaled life going back to pre-Buffy near normalcy, he was strangely okay with the torture.

"Yeah, good old Spike is right where he needs to be if certain people want the old rules enforced," Spike said cheerfully.

Xander looked from one vampire to another, confused. Okay, that was not Angel's happiest expression, but it's not like the man had a whole lot of facial muscles so maybe Xander just wasn't reading his mood right. Because this should be of the happy-making, and that face… so not happy.

"Now, the question to ask," Spike eventually said, still just as cheerful as ever, "is why the bloody hell I would bother with all that rules rot. I mean, if someone got to poking around, they might get the impression I was tryin' to protect the good people of Sunnydale, and you and I both know that I could cheerfully set the whole lot on fire and walk away with a whistle." Angel growled. "Excepting your boy, of course," Spike quickly added.

"So, barter time?" Xander asked. Neither vampire answered, but Angel's face did get a little tighter. "Hey, you keep the minions in line, and we can make Buffy leave you alone."

Spike growled, and Angel gave Xander that look like daisies might start sprouting out of his head. Xander looked from one to the other for a second. "That was a short-bus suggestion, wasn't it?" he asked.

"Bloody hell yes. I don't need any soddin' human to protect me from the slayer. Meant to have my third slayer here, so if you think keepin' us apart is makin' this deal sweeter for me, you're as barmy as Dru on her worst day. Bloody fucking annoying being in the same town as a slayer and not fighting her. Took my coat from my last slayer. Course, this one doesn't have anything I want, but drinking her blood and dropping her lifeless body on the street would be a right treat."

Angel reached out and neatly caught Spike by the throat, but instead of driving him back into another wall, which seemed to be a favorite of Angel's, he just pushed Spike a foot away from the barrier and then pulling him back against it as hard as he could. Spike's hands had first grabbed Angel's arm, but as Angel slammed him face first into the invisible barrier over and over again, his arms flew wide. On the floor, his cigarette quietly smoldered, making the hall smell faintly of burning plastic and Xander flinched at the pain in Spike's face as Angel started punctuating each slam with a word. "Do Not Touch Buffy Or Her Friends."

Angel let go and Spike staggered back against the wall, hitting it hard enough that Xander could feel the shiver in the walls of the apartment. With a shake of his head, Spike just slipped his smirk back in place and stretched his neck first to one side and then the other. "You always were annoyingly obsessed. No wonder you like your new little pet--you're equally annoyin'," he offered.

"What do you want?" Angel asked.

"Bloody hell, I just walked the boy home, so I'm not looking for some bloody handouts."

Angel sighed. "What do you want in return for enforcing the Master's rules?" Angel clarified.

"Oh that." Spike leaned back against the hall. "Don't suppose you're up for sharin' the—"

"No!" Angel cut him off.

Spike just shrugged. "Then you know what I want, same thing I always want."

"Help with Drusilla," Angel said quietly.

"Yeah. You're her sire, you oughta be there helping her through this. Maybe your blood can keep her from fadin' away like she is."

Xander watched as Angel's whole body just sort of sagged. His shoulders drooped and his hand came up to rub his face the way Xander's really, really old grandfather sometimes did. "I can't be who she really wants," Angel said softly.

"Yeah, know that. But you're still her sire."

"She may not see it that way."

"Then prove you are by torturin' her until she gets it through her head. I can't stand by and watch her turn to dust one day at a fucking time, and Dalton isn't finding what I need. I'd dust him out of sheer frustration, but it isn't like there are a whole lot of minions running around who can read demonic languages." All the cool was gone from Spike, and Xander could see the raw desperation there.

Okay, he was officially going to hell because right now, Xander wanted to help the crazy vampire, and after the orphanage story Giles told, he so should be on the other side. Angel glanced at him and then looked back at Spike.

"I do care," he admitted slowly. "You get the minions under control and I'll… I'll come see her. I'll try to do something. But she can't go off massacring families anymore," Angel hurried to add the last, his voice almost desperate.

"Bloody hell, I'm not her sire, so it's not like I can tell her a fuckin' thing. You keep her healthy and you can set whatever rules you want for her, but don't let her die, Angelus. Don't let her just fucking fade to dust while I stand there and bloody watch."

Angel nodded slowly, and Spike looked away, his hand coming up to rub his eyes for a second before that body slowly rearranged itself into the familiar cool lines of Spike. His back straightened, he righted his coat and pulled another cigarette out, although he didn't light it. Scrubbing at the still smoldering butt on the floor with the heel of his boot, Spike offered Angel a nod and then disappeared down the hall in a characteristic swirl of leather.

Xander sighed in relief.

"Are you okay?" Angel asked quietly.

"Does completely freaked out and totally wanting to repress this entire night count as okay?" Xander asked him.

Angel sighed and walked over to the chair, dropping down heavily and staring off at nothing. "Whatever you want to ask about Xander, I'll answer. If you want to leave, just head straight home. Spike is probably still out there, and he'll make sure you get there without bothering you again, at least if he wants his tongue to stay in his mouth, he will."

Biting his lip, Xander tried to figure out if he really did want to go there. If he didn't go there tonight, no way would he get the nerve to go there later, and if he didn't go there later, no way would he ever be comfortable over here again. And that would lead to long nights at home with his parents. "Are you gay?" Xander blurted it out before he could change his mind.

"Not especially," Angel shrugged. "I've had sex with male vampires, but when I was alive, I never had sex with anyone who wasn't female… and getting paid for it."

"Okay, that's slightly pathetic," Xander said as he crossed his arms over his chest. He couldn't figure out what else to do with his hands.

"I was pathetic," Angel shrugged without taking offense. "Vampires aren't generally concerned about gender. I think I cared more than most because I didn't want anyone to assume I would ever take the submissive position."

"Not playing butt-monkey. I'm very much there with you on that because I'm totally not okay with ever doing it myself, so I'm just going to ask… is this some sort of really weird plot to make me your butt-monkey so you and Spike can pass me back and forth?"

"What?" Angel looked up in shock, then he narrowed his eyes. "I'm going to rip his tongue out. What did he say?"

Xander's back thumped against the wall as he tried to physically back up only to run out of room. "Um, he was saying that he would enjoy kinda, you know, enjoying me after you'd turned me into a demon and had sex with me yourself."

Angel closed his eyes for several seconds, kinda like Xander's father did when he was trying to not yell. It almost never worked for Xander's father. "Xander, from a vampire's perspective, I suppose that makes sense, but I have a soul—a human soul. I don't plan on killing you."

"And butt-monkeying me?" Xander asked, sliding an inch closer to the door.

"Xander, why did I stop seeing Buffy? What did you say that changed the way I saw things so dramatically that I just couldn't touch her without hating myself so much that I was physically ill?"

Xander blinked in surprise. Okay, he hadn't known his words had sunk in quite that deep. "I called you a pedophile."

"Because Buffy's sixteen."

"Exactly."

"Xander, how old are you?" Angel leaned back in the chair.

"Sixteen, oh, hey, right. If you won't break the pedophilia rule for Buffy, no way would you do it for me," Xander smiled as a huge weight lifted from his shoulders. "So all this being nice to me?"

"I like not being alone," Angel shrugged. "I'm not trying to get in your pants, I guess I'm just trying to get into your head, to see the world the way you see it and find some way to make a life for myself that's not groveling in alleys after rats or raping and pillaging across Europe." Angel slowly smiled. "Besides, I have to be nice to you because I don't want you disinviting me to my own apartment."

"Disinvite… what?" Xander stared blankly at Angel.

"Last week, the Star Wars marathon--you got here before me. What did I ask you when I came to the door?" Angel asked, and that was amusement in his voice, Xander knew amusement when he heard it.

"Oh shit. You asked me if you minded if you came in," Xander breathed as his world shifted two inches to the left again. He really needed to stop the world from shifting or his head was definitely going to explode. "You put the apartment in *my* name? But, this is yours."

"Xander, you can be incredibly annoying and shockingly petty at times, but you're always loyal. I trust you with the deed to my apartment. Besides, if something ever did happen—" Angel held up a hand to stop Xander from saying anything when he tried to interrupt. "Things do happen on a Hellmouth, and it might be something as simple as me having to leave for a decade or two, but I want to know that you still have this place if you ever need it."

Xander had to sit on the couch before his legs just went out from under him. "Really?"

"It's a little too late for me to change my mind now. The apartment's already in your name."

"Okay, this may just undo some of the suckiness that has been my week… not that I want your apartment or would take advantage or anything, but just in the you trusting me with it."

"Suckiness?" Angel asked.

"Major suckiness. You know those frat boys?"

"The idiots feeding girls to the demon?"

"Um, yeah, those. Before you and the cavalry got there, let's just say that it wasn't pretty and between that and Spike's offer to welcome me to the family in a Biblical way, my manhood is feeling slightly tattered and torn right now."

"Did they hurt you?" Angel leaned forward, and Xander could see Angel's fingers twitch.

"I can fight my own fights, thank you," Xander snorted. "You and Buffy, not good on my ego with the wanting to beat the crap out of people for me."

"I didn't—"

Xander stared at Angel's hands, and Angel actually glanced down himself where his fingers were nervously twitching. He sat back and put his hands firmly on his knees.

"Snyder kept suggesting that if I was dating Ampata, I must have just not known that she was a he, when trust me, she was not a he. She ate the he before I ever met her, but I can't exactly explain that, and then one of the boys from chemistry heard Snyder saying that, so some of the guys are making gay jokes, especially about me always hanging with the girls and never getting a date, which Buffy is not really with the helping when she threatens guys for me. And then the frat guys dress me in a bra and drag me around for everyone to see in drag and then Spike with the gayness, and you with the gayness, although I guess I can forgive your gayness as more vampireness than gayness. I've just had a really, really bad week."

"There's nothing wrong with being gay," Angel said without much emotion.

"If you're gay, I suppose not. Okay, if you're gay and out of high school, I suppose not. But Angel, this is making it really hard to actually get girls to look at me, and even if I were gay, gay and high school are definitely two unmixy things. And if you offer to beat up anyone who's giving me a hard time, I'm putting hair dye in your gel."

"Buffy?" Angel guessed.

"Oh yeah, which again, not with the making me feel all manly."

"You should probably remember something you pointed out to me once." Angel stretched out his legs. "She's sixteen. Sixteen isn't grown up enough to always understand how your actions affect other people. She's trying to be a friend."

"Okay, when I gave you that speech, my whole point was that 270 was too old."

"And sixteen is too young," Angel countered. "But she'll grow up and figure out that she can't fight your battles for you."

"Before she totally emasculates me?" Xander asked hopefully. Angel was looking far too amused.

"Maybe," he shrugged. "If you get to feeling too girly, you can come over here and we'll do something manly," he said as he got up. Walking behind the couch, Angel popped him upside the back of the head as he went to close the front door.

"Belching contest?" Xander asked hopefully.

"I can't belch."

"Exactly, it's perfect. I'll win every time," Xander pointed out triumphantly.

"Fighting lessons," Angel countered.

"Fighting lessons with you? Okay, those are officially called getting my ass kicked lessons, and in that category, I am fully certified. I think I have a paper at home that says so. I can get my ass kicked by anything ten percent demonic or higher, and demons, part-demons, and former sacrifices turned demonic are contractually obligated to try and kick my ass before going after anyone else in Sunnydale."

"I won't kick your ass… much," Angel shrugged before he headed into the kitchen.

"Hey, let me get food before you make it stink like blood in there," Xander hurried to say as he went for the fridge.

"I'll get you trained with something you can handle, a short broadsword maybe, and then I'll take you hunting for fledges."

"Really?" Xander asked as he rescued a cold pizza still in the take-out box from contamination by blood. He grabbed a baking sheet and flipped the oven on.

"Yeah, really. I'll have you feeling manly in no time," Angel promised as he leaned against the counter.

"I wonder if killing things will make the whole Xander-gay conspiracy go away."

"Spike probably could be considered gay. He certainly enjoys what…" Angel stopped when Xander pinned him with a cold expression. "My point is that he is still a dangerous predator who is very capable of killing. Killing and gay are not mutually exclusive."

"Freaky but true," Xander sighed. "Do we have any red peppers?"

"What do they look like?"

"They came with the pizza in little white paper packs about like this." Xander held his fingers up to show the size.

"Third drawer," Angel answered.

Pushing aside the frustrations of the week, Xander focused on the search for everything he needed for the perfect piece of pizza: red peppers, ranch dressing, tons of napkins, and extra cheddar cheese for the top. The girls could just spend their night gossiping about Owen the poetry geek, Xander was going to do manly things like scratch and eat pizza. "We have any movies left to watch?" he asked.

"Spaceballs."

"Oh yeah, perfect guys' night," Xander said happily as he shoved his pizza in the warming oven. Sometimes life on the Hellmouth almost didn't suck.

Bad Karma

"Hey if it isn't G-man--the G-dog of Sunnydale, bad boy of England," Xander joked as he came through the library doors. It was weird, thinking of Giles as being a delinquent with a suspiciously diabolical ex-friend. Giles paused, his jaw tightening in that way that suggested cleaning of glasses was imminent, but he had a pile of books in his hands so he just kept walking back toward the stacks after a brief hesitation.

"Xander!" Willow hissed at him, and Xander shrugged. After finding out that Giles in his wild and magicy youth had summoned a demon, he was so not feeling bad for not sweeping it under the carpet. The girls might be willing to go back to thinking of Giles as the dusty librarian, but Xander couldn't help feeling like his world had shifted two inches toward the weird. Okay, it started shifting when Angel turned out to not be the biggest jerk of the century, but Giles summoning a demon was coming up a close second on the weird-o-meter.

"I'm just calling 'em as I sees 'em. Giles has a definitely non-tweedy past, and if you can't trust Giles to be boring, who can we trust? Maybe Snyder is a covert agent for Russia or Miss Calendar is a secret race car driver. I mean, this is giving me a good case of the wiggins."

"What's wiggins worthy?" Buffy asked as she came through the doors behind him. Xander dropped into the chair across from Willow and just prayed she would stay on her side of the table. His love life was getting entirely too weird, and right now he wanted large objects between him and Willow whenever possible.

"Giles and the non-tweedy past," Willow whispered, her eyes darting toward the shelves where Giles had disappeared, and Buffy frowned at him.

"We aren't talking about that. Didn't we agree to not talk about that?" Buffy looked at Willow for confirmation, and she nodded.

"You agreed. Cordelia and I were just in the room when you two did the agreeing, which would make us agreement-contiguous and not directly agreementees."

"You studied your vocabulary for Miss Kestner," Willow smiled at him brightly, and Xander shrank back. Right, no more doing anything that might be remotely related to schoolwork he vowed to himself as he felt that deep-set guilt at not being able to like the girl who actually liked him. He also cursed Angel for nagging him into doing that bit of homework. Contiguous was so not a word he needed in life. He already knew he couldn't drive to Hawaii and Canada.

When Xander didn't respond to the compliment, Willow's smile wavered. She got an uncertain, awkward look on her face complete with nose wrinkle. He was so screwed. The girl who hated him let him feel her breasts and rubbed up against him in a way that made him think she was definitely getting way more out of their relationship that he was. How could you tell if a girl had actually finished, anyway? Xander filed that thought away. Maybe when he got old enough to drink he would get drunk enough to actually ask one of the girls. He looked at Buffy doing her makeup in the world's tiniest mirror. Maybe he would get drunk enough to ask Angel instead.

Seriously, it didn't even make sense in Xander's head. The girl who actually cared about him left him totally cold. Willow and sex was like Barney and sex…. just wrong. Way wrong. Purple dinosaur mutant levels of wrong. Shaking off the feeling of impending doomage, he focused the conversation back onto Giles. "Hey, I'm all with the impressed." Xander nodded thoughtfully. "I mean, it's like finding out that a colorblind person painted the Mona Lisa or something... like the music guy who was deaf and wrote music way better than I could with two working ears... I'm very much with the impressed."

Giles appeared from behind the stacks. "So, I take it you had assumed I was either colorblind or deaf?" he asked as he cleaned his classes.

"Just socially," Buffy said apologetically. Giles' fingers paused in their cleaning and then resumed.

"We all have pasts, at least those of us old enough to have lived more than a few short years." This time Giles looked straight at them. Willow blushed madly and slid close to the end of the table, which Xander assumed was part one of a strategy designed to get her around the table and next to him. Aw shit.

"Definitely not the colorless past I expected from the king of tweed and fifteen ways to say 'stupid,' all of them requiring five syllables or more." Xander got up and headed for the checkout desk where he'd stashed some candy bars.

Giles just sighed. "This is not something for which I should be admired. If anything, I hope you all take from this a lesson on the unintended consequences of impetuous acts and that you avoid making similar mistakes."

"You mean we have to cancel the demon summoning we have scheduled tomorrow night?" Xander asked innocently as he looked at the girls. Willow was horror-struck, but Buffy's mouth kept twitching.

"I really do fear that your sophomoric inability to take anything seriously will eventually cause serious problems," Giles said tightly, anger seeping through the oh-so-proper manners of his.

"Sophomoric. Three syllables, but that means stupid, doesn't it?" Buffy asked and now she was grinning.

A little part of Xander had flinched away from Giles' open scorn, but he smiled back at Buffy. Yep, there was a girl who knew how to distract the Giles' glare of doom... how to distract it and not wilt into an apologetic puddle of angst under it. He totally understood why his cock went lusting after Buffy. Willow was just as pretty, but his cock had definitely decided she was in the "Barney" category. Maybe he just liked girls who didn't wilt under wilt-worthy criticism. Xander leaned his elbows on the counter and munched on his chocolate as he thought about Cordelia.

She was totally going to publicly humiliate him sooner or later, and she had the moral compass of a really uncompassy thing. She wasn't quite as bad as Spike since she wouldn't actually massacre a village to get a good deal on shoes, but she might leave the village undefended to go find a good deal. She seemed to have the whole 'bad idea' checklist. So, why was his stupid cock totally Jonesing after her? And better question, why was she returning the lusty feelings?

"Earth to Xander." A voice broke his concentration, and he looked up to see Buffy staring at him in concern. "Okay Mister, what's her name?" she asked with a smile.

"What?" Xander yelped. No no and oh god no. He was so not ready to deal with this. And that scrunchy look on Willow's face? So not going there. "Who's name? Did I miss a girl demon coming into town because I already told you, I am scheduling serious out of town something when the next girl demon hits town. The whole demon magnet joke is getting way too not-jokelike." Now Buffy looked confused and Willow looked relieved. He didn't want Willow relieved. Okay, he wanted her relieved, but he didn't want her relieved because of him being on the available list because he wasn't. The only thing stupider than dating Cordelia would be cheating on Cordelia. Even he knew that.

With an amused expression, Buffy shook her head. "No, no girl demons or boy demons either. We're definitely coming up short on the demon front, but I know that look. That's the look of someone totally getting sat on by love. I don't know why people paint love as a little baby Cupid. Love is this huge, hairy biker dude with tattoos that say "Mom" on one arm and "Send 'em to Satan" on the other.

Willow nodded sadly. "Really big... hard to breathe when he sits on you big," she agreed.

Xander shoved the rest of his candy bar in his mouth and tried to say nothing.

"While it has been quiet, we actually do have a demon to discuss, a female demon as it happens," Giles said. He detoured into his office and reappeared with a moldy book. Sitting next to Buffy, he opened to a page and pointed to an illustration Xander couldn't see. "I hadn't heard anything of her before now, but apparently she attacked a church service Sunday night causing pandemonium. I suspect she came with William the Bloody."

Xander's chocolate betrayed him and headed straight for his lungs as he tried to cough it back out. Tears ran before he could finally catch his breath and get all the pipes working again. "Food goes in, it isn't actually supposed to spray out," Buffy offered oh-so helpfully only without any actual help.

"Are you alright?" Giles had stood back up.

"Yep, just a slight chocolate mishap. It's all good," Xander assured him as he grabbed his Coke and tried to wash down the bile that had come up with all the choking.

Giles stared at him for a second and then turned his attention back to the book. "Her name is Drusilla, and she's been a companion to William the Bloody for many decades although she appears to have dropped out of sight in Prague. Three people died in the attack Sunday night."

Xander groaned. Great. He was in for extra doses of Angel-brooding. He reviewed his options: 1) stay home and listen to parental units fight 2) go to apartment and listen to Angel sigh dramatically 3) go to apartment and torture Angel out of sighing dramatically. This would take major weaponry. Xander wondered if he had enough pocket change to rent the entire "Revenge of the Nerds" series.

"Xander? Are you in there?" Buffy had moved to in front of Xander where she waved her hand in front of his face. "What is with you. If there isn't a girl, we might want to check for brain tumors," she nodded dramatically, but Xander could tell by her expression she actually was worried.

"I'm fine. I'm just wondering how to get from here to Angel's apartment fastest if I make a pit stop at the video store," he admitted.

"Angel's apartment?" Giles frowned. "I do worry about the number of evenings you have spent there recently."

Okay, maybe they should check him for a brain tumor because he knew that Giles was not really okay with Angel, and he seemed so much more willing to share his not okayage now that it was Xander being friends with Angel as opposed to Buffy lusting over him, which was unfair because lustage was so much more dangerous than friendage. Xander was discovering that little truth thanks to Cordelia.

"You and Angel aren't..." Buffy had a horrified expression as she made a little back and forth gesture with her finger.

"Skiing?" Xander guessed as he watched the gesture in confusion.

"No, together, like... together," Buffy clarified. It still took Xander's brain a second to translate that.

"What?" Xander wailed. "No! No and no. Really no. God, Buffy, just because Angel's gay so does not make me gay."

"Angel's gay?" Buffy's voice had dropped to a whisper--a horrified whisper.

"Um..." Xander stalled as his brain lost control over any parts that could use the English language.

Giles took over the conversation with a sigh. "Buffy, sexuality is quite different for demons. In the case of vampires, sex is used to establish hierarchies and reinforce control. The gender is irrelevant."

"I'm thinking it's way with the elevant!" Buffy disagreed.

"He isn't really gay," Xander struggled to explain. "I mean, yeah, there was this one guy, but he likes girls way more, but my point was that I don't like guys. Okay, I like guys in that I like to hang out and read comic books, but I don't like them in the naughty touching way so me and Angel... so not going to happen."

"One guy?" Buffy asked, her eyebrows now totally higher than Xander had ever seen them before. "You knew the guy I liked liked guys, and you couldn't tell me about the one guy?" She put her hands on her hips in a slightly scary way.

"Okay, first, I didn't know then. Second, if you're dating a guy, you can pretty much assume he's not telling you something, Buff. Angel was with the not telling you he was a vamp, and Ford didn't tell you that he was trying to sell you out, and Owen really didn't tell you that he wanted to take the whole tortured artist cliche to a whole new whips and chains level. I mean, witness me. When I first met you, I so did not tell you that I was the village idiot because that would have been bad for my dating potential." Xander smiled as he tried to patch over the damage his village idiot mouth had done, but Buffy still had on her tragic face.

"No wonder he did a vanishing act on me." Buffy bit her lip and sounded about ready to cry.

"No, that's not it," Xander hurried to say. "The one guy was like a hundred years ago, and I found out by accident. He's totally into girls." Buffy got an even more hurt look, and Xander realized how dumb he was about two seconds too late. "He's totally into really old girls... really, really old... ancient... like a hundred or older, so I'm sure if you were a century or more, he'd fall over himself for you. I mean, Mrs. Haggarty is too young for him, and I think she saw the Civil War first hand."

Buffy's pained expression didn't ease any. God, she'd been through Owen, Ford, Larry, and that tall kid with the hippy pony-tail on the swim team, and she still obsessed over Angel. At least Xander wasn't alone in his self-destructive love life.

"Perhaps we can return to my original concern: the number of evenings you spend at Angel's apartment. I find your unusual preference for his company more than a little disturbing." Giles gave Xander his 'I'm not letting this go' look.

"Did Giles just say he got the wiggins in his very Gilesy way?" Xander asked as he looked at the girls. Buffy ignored him.

"Definitely." Willow smiled and gave him a little nod, and Xander mentally kicked himself. Way to send mixed signals. God he hated his love life. "And now that Giles said it, I have to say that it seems a little weird. You hate Angel."

"I hate a 270 year-old man lusting after one of us. It's like one of us kissing old man Anderson."

Willow shuddered. Her Jesse and him had grown up daring each other to race through the wizened old man's back yard, so she knew what he meant. "Way to put the totally disturbing mental image in the brain. I'm never going to escape that thought," she said as she wrinkled her nose. "I guess it's hard to remember Angel's that old when he's such a hottie."

"Yes, I had expressed a similar concern over ages; however, do I detect obfuscation in your answer?" Giles asked. Xander blinked helplessly in the silence that followed that bit of watcher-speak.

"He thinks you're with the changing the topic to avoid answering, and you do seem a little avoidy," Willow translated.

"Yes, I do believe I already said that," Giles said with a tight sort of control that from Xander's father usually meant screaming and profanity was on the horizon. With Giles it just led to glasses cleaning.

Xander sighed. He was so bad at the lying. Seriously bad. "I've been staying at Angel's because the parents are going through a rough spot," Xander admitted. Willow got up and moved closer, like she wanted to give him a hug, and Xander started checking for exits. "And I'm safer at Angel's because Drusilla? She totally hates me. I can't walk by a shaded alleyway without her doing her impression of a crazy stalker lady, which since she's crazy and following me, is really not much of an impression."

"What?!" Giles demanded. "You've hidden this from us for how long?"

"What do you mean? Why didn't you tell me?" Buffy wailed in a hurt voice at the same time, and Willow was going too, but Xander couldn't actually hear her over the other two.

He held up his hand. "Whoa, time out!" Buffy and Giles fell silent.

"Xander, how could you?" Willow asked sadly, in a tiny hurt voice.

"How could he what?" Cordelia asked curiously as she swept into the room. "I'm going shopping tonight, and I need someone with a stake to escort me and stand between me and any demons with slime, horns, or body odor."

"We're a little busy, Cordelia. Why don't you go polish your nails or something," Buffy suggested. "I hear Tibet is nice this time of year… or Timbuktu. And where is Timbuktu anyway?"

"Africa," Willow supplied, but Cordelia was already dismissing her with a sniff.

"Someone needs a little time with a masseur... a masseur and a genius hairdresser because a lesser cosmetologist would be at a loss as to what to do with the horrible bleach job." Cordelia ignored the unfriendly looks and walked to the end of the counter, leaning on it as she studied each of them. "What's with the attitudes? Did someone from the fashion police finally ticket you losers?"

"Xander's been stalked by a vampire, and he didn't even tell us," Willow said, and how did one person get that much hurt into her voice?

"The dark-haired loony-toons with the Adam's Family fashion sense?" Cordelia asked. Xander wasn't sure if he was relieved or horrified when all the gazes that had been focused on him turned to Cordelia.

"You knew?" Buffy had a cold tone to her voice that even made Cordelia hesitate, but only for a second. Then she shrugged casually and pulled a nail file out.

"She kept showing up whenever I drove Xander anywhere. But Angel or Spike always stop her before she can do anything more than ramble on about how the puppy ate up her daddy. Total fruitcake."

Giles had been silently turning a violent shade of red, but now he exploded. "Spike? William the Bloody? You have been fraternizing with William the Bloody? Angel has renewed his familial relationships? I will stake him myself." Giles suddenly looked very unGilesy and very much like someone who might summon a demon or two.

"It's not--"

"I am uniquely uninterested in why you would put Buffy and Willow at such risk," Giles snapped so violently that Xander jerked back. "I want you out of my library."

"Giles," Buffy said. Willow just looked from one person to another in shock.

"What happened to we all make mistakes in our youth?" Xander demanded.

"Doing drugs, an insanely bad relationship choice... these are not the same as cavorting with a demons who make up the majority of the Scourge of Europe."

"Scourge is sounding unfunlike," Buffy admitted, "but that doesn't mean that Xander is pulling a Ford here."

Xander crossed his arms. "And even if I were, summoning murderous demons seems more scourgelike than druglike."

"Xander," Buffy hissed. "Not helping."

Cordelia gave a snort. "Oh please. If you can't tell the difference between Ford and Xander, you deserve to get eaten. Xander would never betray anyone."

Giles glared at her. "Oh? He just socializes with William the Bloody?"

Cordelia laughed. "He just tries and fails to avoid Spike. I find the littlest vamp amusing, but then it's easy to be amused when he's making passes at Xander and not me. Personally, I think he's a little blind because I am obviously far more desirable as a shag, as Spike puts it, than Xander is." Cordelia's words had shocked everyone into a perfect silence. Giles' glasses were in one hand, dangling forgotten at his side. "But that's Spike. I think he's just lonely for Angel's attention. I told him that, and he threatened to eat me, but I know men, and Spike likes being tortured way too much to eat me. I'd worry about him turning me so that he could be permanently subjected to my painful honesty, but I think he's too afraid of me."

"Cordy," Xander said desperately.

She sniffed. "He so is."

"Cordy."

"What?"

"Seriously--stop helping."

Cordelia looked at him for a long moment, and then rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'm going shopping." When no one said anything, she turned and headed for the door, slamming through the double doors with enough force to let Xander know that his shitty love life had just taken a turn for the shittier. His eyes were still watching the doors clack shut when they came open again, and Angel was there in the open door.

"You," Giles growled as he reached toward the circulation desk and the crossbow he kept under it.

"I'm not working with Spike," Angel said quietly without trying to go for cover, and Xander wavered between standing dumbly still or throwing himself over the crossbow to keep it away from Giles. He did what he usually did... went for the option with 'dumb' in it.

Giles snatched the crossbow and pointed it at Angel. "That's not what I hear."

"Okay, let's all calm down before we have blood or dust on the floor because you know Snyder is not really forgiving with the unidentified stains," Buffy suggested as she stepped between the two men. "Angel, did you know that Drusilla killed last night?"

"I'm not surprised. She's been increasingly agitated. It's taken both Spike and me to keep her under control as she's recovered from the attack at Prague." Angel sounded calm, even with the crossbow pointed at him and all the condemning stares. Xander wanted to hide because that much hatred in one room was just not healthy but as the only person in the room not looking at Angel like his soul had suddenly slipped off and slithered through the storm drain like a dirty dollar bill, he really felt like he should probably stay.

"So, you are conspiring with Spike." Giles raised the crossbow.

"Spike has been keeping the Hellmouth quiet, and I've..." Angel tightened his lips for a moment. "I've renewed a tentative friendship with him that does not include hunting humans or doing anything that I wouldn't be able to tell Buffy," he said carefully.

"And yet you haven't told Buffy or anyone else," Giles said, and Xander tried not to take it personally that he had just been officially reduced to no one.

"I haven't seen her."

"Nor have you sought her out. In fact, since Spike has reappeared, you have been remarkable quiet except for an odd friendship with the one person who seemed to annoy you the most." Giles glanced over toward Xander. Oh, this was going so incredibly bad.

"I took Eyghon into myself to save Ms. Calendar," Angel pointed out calmly. "I brought you the information on Ford and his coven of vampire fans, and I only found out about Ford through Spike. Spike understands that all of you are under my protection."

"I assure you that I do not need your protection," Giles answered coldly, the crossbow dipping just a little bit, which Xander was hoping meant that he wasn't actually going to shoot anybody. "As the slayer, Buffy needs to know who is in town. We will have to make plans to address the problem with Spike and Drusilla, but certainly not with Angel in the room. Angel or Xander," Giles said as he gave Xander a hard, cold look.

Angel gave a sound that came very close to a growl, close enough that Giles' brought the crossbow up and aimed. "Xander has never done anything except help. I have never done anything except help."

"For which we have only your word. You cannot expect me to believe that you have civil conversations with William the Bloody without being in collusion with him."

Xander officially couldn't take it anymore. He stepped out from behind the counter and into the path of the crossbow, and that was definitely a growl he heard from behind him. "Okay, Giles, here's the thing. Family is family. My cousin whose name will never be uttered…" Xander looked toward Willow, and she was already making her 'ick' face.

"Whose name will never be uttered?" Buffy asked as she looked from one of them to the other.

Xander shook his head. "There was an incident involving cub scouts and an overnight trip and some ickiness that is so icky that I have to wash my brain with soap every time I think about it. And if they gave him the death penalty, I wouldn't argue. I so wouldn't. After what he did to those kids, I'm totally okay with putting him under the jail, even if he was only seventeen when he did the icky."

"Is there a point to this?" Giles asked in a very cranky voice, and Xander noticed that the crossbow was still pointed right at him.

"He's family. I might think he so totally deserves the death penalty, but I wouldn't hit the switch on the electric chair," Xander said quickly. "I don't think Angel or I would ever call Spike good, but you can't ask Angel to go after Spike or Drusilla. They're his family. Evil, twisted, owning no fashion-sense family, but family."

Slowly, Giles lowered the crossbow, but his expression still didn't look all that forgiving. "So, we should just allow them to kill townspeople? Really, Xander, what are you thinking?"

"I never said that. I mean, if Buffy finds him, the two of them can have it out, and I'm rooting for team Buffy all the way. I tried to stake him myself and got my stake taken away before he dragged me across down tucked under his arm, and this was so not good for my fledging male ego. I get enough humiliation at school, so I am not going to stake him just because me and staking Spike is hopeless on a monumental scale."

"He… he what? Xander, why didn't you say something? I'm going to find him and shove the stake so far in he's going to be dust before he notices it," Buffy growled. She looked at Angel and immediately that same hurt expression from earlier was back, replacing the anger. "Angel, I have to say that I'm a little confused here. I mean, yeah, I get the creepy relative analogy, but not telling me about Spike and Drusilla is feeling not-so-helpful. And letting Spike attack Xander… I thought you liked Xander. I was all jealous of him because you two were being with the friends."

"Xander was never in danger," Angel quickly explained. "Spike brought him to me because he thought Xander wasn't safe on the street. I would never put any of you in danger, which is why I told you that Spike was here and that he was a dangerous, determined Master Vampire. He's killed two slayers. I just didn't mention that he had set up court."

"Spike was protecting Xander?" Giles demanded. The crossbow slammed down on the counter, but if anything, Giles looked even more angry. "And why might he do that?"

Angel stared at Giles for a long minute. "Xander spends a lot of time at my apartment. Spike could smell that. He hoped to make peace between us, and protecting someone he sees as belonging to me is his way of ensuring that. He doesn't have a soul; he doesn't understand friendship."

Giles narrowed his eyes and Xander looked from one man to the other trying to figure out what he was missing. He was big with missing something here. But Angel turned to Buffy, taking a step toward her with a pained expression on his face that Xander thought that maybe Angel hadn't given up on Buffy as much as he kept telling everyone he had given up on Buffy.

"I came here to help you, to make sure you weren't one of those slayers that died a month into her destiny. I've told Spike to stay away from you, but if you start hunting him, that won't stop him from hunting you right back. He wants to hunt you. For him, hunting a slayer is a sport, and he learned from Angelus—from me before I got the soul. He'll wear you down until you don't have the energy to fight him, and then he'll kill you."

"You sound like you don't have any faith in me. Slayer here. I killed the Master." Buffy chewed her lip, and Xander could feel the pain circling the room. Willow looked over to him for comforting, and Xander quickly broke eye contact. Buffy and Angel stared at each other with a desperation and fear that made Xander ache. Oh yeah, they were all officially screwed. The guy who summoned the demon was probably the mentally healthiest one in the room, and that wasn't exactly a shining recommendation for any of them.

"You're sixteen years old. He's a hundred and twenty. He'll trick, cheat, lie, and manipulate you in ways that you can't imagine," Angel said slowly. Xander made a mental note to borrow some money from Buffy before they left because not even Revenge of the Nerds was going to fix this brood. They were going to need an all night marathon of Thundercats for this level of angst.

"I can prepare her," Giles quickly offered.

Angel looked at the two of them for a second and then slowly nodded. "Make sure you train her to expect the unexpected. I know Spike has carried guns before, and he's a good shot."

"Whoa, wait, like gun guns? With bullets guns? 'Cause I'm okay with the bulletless guns, but if there are guns with bullets around, I'm calling that a definitely slayerly foul. Isn't that against the vampire handbook or something?" Buffy demanded as she looked toward Giles. It creeped Xander out that Giles looked surprised because Giles was supposed to be the one who knew everything. "When did they start giving gun licenses to the undead? There should so be a law."

"I've never heard of…" Giles started.

"It's rare," Angel interrupted him. "Master Vampires with enough control over the demon to prefer weapons are generally old enough that their weapons of choice are crossbows or swords. Young vampires don't really have the control to use a weapon. They could have a gun and still attack Buffy with fangs and hands because that's the vampire's instinct. But Spike, well, he never did play by the rules. And I'm warning you right now that vampiric instinct was never very strong in him, which is why he's so unpredictable. I helped create him, and I still can't understand him half the time."

"Okay, getting the wiggins here. He's going to shoot me? Giles, is there money for a bullet-proof vest in the slayer budget because I am so not interested in getting shot."

"I can't imagine—" Giles trailed off, frowning before he jammed his glasses back on.

Angel didn't wait for Giles to get his thoughts together. "Don't try to imagine with Spike. He'll surprise you every time. The only reason he isn't controlling a large city is because he doesn't have the patience to sit still that long or the bloodlust that would drive him to try."

"No bloodlust?" Giles almost squawked. "Good lord, they call him William the Bloody. His nickname comes from torturing people with a railroad spike. He ate an entire orphanage! One might question your judgment on this issue if not your honesty."

Angel glanced over at Giles before focusing on Buffy. "If it comes to a fight, you know I support you," he said earnestly, and Xander flinched at the doubt in Buffy's eyes. Angel nodded as though he'd expected her to doubt him. Okay, that had to have hurt, but Angel just kept talking to Buffy in the same earnest tone. "I can't help you go after Spike and Drusilla. They're part of me, and it's not a part I'm proud of, but it is part of me. However, I will tell you this—Spike is most dangerous when he's trying to impress someone. I don't doubt that he killed an entire orphanage. He would have done that for Drusilla. He didn't care about torturing anyone, but when he discovered that it impressed Angelus, he tortured people beyond what even Angelus had ever considered. Don't challenge him in front of other vampires or even in front of your friends or he's going to feel a need to impress you, and you won't like what he does."

"Angel." Buffy said the word like a cry or a curse, and then she fell quiet.

Angel nodded slowly. "I know you don't trust me, but I am trying to do the right thing here."

And there was Giles stepping into the mess again. "By protecting a vampire known for his torture and another who you freely admit would have asked him to massacre an orphanage? You leave us little reason to trust you."

"Maybe that's how you see it," Angel offered quietly, but Xander got the definite impression Angel was about to snap. He sometimes got that look in his eye right before Spike pissed him off really bad. "I've given you my best advice. I'm telling you that as long as Buffy doesn't attack Spike or Drusilla, the number of new fledges and the number of people dying is going to stay low. Spike wants to impress me, and right now he's doing that by running a tight court. I've done the right thing, and someone once told me that you have to do the right thing and walk away, whether people listen to you or not. If you need me, you all know how to find my apartment."

Angel turned to walk away, and for half a second, Xander was frozen—so caught up in the emotions of the moment that he didn't understand that Angel was walking away from him too.

"Hey! Wait. With your crazy childe walking around accusing me of being the puppy that ate you, I am so not walking to your apartment alone, and my testosterone levels dipped to new lows just saying that," Xander said as he hurried after Angel. Angel stopped at the library doors.

"Xander!" Willow called, her voice hurt again. Of course, that hurt was nothing compared to the massive emotional triage that was going to be required when she found out that he'd been naughty touching with Cordelia.

"I'll see you guys later," Xander yelled over his shoulder as he reached Angel and just sort of pushed the vamp out of the room with both hands. Retreat was the word of the day, and they so needed to.

"Xander, you probably need to talk to Giles," Angel pointed out as Xander kept right on pushing him down the hall and toward the exit.

"Nope, nu-huh, not happening. The man who summons demons does not get to tell me I'm screwy. I mean, I know I'm screwy, but any loose screws are on the Cordelia front, not the you front," he pointed out as they reached the exit. Angel looked down at him in amusement before pushing the doors open.

"You haven't told them about Cordelia?" Angel guessed.

"Okay, did you see Willow? Did you see the Willow eyes?"

"I didn't need to see her eyes, I can smell her when she gets near you," Angel pointed out before he headed down the steps so fast that Xander had to run to catch up with him. And by the time Xander had caught up half way down the block, he was out of breath enough that the punch he aimed at Angel's arm didn't have much actual punch behind the punch.

"Okay, stuff like that is just disturbing. You cannot go telling me that you're sniffing up my friends. It's upsetting."

"And Caveman wasn't? That was the worst movie you have ever subjected me to," Angel countered.

"Okay, Caveman is hilarious. 'Caacaa… doodoo… shit'," Xander quoted. "How can you not love that?"

"Easily."

"God you have a stick up your ass. I'm surprised you don't stake yourself on it when you sit." Xander sighed as they walked down the street away from Angel's apartment. He wasn't surprised since he figured Angel was going to need to kill something after that little scene. For several minutes, they walked in silence, going in and out of the yellow circles cast by the streetlights. "Do you think Buffy's going to go after Spike?" Xander asked quietly.

"I hope not."

"Bloody hell, I hope so." Spike jumped out from behind a bush, and Xander gasped, lost his balance, and grabbed at Angel's arm as he managed to half drag them both into the street. Spike started laughing so hard that he sounded like he might hyperventilate. A car laid on its horn, and Xander found himself lifted by his waist and practically tossed back toward the safety of the sidewalk. Yep, he could officially feel his testosterone hitting new lows, and thank god no one was around to witness that. Well, almost no one.

Spike leaned on the streetlight and gasped for air between bursts of laughter. "Goin' to give yourself a heart attack if you aren't careful, pet," he pointed out when he finally managed to get the air to talk. Xander glared, and that nearly set Spike off laughing again.

"William," Angel warned darkly.

"Don't get your knickers twisted, luv. Boy just needs to learn ta think on his feet a little is all. You're trainin' him up right proper if some demon walks up, introduces himself, and then sets the rules for a challenge. I just thought I'd give little brother a few hints about how demons really do it." Spike gave Xander a wink and then started down the sidewalk. Xander might have turned his back and walked away in protest, only Angel's hand in his back was already nudging him to follow.

"And again with the creepiness of the brother comments. You really are a weird, weird and slightly one-tracked with the mind, aren't you?" Xander asked in disgust. Angel had carefully explained that it was safer for Spike to believe that Xander truly would be his little brother one day, but that somehow just made things creepier.

"Yep," Spike agreed quickly enough. "I heard most of that little drama. Better than Passions, you lot are. Seems a right waste bein' in town with a slayer and not taking my third, so I'm ready if she comes gunning for me."

"You heard?" Xander's mind went into panicked overdrive as he considered what they might have said that definitely wasn't Spike-safe.

"He was on the roof," Angel said.

"Wait, you knew?" Xander demanded. "You knew? And you…" Xander looked at Spike, "what Angel said... you aren't with homicidal?"

"Fuckin' hell no. He said I tortured better than he did, didn't he? Even said I ran a tight ship with the court." Spike had a very pleased grin on his face and Angel just rolled his eyes.

"But he was all with the saying you were just out to impress people, and please just ignore me because if you're not upset, I really should not be trying to get you upset because people who know how to torture should not be upset. And people who upset people who know how to torture are stupid."

Spike turned a concerned look at Xander before he focused on Angel. "Not the brightest, is he?"

Xander answered for Angel. "No, no I'm really not."

"He just doesn't understand vampires. Most humans don't," Angel corrected him. Angel also reached over and popped Xander on the side of the head hard enough to sting.

"Hey!" Xander objected as he shot out a punch at Angel's stomach only to find the vampire ten feet away before his punch came anywhere near.

"I hate vampires. I've said it before and I'm repeating my official stance: vampire suck."

"I know I do, rather good at it, I am," Spike offered with an eyebrow wiggle.

"Oh my god. Stop. Just stop. My brain is going to implode if you don't stop with the weirdage. I don't want to know you suck."

"Want to know what I suck?" Spike asked cheerfully.

"William, leave him alone," Angel ordered, and then a large hand fell on Xander's shoulder, pulling Xander to the far side of the sidewalk so that Angel was walking between Spike and Xander.

"Oi, just playin'. So, you think the slayer's coming for me?"

"She might."

"No way," Xander disagreed. Both vampires looked at him.

"Okay, we all agree I know nothing about vampires, but I know Buffy. She's still all stupid about Angel, and if Angel thinks you're family, she's going to find some excuse to not stake you. And the whole gun thing… that really works as far as excuses go. Now if I just understood Willow and Cordelia as well as Buffy, my life might not suck." Xander held up a finger toward Spike. "And do not make suckage puns."

Spike chuckled. "Still, too bloody bad. Wouldn't mind trying this one out. She's good."

"Spike," Angel growled.

"Not goin' to go after her. At this point, I figure you'll never share your boy if I make you throw a wobbly."

"And again with the inappropriateness." Xander sighed. "I hate vampires. I hate vampires nearly as much as I hate my love life."

Spike really started laughing then. "Your boy's growin' up there Angelus. So, you've figured out that we're all screwed when it comes to the birds, huh? Welcome to the club, mate. Love turns all of us into her bitches sooner or later."

"I wouldn't have minded later."

"You'll be love's bitch later too," Spike promised. "Once love's got you on the hook, that's one lady you never get away from. Right, Angel?"

"Unfortunately, yes," Angel sighed. "We all do stupid things for love. We just have to hope that love doesn't kill us in the end."

"Oi, don't turn all maudlin on us there Captain Hairgel," Spike complained. "Bloody hell, let's go kill something, get some Jack and make fun of some late night television."

Xander might have objected, and he knew Angel definitely would have argued, but Spike was off down the street in a flapping of leather that always reminded Xander of Batman's cape, even if Angel was much more Batmany than Spike ever dreamed of being. Xander glanced over, and Angel had his constipated look. Yep, major brooding on the horizon.

"Come on, I escaped death by Cordelia shopping tonight, and killing of something slimy is sounding good. I even promise to not drink the Jack. Alcohol and the Harris family genes are not with the mixy."

For a second, Angel didn't seem to move, and then he started off down the sidewalk after Spike, one of his hands still on Xander's shoulder and pulling him along. "If you get anything slimy on you, I’m not letting you in the apartment," Angel warned.

"Hey, it's my apartment."

"It's my couch, and I'm still trying to get the Doritos powder out of it."

"You are such a gay guy," Xander said, and then he started running down the sidewalk, trusting that Angel would be at his back when he actually did find something slimy, or when something slimy found him because something slimy always found him. Spike accused him of having bad karma. And really, how weird was it that the torturing vampire thought he had bad karma?

Rust Upon Iron

“Guilt upon the conscience, like rust upon iron, both defiles and consumes it, gnawing and creeping into it, as that does which at last eats out the very heart and substance of the metal.”

Angel checked both directions for nosy neighbors before he quickly climbed the tree outside Xander's house. Knowing the elder Harris, a man climbing in Xander's window would be cause for more trouble than either he or Xander cared to deal with. Angel sometimes wondered if the beatings his own father administered weren't kinder than the words Tony Harris would use against his son. Listening to that man made Angel's teeth itch like the smell of fresh blood did.

Sometimes Angel thought this society's attempt to protect children from a whipping had just turned parental anger toward far darker paths. Angel still couldn't get the memory of The Breakfast Club out of his head. So much pain, and no villains, just people who thought that as long as they weren't physically striking the children they weren't damaging them.

But then again, parents in the past had not been limited to their use of the switch. His own father had certainly used choice words when describing Liam's faults, especially once Liam got old enough and large enough that his father feared to take the switch to his backside. Those were memories Angel liked to avoid, but being around humans so often brought back memories of his own human failings.

Once again, Angel wondered if it was worth it. He wondered if he truly wanted to live in the world. When he'd seen Buffy sitting in the sun in LA, he'd been enthralled to her beauty. He'd been ready to sacrifice everything to her cause, but now he wondered how much of that was just his pride coming through again. He'd swoop in and play knight to her damsel; however, she didn't need him. And God knows that his presence had made Buffy's life more difficult… again. Even when he tried to avoid her he still managed to hurt her. He shoved that thought aside for the night as he perched outside Xander's window and softly rapped on the window. Even if he couldn't fix the damage he'd done to Buffy, maybe he could help Xander.

Peering in through the dusty window, he could see Xander stomach-down on the bed. The radio played that song with the twangy voice that Angel particularly hated, and the lights were off. He rapped a little harder, and the only indication Xander had heard was a shifting of feet. For long minutes, Angel sat in the dim light of a sliver moon and wondered whether this was one of those times when someone needed to be alone or one of those times when they wanted someone to push back when they pushed away.

Even if he didn't miss being evil, sometimes Angel missed the certainty he'd felt before the soul. Now he had no more answers than Xander or Buffy. He had far fewer than Giles seemed to possess, not that Angel thought any of that man's answers were appropriate for their current disaster. Thoughts of the disaster brought him back to Xander laying stomach-down on the bed ignoring him. The frustration of being ignored by a sixteen year old settled the matter.

With an aggravated sigh, Angel pulled out his knife and started jimmying the window. The screen was rusted and gave a weak shriek as Angel pulled it out and propped it against the wall next to Xander's window before working the lock on the glass pane. Sliding the main window up, he thought he might have guessed right because Xander didn't turn around and start cursing him out. Xander rarely withheld his displeasure, a trait that amused Spike no end… at least until Xander turned that tongue on Spike.

Angel crawled in through the window and stood nervously next to the open window, his thoughts still focused on Xander and Spike. If not for the fact that Xander was so quick to insult Spike by calling him murderous and unpredictable and heart-attack inspiring, Spike might have tried to curb Xander's sharp tongue with some discipline of his own, but the boy did play to Spike's ego without ever understanding how the demon could preen under Xander's words. When Xander would call Spike evil, the vampire would smirk and encourage Xander to keep right on calling him names. Xander didn't understand, and Angel knew that. Angel knew it and he didn't do anything to try and educate the boy. That was one more pennyweight of guilt on his soul.

Awkwardly standing next to the open window, Angel waited for Xander to say something, but he didn't. A breeze played with the edge of the curtain, flipping it up, and Xander reached out and poked at his radio, mercifully silencing the miserable voice.

"Xander?" Angel said softly. He could hear the parents downstairs, but he still wasn't sure how Xander was going to react to him, so he stayed close enough to the window to make a run for it if Mrs. Harris and her fry pan came running after him. Mr. Harris was, no doubt, too drunk to make the effort. Xander rolled over and blinked up at him with swollen eyes.

"What?" he demanded, his voice rough and angry.

"He's left town," Angel offered, not sure what else he could offer the boy. The smell of salt sullied the air.

"Too bad. I'm sorry Buffy didn't stake his ass. He should be dust." Xander's voice didn't crack, but silent tears slid down his face as he breathed in jerky gasps.

"Maybe," Angel agreed. "I couldn't be the one to stake him, though."

"Wasn't she important enough?" Xander asked, and the anger had started mutating into something darker. "Maybe she wasn't. Maybe Spike came to you and asked permission, what with you being all sirey. Did you let Spike kill Kendra?" Angel flinched at the hatred that came from Xander, but if he left now, he knew he'd lose the boy's friendship. Xander had many good qualities, but open-mindedness was not one. If this hatred festered until morning, Angel suspected he would lose the boy's trust forever, and he suddenly realized just how much he cared about that not happening.

"I never gave Spike permission, and he never asked," Angel hurried to promise Xander "And yes, Kendra was just as important. She was just as beautiful and worthy as Buffy. I should have protected her, but I didn't, and she's dead. I can't fix that. I'm sorry." Angel shifted uncomfortably.

Xander rolled onto his stomach, his back shuddering with sobs, and Angel could feel guilt clinging to him like oil, only this time Xander wasn't going to torture him out of his bad mood. He felt like he had lost both Spike and Xander. It wasn't a good feeling. All he needed was the taste of rat's blood in his mouth, and he would feel like he had slipped back into a life he had gratefully escaped. And still, Angel couldn't feel quite as bad about his own pain as he did about Xander and Buffy and even Willow's anguish.

"Giles shouldn't have been so hard on you," Angel said quietly as he shifted from foot to foot. Oh god, what made him think he could do this? His emotions were as rusted as Xander's screen.

Xander gave a dark laugh. "You mean where he told me that Kendra would still be alive if I hadn't fraternized with the enemy? Oh yeah, he really should have. I lost track of a little truth there for a while, which is funny because it's the truth I started out with. Vampires bad. You remember that truth?" Xander turned and gave Angel a cold glare that worried Angel more than all the hot hatred and yelling he'd heard earlier as he'd eavesdropped on the others as they gathered in the library. Giles had brought word after Spike had tracked the watcher down and bragged in his usual Spike fashion. Thankfully Giles had gone and found the body without the children. But that small bit of mercy had vanished by the time he got back to the library and had taken aim first at Buffy and then at Xander. Buffy had escaped with minor emotional damage, but Angel still wanted to tear Giles' throat out for the words he had used against Xander.

"Vampires are generally evil," Angel agreed slowly with Xander's claim.

"No, no not evil… bad," Xander hurried to correct him, sitting up on the bed. "Bad as in bad for you, like Twinkies are bad for you, only, like with Twinkies, I tried to ignore the whole badness. But here's the problem… ignore the badness of Twinkies, and cavities are in your future. Big, huge, drive a truck through cavities that leave you with the nasty whine of a dentist drill poking holes in your head. With vampires, the badness spreads like chickenpox or marker stains on your Sunday-best shirt. I let the badness in, and Kendra paid for it."

"You had nothing—" Angel started. Xander talked right over him.

"And really, that's funny because I was first on the 'vampires bad' bandwagon when Buffy was dating you. I staked my best friend in the whole fucking world because I got it. Vampires bad. But then I went and got stupid again, which is not big with the surprise because I do a really good impression of stupid. Put me and stupid next to each other, and you can't tell which is which. I am the perfect mirror-image of pure stupidity," Xander almost hissed, and Angel froze, not really sure exactly what he could say to fix this. Jesse had been one topic that Xander never wanted to discuss with him, that Xander would walk out of the apartment if it came up. This wasn't feeling like safe territory right now, and Angel had no answer to soothe Xander's pain.

"You know that first night I showed up at your apartment?" Xander demanded. "That first night, I only came over because Buffy wanted to come check on you because you'd done the disappearing act again, and I didn't want her falling into the whole big, brown eyed pouty sympathetic thing you have going, and instead I fall for it. Stupid Xander. Stupid, stupid Xander. Forgot the first rule there, Xander. Vampires bad. Vampires very bad." Xander stood up and advanced on Angel, his finger poking the air until he came close enough to poke Angel's chest, and Angel stood silent, struggling with his beast's need to push Xander back and put the boy back in his place.

"This isn't your fault," Angel offered softly. After Giles' angry words in the library, Angel wasn't sure Xander was ready to listen to that, but at least the finger stopped poking him. Xander just stood with his face twisted by all the grief he'd hidden in front of his friends as he'd comforted them and endured Giles' diatribe.

Slowly, Xander nodded. "This is Spike's fault. He killed her. He killed Kendra, which, you know, is like a 'duh' moment because he's been out there killing this whole time, and I just let myself ignore that as long as he wasn't snacking on someone I knew. This doesn't make me a good person."

"It makes you human," Angel disagreed.

"Go away," Xander whispered as he turned his back on Angel. The vampire instinct surged, and for a half second, Angel teetered on the edge of grabbing the boy and throwing him down in order to force a little respect into him. He physically withdrew a step just to avoid the temptation, even though the scent of his bloodmark on Xander's skin called to him.

Instead of following the beast's urge, Angel focused on quiet logic. "It you had stuck to your rules—if you had continued to insist that vampires were bad, where would Buffy be?" Angel asked with a false calm, most of his attention still focused on controlling the beast inside.

"Seriously, Angel, me and my stupidity need some quality alone time," Xander sighed.

"Someone hired the Order of Taraka. If Spike and I hadn't taken out the one-eyed bounty hunter, what do you think would have happened?"

Xander sighed and sat on the edge of the bed giving Angel a calculating look, as though trying to figure something out. Finally, he answered. "Buffy would have killed him, and then Buffy would have staked Spike, and Buffy and Kendra would have gone for ice cream after, only with no ice cream and more reports because Kendra was one for reports," Xander gave a strangled half-laugh at his own joke, and Angel could hear the desperation. "She didn't deserve to die. How could he kill her?" Xander asked in a small voice that Angel couldn't ignore. He stepped forward and let his hand rest on Xander's shoulder.

"Kendra didn't listen to Buffy or me. She went after Spike. None of us could have saved her the second she made that choice. And no, she didn't deserve to die. No slayer does, but that's what happens with slayers. They challenge some demon who's faster or who fights dirtier, and they die."

"Buffy didn't. I brought her back."

And there was the rub. The boy had managed one miracle, and he couldn't escape the expectation that he could simply pull another out of the air. Angel remembered the foolishness of youth, but he still couldn't quite understand it. But one way or another, he had to convince Xander that he couldn't carry the blame for Kendra's death. "You couldn't have saved Kendra," Angel pointed out, struggling to make a more valid argument, but really, it was so obvious that Angel couldn't quite decide how to prove it. It was like trying to prove the sky was blue.

"Maybe if I'd been there. I could have asked Spike…" Xander stopped and gasped for air, fighting the need to cry for a second. "I really do need to be checked for brain damage. One too many hits with the headstones maybe because there I go thinking of Spike like someone I could talk to when he's just a cold-blooded killer. A demon. A thing that needs to be turned into dust."

Angel sighed. Xander's guilt and his intolerance were both running high tonight, and neither were Xander's most charming personality traits. "He's the same demon he always was, with all the positive and negative traits still there."

"I thought he was a friend. How stupid am I?" Xander whispered so softly that Angel wouldn't have caught it without vampire hearing.

"You aren't stupid. In his own way, he offered you something as close to friendship as he could. Spike cares about you," Angel answered, not sure that Xander really wanted the truth right now, but that's all Angel had to offer. The others had ranted and raved… everyone except Cordelia who'd been surprisingly silent… but none of them understood Spike or his relationship with Xander. "If you had been there, maybe Spike would have stopped. He probably wouldn't have, but maybe," Angel admitted.

"He cares?" Xander asked incredulously as he looked up at Angel with a wet face. "How can you say he cares? He killed Kendra!"

"I know."

"I hate him. If he were here right now, I'd stake him."

"I know you'd try. He knows you would too, that's why he left," Angel offered soothingly.

"What?" Xander's anger yielded to confusion. "Okay, this is making sense of the not-even kind because no way would Spike leave town because of me. Spike knows he can kick my ass no matter how much I want to stake him, and I want to stake him a whole lot right now. Big with the wanting to stake him. I'd sacrifice my Batman collection to turn him back into dust."

"He thinks you might get hurt when he has to stop you from trying to kill him. William knows you aren't a threat, but he doesn't want to hurt you," Angel offered gently as he came and perched awkwardly on the edge of the bed next to Xander.

"Right. I'm just the loser. I'm just the one no one listens to or worries about or whatever the hell people do with people they respect, and I obviously don't know because no one actually respects me or what I have to say. I say 'just leave it alone, Kendra,' so of course she has to go and be Wonder Woman, only with not so much wonder because she's dead. She's dead and I didn't do anything to stop the whole process of her getting dead." Xander put his head in his hands in a gesture of supreme fatigue, and Angel could feel the urge to just leave, to escape from the boy's pain, but he wouldn't. He might not know how to handle this, but he would sit and at the very least endure the pain with Xander. The room was silent as they sat side by side.

"What's wrong with me?" Xander finally whispered.

"Nothing," Angel quickly assured him as he put his hand on Xander's back and tried to figure out if he should pat him or just leave the palm pressed against the shivering shoulder.

Xander snorted. "I'm thinking there's something hugely wrong." Xander leaned forward until his head rested on his arms, which were crossed in his lap. "I killed my best friend because he was a vampire. And trust me, if vampires really do get part of their personality from the host, then Jesse-vampire was about as harmless as vampires come. Only I don't know that because he's dust. Or actually," Xander said after a pause, "I do know he was harmless because any vampire I can dust is pretty high on the harmlessness scale. So, Jesse's dead because he's a vampire. Only I go and make two brand new friends, oh, both of them are vampires, but I never even stop to question that.

Swollen eyes turned to look at Angel. "Either I killed my best friend when I shouldn't have or I didn't stake Spike when I should have, but I fucked up somewhere. What happened to my nice simple 'Vampires bad' rule? That rule made sense to me. God, I can't do this. Giles is right. I screwed up. And the Willow eyes.... I don't ever have to worry about her with the crushing again because she looked at me with those eyes that said that she was so sorry I had so completely fucked up, and I did. I fucked up, only Kendra is dead, and how much sense does that not make?"

"The real world isn't supposed to make sense," Angel said softly. "And you didn't fuck up. You told her that Spike was too dangerous to go against."

"Which is a little like waving a red flag in front of a bull… or waving a vampire in front of a slayer. Yep, we're back to me being the poster child for stupid."

Angel sighed, not sure how to defuse this cycle of self-hate. Sadly, he found himself afraid to try because at least when Xander was focused on hating himself, the boy wasn't spewing hate for Angel and all vampires. He just couldn't in good conscience allow Xander to continue to carry this burden. Not for the first time, Angel cursed Giles for allowing Willow and Xander to tangle their lives and destinies with Buffy's. He accepted that he would probably not be able to give Buffy a normal life, but now he doubted whether either Xander or Willow would have one either. And in their case, they had no destiny to steal their futures. They only had their own naïve belief that they could fix the world if they only made the right choices.

"Before you, life was simple for me. As a vampire, Darla ruled my world. When I got the soul, I suffered the way I was supposed to as a damned creature. Then Whistler showed me Buffy and then I knew I was destined to be with her. Three different lives, three very simple rules," Angel started as he struggled to find a way to explain nearly three hundred years of life to a sixteen year old.

Xander snorted. "If you start that Romeo and Juliet crap again, I'm going to point out that they ended up dead. Dead is not the happy-happy joy-joy fairy tale ending unless you're reading those old, really violent fairy tales where everyone ends up burned alive or cut to pieces or something, and dismemberment is still not with the happy unless you have a pretty serious psychological disorder. Like the kind of disorder Spike has," Xander finished wearily. "And you know, maybe you should just leave so I can get some sleep before my brain implodes." Xander sat up and looked around the dark room as though searching for an excuse to get rid of Angel. Time was running out.

"Not Romeo and Juliet," Angel promised as he ignored Xander's request for him to leave. "My mother used to sit near the fire with her stitchery and tell me stories of Lusmore of Knockgrafton."

"Which would be something I know nothing about, and tonight is not a good night for long, Gilesesque stories," Xander hinted with his usual lack of subtlety.

"Lusmore was born with a huge hump on his back. Even though he was deformed, he was a good man." Angel ignored Xander and his rolling eyes. "One day, Lusmore heard the fairies singing, and he was full of so much joy that he joined them, singing with such a pure voice that they whisked him away to their magical kingdom and cured him, took his hump off and made him whole and beautiful."

Xander stared at Angel with obvious confusion. Okay, so maybe the metaphor wasn't as self-evident as Angel had thought.

"Xander, when the gypsies cursed me with a soul, I saw the demon as a deformity that would one day be swept clean, and when I saw Buffy sitting on the stairs of her school in LA, it was like finding the fairy kingdom and knowing that I was this close to being cured. I just had to figure out how to sing beautifully enough to earn the cure."

"Singing for a cure?" Xander asked skeptically.

"With one small problem," Angel shrugged. "I'm not actually all that good at singing. Spike once said he'd rather have me whip him than sing one bar song with him in the room. But I still couldn't help feeling like Buffy was the key to making everything right with me, that I just had to be smart enough to figure it out."

"That's…"

"Profound?" Angel supplied.

"Stupid," Xander corrected him. Angel frowned at him, and Xander held up a hand palm up. "I'm sorry, but it kinda is. And in your example, if the curse is the hump, then taking it off would be like curing you by taking off the soul. No offense, but after Spike's many hours of reminiscing, if you and your soul part ways, I'm vacationing on another continent. Possibly another continent in an alternative dimension."

"My point," Angel said, flinching away from even the thought of losing his soul. He knew the dark corruption lying in his heart the way no one else ever could, not even Spike. "My point is that life seemed simple. The rules were so clear—If I found a way to keep Buffy alive and happy, I'd have my cure. Then you showed up and pointed out that Buffy isn't just the slayer or a girl I had worshipped from the shadows. She is a human soul with human needs and fears and desires and a truly strange taste in music, and that is so far from simple that I feel like an idiot for ever having my Lusmore fantasies." Angel fell silent, just hoping that Xander understood this time.

"So, your way of cheering me up is to point out that I have company on the short bus of life?" Xander asked.

"My point is that you taught me to see that the more complicated truth is harder to accept but far more accurate."

"See, I know I didn't teach you that because I don't even get that. There's nothing complicated here. I screwed up by not helping Giles and Buffy go after Spike. Kendra came to help us. Kendra is dead because I didn't help Giles and Buffy. See? Simple." Xander crossed his arms as if daring Angel to contradict him.

"It's as simple as Buffy being the solution to my curse or Lusmore getting his hump removed," Angel agreed, "and just as wrong. "You know that Spike is… Spike is complicated. He's evil, but he's not particularly devoted to evil. He did far more good than evil in town, even if he only did it to keep in my favor." Angel glanced at Xander's stubbornly set face. "And to keep some hope alive that I would let him bed you," he added. Xander glared at him, and Angel had to school his face to impassivity in order to avoid laughing at the exasperation in Xander's eyes. "Life is messy. We both made choices that we wish we could take back, but neither of us is to blame for this."

"We're to blame for letting Spike live," Xander said, but this time, Angel could see that the boy said the words in the desperate hope that Angel could talk him out of believing them.

"There is no blame there. Dozens of people are alive today only because Spike ruled the Hellmouth with a vicious ruthlessness that left the minions too afraid to make new fledges. If we could go back in time and dust Spike, would we trade away the life of a mother of three in order to save Kendra? Would we really kill Spike knowing that dozens of people would then be vamped by the minions? Would Kendra even want that?" Angel could see the emotions war in Xander's conscience. "We did what we knew would save people. We don't have anything to apologize for because we did save people, many people. I seem to remember Willow having pie charts of mysterious deaths and barbeque fork accidents at one point, and the numbers showed that human deaths had dropped back down to pre-Buffy levels."

Xander did laugh at that. "That's Willow. Don't give her enough homework, and she'll just invent her own. And her pie chart was definitely on the side of Spike being good for the human half of good old Sunnyhell."

"Willow will come around first, you wait," Angel said "Her numbers prove that we made a good decision, and she'll see that. I know I should have tried harder to gain Kendra's trust so that she would allow me to place her under my protection. However, we weren't wrong for letting Spike live. Those pie charts represent people who are alive today because of that choice, Xander."

Xander sat next to Angel and stared at the wall where a poster of Seven of Nine stared back. "I want to believe that," he finally whispered to the air. Angel's hand was still on Xander's shoulder, and now he slid it around Xander's back and pulled the boy into a one-armed embrace.

"Then do. It's the truth," Angel suggested.

"But it feels… it feels wrong because I should feel guilty, but what you're saying is not guilt-inspiring."

"You shouldn't feel guilty," Angel said, and obviously he had failed because the whole point of this conversation was convincing Xander to give up his guilt, yet the boy continued to cling to it.

"Giles said—"

"No!" Angel snapped, cutting Xander off mid-word. They both froze, listening to the downstairs television as they waited to find out if Mrs. Harris and her frying pan were on their way up to find out why there was shouting coming from Xander's room in the middle of the night. Angel tightened his arm around Xander, desperately hoping that he wouldn't have to run, but prepared to dart out the window when the first footstep landed on the stairs. It never came, and Xander took a deep breath as they realized they had avoided company. Mrs. Harris had probably fallen asleep next to her husband on the couch.

"No," Angel said more quietly but just as firmly, "Giles carries his own guilt, for his youth summoning demons or his failure to protect Kendra or his inability to get Buffy to take training seriously. I don't even pretend to understand his guilt or his motives for being so harsh. But for whatever reason, he has spoken to you far more sharply than he should. You can't take what he says so seriously."

"But—"

"You know how much guilt you feel for Kendra's death?" Angel interrupted as he tightened his grip a bit. "Imagine if you were the adult who had been charged with protecting her. Imagine that you had to call her other watcher or her parents and admit that she died on your watch. Imagine that you have to write a report to the bosses who expected you to keep her alive, and you have to admit that you failed in your job, a job you've been training for your whole life. Xander, you're too smart to think that Giles' anger is for you."

Xander angled his body toward Angel a little, squirming uncomfortably, and Angel just used it as an excuse to pull the boy closer. "He's angry with himself," Xander said softly. "And I'm the one who's closest to being like him what with the having a penis and all because Willow and Buffy are definitely penisless, not that I've looked or anything. But Giles is angry with himself and so he takes it out on me."

Angel nodded. "I think my father did the same thing. The Catholics were losing land and position, and my father turned against his own father and the Church, publicly denouncing his own family and marrying the protestant daughter of an English settler. When I showed any sign of rebellion, he turned on me viciously."

"Do I want to know how this story ends?" Xander asked uncertainly, but he didn't try to pull away. If anything, he sagged into Angel and let the vampire support his full weight.

"Probably not. It would give you nightmares," Angel admitted. "I don't like thinking about it."

"Just like Giles doesn't like thinking about how bad he feels, so he takes it out on me?" Xander asked.

"Maybe. But whether it's that or something else, you shouldn't believe him when he says these things," Angel answered as he slid back on the bed, scooting toward the wall and pulling Xander with him. Xander just let himself be maneuvered.

"This is freaky," Xander said softly as Angel finally got settled with his back to the wall and Xander half lying on his chest.

"Do you want me to leave? I don't want to make you uncomfortable because I'm not planning anything." Angel tensed up, suddenly remembering just how uncomfortable Xander had been at the idea that Angel had been sexually intimate with a man. Maybe the bed wasn't the best place for him to offer comfort.

"No, not that. I mean it's freaky that you get this stuff. I mean, how long has it been since you were around the whole family dynamics thing?"

"A while," Angel admitted. "I'm a little rusty sometimes, and you know I don't always understand you… or Buffy either. But maybe that distance helps me see things a little more clearly because I'm not caught up in the middle of human emotions."

"Not caught up in human emotions. That sounds…" Xander paused, "that sounds lonely," he finally finished.

Angel sat in the dark with Xander's warm weight against him, the smell of Angel's bloodmark strong because of the sweat and emotion still seeping from the boy. "Not recently," Angel admitted as he leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes.

Xander's hand clung to Angel's shirt, and the boy's breathing evened out as Angel traced circles on his back with his fingers. Eventually, the smell of salt tears faded and the familiar soft snores started a few hours before dawn. Laying in the dark holding the boy, Angel considered just how much a year had changed his world. A year ago, he would have secretly cheered Giles for his verbal tirade. Now, he recognized that anger for the weakness it had always been. No, he wasn't perfect. He didn't blame himself for not killing Spike, but when the next slayer came to town, Angel wasn't going to allow his fear to keep him from insisting on being a part of her life. Buffy wasn't his quest, but the slayers were. He would give every single one of them a chance to grow up and a fighting shot against the demons they were destined to fight. It wouldn't be simple, but hopefully it would be the right thing to do. And if he fell off the wagon on his path to redemption, he'd just have to trust Xander to point it out, just like he planned on staying around and putting Xander back on the right path when the boy's self-hatred threatened to overwhelm him.

Neither of them had parents or family who could provide the sort of support that Angel had seen when Xander had insisted they stay up for two days straight to watch a marathon of Leave it to Beaver, but they could be family to each other.

Mending Fences

"Hey! Anyone in a mood for pizza and only halfway melted ice cream?" Buffy asked with an uncertain expression on her face as she stood in the door.

"And Twinkies. Don't forget the Twinkies," Willow added as she held up a plastic bag from the grocery store. "We come bearing Twinkies and apologies."

"Hey. And how did you find me?" Xander asked in confusion as he stepped away from the apartment door to let them in.

"This was our second guess, and your mom might be a little on the grumpy side when you go home because she was definitely big with the believing you were upstairs," Buffy said with a sympathetic cringe. "And the ice cream was not half melted before she started with the ranting about you being irresponsible."

"Oh great," Xander said as he headed back to the couch and flopped down. "Buff, I know you're big with the being pissed at me, but do you think that maybe next time you could just punch me or something? Now I have to go home and listen to the parentals fight."

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"I don't suppose you could hit me now and break a bone or two... something small enough to not hurt much but big enough to justify a short stay in the hospital and a little sympathy?" Xander asked with his best hopeful look in Buffy's direction.

"Xander!" Willow said with way more horror than the situation really called for. It was awkward, but at least she was struggling toward normal. Xander headed for the kitchen where Angel had plates and bowls.

"Hey, I'm all for staying unbroken normally, but the parentals are going to nail my window shut if they figure out that I'm pretty much avoiding them more often than I'm staying home." He stacked the dishes on the counter and Willow dished up chocolate marshmallow ice cream while Buffy started divvying up the pizza.

"Hey, I'm there with you. Mom is really starting to get the hairy eyeball down good when I come home late, but sometimes the vampires are just not good with letting me dust them before curfew," Buffy shrugged. Willow stayed remarkably silent, but then Xander remembered her confessing that she wished she had a curfew. Here they were living on a Hellmouth with murder stats that could rival New York City, and her parents were more concerned about stifling her adult whatchamacallit than making sure she didn't end up dead. Yep, Xander could see how that would give a person a complex.

"So, any new with the news?" Xander asked, changing the subject.

"You missed the big 17 party for Buffy," Willow said, jumping on the change of topic.

"Yeah, I didn't really think you guys wanted me around." Xander took a plate and a bowl and retreated to the chair that was normally Angel's. Balancing the pizza plate on the arm, he started on the slightly gloppy ice cream.

"I wanted. Didn't you want?" Willow asked sadly as she turned to Buffy for confirmation before she headed for the couch.

"I was huge with the wanting, but with a side of cowardly because I didn't want to call and admit that'd I'd been huge with the bitchiness and blame. We're talking epic Cordelia-levels of bitchiness," Buffy nodded as she sat next to Willow. "I really am sorry, Xander, and I'm claiming temporary insanity because the things I said were pretty insane."

Xander focused on his ice cream and didn't mention what all of them were avoidingly circling. The girls hadn't said the worst of it, they'd been more insult accomplices as Giles called Xander a traitor and an idiot, and while the idiot part was about right, Xander wasn't a traitor. However, that word had kept him out of the library and away from the girls for nearly two weeks now. He'd spent Buffy's birthday out practicing sword fighting on fledges, and Angel hadn't even lectured him when he'd ignored easy kills and went for the long-drawn out, ugly fight. Of course, Angel had to rescue him twice, but that wasn't exactly new either.

"Get anything good?" Xander asked with a cheerfulness that felt fake even to him.

Buffy smiled. "A demon arm. Which tried to kill me when I opened the box, so the party just screamed slayerfest."

"Okay, in the history of gift-giving, that's like worse than the time I got Willow bugs for her birthday," Xander said as he finally looked up from his gloppy bowl.

"You were six. I forgave you.... after therapy." The smile Willow gave him was strained, but at least it was genuine. When he smiled back, she caught her lip between her teeth and her eyes fell back down to her plate. Buffy was the slayer, but Xander knew that Willow was the one who really relied on Giles to be all parental unit-y, so this had to be hard on her.

With a shrug, Buffy shoved pizza in her mouth and then talked right over the chewing. When you were a slayer and consumed as much food as Buffy did, you learned to talk and chew at the same time or just not talk much. "Yeah, well it turns out that the arm was only one part of a tinkertoy ending-the-world demon that got chopped to little bits at some point. It looks like Drusilla was trying to put him back together."

"Drusilla?" Xander frowned at that. Yeah, she was nuts, but he'd been fairly sure she was run-of-the-mill nuts and not world-ending nuts.

"Which is not really surprising because of the whole crazy demon vibe she has going on, but the bizarre part is that Spike mailed me the arm, and he shipped the head to the Council in England," Buffy made a face at the thought of that piece of weirdness.

"Um, doesn't that make it a little harder to assemble?" Xander may have liked Spike, but if Drusilla asked him to end the world, he would have thought Spike would bring the torch for the world-ending bonfire party.

"You'd think, yeah." Buffy frowned. "But I guess he had an agenda other than ending the world."

"He wasn't all bad, you know."

"Xander, he killed Kendra," Willow gasped.

Xander's guts knotted up as the old fight restarted, but if they didn't talk this out, the old fight would lay there and rot until they couldn't stand each other. In his seventeen years, Xander had learned two things from his parents: don't let problems rot and don't drink. Of course his not letting problems rot philosophy sometimes led to more honesty that was good for him, but it was better than ending up like his parents. He sighed and pushed on. "I know. He's evil, and I'm big with the knowing that. You don't even want to know some of the stories he told me when he was trying to be nice. Spike being nice was kinda absolutely terrifying. His idea of a bedtime story will either be fodder for many years of therapy or the start of a whole new career as a horror film writer. But he still wasn't all bad."

Willow dropped her plate on the coffee table where it rattled against the wood. "What's wrong with you? You know that vampires are evil, but now you're sticking up for one. And you're dating Cordelia. I heard Harmony talk about it. And she said you and some big hunky guy sometimes walk the cheerleaders home and beat guys up, and I don't even know you anymore."

"That would be called patrolling," Xander shot back at Willow, and he immediately felt guilty as she shrunk in on herself. "Willow, I'm just patrolling, and yeah, Angel goes with me because I'm way better with the flushing demons out than the killing of demons."

"And here I thought we were going to deal with one weirdage at a time," Buffy sighed. "Well, since that plan's all shot, let me handle this with my normal tact," she suggested. "Xander, what the hell are you thinking dating Cordelia?"

Buffy's normal tact made Xander shrink back and for a half-second, he just considered denying the whole thing. Of course, then Willow would run back to Harmony and tell her she was wrong, and then Harmony would tell Cordelia, and then Cordelia would hunt him down, eviscerate him, and stretch his skinned hide across the football field as a warning for other social climbing losers.

"I'm mostly thinking with the head that's not on my shoulders," Xander admitted with a shrug. Willow turned bright red. "Hey, it's what guys do," he defended himself. And the fact that women had twisted guys around by the cock was at the center of at least fifty percent of Spike's really scary stories.

Buffy looked over at Willow with worry etching deep and unattractive lines on her face, and Xander knew exactly what she was thinking. The problem was that Xander wasn't sure how to make Willow feel any better about this. He just didn't like Willow. And the more Willow pouted at him and played teacher's pet to Giles, the less he liked her that way. Yeah, she'd always be sisterish the way Spike would always be Angel's family, but somehow, the idea of naughty touching with her in a closet freaked him out way more than naughty touching with Cordelia ever had. Buffy looked at him with the worry slowly morphing into anger.

"I don't control the not-on-the-shoulders head!" he defended himself. Buffy did not look even a little amused. "Come on, look at my track record. The girls I've actually gotten dates with include a life-sucking mummy and witch fond of ratting people. Add in there the girls I've crushed on and you have a hyena-infested pack member and a preying mantis monster. Put all those girls in a lineup, and Cordy fits in there a whole lot better than anyone in this room."

Hopefully that worked because Buffy's face turned from angry to a slightly squicked sort of sympathy. "Okay, on the officially sucking in the picking partners department, you win. I mean, I thought I was the record winner, but when you line up your dating life like that, my back-stabbing traitor, masochistic poet, and a couple of losers just don't compare with your string of disasters."

"Gee, thanks," Xander said sarcastically, and Buffy smiled at him. Willow, however, was not going to be that easily distracted. She was already shaking her head.

"I don't know you anymore, Xander. You say you like girls who can hurt you, and you hang out with Angel and fight and you hang around with Spike."

"Hey, there was not hanging around with nearly as much as there was me and then there was Spike who was enjoying making me blush and trip and generally making my life miserable when he wasn't rescuing me from Drusilla or some random monster of the week."

"Which is hitting the weird-o-meter pretty hard," Buffy pointed out.

"Yeah, this I know. Spike had it in his head that sucking up to me would make Angel less growly around him, and Spike's idea of sucking up included wedgies. Okay, not real wedgies, but emotional type wedgies with the things getting painfully pulled into tight spaces where they are not supposed to go. His sense of humor was definitely on the humorless side," Xander said, refusing to go any farther into Spike's habit of poking the gay-button whenever Angel was out of earshot. Cordelia insisted Spike was just trying to be big-brotherly. According to Angel, Spike was trying to torture the older vamp vicariously by going after Xander. Xander just tried not to think about it much at all. That went into the little box along with the knowledge that Spike had killed Kendra, and Xander tried really, really hard to never think about any of it. "Look, maybe we just shouldn't talk about this right now," Xander suggested hopefully.

"Xander, talking would be good."

"So you can not listen to me again?" Xander said with a little more venom than he'd intended. Both girls flinched from that, and Xander immediately felt like a heel.

"I'm listening. I've always listened," Willow said softly as she picked at the cheese on her pizza. Xander had never seen food so unloved at a Scooby meeting.

Buffy quickly nodded. "And I'm all listening-girl. Look, I know we all over-reacted, and I'm trying really hard to not be with the reacting. See me? This is me listening with absolutely no over-reacting or reacting or even acting. I promise to do nothing that ends with an 'ing'."

"Breathing?" Willow asked with another strained smile. Buffy shrugged.

"Okay, maybe I'll do that. Xander, I know you didn't make Kendra go out looking for a fight because I was there with you when we did the 'Spike is a gun-carrying evil spawn of Satan' speech for her. I know this. But you talking about Spike like he's just a guy from school or something is doing the wiggy in my brain."

"Big wiggy. Xander, he ate people, and eating people equals evil. Well, not when the eating of people is over like with Angel, or like with you when you went all hyena... not that you ate anyone... but Spike is still with the eating people, and as people we need to stand up and say no to people-eating." Willow blurted her words out as though relieved to finally be getting to the conversation she wanted to have with him.

"Can't argue with Willow-logic," Xander agreed wryly. Spike would have recognized the sarcasm, but Willow was already nodding her head in agreement.

"Darn tooting you can't, mister."

"Willow, I hate that Spike eats people, and I am totally on the Spike-evil train with you guys. I told you he was evil back before you knew who he was. I mean, he just about gave me a heart attack at least a dozen times a week, and that was when he was trying for nice. Not that nice and Spike are really two great tastes that taste great together." Xander let his words trail off, not quite sure where he was going with this. Sometimes he wished he could just erase the last year and go back to being the guy who just agreed with whatever Willow said. It was easier that way. Neither of them did conflict very well, which wasn't really surprising. In Willow's house, raised voices or any sort of conflict was met with long lectures in words Xander didn't even understand but that came down to 'nice people don't disagree.' In Xander's house, raised voices just led to more raised voices and then screaming, and throwing of things and on a really good night, the calling of police. Yep, they both officially sucked on the disagreeing front.

"Xander?" Buffy looked worried again.

"Okay, look, he's evil. I get that. He also has a side of funny and a secret love for poetry. No one who loves poetry can be all evil. Nerdy, yes, but not evil."

"Spike is nerdy?" Buffy choked down her bite of pizza and started laughing.

"And he would so eat you for saying that, and then I would feel guilty because me sharing his secret love for poetry led to the lifelessness, and I have enough guilt already. But as much as he is dangerous and evil, it's just not that simple."

"Evil is simple, Xander. He ate an orphanage." Buffy crossed her arms and got that 'me, slayer' look on her face.

"Because Drusilla told him to."

"Which is not making me feel any better about the eating of orphans part of that story." As Buffy spoke, Willow nodded enthusiastically, so Xander knew he was facing a united front here. And the fact that he was outside the united really hurt, but he couldn't just unknow things, not even if he wanted to.

"Do you know why she ate children? Do you?" Xander demanded. Both girls looked confused, like it had never occurred to them to ask for a reason. "Angel tortured her. He tortured her family in front of her. He chained her up and beat her and raped her and did all kinds of things that he's only hinted about and honestly, I so don't want to know."

Willow lost all color, and Buffy wrinkled her nose before she finally answered. "Okay, officially not making me feel any better, but I do have a sudden urge to scrub my lips because I kissed Angel at one point. What is wrong with my taste in men?"

"That's not my point. My point is that Drusilla on bad days wants everyone to hurt as much as she hurt before Angel got around to killing her. And on good days... she thought that if she ate the children they wouldn't ever have to get tortured by Angel. Drusilla is totally loony toons, but she isn't totally evil, either."

"So I should stop vampires and give them a 'how evil are you' quiz before I slay?"

"Not unless you're feeling particularly suicidal," Xander sighed.

"Then what are you trying to say?"

"I have no idea." Xander stuck his spoon in his liquefied ice cream and headed for the kitchen. He should rinse the dishes because Angel complaining about ants was not really the way he wanted to end this very shitty day. Standing at the sink, he watched the chocolate stream streaked with white marshmallow vanish down the drain before he started washing the dish.

Warm hands came around his stomach, and a familiar head rested against his back. "Oh Xander," Willow whispered.

Xander leaned against the counter for a second before he let his hands rest against Willow's arms. "Yep, that's me... clueless Xander."

Buffy was there too, her hip leaning against the counter as she rested a hand on his shoulder. "You're just clue-lite, like the rest of us."

Xander nodded, and for one second, he was just tempted to let it rest, to just accept the forgiveness they were offering him, and chalk this up to one more case of Xander-stupids. He almost made up his mind to do exactly that, but then it occurred to him that the girls would expect him to go back to the library and play humble to Giles' English disapproval. And really, Xander couldn't do it. "It's just... He wasn't all evil. He was like marble cake with lots and lots of evil and streaks of something..." Xander hesitated as he considered what to say. Spike was funny and arrogant and insecure and protective.

"But if you ate a piece, you'd taste the evil and not the other stuff," Buffy pointed out. Willow slowly let go of him and stepped back.

"Oh yeah," Xander agreed as he turned to face them. "Like a cake made of bitter, but you could pick the not bitter parts out if you're really careful." Buffy looked at him skeptically. "And if you're either particularly suicidal or you have a three hundred year old vampire standing right behind you offering to turn him into dust if he gets all evil, but it's probably smarter to just look at the whole cake and say 'evil.' But that doesn't mean the not-evil parts aren't there," Xander struggled to explain.

Buffy looked at Willow and Xander couldn't believe how desperate he was for them to understand what he was saying. Finally Buffy nodded. "Okay, I can live with that. So, Spike had not-evil streaks that still don't erase the fact that he was evil."

"Eating of people bad, and even if he did like poetry, he was still evil," Willow said, her mouth set in a firm line.

"Oh yeah," Xander agreed, "and he'd be the first to agree, well, except for the him liking poetry part which he would deny and probably just kill you over."

Willow made her scrunchy face.

"So, we're good?" Buffy asked.

"I'm good," Xander said. "Are you good, because there's a 'you' in there before there's a 'we.'"

Buffy nodded. "We're always good, Xand. And yeah, I said a bunch of things that I so shouldn't have that implied less-than-goodness, but that would be where my clue-liteness came in."

"Willow?" Xander asked uncertainly. She chewed her lip before she took a hesitant step forward. Xander opened his arms, and she came close and hugged him hard. Buffy wrapped her own arms around both of them, and Xander found himself struggling not to cry as both girls clung to him and made little close-to-crying sounds themselves.

Hearing them hug, Angel abandoned his post in the hall and headed toward the other side of town. He'd known that the girls would eventually take Xander back in. They were too smart to believe that Xander wanted or allowed Spike to kill Kendra. But if Giles wasn't on his best behavior, the friendship was just going to get torn apart again. The watcher was having a harder time getting over his stupidity, so it was definitely time for the adults to have a little conversation.

Angel waited in the shadows outside Giles' apartment for the man to get home. When the silver Citroen coughed its way to the curb, Angel stepped out from the shadows and waited. He could tell the moment Giles saw him. The man stopped just short of pulling a stake out, settling for clutching it in his pocket as he stood beside the car, obviously ready to jump back in.

"To what do I owe the displeasure of your company?" he asked tightly. Angel studied him trying to decide how to handle this. He wasn't particularly diplomatic and hadn't been in any of his incarnations: Liam, Angelus or Angel. However, this man had his head so far up his arse right now that Spike would disembowel him if he'd heard Xander cry even once. Spike might have forgone killing Kendra if he'd known how Xander would be blamed. Maybe.

"Xander and I are not to blame for Spike's actions," Angel started. He could see from the way Giles' face hardened that the watcher was not about to listen. Well, if he wasn't good at diplomacy, at least Angel knew where his strengths did lie. "And we are not to blame for your failure to protect her."

Giles went stiff. "Thank you ever so much for your insights," he said contemptuously.

"That's why you're blaming Xander, isn't it?" Angel asked as he moved forward. He enjoyed watching Giles twitch at his approach. At least the man wasn't foolish enough to assume Angel was harmless. "It wasn't his job to protect Kendra, it was yours."

"And I fulfilled my duties to the best of my ability," Giles said sharply as he slammed the car door and headed for his apartment. Angel stepped into his path and forced him to stop.

"Which wasn't good enough."

"I have no interest in your opinions, vampire."

"Is that why you didn't come to me with your hate?" Angel demanded. Giles attempted to step around him, but Angel shifted into his path again. "Or do you simply find it easier to attack seventeen year old boys?"

That got a response as Giles turned on him with fury in his gaze. "I simply told the boy a few obvious truths. If he chooses to see them as a condemnation or an attack, then he should reconsider his own actions."

"He's a child, and he couldn't control Spike any more than you could control Kendra. Only, it was your job to control Kendra, wasn't it?" Angel asked. He enjoyed the slow red color that spread through Giles' face.

"He's a fool," Giles said as he turned as though to go to his apartment, but his slow, mortal reflexes betrayed his true move. He dropped his bag and thrust out with the stake. Angel twisted to the side and grabbed the watcher's wrist with one hand and the back of the man's neck with the other. It only took one second to force him to drop the stake and slam him face first into the side of the apartment complex.

"So, now you show your true colors," Giles said with a low laugh that had nothing to do with humor.

"Yes, I do," Angel agreed as he stepped back and let Giles go. "Next time you feel like attacking a boy because of your failure, you remember this and how much worse this could have gone," Angel suggested.

Giles straightened his jacket before he turned around, and he had that same contemptuous look on his face. "You've bloodmarked the boy, haven't you? How long before he turns up dead and I have to counsel my slayer to kill him? Will you still claim the moral highroad then?"

Angel stopped, shocked into stillness for a moment. "I don't plan to ever kill Xander."

"Is that what Spike thought? I can't imagine why a master vampire like William the Bloody would be so protective of the boy. Not unless you care to claim he as a soul as well." Giles' glare dared him to try and make that claim.

"William has no soul, and he believes that I'll turn Xander, but that's because he doesn't understand how my soul changes me," Angel tried hard to not let the demon inside him come crawling out, but the anger and viciousness was right there under the surface struggling to emerge.

"So, you're the almighty champion? The one who allows the slayer to face the Master alone?" Giles sneered.

"Just like you did," Angel countered, and he could see the direct hit he'd scored with that comment. "We both want to protect Buffy, but I cannot understand why you feel such a need to attack Xander. Could it be because he has managed to do what you can't? Is it because he saved Buffy when you allowed both Buffy and Kendra to walk into their deaths?" Angel asked with a slow smile that made the darker parts of his soul thrill. He still had the power to torture people in the ways that truly counted. Giles was almost vibrating with rage.

"Xander has been corrupted by you and by your childer."

"Like Ethan Rayne corrupted you?" Angel asked, his smirk widening as he started to slowly circle Giles. He kicked the fallen stake into the far bushes. "Only Xander has never summoned a demon or acted in a way that put human lives in danger. The worst thing he's ever done is force me to watch Revenge of the Nerds, and you should appreciate his touch for torturing me. Only you don't. You blame him every time you are derelict in your duties."

"I blame him for being stupid and naïve."

"For being seventeen?" Angel asked. "Again, a shortcoming you once shared. Do you hate yourself so much, watcher? Do you truly think that if you, the grown man, simply blames a boy, you can escape that nagging guilt that gnaws on your soul with every failure?"

Giles had gone stone-faced, and Angel smiled because he didn't need human cues to know how badly he was hurting the other man. He could smell the misery and the fear rolling from his skin and gathering like mist.

"You've been training the girl, showing her the white magics that you can't touch since you're corrupted with your own taint of evil. I can smell that evil you know. You trained Kendra. You train Buffy. It's only Xander who you abandon and leave to the mercies of a merciless Hellmouth. Do you want him dead? Is that your way of trying to destroy yourself? Because if you want to die, if you truly hate yourself that much, I can bring death. I can even make you enjoy death, watcher, and I won't destroy some innocent bystander in the process.

"Xander is hardly innocent," Giles said, his voice brittle.

"Because you weren't at his age? Or because you can point to someone and say Xander caused the death of that person? Of course, if we are to count the number of deaths at a person's door, who would we count for you? Philip Henry? Diedre Page? Thomas Sutcliff? Kendra Young? Buffy Summers? That's quite the trail of bodies behind you. Of course, Xander saved Buffy and he tried to save Kendra, and maybe that's why you can't forgive him. Maybe that's why you hate me... because I've done a better job of protecting Buffy than you ever could."

"I hate you because you're a monster—a monster with the blood of hundreds on his hands," Giles quickly snapped as he came back to life.

Angel laughed, low and dangerous, and Giles clamped his mouth shut and his fingers twitched. Angel just kept right on laughing, this time at Giles' foolishness at believing that the vial of holy water in his pocket would protect him. "My demon has the blood of *thousands* on his hands, Rupert," Angel corrected the man. "But my soul has the blood of..." Angel thought about that for a second and then held up two fingers, "two innocent people. It seems that your soul has a longer trail of bodies behind it than mine. One more reason for you to feel your failure, watcher—one more reason for you to lie to yourself about why you really feel so much hatred."

Giles had again gone stone silent, his lips clamped tightly shut, and for a moment, Angel breathed in the smell of terror and guilt and had a nice little fantasy about torturing the man into honesty. His mind conjured images of what a chainsaw could do to human flesh. And suddenly Angel jerked himself backwards away from that smell and away from the sickening fantasy that had invaded his thoughts. This wasn't about torturing Giles; this was about making school safe for Xander.

"You would destroy Xander just because you want to destroy some part of yourself," Angel said as he redirected his thoughts back to his objective here. "You need to be honest with yourself and far more cautious about what you say to him before you do any more damage to a young man who has never done anything except try to protect the people he loves."

"Like you?" Giles spat out scornfully.

"No," Angel shook his head, "I'm the safe place where Xander hides from his parents and from you; I'm not someone he loves. He loves Buffy and Willow and Cordelia. And if you're too big of a fool to see that he has nothing but loyalty in his heart, I will snap your neck and hope the next watcher they send has more sense than you do."

Angel turned and walked away, leaping up onto a low wall and going around a corner before he doubled back to watch the aftermath of his meeting with the watcher. The man sat on the ground clutching a small bottle and looking as if he had aged at least ten years. Angel kept waiting for him to get up, but it was nearly an hour later before Angel abandoned his spot on the roof of the apartment, and Rupert Giles was still sitting in the flowerbed clutching his holy water and staring into space.

Quiet Waters Mirroring Undistorted

“Only in quiet waters do things mirror themselves undistorted. Only in a quiet mind is adequate perception of the world.” 

Angel stayed in the shadow of the library and watched the group. Xander and Cordelia were sitting close, her foot braced on the rung of his chair. While it looked casual enough, Angel didn't miss the way she kept Willow in her sights as she filed her nails. Angel hadn't expected Willow to ever approve of Xander's choice, but hopefully her shy smiles toward Oz meant she'd be distracted soon. Buffy was laughing and hanging on Devon, so he guessed those two were back together. Buffy tended to date, discard, and then recycle the boys she dated, but there were a limited number of boys who knew about the darker side of Sunnydale, so he supposed that restricted her choices.

Xander was flipping pages in an old text, and even from here, Angel could see that Giles had given him the Caecus Tome. The book did have some interesting illustrations, a few of which Angel was fairly sure Xander wasn't old enough to be viewing. However, other than the demonic porn, the Caecus was fairly useless. While it vexed Angel that Giles would reduce Xander to busywork, he did have to admit that Xander's attention span was rather limited when it came to research. They were probably all safer for having Xander exploring an unrelated, if inappropriate, text.

Willow, meanwhile, was engrossed in the Malum Maligo and even Oz showed a fair amount of interest in his own text. Angel only hoped that Oz would give Willow the attention and stability she obviously needed. The part of him that was Angelus could almost smell how easily she would break with all her fears and insecurities clinging to her soft skin. And Buffy... smiling and shoving at Devon with her knee... she looked so young. He hoped that Devon remembered to treat her right or Angel was going to have a little visit with the young man. Being a slayer, Buffy had sorrows enough in her life without a man creating more problems for her.

Giles came out of his office with a sigh. "Any luck?"

"No starfish eyes, although I have lots of tusks. They aren't all in the mouth, but I have lots of tusks," Xander said as he tilted his head to examine a drawing. Angel made a mental note to tell Xander those weren't tusks just as soon as Xander was old enough... like when he was a hundred and fifty.

Slowly, Angel moved forward out of the shadows. "I don't suppose you're having better luck?" Giles asked Willow.

Angel could see her shrink in the face of her own failure to find the answer. "I'm sorry, but it's a big negative on hospital wandering, semi-invisible, starfish eyed guys."

Buffy plopped down on the arm of Devon's chair. "If I'd been sick enough to stay more than a few hours, I would have found him, and then he would have been an ex-hospital wandering semi-invisible demon. And what kind of demon wanders hospitals? That just doesn't seem very sporting."

Giles froze for a moment as he spotted Angel. "Yes, well, I hardly think being sporting is a demon's first priority.... Angel," Giles greeted him with a tilt of his head.

"Angel! Hey, have you ever heard of some trenchcoat demon with lots of tusks in his lower jaw and starfish on giant stalks sticking out of his head because I am so ready to be done with research," Xander blurted.

"And I have a sale that's going to end without me getting new shoes if we don't find something soon," Cordelia huffed. Angel knew full well that she was more likely to ferry the cheerleaders home in her car or sit and complain at Xander while he whittled stakes, but he allowed her to put on her vacuous front for the others. Willow and Buffy were certainly falling for it as they exchanged disparaging looks.

"Cordelia without new shoes? Tragedy," Buffy snarked.

"Tragedy is that haircut," Cordelia answered with a sniff.

"What can I do for you, Angel?" Giles asked stiffly.

Angel hadn't seen the man since he'd verbally cornered him at the door of his own apartment, and he still wasn't sure if he should feel vindicated or guilty about the outcome of that meeting. However, Giles seemed to be acting better around Xander, so he would deal with his emotions on his own. "I heard from an informant that we have a problem," Angel said as he looked first at Giles and then Buffy.

"Please tell me you're talking about the kind of problem where there's too much rich and creamy, zero-calorie ice cream and you need someone to eat lots and lots," Buffy said with a frown, "because we're all full up on the other kind of problems."

"The museum has brought a demon capable of ending the world to Sunnydale," Angel said simply. Buffy got that resigned expression that made him ache for all the hardships in her life.

"World-ending?" Willow asked, her voice going squeaky.

"Why aren't there any nice homework-ending demons or maybe a flu-ending demon," Xander sighed dramatically.

Angel watched Giles open his mouth, but then the man seemed to physically twitch and swallow before he gathered his thoughts. "Which one?"

"Acathla."

"Oh dear." Giles sank into the nearest chair.

"Oh dear? No, no, no. Oh dears from Giles are not good," Buffy said with a frown.

"Very much not good. Hugely not good," Willow agreed.

"Does it occur to anyone else that this town would be a whole lot safer if they just shut the museum down? Mummies and curses and demons, oh my, which is oddly unfitty, but there are just not enough museum theme songs." Xander stopped when Cordelia gave him a look that reminded Angel eerily of Spike.

"I say shut the whole town down. The vampires are breeding like really, really horny bunnies out there," Buffy sighed. Angel could see Xander's jaw tighten, but the boy had the presence of mind to not say anything about Spike and Drusilla's absence aggravating the vampire situation. Intellectually, they all knew the truth, but the others had to emotionally accept it on their own timetables. He and Xander had discussed that late into the night on more than one occasion.

"I assume he is still trapped within the rock?" Giles asked.

"Yes," Angel agreed, kindly not pointing out that if he weren't, they would all be standing in hell right now.

"So, we just have to get rid of a big piece of rock?" Buffy asked. "I'm liking this demon more all the time. No hunting it down or researching, just a nice big sledgehammer and a couple of wheelbarrows, and we can call it a night. Only, can we be all nightish another night because we have something killing kids, and kids have a higher priority than sledgehammers and wheelbarrows."

Angel shook his head. "I doubt that will work. Acathla was a powerful demon who nearly swallowed the world."

"School cafeteria levels of indigestion," Xander shuddered. Both girls smiled at him and even Oz managed a grin. Giles didn't smile, but Angel noticed that he didn't deploy his normal harangue against the boy.

Cordelia sniffed and looked around the library with obvious disdain. "There's not even anything good around here to swallow. Why don't demons start with Paris or New York? They have things worth going after."

"If you ever turn into a demon, Cordy, I'll look for you in the nearest big city, attacking malls." Xander smiled.

"Jewelry stores, thank you very much," she corrected him with an arched look and a little hint of her own smile. "Designer jewelry stores."

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. "So, what's the 411 on this Acatheter? If I can't smash it, what am I supposed to do?"

"Hide it," Angel answered. Giles frowned at him for a second, but Angel kept on speaking. "The demon turned to stone by a knight who impaled him on a blessed sword and buried where neither man nor demon would look."

"Um, if it was buried where no demon or human would look, who found it?" Xander asked.

"A construction company putting up low-rent housing," Angel shrugged.

Buffy made a face. "Okay, that's not creepy, not at all. Buy in Sunnydale and you too can have a demon buried in your backyard."

Willow scrunched her nose up. "Not exactly a good selling point. Well, not unless you're evil. But actually, even if you were evil, I wouldn't think you would want other evil in your backyard sucking up all the cool evil vibes."

Devon was obviously bored with the whole conversation. He leaned back in his chair, popping his back. "If we can't smash the thing, let's just take it out and drop it in the ocean. Poof, no more world-eating demon. Does anyone else want to go for pizza? I have a serious case of the munchies." His hand slid between Buffy's thighs, and Angel could smell the panic rolling from Xander. While Xander may talk about wanting sex and ways to get Cordelia to let him sneak past second base, Angel suspected the boy wasn't ready yet. Either that or he really hated Devon being with Buffy... or he was back to his old game with being jealous of any boy Buffy liked. Some days, Angel couldn't even pretend to understand Xander.

"That may be the best solution," Giles agreed.

"Yeah, except for the part where not all demons have to breathe air," Xander said with a snort. Giles snatched his glasses off his face, and Angel could see him gathering his contempt around him like a cloak as he prepared to strike, and Angel braced himself to strike back twice as hard if Giles targeted Xander.

"Good point," Oz said before Giles could start, "Angel could still get to it." Oz looked up and frowned for a second. "If he were evil," he shrugged.

"Okay, first, Angel is not evil," Buffy immediately blurted. "Annoying and slightly with the stalkerish, but not evil. And second, if we can't just drop it in the ocean, and I can't smash it, what are we supposed to do?"

"Send it to another dimension?" Willow suggested uncertainly.

"While that has merit, attempting to send the demon across a portal threshold might wake it," Giles said.

"Which would be of the bad. So no smashing, portals, oceans, or slaying," Buffy summarized. "I really miss the days when slaying was all about the vampires and the poofing and the trying to get dust out of my hair."

"With that hair, I don't know why you'd bother," Cordelia said in her normally tactful voice. "Look, it's been safely buried for how long? Just find a new place to bury it, and I would suggest not on a hellmouth."

"Which would leave the problem of transportation," Giles pointed out.

"I know someone who could help with that," Angel quickly offered, and Giles gave him a strange look, one that made it clear that the watcher had even less trust in Angel now than he'd had before their confrontation.

"So, we should entrust a demon capable of ending the world to your capable hands?" he asked with more than a little sarcasm.

"Giles," Willow breathed, and Angel knew the horror in her voice was far more about her discomfort at conflict than out of any need to defend him.

"Seconding that 'Giles' and adding a 'hey!'" Buffy said, and she at least was truly defending him. Angel watched Xander nearly twitch with suppressed words of his own. Cordelia, however, didn't play nice for anyone.

"Oh please, he's had like a thousand chances to kill us and he hasn't. After what Xander did to his original Paul Cadmus, Angel would have been justified in going evil."

"Hey!" Xander blurted, "that thing was ugly. Ugly and freaky... and potentially demonic. How was I supposed to know it was some piece of actual art?" Cordelia rolled her eyes at him, but her foot stayed on his chair, clearly claiming him for her own, even if she considered him a dork who couldn't recognize art. "And again with the I'm really sorry," Xander apologized to Angel again.

"It's okay, Xander," Angel assured him. He hadn't been fond of the painting himself, which was why it had been in a closet and not on the wall. "However, if you don't trust me, Giles, you can come along and supervise the move."

"I hardly think I should leave Buffy here alone," Giles quickly dismissed that suggestion, but he still looked more than a little concerned.

"So send Xander," Cordelia suggested. "I would go myself, but this sounds like actual work, and you people do not pay me to work."

Giles just blinked for a second before he started shaking his head. "With a month of school left, I cannot condone pulling Xander out of classes for this sort of expedition."

"Hey, I am all willing to be pulled," Xander argued. "Ready, willing, and able to be pulled. I would love to be pulled. Seriously, pull me." Oz's mouth quirked at the corners, and Angel suspected the older boy had caught the double entendre in that comment.

"And what about your schoolwork?" Giles asked.

"I do better when it's just me and Angel trying to figure out osmosis together than when I'm in class," Xander pointed out.

"If you don't understand osmosis, I could explain it," Willow offered shyly.

Cordelia snorted. Immediately Willow blushed and dropped her gaze to the table and Buffy glared murder at the woman, but Angel understood well enough. Being tutored by someone who understood too well could be disastrous. At least when he struggled to decipher Xander's texts, he never made the boy feel incompetent. He often felt incompetent himself because at nearly 300 years old he was clearly inadequately educated for this time period, but Xander never had to feel overwhelmed.

"Thanks Will, but I did actually figure that one out," Xander smoothed things over. "But Giles, I really am better at learning when I'm not actually in the classroom, so I could go with Angel as long as we have a story that explains why I'm ditching class for a week or so. I mean, we are talking weekish and not monthish, right? I so don't want to repeat a grade."

"That would be unfun," Oz agreed quietly.

Angel nodded. "We could load Acathla on a semi, drive somewhere relatively safe, and bury it in a week. I have funds to fly home after that."

"I'm not sure what the Council will have to say about that." Giles was staring as he glasses, not even cleaning them.

"I'm not asking permission from someone a fraction of my age," Angel said quietly. "I wanted you to know what I was doing." That silenced Giles. He looked up at Angel and swallowed so that his Adam's apple bounced as he remained silent.

"I am officially bored stiff. Look, Buffy and the others can find the hospital demon without Xander looking at the dirty pictures, right?" Cordelia asked as she stood up and Xander followed almost instinctively. "The girls who need extra cheer practice should be finishing up and we're going to walk them home," she told the group before she turned her back and headed for the doors, a queen convinced that her white knight would follow.

"Hey, I'll see you guys later, and if you still need more with the research tomorrow night, I'll be here," Xander said brightly before he turned and chased after Cordelia. The ones who were left watched Angel as he nodded his head in their direction and turned to follow Xander.

"Okay, Angel doing the stalkerish thing with Xander... was that just as big with the creepy when he was chasing me?"

"Um... kinda," Willow offered, "only in a much more romantic 1940's movie sort of stalker way."

"Perhaps we can get back to work now," Giles suggested. "I'm sure Angel and Xander will get the cheerleaders home unharmed."

Angel smiled as he shadowed Cordelia and Xander all the way to the gym. Clearly there were still undercurrents running through the library, but Xander was at the very least, forgiven for Kendra's death. Now if Angel could only get them to understand that Xander had no culpability in the first place, then he might feel more comfortable with the dynamics in the group.

"Hey, hey, Xand the tripping man is here to escort all you lovely ladies home, all muggers, weirdos, and creeps will be tripped over, fallen on, and made to laugh themselves harmless while I'm around," Xander joked as he hit the gym doors. "And why am I talking to an empty gym?"

Angel hurried up a little, and found a furious looking Cordelia and a bewildered Xander in a dark gym.

"Harmony." Cordelia just about hissed the name. "We are never going to win the regional cheer conference if she just lets them go home when they want. Cheer is pain, people. They don't get that." Cordelia reversed and headed back out the doors, and Angel flattened himself against the wall to let her pass because he did not want to get in the way of a full Cordelia fury.

"Thank god I have a bodyguard," Xander whispered as he hurried past, catching Angel's arm and pulling him along in Cordelia's wake.

"And the swim team is actually not sucking and we're going to be out there and that horrible little Desiree isn't even going to be able to get her kicks timed with the rest of the line. I swear, I'm going to strangle Harmony for this." Cordelia slammed out the front doors of the school and headed down the steps with anger rolling off her in heady waves that made Angel's nose itch. "At this point, Buffy is going to be a better choice for the last slot than Desiree, and I do not want Buffy anywhere near my cheerleaders."

Cordelia stopped near her car, her hand resting on the hood as she turned to look at them. Now the anger was starting to fade into frustration and something that smelled almost like sorrow.

"Hey, Cordy, you'll get them in shape. If anyone can terrify fifteen and sixteen year olds into doing what they don't want to do, my money's on you," Xander offered. She smiled at him. "And with me and Angel out of the way, you can stay late and torture them like the dominatrix you were born to be."

Angel almost choked on his own tongue.

"Oh please," Cordelia sniffed, "only skanks wear that much leather. But a nice whip might come in handy. Harmony is going to be so tired by the time I'm through with her that her perk is going to fall off."

"Are you going to be safe practicing late?" Angel asked. With Spike gone, the number of vampires was increasing... faster than it should be. By all rights, the minions should retain some fear of Spike in their unbeating hearts, at least until his throne was cold. However, within days of Spike and Drusilla leaving, minions were making new minions without fear of being punished. Someone was playing with court politics, telling the minions that they were safe from Spike... maybe even offering protection against Spike. Either way, Angel kept catching wisps of rumors that something was lurking just beneath the surface in Sunnydale.

"I'll make Buffy walk the girls home," Cordelia sighed. "If she doesn't care enough about school spirit to spend a little time making sure that the cheerleaders don't get eaten before they have a chance to make this a memorable and happy school year for the rest of the students, I'll just wave my legs at Devon. She can either show up or let her boyfriend drool over me."

"Um, Cordelia?" Xander asked with a flinch.

"You goof. I'd let him drool, not touch," she said, her hand resting on Xander's arm. "But I have to get home and start calling girls and yelling at them right now. I mean, without more practice, we are not going to make this year happy or memorable for anyone, and a winning swim team deserves better. So, excuse me while I go inflict some debilitating guilt."

"Have fun torturing the girls," Xander offered as he gave her a kiss on the cheek, and then Cordelia was in her car, heading out of the parking lot with a little more speed than Angel thought necessary, not that he would tell her that.

"She's scary in that mood," Xander commented.

"Very much so," Angel agreed. She was. Angel could feel a core of determination in her that he would truly not want to cross, even if she was only a mortal. And as angry as Spike would get whenever she said it, Angel actually did think she frightened him. She very nearly frightened Angel.

"So, the parentals are still all mad about me making magician with the disappearing act, so I think I have to go home," Xander commented with a frown as he stared down the street toward his house.

"I'll walk you."

"I have my sword if you're busy, you know, if you want to go hit the cemeteries on the south end," Xander said as he patted his thigh.

"It's a cinquedea."

"It's a dagger with dreams of swordhood... or it's a sword with a thyroid deficiency; I haven't decided which," Xander shrugged. "But it's a handy dandy vampire hacker upper, that's for sure. And it functions nicely to impress the girls, although I think Harmony actually liked the carved curlicues on the blade more than the actual blade. And again with the pointing out the oddity of having pretties on a weapon."

"You just think that because Buffy lets her stakes turn to dust with the vampires more often than not."

"Well, duh. I mean, if I’m going to carve something, I really don't want my carving to get all dusted or dusty or even crappy with demon goo. Seriously, Angel, if something other than a vampire comes at me, my first thought is going to be, 'crap, I don't want demon ick on my nice swordlike thing.'"

"Cinquedea."

"Okay, that time I was going for self-deprecating humor with the pretending to not know that it's a cinquedea." Xander rolled his eyes.

Not for the first time, Angel wondered how any of these children ever understood each other. Cordelia cared passionately, and covered it up by pretending to care about nothing. Buffy worried about her future that loomed ever closer since Kendra died, and she pretended that she didn't have a worry in the world. Willow feared failure so much she could taste the bile of it in her mouth, and she pretended to be perfect. They were all so very flawed. Probably as much as he had been at their age, and Angel had thought himself an egregious failure as a human. It had never occurred to him that this was normal.

And then there was Xander. Angel reached up and rested his hand on Xander's shoulder. "I'm only going to say this once, so listen closely. If a demon comes at you, run. If you can't run, you pull that blade and kill it. And if you worry for one second about that blade, I will show you how I taught William to stop running the horses to death."

Xander glanced up, but instead of fear, Angel saw a partially successful attempt to hide a grin. "Nothing says love like the threat of torture."

"Smartass."

"Hey, that's a Spike quote."

"And you take Spike's advice?"

"Spike is dangerous but he's never lied. Okay, he lies a lot, but he never lies when I ask him something and tell him it's important."

Angel nodded as though he were thinking about that. Funny, Xander was still putting his relationship with Spike in the present tense. "You bring out the William in him, I think."

"God, don't tell him that. He'll try to gut me."

"No he won't," Angel growled, losing control of his gameface for a second.

This time Xander laughed. "Okay, if threatening me with torture is love, what do you call threatening other people with hypothetical torture for their hypothetical sins against me?"

"I just don't want you getting in the middle of something you can't handle," Angel said stiffly as he struggled to regain control of the conversation.

"I'm dating Cordelia. I'm way out of the 'being able to handle it' pool and swimming in the 'aw fuck' ocean with the big fish. And speaking of the being not able to handle it, I'm all out of clever plans for being able to convince the parentals to let me go with you on the demon delivery. Any plans, oh cranky one?"

"A few ideas. You go on up, and I'll see you tomorrow," Angel said as he stopped in front of Xander's house. He hated that his evenings with Xander had been terminated by a sudden burst of familial interest, especially since their interests were limited to making sure Xander stayed home, and not talking to him or helping him with homework. And Xander's sparring was starting to suffer for the lack of practice. Angel was not going to let all his training be wasted because of such ridiculous rules. Tomorrow would hopefully fix one problem, and a call to Saul to ask for a semi and driver should fix his second one. That would just leave the issue of the rumors to solve. Overall, Angel considered it a good night.

Bait, Swindle and Self-destruct

Tony Harris checked the name on the office against the notarized letter they'd received.

"Is this it?" Jessica asked, her eyes bright with excitement.

"Yep. And here I thought your family was good for nothing," he joked. The excitement in her eyes dulled for a second, and Tony let it drop. Her family were a bunch of stuck up assholes who had dropped her and her father quick enough when the old man had lost his money. If Tony hadn't stuck by Jessica after she got pregnant, they would have turned her out like yesterday's garbage. He had no idea why she insisted on sticking up for them. Yeah, his family had a couple of rotten apples hanging from the branches, but they weren't rotten at the root. And now, with Alexander hanging onto that rich bitch from school, he looked to be taking after his mother's side.

He pushed open the door and stopped short as a large man stood a foot inside. "Oh, hey, we got a letter," he said, holding the letter up. This guy was not looking like a lawyer. He looked more like that guy that Bruce had collect a few gambling debts.

"Mr. and Mrs. Harris?" he asked, holding out his hand. Tony surrendered the letter and the man took it before retreating behind a large desk. The name plate was brass: Angel O'Connelly, Esquire. That must have cost a pretty penny. Then again, the entire office smelled of money. Tony sank into a leather chair across from the lawyer, and Jessica followed a second later.

The lawyer leaned forward and clicked on a brass desk lamp, which seemed unnecessary since it was day, but heavy red curtains covered the windows. The whole room gave Tony that feeling he'd had when he'd egged his English teacher's car and gotten called into the principal's office.

"So, you're Destry LaVelle's lawyer," Tony said, trying to sound friendly. He didn't even make his normal jokes about the LaVelles' horrible taste in names. Alexander insisting on being called 'Xander'... that was all Jessica's fault. If he'd married a good solid girl, he would have gotten lots of kids with normal names, and they would have been on the football team or basketball team or some shit like that, too. "I thought old Destry died way back."

"He disappeared," Jessica said softly, not quite contradicting him.

"The matter of his will has only now come to my office," Mr. O'Connelly said as he leaned back. The man looked too young to be much of a lawyer, but his suit—like his office—stank of money, and Tony needed that money. Neither Jessica or Alexander were easy on his pocket, and California was an expensive state. "And the terms of Mr. LaVelle's will are rather specific."

"Specific?" Jessica asked, looking worried for the first time. "Specific about what?"

"About young Alexander," Mr. O'Connelly commented, steepling his fingers in front of him in a way that made Tony even more nervous. If that kid screwed up some inheritance, Tony was going to take it out of his hide. It was about time the kid started to work anyway. His old man always said that when a boy's old enough to go running around all night he's old enough to work all night. Besides, that would keep him away from that Donella bitch he was dating. No way did he want his son getting stuck marrying some bitch who would never let him forget that he would never make as much money as her late sainted father.

"Alexander's a wonderful young man," Jessica said with a big plastic smile. The lawyer didn't seem impressed.

"Mr. LaVelle was concerned that he not fall prey to the temptations that seem so common in today's young people," the lawyer said, and it was almost funny because with his spiky hair and build, he looked like he should be a running back for some college team, not a lawyer complaining the younger generation.

"Xander isn't into drugs or free sex or any of that. We've raised him with good morals and values," Jessica said, trotting out that old, tired 'aren't we a perfect family' routine of hers. But if there was money in the offering, Tony was a little more willing than usual to go along with her.

"Yes, well I made some inquiries on my own. I volunteered with the school and have spent several evenings tutoring Xander."

"You what?" Tony demanded. If this asshole tried to keep their money because Xander had said something, Tony was suing his ass off. "I never gave you permission to speak to my son."

"Then you're turning down the inheritance? I have that paper right here although I had not thought you would choose to turn down the money."

Jessica slid forward on her chair until she nearly tumbled out of it. "Turn down? We never turned down anything! Tony was just concerned that you didn't do anything to upset our Xander. He was particularly close to cousin Destry."

The lawyer raised an eyebrow and just stared at them while being perfectly still. Tony could swear the man wasn't even breathing.

"I didn't mean to say we'd turn down the money," Tony finally said, and that was the closest this asshole was getting to an apology. It seemed to be enough though. He nodded.

"Mr. LaVelle was very specific. He wanted Alexander to have access to an educated male to act as tutor and mentor."

"Mentor? That sounds like a fag," Tony said with a frown. He knew what older men wanted with boys, and his boy wasn't having nothing to do with that.

The lawyer sighed. "Mr. Harris, I assure you that I am not now nor have I ever been gay. And while I have no intentions of providing a history, the women in my past leave little doubt about my taste in sexual partners," he said with a sort of fancy disgust that just made Tony want to get out of the room. The promise of money was the only thing keeping him in his seat. "Mr. LaVelle wanted Xander to live up to his potential. The firm explained that he had no right to interfere with another man's family."

"Damn right," Tony exclaimed, happy that he could agree with something this lawyer was saying. However, now the lawyer had an even more disgusted look on his face.

"The firm helped him draft this document." Angel O'Connelly, Esquire pushed a thin stack of papers across the desk toward them. "Here is the short version. I am to have partial custody of Xander, including a say in medical and legal decisions and visitation rights." Tony opened his mouth to object to that but the lawyer just talked right over him. "And in return there is a trust fund set up to provide you with five thousand dollars a month."

"Five thousand? That's all?" Jessica asked quietly. Tony almost told her to shut up. He was the one who worked, and he knew how many overtime hours he had to put in for five thousand dollars.

"Five thousand a month for 15 months until Xander graduates, which is $75,000 dollars. There is an additional $10,000 for signing the custody paperwork today, and a $25,000 bonus after Xander's graduation provided that I sign off that you have been cooperative and helpful during this process." The lawyer smiled, but it wasn't a nice smile. It was like one of those men who just dare you to take a swing because they know they have a tire iron behind their back.

"And what exactly does cooperative mean?" Tony asked suspiciously.

"It means that you allow me to work with Xander. He lacks faith in his own abilities and his grades are only now starting to come up."

"He was never good with school," Jessica said apologetically.

"Then I will help him find something he is good at after he graduates; however, your only choice is to give me partial custody or to forfeit the inheritance." The lawyer opened a drawer, and given the man's expression, Tony tightened up wondering if he had a gun in there. Instead O'Connelly pulled out a bit of paper. He slid it across the desk, and Tony reached for it. It was a check. It was a $10,000 check. Damn that was a nice chunk of change, even if it wasn't enough to make Jessica happy.

Tony glanced over, and Jessica was chewing on her lower lip. The bitch was about to say something that would ruin this, he just knew it.

"Sign the papers," Tony told her.

"But Tony..."

"Sign."

"He's our son."

"This is your fucking cousin who set this up. Your family always has hated me, and now your fairy cousin is reaching out from the grave for his chance to poison Xander against hard work and honest living. Xander's smart enough to figure out that bullshit smells like bullshit, so I'm not worried about him. I am, however, worried that we don't have money for that new paint job for the house or that fancy wine you like to drink." Tony was proud of his ability to bribe and threaten his wife at the same time, and just like he expected, she crumbled under his attack. She quietly signed the papers. Tony followed, adding his scrawl to his wife's John Hancock before pushing the papers back over to the lawyer.

"The check is yours. To get the rest of the payments, you'll need to appear in front of a judge three weeks from tomorrow to have the papers finalized." Now the lawyer looked more relaxed. It looked like good old dead Destry had found himself a lawyer who cared about actually getting the job done. Every lawyer Tony'd ever talked to just wanted the fee up front.

"Oh," the lawyer said suddenly as though he'd just remembered something. "I have a business trip tomorrow; it lasts for a week. As a show of cooperation, I think you should allow Xander to accompany me so that we can get to know each other and work on his math grades. They've been dropping in the last two weeks."

"But..." Jessica started. Tony glared the woman into silence.

"That'd be fine, but if he needs clothes or food or something, I expect you can take care of that since he'll be in your custody."

"Agreed," the lawyer said as he stood up, and Tony got the feeling that the meeting was over. That was okay; he needed to get the check cashed anyway. And then he was going to call work and tell them he wouldn't be in for the rest of the day. A dead relative was reason enough for a well-deserved day off.

Tony stood up and held out his hand to his wife before he pulled her from the room. Today had worked out pretty damn good, all things considered. He might even hate Jessica's relatives a little less now... especially the dead ones. Dead was always good.

Angel watched the Harrises leave. He'd met slime demons he liked more than those two. Walking over to the window, he raised the shade and stood in the light of the window as he watched them walk to the curb, still talking. Mrs. Harris' hands were fluttering in front of her. Angel didn't know what was worse: Tony Harris' lack of concern or Mrs. Harris being concerned but not concerned enough to go to battle for her son. If Angel had been a pedophile, the Harrises would have just turned over a good deal of control to a monster. Technically, he now had 60% custody of Xander.

Fingering the Ring of Amara, Angel wondered what Spike would think when he came home and found out that $110,000 was gone from the accounts they'd set up from the other treasure that had been in the crypt with the ring. Oh, Spike wouldn't blink to spend that much on Xander, but he was going to be pissed that Angel had paid the Harrises off instead of just eating them. And Angel knew that he couldn't just claim that he wanted to protect Xander from the guilt of being friends with his parents' killer. With a fraction of that money, Angel could hire someone to kill the Harrises on some night when he had a solid alibi.

Spike wouldn't understand that Angel did it because of his soul, but he would just have to have another conversation with his childe. He'd helped cure Drusilla and he staked vampires and he paid off the Harrises all for the same reason: he thought it was the right thing to do. After centuries of killing, or, even worse, doing nothing, Angel was trying to make the right choices.

Of course, more and more he was finding that there was a dearth of right choices out there. He had to pick between bad and less bad. Kill Xander's parents, allow Xander's parents to ruin him, or give Xander's parents just enough money to seriously damage themselves. Angel was doing his best. By the time Spike wandered back to Sunnydale, he might even be able to see the natural consequences of two drunks being given too much money. That would amuse him. And when the money ran out... well, that was just going to be ugly. But at least their blood wasn't splattered across the wall.

Standing in the sun and feeling the warmth soak into his skin, Angel watched as the Harrises pulled away from the curb and headed back to their sad little lives with just enough money to encourage them to do such sad little things with those lives. And he didn't feel guilty at all.

Deaf, Dumb, and Destiny-blind

Xander watched as the huge semi slowed and then bounced to a stop in the alley behind the warehouse with a squeal and a final jolt. The music for "Convoy" was running through Xander's head, and he focused on not actually singing the words out loud because that would be too geeky even for him. When the door opened, a young man with short curls and a huge smile opened the door and stuck his head up.

"Hey, is Angel around?"

"Not yet," Xander said. "I'm the one-time sidekick and assistant rock lifter."

"Cool," the trucker said as he jumped down, and this was one seriously strange trucker. He couldn't be more than a couple of years older than Xander, and Xander knew that he wasn't totally trustworthy with Uncle Rory's car, so no way would he trust himself with a semi. "Blair Sandburg," the guy introduced himself as he stuck out his hand. Xander took it, feeling both strangely adult and just strange shaking a man's hand like that.

"Xander Harris," he introduced himself.

"Xander? Are you Dutch?"

"Am I what?" Xander studied this guy more closely because first, he was way more with the off track than even Xander was used to and second, he was potentially stoned. Stoned would explain the off track. Devon did that sometimes... just said something that had no connection to the rest of the conversation.

"Xander... that's a pretty common nickname for Alexander in the Netherlands, but I don't hear it around here all that often."

"Oh, uh, no with the Dutch, more with the lower middle class California here. You know, the preference for a name no one else has, only obviously it's not so much with the uniqueness if you say Dutch people are big with Xandering," Xander said with a shrug as he checked out this Blair. Lots of earrings put him on the Oz and Devon side of the cool fence, but his glasses were all geek.

"Hey, I'm all for being an individual," he nodded agreeably. "Some people are way too into conforming, but if you follow the pack, you just end up breathing their dust, right?" Blair asked with a bright smile. "So, should I unload the forklift or just hang here until Angel shows up?"

Xander must have made a face or something at Angel's name, because Blair took a fast step back. "Whoa, hey, if you and Angel have a problem, I am so not part of that." He held his hands up as though to ward off Xander.

"This is more the 'I'm going to kill him even though he's my friend' type of problem than an actual problem-problem," Xander promised.

"Kill as in metaphorically then?"

"Probably," Xander nodded. "Maybe."

Blair looked at him for a second before giving an amused huff and heading for the back of the truck. "Man, just do not get blood on the truck. Uncle Saul would not be amused."

"How about dust?" Xander asked, not quite loud enough for Blair to actually hear. He was so dusting Angel. Or if not dusting him, doing him bodily harm. A few toothpicks in painful places, maybe. Too bad Spike wasn't around or he'd sit on Angel while Xander did the sticking. This time Deadboy had really gone too far, and the whole hour-long lecture from his dad about not getting enticed into some sort of cult or sexual perversion... that was an hour that would haunt him for the rest of his life and potentially drive him into therapy.

"Xander," a voice called softly, and Xander turned, his glare already up to full-power.

"Deadboy," he answered as Angel slipped out of the shadow. A frown flickered across Angel's face.

"What's wrong?" Angel asked as he stepped close, his hand finding Xander's shoulder where it usually rested, only this time Xander shrugged it off and retreated a step. Yellow flashed in Angel's eyes for just a second. "Xander? What is it?" he asked again, this time not trying to reach out.

"You bought me? Hello! Major with the disturbo. I mean, stalking, yeah, I get that seeing as how this is a hellmouth and hellmouthy happens. So when you follow me and Cordelia, I put that under the column labeled 'whatever,'" Xander said, making air quotes with his fingers. "And hey, lots of times the stalkerish is goodish because of the way I seem to attract trouble, especially before Dru left town. But buying me from my parents was way over the line in a creepy set up for a movie-of-the-week sort of way."

"I did not 'buy' you," Angel started to say, and that was just all kinds of wrong. Xander would not have been stuck with 60 minutes of the world's creepiest parent lecture without the buying. Most of the time his dad just left him the hell alone, so only something this weird could shake his father out of his laziness, and the sudden appearance of money around the house... that was so backing his father's story up.

"'Liar, Liar, pants on fire' would be the Willow-phrase to cover this," Xander just about growled as he backed up another step. "And I get that you were all with the worried about me not training enough, and I was with the worried too because not training is not good when you don't know what boogieman is behind the next corner, but buying me was..." Xander stopped, his own emotions threatening to break in a way that they hadn't yet. Faced with a week of Angel, he'd tried bottling these emotions up and putting them away, but he had always sucked at the repressing. "Angel," Xander tried again, his voice artificially calm, and Xander struggled to just hang on to that calm. "I so did not need to know that my parents would sell me. Yeah, my dad threatened to sell me to these Armenians who owned a restaurant once, but that was Harris humor at work. This time he really did it."

Angel took a step back and frowned. "Xander, they think your cousin Destry hired me to look out for you. They didn't sell you."

"Who?" Xander asked with a frown because the only Destry he knew was riding again in Saturday morning movies. "Nevermind because the who is so not the issue here. Look, you got them to sign over partial custody, yes?" Xander checked.

"By telling them that I was a lawyer hired by Destry LaVelle to protect your interests."

"There were papers signed and money so changed hands, yes?" Xander demanded.

"Well, yes," Angel said with a flinch.

"That would be buying. Buying of people is both legally and morally not on the side of good, and buying me is just.... Seriously, I so did not need to know that my parents would do that," Xander said, and then he bit his lip and closed his eyes to try and keep back the very unmanly tears he could feel pricking his eyes. He was not going to cry. Not not not. Just no.

"Xander," Angel said, and with that tone of voice Xander knew exactly what expression Angel had on his face—it was two parts guilt and three parts frustration. "Your father only agreed because he said you were strong enough and smart enough to not fall for any lies."

"My dad? My dad called me smart?" Xander asked, his eyes popping open in surprise.

"He said," Angel stepped closer, "that you were smart enough to know LaVelle bullshit and not fall for it."

"Okay, that kinda sounds like dad," Xander admitted. His father hated the LaVelles, which was fair since they pretty much hated him right back. His mom didn't even talk about her family, well, except at Christmas, which is what usually led to the annual 'you ruined my life' funfest that drove him outside.

"He said he'd raised a son with a solid head on his shoulders, not some fairy with his head in the clouds, and why is your father obsessed with homosexuality?" Angel asked.

That made Xander laugh. "Oh, that."

"Yes, that. After meeting your father, I think I know why you reacted so badly to me having a relationship with Spike." Angel shook his head as though he just couldn't figure humans out.

"Hey, you still so should have warned me. I spent an hour listening to how I should tell the judge if you tried to make me touch anything and how you were stuck up and would probably try to get me to look down my nose at my own parents, and if I came home with an attitude, he would give me an attitude adjustment." Xander jumped when Angel growled, his eyes shining yellow in the dark.

"If he touches you..." Angel hissed.

"Not dad's style," Xander said as he put a hand on Angel's arm to calm him down. Spike had said that touching was something vampires just needed... like an animal wanting to curl up with the family or something. Xander thought it actually came closer to monkeys grooming each other, but the fact was that Spike and Angel were always finding some excuse to touch, usually by smacking and pushing each other. But once Xander understood that touching was a vampire thing, he'd discovered he could calm Angel down pretty quick with a pat on the arm. Sure enough, the yellow vanished. "Dad's idea of an attitude adjustment is to break something of mine. He ripped up all my baseball cards when I was about eight. Mom had to hold me to keep me from hitting him, and she was begging him to stop, but he ripped each one in half right in front of me, and then he told me that if I ever cursed him out again, I wouldn't have anything left in my room... which was pretty effective at getting me to stop swearing."

"Xander," Angel nearly gasped, and then Xander found himself caught in strong arms and pulled close. Okay, this was new. Xander stood there shocked for a second and then he awkwardly patted Angel on the back.

"Hey, lots of kids have it worse. Your dad hit you," Xander pointed out. "A lot."

"But he never hurt me like that," Angel said, his arms not loosening as he held onto Xander. "Anything you really value, let's move it over to the apartment, just in case."

"Um, I think we can call you forgiven now," Xander said, and this was really odd. It wasn't like his dad had taken a belt to him or anything, and he really shouldn't have been swearing. Slowly, Angel eased up and then he stepped back a half step, his hand still on Xander's shoulder.

"I'm glad you forgive me. I really didn't understand that this would hurt you," Angel said, his face looking shiny in the yellow light of the streetlamp. "You said you hoped I had a plan, and I did, but you had a right to know before I did it."

Xander sighed. "I probably would have told you to not do it. Okay, so I definitely would have told you to not do it, and I would have added a side of 'my parents would never go along with that,' but obviously I would have been wrong because it did work, and now we can work on the training again."

"And your grades," Angel added.

Xander frowned at him. "Angel, no offense, but you helping me with biology is like the blind leading the really, really blind."

"We'll figure it out," Angel said with confidence as he turned toward the truck. Xander blushed brilliant red when he saw that Blair was standing there leaning against the truck and watching. And thank god for darkness because humiliation really was not one of Xander's favorite emotions.

"Hey, Angel," Blair said.

Angel nodded. "I didn't expect Saul to send you."

"Summer starts early in college, and I need the money. I have the forklift in back, so are we ready for a little B & E? Man, I just hope the Sunnydale cops are as bad as Saul said." He shook his head as he headed to the back of the truck. "If we get caught, my grad school application is so getting shredded."

Grad school? Okay, so this guy was older than Xander thought. "The cops are idiots," Xander said, happy to change the subject as he followed Blair. "There are all kinds of murderers just running around, and the cops are pretty much on traffic duty... writing tickets for people who park in red zones."

"We're safe," Angel added. "Get the forklift down, and I'll pick the lock on the warehouse." Blair nodded and jumped up into the truck and started the engine on a small forklift, backing it up onto a ramp that extended off the back of the semi. Xander had a whole lot of nothing to do as he watched Angel break into the warehouse and Blair lower the lift and then drive the forklift into the warehouse to pick up a big block of stone and load it into the truck.

Xander tried to jump up and help Blair tie the block down, but Angel's hand stopped him. "Don't."

"Okay, this is me being big with the unhelpfulness," Xander sighed as Blair did the work.

"Legend says that worthy blood can wake Acathla, so I would just as soon you not touch it," Angel said. Xander frowned at the man because that had sounded suspiciously like Angel had just called him worthy, and he was just ready to get off the rollercoaster his emotions were riding tonight.

"That's looking way more like a block of stone than a demon," Xander whispered.

"It's his coffin. The Norse writing is a warning to anyone who finds him."

"And what with everyone reading Norse, it's so terribly helpful in a useless kind of way," Xander pointed out. "And you are talking loud enough for human ears to hear you," Xander said with a meaningful look in Blair's direction.

"Blair," Angel called, "How are your Uncle Saul's spawn?"

"They are growing way too fast. I mean, yeah, I get that D'fatum grow up fast, but it seems like they've grown by at least four or five years every time I go back," he said as he tied the last knot. "I'm just lucky that my blood is so diluted or no way would I be able to pass for human without some serious tampering with the official records. As it was, they all thought 16 was early for me to start college." Blair snorted as if that were a joke, but Xander just stared at the man. He looked so human. Okay, so Angel and Spike looked human too, but they used to actually be human, and this guy wasn't human.

"Oh man, you didn't know, did you?" Blair asked as he skirted around the forklift that he had tied down closer to the doors. "Angel, you're a complete dick sometimes."

"I can be," Angel admitted.

"You're a demon? I mean, there's a definitely lack of demoniness what with the curls and the eyes and please tell me that you aren't wearing some human like a suit or something," Xander begged as it suddenly occurred to him that maybe what he was seeing wasn't the demon but the host, like with a vampire.

"Considering your relationship with Angel, I would think you'd be a little more open-minded," Blair snorted as he jumped down and started closing up the back of the truck. "Five days in a small cab with you is going to be interesting. Yeah, that's the word: interesting." Blair made the word sound like a curse.

"Ignore me, I offend first and figure out how to get my foot out of my mouth later," Xander scrambled to say when Angel scowled at him. "I mean, I guess I’m just used to demons being the ones trying to open hellmouths and take over the world, and why would they want to take over the world because running it would be absolutely no fun at all. There are the roads and bridges and the electrical grid to keep up, and who's going to run the factories if you eat all the humans, and from what I've seen, demons so like to shop at Walmart."

That made Blair stop and study him. "Good point," he said slowly before he gave Angel a confused look.

"Xander, D'fatum are known as fate demons. They aren't evil, not even full blooded ones," Angel said softly.

"And man, I am far from full-blooded. Far, far. Look, we got off to a rough start, so let's try this again. Hi, I’m Blair Sandburg, about one-tenth D'fatum and trying to get into grad school for anthropology. I'm driving this summer for my uncle, who's really my great-great-great-great uncle."

"Um, Xander Harris, sidekick and joke provider to the stars," Xander offered. Blair gave him a strange look, but then Angel's arm rested on Xander's shoulder.

"Let's get out of here in case anyone realized this was Acathla," Angel suggested as he steered Xander toward the cab of the truck.

"Totally. I do not want to be here if some psycho shows up," Blair agreed as he trotted past them and hurried around the front of the truck to climb into the driver's side. Angel detoured and grabbed a heavy knapsack Xander had brought and then they were bouncing out of the alley, Blair shifting about a million times as he maneuvered his truck through the quiet streets of Sunnydale. Not a creature was stirring, well, except for the vampire who snarled at them from the gates of a cemetery.

"Angel."

"I'll call Giles," Angel said as he pulled out his cell phone. Either Xander was hallucinating or there were more vampires around lately, which was not really comforting. Sometimes he wished Spike would come back because he knew that the hellmouth was safer with Spike threatening the unlife out of the local vamps. But if Spike came back, that would definitely lead to Spike-Buffy confrontations which would be very much of the not good. Xander had no idea who would win, but he figured he'd be left hating the survivor. And if he ended up hating Buffy, he'd pretty much lose all his friends except Cordelia and Angel. And he if hated Spike... well, he had a feeling that Spike wouldn't be amused, and a not amused Spike was a thing of very big danger.

Xander managed to keep quiet until they hit the open road heading north on Highway 5. "I've never heard of D'fatum demons," Xander said about a half second before he realized he probably didn't want to talk about why he had heard of other demons because talking to a demon about the slayer was on the don't-go-there list.

"I'm not the expert. Angel knows more than I do on that subject," Blair said, and that surprised Xander. Angel rarely talked about other demons when they were researching in the library. Angel had retreated into the living space behind the seats and Xander lifted the heavy curtain that separated the back area. Angel was sitting on the bed sorting Xander's textbooks.

"Angel?"

"They can see destinies," Angel said without any more elaboration.

"Okay, that was less than helpful," Xander pointed out. Angel sighed, the kind of sigh he made right before he gave up the good information. Xander hooked the curtain on the back of his seat.

"Whistler, the one who showed me Buffy, he was D'fatum," Angel admitted reluctantly.

"Oh man, he is a total busybody. I keep telling him that it's not about fate as much as choices," Blair said.

"He told me Buffy was my destiny," Angel said with a frown. And Xander was guessing that Angel really did trust this guy because conversations about the slayer were generally not on the approved list of topics with demons.

"Are you sure? I mean, Whistler is like seriously into obfuscating."

"Is that a demon thing?" Xander asked.

Blair almost looked like he smiled, but then the expression vanished. "He says the truth, but he bends it in a way to make you believe what he wants you to believe."

"Ah, a Buffy special. She doesn't exactly lie to her mom, but she sure lets Joyce make some assumptions."

"Yeah, that's Whistler's M.O.," Blair agreed.

"Wait, if you can read destinies, can you read mine? I mean, unless it's something really terrible because I don't do good with knowing when something bad is coming. I'm more of a pop-test guy than someone who wants lots of warning."

Blair shifted before he glanced over with a shake of his head. "No way. You're 100% human, and humans do not have destinies. Humans have choices, man. It's all about the choices."

"But Buffy has a destiny," Xander said, and now he was totally confused, which wasn't a new experience for him, but still... it would be nice to get through one conversation without someone having to draw him a diagram.

"She's the slayer, right?"

Xander nodded.

"I mean, it's not like slayers are exactly human," Blair said, and Xander could feel the bottom drop out of his stomach.

"What? No. No, Buffy is all human. Buffy is so human she makes humanity look less human in comparison. She's about shopping for dresses and shoes and trying to out-cat Cordelia, and we're talking human cattiness with the being bitchy, not some sort of cat demon."

"Whoa, hey, no offense intended," Blair hurried to offer.

"Xander, Blair's right. Slayers aren't totally human, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with Buffy," Angel assured him, but that was not the kind of assurance that he wanted. He wanted Angel to say that Blair was wrong. He wanted someone to say that of course Buffy was human.

"No. Just no. No with more no on top."

"I'm on the verge of taking serious offense," Blair said dryly. "You are showing some serious racism, man."

That shut Xander up faster than anything else Blair could have said. Shit. He was turning into his father. Only being racist against demons somehow didn't seem as bad as making Hispanic jokes. Hispanics were people who deserved respect. Demons were.... Xander glanced from Angel to Blair and they both had serious expressions on their faces.

"Does she know?" Xander asked softly.

Blair glanced over his shoulder, but Angel could only shrug. "I don't know. I don't know if Giles is even aware of it. I do know the council uses the demonic traits to track potentials."

"Man, those are some people who've made some seriously shitty choices, doing what they do to the slayers." Blair sounded angry.

"What?" Xander demanded.

Angel was the one to answer. "If they identify the potential slayers early, they remove them from the family and raise them to be dependent on the council."

"Like Kendra," Xander said softly.

"Yes," Angel agreed. "I knew that she'd been brainwashed by the watchers, and I should have tried harder to reach her—to convince her to accept my protection, and that is my fault Xander, not yours."

"Okay, that is creepy."

"Most demons think so, too," Blair pointed out. "Or the good demons anyway. I think the world-ending sort just focus on avoiding the slayer."

"Good demons?" Xander asked, his voice threatening to crack in an unmanly way.

Blair shook his head. "Angel, aren't you teaching him anything?"

"He's too young to put in the middle with Giles... the watcher," Angel said carefully, and Xander glared at him.

"I'm old enough to be in the middle of whatever I want... well unless I want to drink because the drinking age is 21... or vote. But I can almost vote."

"So you're old enough," Blair summarized, saving Xander from saying anything even more with the stupid.

"Exactly," Xander agreed.

"Not all demons are evil. I mean, Angel is pretty much proof of that."

"He has a soul," Xander said uncertainly.

"Lots of demons do. The word demon comes from the Greek 'daio' which means to divide up as in there are humans and then there are demons, and we're sort of divided up into separate camps. For the Greeks, a demon was something with more powers than a human but who lived on earth and wasn't a full god, and no way would I ever aspire to godhood, so yeah, that seems like a pretty good word."

"Brain cramp here," Xander complained. "Angel?" he asked as he turned to his friend for some sort of path out of the sudden confusion he found himself in.

"Blair's right," Angel agreed. "Demons can be good or bad, and the Greeks knew that, but the world changed and demons were redefined as evil spirits. But some things, like vampires, are by nature dangerous, you know this."

"I thought I knew a lot of things, now I'm not so much with the knowing anything," Xander said softly.

Blair gave a soft laugh. "It hurts when the world view shifts, huh? Man, I've been there. I've so totally been there. But you can trust Angel. The Greeks would have said that you were 'eydaimon' meaning happy or under the guidance of a good demon who would lead you to good places."

"And the brain cramping keeps on a'coming," Xander sighed. "They wouldn't have had words for these things if it didn't happen. I mean, if no one was ever led to a good place by a good demon, they wouldn't have the word eydaimon, right?"

"Exactly," Blair said with a huge smile.

"And I thought I was eydaimon when Whistler told me Buffy was my destiny, but now I have to wonder," Angel said softly. "Do you really think he would trick me?"

"Totally," Blair agreed. "I mean, there are lots of generally good demons like D'fatum and Skipari and Nutph and Brachen who would love to break the slayers out of the watcher's grip. Those old men are accumulating karma like whoa. Seriously, the way they lie to those girls and make the world out to be human versus demon? So not cool. But no way would Whistler actually lie, and he would never risk putting the world in jeopardy, so what exactly did he tell you?"

Xander stared out the front window and tried to figure out exactly how to put the pieces of his brain back together because it was not all fitting. There was just too much to fit into his skull right now, and he seriously needed Willow to make a pie graph or something to make everything all logical, only there was no Willow out here. Just a crazy guy who said demons were good and a crazier vampire who was agreeing. His head hurt.

"He said I had a choice, that I could go on being nothing or I could be someone."

"That I believe," Blair nodded. "Whistler has a lot more D'fatum blood than I do, so he's way better at reading fates, but I can pretty much see that, too. But man, what did he say to make you think that the slayer was your destiny?"

"He showed her to me, sitting on the stairs to her school," Angel said, and Xander could hear the pain in his friend's voice. Xander instinctively reached back and rested his palm on Angel's hand.

"Man, that would be obfuscation at its best. Your choice is between standing up and being seen for either doing something or becoming as inconsequential as a cockroach. If he never said that you had to help the slayer, then you don't. That's your choice, buddy."

Angel frowned. "He let me go to the hellmouth when I was so weak I could barely take down a fledge because he said she'd be coming. But then when she needed me, I wasn't there, Xander was," he said softly.

"Hey, you were there! You were all CPR adjacent, and the lack of breathing or knowing how to do CPR is a good reason for you to stay adjacent, but don't say you didn't do anything," Xander said firmly. "You were there storming the castle with me."

"See?" Blair asked. "Choice, man, it's all choice. And if you chose to help the slayer and the side of the Æsir, then you're totally on the right path."

"Æsir? Æsir as in Norse gods?" Xander asked in confusion.

"Hey, lots of people believe lots of things, but most 'eudaimon' fall into two camps," Blair nodded. "Some believe the world was created in evil and ice, and the first eudaimon were the Æsir who fought to restore balance. Humanity was created because the good and evil demons had fought each other to a standstill and both sides needed someone new... someone with no destiny at all that could throw the balance toward either good or evil. Other eudaimon believe that good and evil demons were born from gods who battled for many universes, including this one. When the gods were busy battling among themselves, a spirit more powerful than any god or daimon planted the seed of humanity in the dust of earth. The gods and evil daimon tried to kill the humans, and this great spirit pushed them out of this world leaving the eudaimon behind to teach the young species. However kakodaimons, evil demons, had disguised themselves among the eudaimon and one slipped through a portal and corrupted the humans by biting one and leaving his evil in the human's heart."

"Okay, is it just me or is it really weird to think of demons as having their own religions, and being that I'm the only human in this truck, this really might not be the right time to ask that question," Xander sighed. "Angel, you were supposed to make my brain ache with biology and history, not with demonology 101."

"Consider it repayment for the number of times you have forced me to redefine my world views," Angel answered with very little sympathy.

"You two are so incredible awesome together. I mean, Angel, I haven't seen you look this happy... ever."

"You've only seen me once before."

"And you were totally a mess, starved down to bone and looking like one mean word would send you crawling into the sewers. Naomi always said you just needed someone to really love you," Blair nodded. "She's going to be thrilled that you found a mate."

Xander didn't catch the direction Blair's brain was going until he looked over with a huge smile.

"What?!" Xander yelped. "No! No with the mate and no with the gay. I like boobies. I have a girlfriend; she's got great boobs, really nice. She lets me feel them. Why does everyone think I'm gay? Why does everyone think I'm Angel's butt monkey is the better question because I'm not gay. That would be wrong," Xander just about stumbled over his own tongue when he caught the look on Blair's face, and that was not a happy look. "Not that there's anything wrong with gay, so if you're gay, go for it," he hurried to add. "But me and Angel? He's like two hundred and fifty years older than me and pedophilia is so not my thing, not from either end. Nope. No mating."

Angel came to the rescue. "Blair, Xander and I are just friends. He is too young for a serious relationship, and mating with a vampire would be far more serious than he's ready to handle."

"Yeah, exactly. I'm way too immature for something like that," Xander agreed.

"Okay," Blair said slowly, his voice clearly disbelieving. "How old are you, Xander?"

"Seventeen," Xander said firmly, "And seventeen and 240 or 270 or whatever is seriously with the pedophilia and yick."

"I suppose the yick factor is a personal choice, and I'm all about choice, but Xander, pedophilia is having a sexual attraction to someone who hasn't reached puberty. I think we can safely say you've been through puberty."

"It is?" Angel asked with a frown. "So if I liked a sixteen year old...?"

Blair shook his head. "Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen... these are adults in most cultures. And no way is that pedophilia. I mean, our society calls that illegal, and it's probably a smart thing because the cultural creation of a period of adolescence means that American teens aren't mentally prepared for adult choices, but no way is that pedophilia."

"Hear that, Xander?" Angel asked smugly, and Xander knew exactly what the big idiot was thinking.

Xander crossed his arms. "It was still icky. Even if we don't think about the whole age thing, there's still the vampire/slayer thing there."

"Whoa, you have a thing for the slayer?" Blair demanded as he almost choked.

"Had," Angel corrected him. "I thought she was my destiny."

"So you thought you had to bone her? Oh man, that's precious," Blair said with a smirk, and suddenly Xander was liking this guy a whole lot more.

"Exactly, huge with the yick, and I pointed that out and he got all grrrrr with me," Xander said as he leaned back in his seat and glared at Angel.

"I did not grrrrrr," Angel sighed.

"Oh man, I can just imagine. Did he go all yellow eyes?"

"Yep," Xander nodded.

"I did not," Angel objected hotly.

"Oh man, Uncle Saul is going to laugh his ass off."

"Blair," Angel said in a pleading voice.

"And Aunt Jokina is going to break something laughing."

"You wouldn't," Angel almost growled.

"Oh, I so totally would," Blair said with a smile.

Yep, this road trip might turn out pretty good after all, Xander thought as he smiled at the dark road disappearing under the truck at a good clip.

The Road Not Taken

"Pop quiz time," Blair announced happily as he shifted the truck and slowed around a slight curve. Xander squinted as the light from the sunset caught him.

"You are running the risk of no longer being my favoritest truck driver with words like that," Xander warned.

Blair rolled his eyes and then checked his mirrors before changing lanes. "The byproduct of anaerobic respiration?"

"That's when you're running fast because a demon is about to munch on your legs, right?" Xander checked. The science stuff actually made a lot more sense now that Blair put it in terms of demons and things that went bump in the night. Even Angel was getting most of it, and Angel and science were big with the non-mixy. The only reason he studied so much around Angel was the sheer enjoyment of watching Angel get that flummoxed expression when Xander asked for help. Yep, Xander was mean spirited, but then he figured Angel already knew that and freaking bought him anyway. Not that Xander was thinking about that because he was on the not-thinking-about-that plan.

"Man, stop stalling," Blair huffed.

Xander focused on the question and not all the little weirdnesses in his own psyche. "Fine, but it's not like we don't we have enough time out here to waste," Xander pointed out as he waved a hand at the highway. They were near some town called Appleton right now, but whether they were looking at house after house or tree after tree, this wasn't the most exciting trip in the history of tripping. "And the byproduct is lactic acid, which is taken up by the mitochondrial somethings in order to get more energy, unless you overdo it, and then you just cramp. Or unless a Ryk demon catches you because they like to kill humans at the point of maximum lactic acid build-up for the yum, and I have to say, I don't think that last part will be on the test."

"The last part is the only part that really matters if you're going to hunt demons," Angel added from behind the sun-proof curtains that protected the living area.

"Ah, the grumpy-guts awakens," Blair teased. Angel didn't answer, but Xander thought he heard a growl. But then, Angel trapped in a small space was not a happy thing. He'd even insisted on riding in back with the rock guy for one leg of the trip just because he needed to pace. "We're getting ready to stop for gas, and I thought I would kick you two out and get three or four hours of sleep before we do the next leg," Blair suggested, his voice clearly a question.

"That'd be fine," Angel answered immediately, and Blair got an impish grin.

"Someone so does not appreciate my living accommodations," he said softly.

"Angel's a little touchy on the subject of creature comforts," Xander nodded. "Big with the interior decorating. I caught him watching design shows one day."

"Oh, man, I don't doubt it. I can totally see him going into interior design."

"And when I get a little Cheetos dust on the couch, he gets that look on his face like he's trying really hard to not vamp out."

"He probably has fantasies about putting you over his knee," Blair said in a conspiratorial voice with a wink added on. That time, Xander *knew* he heard the growl.

"Dream on, Bloodbreath," Xander called back to Angel. "If you're anally retenting with the couch, I am not responsible for that."

Blair nearly choked to death as he pulled into a gas station. "It's anal retentive, and I don't think there's an 'if' in there, Angel just is," Blair offered.

"As long as that means 'prissy', oh he really, really is." Aside from the having to study part, this trip was turning out a lot more fun than he'd ever expected. Pissing Angel off was always a joy, and Blair tended to tell him about demons and nasties that Angel had somehow managed to completely skip over when teaching him. On top of that, Blair had a knack of explaining school stuff in a way that almost wasn't boring... usually by adding demons and nasties to the lessons.

"Xander, do keep in mind that the sun is going down in about five minutes," Angel warned from the other side of the curtain.

"Yeah, whatever, threaten away, but you paid good money for me, and you're not going to break me now," Xander pointed out, and he was fairly sure his voice was a little more pissy than he meant because Angel fell silent.

"Oh man, you are not good at letting things go, are you?" Blair asked as he brought the truck to an idle behind another truck already fueling.

Xander cringed. "I meant that to be more in the teasing end of the pool than it actually came out," he admitted.

"Buddy," Blair said with a shake of his head, "if that was teasing, I so do not want to be around when you're actually trying to inflict emotional damage."

"When he gets going, it's really something. Spike has stood back and watched with appreciation when he gets up to full speed," Angel said as he stuck his head out from the back. The cab was in shadow and only a few streaks of light were left streaking across the parking lot.

"Hey, I am not sadistic enough for Spike-appreciation."

"Oh yes you are."

"Whoa, Spike likes him? Man, you must have some seriously freaky shit going on if both Angel and Spike like you," Blair said with an amused shake of his head.

"Spike just thinks he's going to get to have sex with me, and that's a big old never-happening. Besides, who did Spike ever see me get emotionally damaging with?" Xander demanded.

Angel turned to Blair, totally ignoring Xander. "He and this girl at school would rip into each other to the point that I kept waiting for one of them to bring a gun to their little tête à têtes."

"No way," Blair said as he looked back at Angel with wide eyes. "No fucking way. Do not tell me that he..."

"Yep," Angel interrupted. "He is now officially dating her, and Spike has announced that when I turn them, he will be taking a decade-long vacation on another continent until I teach them some manners." Angel chuckled for a second before his face lost all expression. "Not that I would turn them. I don't—I wouldn't—"

"Chill!" Blair held up his hand. "Man, I talk about killing my family all the time, and that so does not mean I'm going to do it."

"Besides, I wouldn't let you. I would be all 'not going there' boy if you pulled out even one fang," Xander warned. Both men gave him an odd look.

"Blair," Angel nearly whispered, his voice carrying that edge that made Xander's hand slip to his cinquedea.

"I see him," Blair said.

"Who are you with the seeing?" Xander asked in a rough whisper. Angel's hand came out and rested on Xander's shoulder.

"It's okay, it's just cousin Whistler the Hustler," Blair said with a sigh.

"I'll deal with him, you two stay here," Angel ordered as he started reaching over Xander. Xander grabbed Angel's arm.

"That a big old 10 on the not happening scale. Angel, you're good at the killing of random baddies, but this is the guy who convinced you to develop the hots for a 15 year old slayer, and I'm thinking he's probably more dangerous to you than random baddies—especially if Blair is right about his habit of obfuscating."

"Oh, I'm right. I'm totally right," Blair added.

"I'll be fine, just stay here," Angel growled. Right, like that expression worked on him, Xander turned to get out of the truck, and he found himself pinned to the seat by a hand too strong for him to move. "Stay here."

"Not happening," Xander said as he struggled without getting anywhere eventually, he gave up and just glared. "I'm following you the minute you get out of this truck."

"I can make you stay."

"Oh, you so cannot," Xander said as he poked Angel in the chest with a finger. "Look, if Whistler pulls a sword, you can go all grrrr on his ass, but if he's just going to try and talk you around a corner, you're so out of your depth. That's why I'll be there to verbally poke him back if he starts in with the stupid."

"Blair," Angel said, turning hopeful eyes toward him.

"Hey, leave me out of it. But if you're going to pull me in, I am so on Xander's side with this one."

"Ha!" Xander poked Angel's chest again, and the vampire got that stone-faced look he sometimes got right before he'd slam Spike into the nearest immovable surface, but no way was Xander backing off on this one. It'd taken him long enough to talk Angel out of the last bit of stupid he'd fallen for.

"You stay at my side, and you do not touch him," Angel finally relented as he let go of Xander's shoulder.

"Bully," Xander whispered as he pushed the truck door open and awkwardly scrambled out. Angel just landed next to him in one leap and immediately put a hand on Xander's shoulder, fisting the fabric and pulling Xander close. Xander might have repeated the whole bully comment, but he spotted Whistler for himself. The man looked like a used car salesman, although Xander really liked his shirt. Angel walked over, half escorting and half dragging Xander who couldn't quite keep pace.

"Angel," the man said as they neared him, and he really was going for the used car salesman vibe with that accent.

"Whistler."

"You've made a few changes since I saw you last. Gave up the rats then, have you?" Whistler's words made Angel go stiff, and Xander could feel his own temper rise. Yeah, Angel had been pretty stupid thinking that doing nothing made up for doing bad, but it wasn't like he had a whole lot of help in the figure it out department back then.

"Is there a problem with Acathla?" Angel asked, his voice calm even if his body was stiff.

"Not now, no," Whistler shrugged. "Denver? Are you sure you want to bury that thing on cursed ground?"

Xander frowned. "Wait, Denver's cursed? They built a city on cursed land? Okay, that's stupid like building a town on a hellmouth level of stupid,"

"Not Denver, just the place we're going," Angel said, and the fist holding Xander's shirt moved so that Angel had an arm flung over Xander's shoulders. "The Northglenn Mall in Denver is on land that is cursed so that people can't find what they're looking for. The Native People have a powerful artifact buried there, but no one knows what because they can't find it."

"Um, can I say that's a pretty dumb place to build a mall?"

"That's humanity for you," Whistler shrugged. "I sometimes wonder what cousin Malachi sees in them," he said as he looked toward the truck. Blair was finally pulling up for his turn at the pumps.

"Um, human here," Xander objected.

"You don't have to be you know," Whistler said, and Xander hadn't even totally deciphered those words before he was thrust behind a growling and vamped Angel who had both hands around Whistler's throat.

"Hey, whoa there. I wasn't doing anything to your little friend!" he argued as Angel slammed him into the side of the gas station. A couple of truckers glanced over before walking quickly in the other direction. There were way too many lights around here for Angel to do his dark crusader act, but obviously he was not big with the thinking right now.

"You try to hurt Xander, and I will rip your guts out," Angel snarled, his fangs making the words hiss like a demented something not really in full control of the dement. Xander made a mental note to look that word up when he got home.

"Hey, I wouldn't dream of touching him. But you need a seer."

Angel pulled Whistler away from the wall and slammed him back against the brick. "Leave. Him. Alone." Each word came with another slam into the wall. Whistler's hands scuttled over Angel's arms.

"Angel," Xander said as he grabbed one arm. "You're big with the freakiness here. Let's not kill Blair's cousin, please. People are watching." Angel slammed Whistler into the wall one more time before he dropped the D'fatum demon and backed off several steps, shoving Xander back with him.

"I'm just making the offer. If he wants to be a seer, it's his choice," Whistler said as he rubbed his throat. "No need for violence."

"Hey, if it's a choice between demony or non-demony, I’m choosing non-demony, no offense to the demons in the audience." Xander tried to stand at Angel's side, only to have Angel grab him by the neck and pull him close. Okay, a few demon genes might not be bad if it meant a little less man-handling.

"Leave him alone."

"It's his choice, and I respect that," Whistler said, but it was a little hard for Xander to really judge the honesty of that since he had a nice view of Angel's armpit as the stupid vampire held him embarrassingly close. "But that's not the only issue here."

"What do you want?"

"To tell you the truth," Whistler said in a smug voice.

Xander punched Angel as hard as he could. The idiot vampire didn't even react, but a second later, he did loosen his grip so that he held Xander close without forcing Xander's face into Angel's body. Xander rolled his eyes as Angel's arm caught him around the chest and held him. Big, over-protective boob. Only not so much with the boob because there were no boobies. Now that Xander was turned around, he could see the amused way Whistler was looking at him. Humiliating much?

"As I was saying," Whistler started again, "there's something you need to know about that soul of yours. The curse... it has a little catch on it."

"What?!" Angel demanded, his eyes still yellow even if the bumps had retreated. The silence was deafening as Whistler looked thoughtfully around the parking lot, and if he didn't stop with the over-acting, Xander was so going to kick the demon in the shin.

"It has a little happiness clause attached," Whistler shrugged, and Xander narrowed his eyes at the manipulation. Oh yeah, this guy was dribbling and drabbling information out to get Angel worked up, and from the way Angel's arm tightened, pulling Xander tight against his chest, he was guessing that it was working.

"What clause?" Angel demanded when the silence continued too long.

"If you have a moment of perfect happiness, that soul is going to come popping off and 'poof,' the old Angel is back in business. Only now, you'll have a hundred years of repression and self-denial to make up for."

Xander stopped breathing, panic racing through him on cold little feet as he thought about that. He knew all about Angelus. Back in the early days when Xander was trying to keep Angel away from Buffy and Angel was trying to just keep Xander away, he'd heard all sorts of Angelus stories from Angel himself, and that wasn't even counting the stories Giles managed to slip in at every possible opportunity. Part of Xander voted for disbelief and repression, but even Blair said that Whistler couldn't out and out lie. Oh, he could obfuscate and garble and manipulate, but not lie.

Angel was freakily still, not even bothering to breathe as his hands clutched Xander for long, long minutes. People walked past them having perfectly normal lives, and Xander couldn't even wrap his brain around just how bad this was. This was hugely bad. This was... this was worse than Xander could even imagine, and he couldn't even figure out what must be going through Angel's brain because the vamp was not all with the emotionally healthy when it came to his vampy past.

Angel had gone emotionless, which wasn't a good sign. "Is there a spell, something to stop that from happening?"

Whistler was already shaking his head. "Nothing can stop the clause from kicking in the minute you have perfect happiness. The curse will end and you will be left without a soul."

Something in Whistler's words made Xander stop and pay attention.

"I can't stay, then. I'm dangerous," Angel whispered.

"You are more dangerous than you know," Whistler agreed, and Xander could feel Angel's grip loosen. If Xander had to guess, he would say that Angel was about two seconds away from doing a runner. He grabbed Angel's arm to keep that from happening.

"Wait," Xander said. "So, the whole happiness clause... it's not for kinda happy or having a really good day and coming home and finding out the friend vacuumed the Cheetos dust off the couch... it's just for perfect happiness?"

"Yep, that's the deal. And then his soul goes 'poof' and you're front and center for the grand reappearance of the old Angel, the scourge of Europe, the vampire who wiped out entire villages, and the bane of nuns everywhere. You could be ground zero for a spectacular disaster, kid."

"Xander, you should—" Angel started to say. Xander interrupted him by laughing. Not just chuckling or chortling but out and out laughing. And then Whistler got this pained expression, and Xander laughed even harder. God, Angel was a goober to fall for this guy's line, and clearly, he was so ready to fall for it again.

"Fuck, you're good," Xander said as he finally got himself under control. "You overact a bit, and the whole winding Angel up... that could use a little work with the lack of subtlety, but the gloom and doom and nuns thing... you're good."

"Xander?" Angel asked in a voice that made it pretty clear that he thought Xander had just pretty much lost his mind.

"Listen to what he's saying," Xander said.

"He hears me. He's risking destroying everything he loves... again," Whistler said with confidence.

"And the chance of that risk is what? Point-zero-zero-zero-one percent?" Xander demanded. "Angel, he said you have to have perfect happiness. Perfect as in not a bit of worry in there with the happy, and that is just not in you."

"It might be," Angel said, but Xander could hear the uncertainly.

"Trust me, it is not in you. Unless you lost your freaking mind and went all delusional, there's no way for you to be perfectly happy. Let's say I lost all my powers of annoyingness, and Spike and Drusilla came back and they were suddenly soul-having and Buffy forgave them and thanked you for being the back-up she'd always needed and my parents dropped dead of heart attacks and Giles got called back to England and the new watcher didn't have that English stick up his ass. I mean, that's pretty much perfect, but I know you. You'd still be worried about the next slimy thing trying to kill Buffy or Spike being Spike, soul or not, or me blaming you for my parents' deaths or the return of my annoyingness. You worry about whether the sun will come up tomorrow. You worry about your hair, and as a vampire, can I just say that's a little freaky. But the point is, you worry. It's your defining trait, so you being perfectly happy would only happen if you went perfectly, temporarily, blindingly delusional with the lying to yourself."

Xander could tell he was making some progress when Angel pulled him close and turned to glare at Whistler. "Is he right? Is the chance that small?"

"There's no calculating the future. I just know that it's a very real possibility."

"So is me getting hit by lightening. But trust me, we are all in way more danger if you drive Angel away, so what is up with that?" Xander asked.

Whistler sighed and crossed his arms. "Kid, you are just screwing everything up here, aren't you?"

"It's my extra-special talent," he agreed without taking too much offense.

"He's right, then? My soul isn't in immediate danger?" Angel asked.

Whistler sighed again. "You had a nice clear destiny ahead of you... not a pretty one, but a clear one. Now, now I can't see that much," he shrugged. "You're tying yourself to a human, and humans... well, they don't have any sort of clear future. They just bang around from one point to another. But separate yourself from him, and you'll be in on the big, final battles."

"On the side of good or evil?" Blair asked as he wandered up to them. "Cuz," he greeted Whistler.

"Blair," Whistler said as his mouth got a nasty twist.

"Demons shouldn't give up their destinies for humans. They shouldn't tie themselves to humans," Whistler said, completely ignoring Blair's question, and Xander didn't think that Angel missed that.

"Oh yeah, because that would be way too human of them, except Angel was human once, and he didn't exactly sign up for the demon upgrade plan," Xander pointed out.

"Keep telling yourself that, kid. If you say it often enough, you just might believe it, but Angel is exactly where he put himself."

Blair shook his head. "Maybe. Only now he's putting himself out of your game, man. He has that right, too."

"The Powers that Be aren't going to be amused. And you," Whistler poked a finger in Blair's direction, "are on their shit list."

"Yeah, yeah, what's new? So, how's Aunt Petunia? Is her garden doing any better? Did she try the coffee grounds?"

For a second, Whistler just stared at Blair. Then he got a crooked grin on his face, but Xander was still not liking any expression on this guy. "You're headed for disaster, Cuz, but she thinks you’re a genius with azalea."

"I told her!" Blair said triumphantly. "She just didn't have the soil acidic enough for them. So, are you through trying to make your little prophesies of gloom and doom or do you have something more to add?"

"The danger's there," Whistler said as he looked over at Angel meaningfully. Xander could feel himself prickle up with a need to say something really biting and sarcastic, only he couldn't think of anything to say.

"Man, danger is everywhere," Blair countered. "You come in with all this destiny crap and you completely ignore the fact that we all have choices."

"And you ignore that some of us have destinies," Whistler countered. "And hiding from it does not make it go away." He looked at Angel with more than a little disgust.

"Jackass," Xander whispered, and Angel's arm tightened in warning.

"If it's really his destiny, he'll find it on his own with Xander at his side. He so totally does not need you with your gloom and doom act," Blair said as he crossed his arms. Whistler looked from Angel to Blair several times before he shook his head and just walked away.

"Xander," Angel said softly.

"Don't even think it," Xander warned. "If you're about to get all happy, I'll do something to torture you, like ask you to explain dominant and recessive traits in corn or something."

"If I have a destiny out there that isn't pretty, I shouldn't drag you into it." Angel said the words, but his arms just tightened around Xander, so it was pretty much clear what Angel really wanted. It was weird. Xander knew that Buffy and Willow loved him, but he never felt like they needed him. And now, here was Angel with his buff shoulders and his scary fighting skills and his way out of control bossiness, and Xander still felt like Angel needed him more than everyone else in his life put together.

"Man, don't go trying to make his choices for him," Blair warned as he reached over and shoved at Angel's arm. "It's bad karma. Besides, as a human, he has the right to choose."

"And if I don't like the choice?" Angel asked.

Xander answered for himself. "Suck it up and live with it. You bought me, and all purchases are final." This time, Xander actually managed to make that sound teasing without the sharp edge of earlier. "And don't worry about the happy because after that stunt, I will make sure you are never happy again," he said, smiling as he caught Blair's expression. He was trying hard not to laugh, and the expression on Blair's face nearly pushed him over into laughing himself.

Angel gave a pained sigh. "I don't suppose there really is much chance of you ever letting me have any peace and quiet, much less happiness."

"Oh man, happiness is not even necessarily happy," Blair said, which was not really making sense to Xander, but Blair kept right on going anyway. "This one human actually wrote about how humans invented happiness as an excuse to give up on striving to become something better or more real. He says happiness only exists as some pathetic attempt to justify mediocrity."

"Okay, that's sounding a little slightly totally depressing," Xander pointed out as Blair started walking toward the café, and Angel urged him to follow.

"That's Nietzsche for you," Blair shrugged.

"Hey, Willow talks about him. He wrote books, right?"

"Yep, and he was crazy as a bedbug, probably with a meningioma in a right side of his brain, but who knows. Personally, I say that it's all about the choices you make," Blair said as he pulled the door to the café open.

"You do know I have no idea what that word means, right?" Xander checked. Angel actually managed to let him go long enough for Xander to walk in the café on his own before Angel's hand landed on his shoulder again.

"Brain tumor," Blair clarified. "So, do you two have any plans while I catch a couple of hours sleep out back?" Blair winked at the waitress as he took the photocopied menu and slipped into a booth. Xander followed, not at all surprised when Angel slid in next to him. The big vamp might never admit it, but Xander was guessing that he was quietly freaking out. Xander let his hand rest on Angel's knee and really, really wished that Spike was still around. A good round of Spike-beating always put both vampires into a much, much better mood.

"I'm clueless. I don't even know what state we're in," Xander admitted.

"Colorado," Angel offered. "And I don't think there's much to do around here, but we could find a private spot and do a little sparring."

"Otherwise known as kicking my ass over and over while offering not encouraging words of untruthful encouragement like 'you can do it' when I clearly can't," Xander said ruefully to Blair. Blair laughed.

"Or you could work on your homework," Angel added darkly.

"Hey, sparring sounds good, we should so spar," Xander said brightly. Angel reached over and popped him on the shoulder hard enough to make Xander glare at him. "Nice, beat up on the guy who's dedicated his life to keeping you from the happy." Angel didn't answer as he studied his menu looking for something with enough crunch to be satisfying for a vampire who didn't actually need to eat. This was as close to happiness as either of them needed to get. And seriously, how crazy was Whistler to expect anyone to find perfect happiness? But Xander was relieved that the odds of perfect happiness were so crazy-stupid impossible because he kinda liked Angel with the soul still attached.

Full Circle on the Lesson

"I'm telling you, Angel, she is scary hot. It must be a slayer thing," Xander said as he stirred the pot. "And this is looking... okay, this is looking a lot like demon snot."

"It's potato," Angel sighed.

"With green stuff. Potato should not have green in it. It's a rule." That line worked when Xander told Angel he had to wave the ATM card in front of the machine in three counter-clockwise figure eights before putting it in... at least it had once, but now it was obviously not with the working.

"Colcannon has green stuff," Angel said dryly, and from the tone he used, Xander was so not getting out of at least trying it. "It's called cabbage."

"Seriously. You need to learn to cook something that isn't scary. Hey, how about eggs? You make a mean scrambled egg," Xander suggested hopefully. He had no idea who had turned Angel onto the concept of vegetables, but when he found out, there was going to be serious complaining and whining and potential arm punching in the future. Unless it was Cordelia, he was already in enough hot water with her.

"Try it. You'll probably like it. It has enough butter and cream that you probably won't even taste the vegetables. My mother used to make this."

Xander stopped, his mouth open to complain more. But it wasn't often Angel talked about his past, and rarer still that he talked about it without the stink of self-hatred that really and truly got old sometimes. Yeah, he loved Angel, but the guy could take annoying to whole new levels when he got the old Angelus stories out.

"I bet you complained," Xander teased instead.

"If I had, my father would have tanned my backside. No, I actually liked it. She often fixed it with rabbit."

That made Xander want to gag and check the hamburger package to make sure he was getting good old fashioned cow. Rabbit... yuck.

"And no, the hamburger is not made from rabbit," Angel said with a much put-upon sigh.

"Just wondering. I mean, you're trying to sneak green into my mashed potatoes, so I just wanted to make sure you know that hamburger is sacred to the American teen. There will be no desecration of the mighty cow burger."

Angel put the spatula down and faced Xander. "Do you want to know what I can smell in this?" he demanded as he poked a finger in the direction of the pan. "And I do not mean cow." Xander glanced over at the browning hamburger with the nice slice of perfectly processed yellow cheese on top as he considered that question.

"Okay, no, no I really don't. Hungry boy here, so can we please do the avoidy with the yucks?"

Angel sighed and rolled his eyes as he picked up the spatula again. "That's done," he said with a nod toward the pan Xander was stirring, and Xander scooped the hot colcannon into a bowl.

"So," Xander asked casually, "your mom fix this a lot?"

"Yes." Angel didn't elaborate, and Xander thought he might have missed his chance for a little poking around into the Angel-past. If he couldn't follow Buffy and Faith on patrol, poking Angel was the next best thing. Angel sighed. "She often fixed it. Others would have nothing else for dinner, or perhaps a nettle soup, but for us, it was a dish she served with rabbit or mutton. We ate meat four or five times a week, which was a luxury back then."

"Come on. You never once asked her to make it without the green?" Xander asked as he carried the bowl to a small table Angel had installed. Honestly, it looked like demon snot. If it didn't taste better than it looked, Angel was running a serious risk feeding him this stuff because an up close and personal relationship with human vomit was entirely possible.

Angel followed with one plate and his cup of blood. He handed over the plate with the hamburger and sat across from Xander, but from that embarrassed look, Xander already had his answer. "You big veggie faker, you so did," Xander accused him as he took a small pile of the stuff.

"I might have." Angel grinned. "She never would while father was around. He said she should not indulge me so much, and that he would simply have to correct any foolish ideas that she put in my head with such coddling." Angel's expression twisted. "And his idea of correcting my foolishness was rarely pleasant."

"She coddled anyway," Xander said confidently.

"Once or twice."

Xander considered his plate. If he took a quick bite of the colcannon first, he could maximize the amount of time the hamburger had to erase taste. Poking his fork into the mound, he got a small lump and shoved it in his mouth before he could change his mind. Creamy, salty, peppery, and buttery enough to block an artery. "Hey, this isn't bad," Xander said as he looked up in surprise. Okay, so he got a bit of the veggie in there, and it wasn't his favorite part, but overall, this was way better than his mom's mashed potatoes out of a box.

When Angel got that 'I told you' grin, Xander rolled his eyes. "I thought you might like it. The cabbage in it isn't bad," Angel said in that oh-so-annoying superior voice of his.

"Fairly edible, and the green bits are very ignore-worthy with all these potatoes which are great," Xander agreed. "And next time you are so fixing it without the cabbage."

"If you eat another vegetable," Angel agreed with a smile, and Xander's glare darkened. "The first time my mother fixed it without the cabbage, I must have been fifteen. My father was gone, invited by a business associate to Dublin to hear a concert..." Angel's eyes lost focus for a second. "George Frideric Handel 's Messiah. One of father's suppliers had received invitations, and they attended the premier in some hall on Fishamble Street."

"Way to go with the Young Indiana Jones-type reference there. I mean, you do mean Handle's Messiah, the one you made me listen to, right?" Xander asked before taking a huge bite of the burger.

"Yes, and the one you liked," Angel reminded him.

"It was pretty good. It still doesn't measure up to 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,' though," Xander mumbled around his food. He shoved in more colcannon before he totally swallowed, and nearly snorted a big mouth full of it right out his nose when he caught sight of Angel's expression. Oh yes, he was still the master of Angel baiting.

"So, what else do you think about this new slayer, other than she's attractive? You do know Cordelia will emasculate you if she hears you say that, don't you?" Angel added the second part after a brief hesitation.

"I already had an up close and personal discussion of me not taking an interest in naked Faith stories," Xander nodded, and he winced at the very thought of where Cordelia's fingernails had been pointed at the time. "But you'll protect me."

"Against Cordelia?" Angel asked with a snort. "You're on your own."

"Coward."

"Practical," Angel countered. "And what else do you think of this Faith?"

"Buffy told Willow who called me to tell me that it turns out her Watcher is dead and she actually did a runner from the Council." Xander took a big bite of hamburger.

"What? Where's she staying?"

Xander muttered and got the hairy eyeball from Angel. He managed to swallow before he tried again. "Some motel down on Elm."

"By herself?" Angel was half way up out of his chair.

"Chill," Xander said, "she's a big girl."

Angel got an extra special pinched look on his face, the kind of look that Spike sometimes got right before he said something totally offensive that led to Angel punching him. "Xander..." Angel said slowly and carefully. "How old are you?"

"Seventeen," Xander said suspiciously. This was Angel's 'there's a trap somewhere voice.'

"How old is Buffy?"

"Almost seventeen..." he said even slower.

"How long has she been a slayer?"

"Um, two years? I mean, I wasn't exactly around for the calling part, so it might be more like a year and a half or two and a half, but I'm slightly totally unclear on the details."

"So, how old are slayers when they're called?" Angel asked as he leaned forward against the table.

Xander blinked for a second as his brain tried to reset. No way. Absolutely no way. She was hot. And way big with the sexy. And she smelled like cigarette, so she couldn't be...

"Shit," Xander said as the truth hit him like a wet fish. Suddenly his dinner wasn't sitting too well on his stomach. Angel had already turned and headed for the door, his coat in hand before Xander could get up from the table.

"Do you want me to...?"

"Unless you want her to think I'm a local vamp trying to eat her, an introduction would be nice," Angel said, and Xander swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded as he headed for the door, his hand touching the hilt of his cinquedea tucked into the leg of his jeans as he hurried to follow Angel out into the night. Giles had said there was a big bad on the loose, and with Xander's luck, they'd run right into him. "She won't even have to invite vampires in at that place. What the hell is Giles thinking?" Angel sighed as they hurried out of the apartment, both their dinners abandoned.

"That she can take care of herself?" Xander guessed. Okay, when he thought about the fact that Faith was a fifteen year old kid, that sounded pretty stupid. From the look Angel gave him, Angel was thinking that too. "You know I'm not big with the Giles love, but to be fair, I so totally thought of her as an adult about two seconds after meeting her. She has a whole adult-vibe going for her, so you can't go getting all cranky."

"Xander, you're the one who pointed out that Buffy was a girl who needed to grow up without me hovering over her. How could you make this kind of assumption about another slayer?" Angel asked in a very unamused sort of voice. Xander felt his stomach twist with anxiety at that tone of voice.

"Hey, you're like two hundred and something. You're supposed to be smarter than me," Xander protested loudly, and that got either a twitch of a lip or a snarl. Sometimes it was hard to tell amused Angel from his pissed off alter-ego. Angel got into his convertible without another comment, and Xander slid into the passenger seat feeling about two inches tall.

"Tell me she's not at that place next to the warehouses."

"Um..." Xander shrank to one inch.

That time, it was definitely a growl, and Xander didn't bother to even answer, especially since Angel was not going to like the answer. God, how could they be so dumb, because with Angel glaring at him, he so thought leaving Faith alone was hugely stupid. Shit, she was younger than him, and he was so not even close to being an adult. He just assumed she was because she acted about thirty... a slutty thirty even. He grabbed the door and hung on as Angel took a corner way faster than he should.

The silence gnawed at Xander, freaking him out way more than any yelling. He'd rather have the yelling over with but Angel was doing the silently furious thing that set Xander's stomach churning. When Angel slammed into a parking space in front of the Elm street motel, Xander didn't even bother asking how Angel knew which room Faith was in. He just scrambled out of the car as Angel sort of swooped in on the hotel door.

Xander stopped when Angel's hand landed on his shoulder. "I can smell someone dead," Angel whispered. "Here. If something happens, get back to the apartment and call Buffy." Angel pressed the keys to the convertible into Xander's left hand. Whoa. Angel never let him drive the convertible. With fear rolling through him, Xander pulled out his cinquedea awkwardly, the hilt catching on the edge of his pant pocket for a second, and Xander almost hyperventilated.

"I'm backing you up."

Angel frowned for a second and then sighed deeply. "I smell an old vampire... an ancient one. If something happens, you get back to the car because I won't retreat until you're out of the line of fire."

That made Xander swallow and nod, his eyes wide as he looked around the dim parking lot. Anything that freaked Angel out pretty much turned Xander into a pile of nervous goo. With that, Angel turned to the hotel door, his hand slowly turning the knob as the metal strained and groaned under the supernatural force. The pop of the lock breaking was the only warning before Angel put his shoulder to the door and slammed it open.

"Holy fuck!" Faith shouted.

"Where's the vampire?" Angel demanded, and even from behind, Xander could tell he'd vamped out.

"Faith, this is Angel, good guy, on the no-stake list with Oz!" Xander shouted from behind.

"Chill, X, I'm not going to stake your vamp. And the only vampire here is you, cutie. Who the hell do you think you are breaking into my fucking room?"

"Like I said: Angel, good guy and occasional overreactor," Xander repeated as he followed Angel into the room. Faith stood with her arms crossed over her chest. Her naked chest. Her naked chest with naked boobies. Nice boobies. Xander's brain went on total shutdown until suddenly Angel's back interrupted the view of very nice Faith boobies.

"So you're Xander's pet vamp? Nice. I didn't think they came so cute," Faith said in that flirty, no-way-can-she-be-fifteen voice.

"I can smell an old one," Angel said, and now he just sounded confused. Xander poked at his back to try and make Angel move, but it didn't work.

"Kakistos... yeah, he was just here. B and me, we kicked his ass right on back to hell."

"Kakistos?" Angel echoed, and from the tone, Xander was guessing he knew the name.

"Yep. Only now he's known as dust," Faith said. Xander almost groaned in disappointment when he spotted a hand grabbing a shirt up off the bed. He was losing prime boobie time here. He poked Angel again, and again the big lunk was playing statue.

"I thought you might be in trouble."

"Not until some vamp broke down my door," Faith quipped back, and now Angel moved. Now that Faith was totally, if indecently, dressed.

"If I can break down your door, so can any other vamp who comes here. This isn't a safe place."

Faith laughed as she grabbed some clothes out of a bag and started tossing them at the cheap dresser. "Don't need a babysitter, babe. And don't worry about the door. Slayer strength here, so I'll just shove the dresser in front of it easy enough."

"I don't care what you shove in front of the door, this isn't a safe place for you to stay." Angel took a step forward and Xander eased toward the door. Oh, this was going to be so very, very ugly. And he seriously hoped he wasn't talking dust and blood ugly, but both of them had on their stubborn faces now.

"And you're going to take care of me?" Faith demanded sarcastically, a sneer on her face.

"I am or I'll call social services and report a runaway minor," Angel said, and that would be Faith's really, really pissed expression. Xander was discovering whole new levels of terror tonight. She cracked her neck and let her arms hang at her sides, and even Xander could read the warning in that body language, and he wasn't exactly a fast learner in the fighting department.

"Stay the fuck out of my business, mister. You don't, and you'll be sorry."

"There are many things for which I am eternally sorry, but I will never regret trying to do the right thing by someone who deserves it," Angel said, and Xander could see the surprise and confusion flit across Faith's face.

"What? When they gave you a soul, did they give you some saint's soul by accident or something?" she demanded with a frown.

"They gave me a soul, period. What I choose to do with it is up to me. And right now, I'm telling you that one slayer has already died on the Hellmouth. You aren't safe staying in a hotel."

"Kendra," Faith nodded and pursed her lips together. "That would be your kid who did the killing, right?"

Okay, that was so totally below the belt. Xander could see Angel flinch from the vicious words.

"Hey, Angel is not responsible for what Spike did, no more than I'm responsible for the fact my father has the parenting skills of... um... something really unparenty. Obviously, I'm not big with the biology metaphors, but the point is that you don't get to take cheap shots at people I care about," Xander finished firmly.

"Homeboy's got himself a crush," Faith smirked, and she suddenly reminded him way too much of Spike.

"On you?" Xander asked her, "totally. But then I have a long history of lusting after scary women, as evidenced by the fact that I date Cordelia who is as close to an eviscerating, man-eating demon as you can come without leaving the human species. And I don't want to see you dead, either."

The smirk vanished as Faith just stared at him for a second. "Babe, I can take care of myself," she said more softly.

It was Angel who replied as he laid a hand on Xander's shoulder to quiet him. "You're a slayer. You have powers that will only grow over time; however, that does not mean you should be alone. Buffy has her mother and Giles. You shouldn't be here."

"So, are you offering to be my watcher?" Faith asked with a laugh and a body twitch that woke up parts of Xander that really wanted some immediate attention. He shifted his cinquedea in front of his body and hoped that hid the lump that was forming.

"No," Angel quickly answered with a disgusted expression. "The watchers are..." Angel paused.

"Hey, no making of more weirdness on the Giles issue," Xander ordered him with a poke.

Angel sighed. "The watchers make choices I do not approve of, and they have no love for me. Most of them would be just as happy to stake me, soul or no soul."

"Then why don't they?" Faith asked as she sat on the edge of the bed, her legs sprawled so that Xander had a whole different set of dirty thoughts. Oh, Cordelia would so murder him if she ever developed any mind-reading ability.

"They're not that powerful. They control a slayer... perhaps two slayers now... a handful of human hunters, and a thousand researchers. They couldn't take me out without a slayer and every human hunter they employ."

"And you make sure the slayers won't go up against you or your family," Faith guessed.

Angel's body stiffened at the accusation. "I didn't help or encourage Spike to fight Kendra. She did that because she believed what the watchers told her about going after every demon she found. She would have come after me if she wasn't so enamored of Xander," Angel said softly. Xander looked up at him.

Xander laughed. "Okay, revisionist memory much? Kendra did not want to go after you and she was not enamored of anyone except maybe Giles who she was enamoring of just because he had the watcher thing going for him."

Angel moved to drape an arm over his shoulders. "Xander, you are insightful when it comes to almost everything except love... and vegetables. She was completely enamored of you and did not want to stake your friend. It's the main reason I stayed away from her."

"And you're not giving me the same pass because I'm not trying to get in home boy's pants?" Faith asked with a snort, which ruined a perfectly good moment of shock and mental rearranging on Xander's part.

"I don't think you're a tool of the Watchers' Council. If they told you to kill a harmless Brakken child or stake me, I think you'd make up your own mind about right and wrong. I don't think my soul confuses you the way it confused Kendra," Angel answered.

For a long minute, Faith just stared at him while Angel stared back. Slowly she shook her head. "Buddy, you have some damn strange ideas."

"Yes," Angel agreed, "I do. And right now, I think a fifteen year old should have a home that is paid for, food she doesn't have to buy... or steal," Angel amended after a moment, "and someone who will watch her back when she goes patrolling."

"And you're offering that?" Faith asked. "In return for what?"

"In return for knowing I did the right thing," Angel answered with hesitation. He walked over to the nightstand and picked up a pad of paper and a cheap pen. "This is my address. I own the apartments on the basement level, so I can set you up in the apartment next to mine. If you'd rather stay with Buffy or Giles, that's fine." Angel held out the paper with his phone number and address to her, but she didn't move from her spot at the end of the bed. "However, if you're still living by yourself at the end of the day tomorrow, I will call social services, and hold you down until the social worker comes to get you." Angel dropped the paper and it fluttered to the bed.

"Um, he's a little bullying on the whole what's good for you front," Xander warned Faith. "He made me eat vegetables tonight. But hey, if you stay with Angel, we'll get to see each other because I stay in the apartment next to his four or five nights a week." Xander wisely didn't mention that with vamp hearing, staying in the next apartment was pretty much the same as staying in the same room. He could have cartoons on so softly that he could barely hear them, and Angel would yell about how he had to get up for school in the morning.

"Three years isn't that long... I'm just asking you to let someone help you for three years," Angel said softly.

Faith looked from one to the other, and Xander could see a vulnerability there he'd never seen in Faith before. "Three years? I'll be dead before I hit eighteen," she said grimly.

"If you rely on watchers, probably," Angel nodded. "But Buffy's nearly seventeen now. Plenty of demons and half demons live full lives with powers no different from yours."

Xander opened his mouth to ask which ones exactly, but Angel turned and stalked from the room, and Xander got pulled along for the ride. He realized he still had his cinquedea in hand and shoved it through his pocket and into the scabbard hidden under his pants as Angel manhandled him out to the car.

Angel left him on the passenger side, and Xander hurried to get in. With Angel's mood tonight, he did not want to aggravate the vamp any more. Angel got in and held out his hand, and it took Xander a second to remember that he still had Angel's keys. Handing them over, he buckled in and waited to see just how angry Angel was going to be. Going back tonight, Xander could see how scared Faith was... and the bit about her having to steal food—that sounded unfun. Unfun and outright abusive. If Buffy didn't have Joyce, how much would Giles give her? Buffy had given Kendra some of her old clothes just so the girl would have something to wear, so he was thinking that the watchers were not big on union pay scales.

"Angel, okay, I'm officially stupid, and I'm really sorry for not even considering how hard this all was for Faith," Xander said softly. He really, really just wanted the yelling over with.

"I had trouble seeing her as fifteen, too," Angel admitted softly. "She seems a lot older than Buffy."

"Way older," Xander agreed, hoping that meant that there might not be yelling.

"It's strange to think that she should be in tenth grade. She'd eat a tenth grader for lunch and spit out the bones," Angel said with a little bit of his dark humor.

"I hope you mean that in the not-literal way because I'm saying no to homicidal slayers."

"I don't know. You know what tenth grade boys are like. Would she kill one?" Angel's lips twisted into a wry grin.

Xander thought about Larry and Andrew and Percy West and even the very geeky and occasionally inappropriate Tucker Wells. Okay, the often inappropriate Tucker Wells. Oh yeah, Faith would pretty much kill all of them. "She won't be enrolling in school... right? Please? I mean, doing good has to include minimizing the odds of full-scale massacre, right?"

"Even at fifteen, she's probably a little old for high school," Angel agreed. "She's certainly not Buffy."

"Oh that's a big no on the Buffy front," Xander agreed with a nod. "Huge no. Enormous no. Worlds of no. I don't even think Buffy knows the word 'fuck'."

"Your dinner is going to be cold and disgusting," Angel said as he turned into a drive through.

"Um, before we eat, is there going to be any yelling?" Xander asked uncertainly. It seemed like the potential for yelling had diminished, but you could never tell, and he always had trouble keeping food down during a full-on screaming match.

"What? Why?" Angel looked at him in confusion.

"Oh, the whole part where I screwed up and left Faith out there by herself," Xander said, flinching away from having to even say the words. Oh yeah, sometimes he took dumb to whole new levels.

"Xander," Angel sighed. He shook his head and pulled in behind a green van. "I was so angry at my father that I turned my back on my whole family including a mother and sister who loved me. I wanted to see the world, but I spent every cent getting some barmaid to spread her legs. I followed Darla into an alley even though I knew she was up to no good. I didn't know she was a vampire, but I knew following her would lead to trouble. You have a long ways to go if you hope to match me bad decision for bad decision."

"Really?" Xander could feel the band of anxiety around his stomach loosen, which really reminded him that he was hungry.

Angel shook his head. "Really, and you don't have to sound so happy about that."

"Sorry," Xander offered. "Hey, get me a double cheese burger and large fries," he said as they moved forward to the speaker. "Potatoes are vegetable-like, you know, what with growing in the ground." Xander gave Angel his sweetest smile. While Angel might sigh and roll his eyes, he did at least order what Xander wanted and let him eat in the convertible as they headed back to the apartment. And maybe, if Faith had any sense, the apartment on the other side of Angel would be occupied soon enough.

The Care and Feeding of Humans

Angel ran the sharpening stone along the edge of his knife again. It was already sharp, but Angel didn't know what else to do. He'd even gotten desperate enough to turn the television on for a few minutes, but some show with a guy in cowboy boots doing karate moves was beyond his understanding of modern culture. And he definitely was not asking Xander about it because Xander's explanations were sometimes impossibly complicated. At least now he could understand a good fifty percent of them, which was an improvement over when the boy had first started showing up. Back then, Angel had understood very little.

With a growl, he slammed the knife down on the table and picked up his phone, punching numbers in slightly harder than he should, but at least he didn't break it this time.

"Speak to me," the voice on the other end offered cheerfully.

"Remind me again why I don't just lock him in a room," Angel almost growled. The man on the other end laughed.

"Oh man, I hear that! Xander giving you grief again? What, did another demon decide to spawn with him?" Blair chuckled.

"He's at some dance," Angel admitted. Saying it out loud, it sounded rather trivial, especially since he was at a dance with two slayers, one of whom he had personally threatened if she didn't bring Xander home in one piece. Of course, Faith tended to take his threats as some sort of amusing suggestion, so he wasn't as confident in his ability to inspire loyalty as he once might have been.

"It's not like you to be this freaked. What's up?"

"I have no idea. There's something to do with royalty at this party and Xander is caught between Buffy and Cordelia who both want to be royalty, but only one of them can be. It's very confusing, and Xander is not always clear in his explanations."

"Prom queen?" Blair nearly choked. "They both want to be prom queen? Oh shit. Teenage girls are scarier than most demons I know when it comes to being prom queen."

Angel closed his eyes and stretched his neck as he tried to work his tight muscles. "Xander is concerned and stressed. His friend Willow expects him to play boyfriend when her werewolf is busy, and she continues to lust after him. Buffy and Cordelia are fighting, and he is trying to make them both happy, and the watcher continues to annoy the unlife out of me."

"Man, it was easier when you just ate humans, wasn't it?"

Angel blinked, his brain not even able to process that comment. "You're joking," he finally whispered.

"Totally not. I mean, yeah, I get that you were a total badass, and as one of the potential food sources, I am all in favor of you valuing your soul. But seriously... this must have been easier pre-soul. I mean, eating a human is easy, but the care and feeding of one is like... whoa... seriously complicated."

Angel's guts tightened at the blithe way Blair was just commenting on something so horrific as his years before the soul. He'd been a monster. Nothing was easier. Except it had been easier, and Angel was not comfortable admitting or even thinking about that. "You're an annoying individual," Angel finally declared.

"Well, yeah. But man, you have taken on Xander Harris as a project, so I happen to know that you're into adorable and cute."

"I have no idea how to help him with all these women in his life," Angel said as he stood and paced the floor. The apartment was too small. He should get something large enough that he could really move and maybe get a workout. A room for weapons training would give him more time to teach Xander how to use the crossbow. Right now, they had to wait until the townspeople finally abandoned the streets before practicing late at night, but if he had a larger place, he could have the boy practice longer without interfering with school.

"Earth to Angel," Blair shouted.

"What?" he snapped into the phone.

"Chill out. Seriously. I mean, we all survive high school, and the social trauma is a total rite of passage. Xander will come through without too many emotional scars."

"So, I should just let him struggle with this?" Angel asked. He didn't know what answer he wanted from Blair. If Blair told him to let this go, that meant that he was doing the right thing, but it also meant that he had to keep sitting back and doing nothing. He was remarkably uncomfortable doing nothing.

"You have to wait for him to ask for help, and Angel, he might not."

"It would be easier if they were not all so incredibly damaged," Angel sighed. "Buffy is now dating a boy who is clearly homosexual, and none of them seem to realize it. The boy is sexually interested in Xander, the captain of the football team, and some random man who passed us on the street when we patrolled together, but he has no sexual interest in Buffy. And she continues to feel lust for him. This Scott even gave her a claddagh ring and explained how it represented friendship, and she failed to understand that he doesn't want to have sex with her."

Blair laughed. "That is every parent's fantasy... dating teens with incompatible sexual orientations. No sex is safe sex, my man."

"I don't care about Buffy's safe sex, I care about Xander once again turning himself inside out emotionally once they discover this deception."

Angel slammed his hand down on the table. He was nearing the end of his own emotional reserves, and still Xander continued to cater to everyone's needs but his own. When Giles had verbally ripped into Xander for falling asleep when guarding the werewolf, Angel had wanted to come out from behind the stacks and rip the watcher's head off. A child should not be asked to perform such a dangerous task. Certainly, Giles had never given him the proper training or education to deal with a werewolf if Oz had managed to escape, and there was no television, no radio... nothing in there to keep Xander from falling asleep. What did Giles expect? After the many times Angel had checked to find Willow or Buffy asleep at the same task, no one could claim to be surprised that one of the teens had fallen asleep on duty. Then again, he wondered if the arrogant little caffler even bothered to yell at the girls at all or if he saved his ire for Xander. Maybe it was time for another visit to the watcher because the lesson from the last visit was clearly wearing off.

"That's the risk of caring about someone who just cares. That's what makes Xander, Xander," Blair said, but Angel could hear the sympathy in the other man's voice. "Really sucks, huh?"

"He asks me things I don't know the answer to," Angel admitted with a great deal of frustration. "When Cordelia and Buffy were both trying to be royalty—"

"Prom queen," Blair corrected him.

"Prom queen," Angel growled back. "When they were both pressuring Xander to help, he asked me what he should do. I don't even understand why they want to be prom queen. Apparently there are no real jewels or any power or money attached to the position. I had no advice for him."

"Man, it's all about status. Whoever is prom queen is the high status female. Sure, there will be lots of smaller groups who will make fun of her behind her back. Totally. I was in those subgroups. But my point is that most of the people in the school will recognize her status. There are so few human rituals where they can actually compete for power that the rituals that do exist get totally out of hand. Now the concept of hazing at fraternities and sororities... oh man, that gets so nasty with the in-group/out-group and the assigning of status that you would think vampires set up the damn ceremonies."

"So, this is like a clan gathering," Angel tried to understand how royalty could be like vampires.

"Kinda," Blair agreed. "Only it's like all the vampires are the same age, so you need some consensus on who is the master. The crowning of the king and queen is like picking the master."

"And there will be some individuals or even groups sired by a particular vampire who refuse to recognize the master's power or who publicly acknowledge him while undermining him," Angel checked.

"Totally! Those are called cliques, only instead of being gathered according to who sired whom, they gather according to interest. All the kids who like chess will form one clique and choose their own leader within the subgroup."

"Like choosing a sire?"

"You got it."

"Then what happens when Xander has both Cordelia and Buffy demanding his loyalty?" Angel demanded, more upset than ever. Vampires caught between clans or between feuding elders within a clan rarely survived. And while he trusted both Cordelia and Buffy to physically protect Xander, they were both so very capable of emotionally crippling him.

"That is the stuff of teen angst," Blair said, and Angel did not like the tone of voice. "Chill, Angel. This is like the watered down, human version of status. No humans were harmed in the making of high school. Okay, a few were harmed, but people recover. Xander knows he always has you there making him eat his vegetables and go to bed on time, and he'll survive the rest."

"That doesn't seem like enough," Angel admitted with a frown. He wanted to do more... like lock Xander in a very small room just until all his friends finally grew up. Then again, considering his friends, he might be in that small room for a very long time.

"Trust me, it's enough."

"Is that Blair talking or a D'fatum demon?"

"It's Blair Sandburg, mostly human. Naomi did a great job with me as a mom, and most of the time, she just loved me and stood back and let me make my own choices and live with the consequences of those choices. Well, that and she made me eat vegetables."

"And Xander's going to turn out okay?"

"Man, you're doing all the right things to make sure Xander turns out great. He's going to be his own person though, Angel. He's not even your son or your consort, so you have to let him figure some of this out on his own."

"To borrow one of your phrases, that really sucks," Angel sighed. "And I have to go. I can hear Xander and Faith in the hall."

"Stay good."

"Good night, Blair," Angel answered as he stared at the phone looking for the 'end' button. Why couldn't they have one of those phones that you just hung up? Actually, his favorite phone was the one where you picked it up and someone was on the other end asking who you wanted to talk to. Those had been useful. Finally finding the right button, Angel disconnected the call and put the phone down on the counter before going back to the knife and sharpening stone at the table.

Faith was laughing as they came down the hall, so hopefully no one had been killed. Then again, with Faith, laughter might indicate mayhem and demonic attack. Angel hurried to the door and pulled it open to check on his humans. Xander looked stressed.

"They deserved that shit," Faith insisted.

"I'm never hearing the end of this. From either of them. I might as well just not go back to school because I will never be able to concentrate with the mucho gripe-o fest they're going to have going."

"What happened?" Angel demanded.

Faith laughed and headed for his door, ducking under his arm. When Xander came over and rested his forehead on Angel's chest as though upset, Angel growled at the lack of any answer.

"They both lost," Faith said cheerfully as she headed for the refrigerator.

"I'm never hearing the end of this," Xander said, his words muffled by Angel's chest. Xander pushed himself back and poked his finger at Angel's chest. "And it's all your fault."

"My fault?" Angel asked in confusion as Xander followed Faith to the kitchen. Had neither of Xander's girls been chosen for the queen? Faith wrapped her arms around the plate of left over fried chicken and bared her teeth when Xander tried to grab a piece. "And share before I make you wish you'd played nice in the first place," Angel threatened. Faith rolled her eyes but at least she let Xander grab a chicken leg before she started devouring the rest. "Is someone going to explain exactly how this is my fault?"

"I don't know," Xander shrugged, his mouth full of food. "It just is. I have to blame someone to avoid accepting any blame for myself."

Faith snorted. "Boy here has gone and got himself put in the dog house."

"The dog house?" Angel asked as he shut the door and put himself in front of it. No one was leaving this apartment until he understood what had happened.

"I was slow dancing," Xander admitted with a twist of his mouth.

"With Cordelia," Angel said. They had discussed this. Angel had even taught Xander a few steps, and that had not been easy since Angel was awkward when trying to take the girl's part, especially since he suspected that Cordelia would also prefer to lead.

"He wishes. Turns out Cordelia and Buffy went and got themselves kidnapped," Faith offered as she headed for the table, still guarding the plate of food. Xander grabbed for another piece, and Faith twisted out of his way, throwing out a hip to block him.

"Faith!" Angel warned with a growl.

"Yeah, sugar?" she flirted. Angel could feel his frustration eroding his control, and he knew the second his eyes turned yellow.

"Fine." She thrust the plate toward Xander with more force than needed, but he just smiled as he took a second piece.

Angel sighed as he realized that she was truly upset. "We can get more chicken if you're still hungry," he offered. Faith considered him through narrowed eyes for a second, and Angel couldn't avoid thinking that the girl was constantly judging him. He just wished he had some insight on what she was judging him about.

"Five by five with me. Actually, I think there's enough here. It's not like I was out killing any vamps and getting myself worked up," she shrugged as she gave Angel a wink. It was like getting hit on by your baby sister. Angel shoved that thought away as too disturbing to even contemplate. She turned a chair around backwards and straddled it.

"Are Buffy and Cordelia alright?" Angel asked, a bit of growl still in his voice. If Giles had to deal with multiple teenagers all day, perhaps Angel was being too hard on the man. This could drive anyone to insanity.

"Five by five," Faith repeated. Xander nodded, his mouth still full of chicken. "It's boy-toy you have to look out for. He went and slow danced with Red, and there were parts of him a little too interested, if you know what I mean. Cordelia shows up when they're on the dance floor, and I thought she was going to castrate him right there."

"I wasn't doing anything," Xander protested.

"Babe, that was doing something. It's called a hard-on," Faith smiled sweetly, and Angel flinched at the crudeness. No wonder everyone had trouble remembering she was fifteen.

"I'm a teenager. That happens when I dance, when I get dressed, when someone pokes me with a stick!"

"Kinky," Faith said with a wink.

"Okay, disturbing much?" Xander demanded as he finally dropped into one of the other chairs.

"I calls 'em as I sees 'em," she joked.

"Xander," Angel interrupted before Faith could make any other inappropriate comments, "why were you slow dancing with Willow?"

"I wasn't... or I was, but it was by accident. She was bored, and Giles was making really stupid finger sandwich jokes, and Oz was playing a fast song, so I invited her to fast dance."

"Only one flail into the fast dance, the band started a slow song," Faith finished. "At least I didn't have to rescue anyone from your flailing arms when you were slow dancing."

Angel frowned as Xander blushed deep red. While Xander might hate it when people tried to fight his battles for him, Angel was going to talk to Faith, just as soon as he had her alone. She should not go making Xander feel bad about himself, even if his attempts at fast dancing were sometimes dangerous. Angel would offer to coach the boy, as he had with slow dancing and fighting, both of which Xander was learning well-enough; however, Angel's own attempts at modern dance were lacking. Quite frankly, Faith would be the better teacher, but Angel did not trust the girl to not cause irreparable harm to Xander's ego.

"Anyway," Xander said loudly as he changed the topic, "Cordelia walked in during the slow dance, and she had the whole arch-villainess eyebrow of death going."

"That is one broad who would make me think twice before taking her on," Faith agreed as she started in on piece of chicken number three. Humans were expensive to feed.

"Is Cordelia angry? And who kidnapped them?" Angel demanded.

"Yes Cordelia is angry," Xander snorted. "Only it's not so much angry as furious and spiteful. And I didn't do anything but dance... but that is not going to matter so much as her making me publicly pay. And some weird guys on some slayerfest quest kidnapped them."

"They were after me," Faith offered. "It makes a girl feel special to know that men with automatic weapons are out there gunning for her. I'm just sorry that the idiots picked up Miss Priss instead. I would have given them a good tumble."

"But Buffy killed them?" Angel still didn't understand what had happened.

"Seems like. There was much drywall damage and spilling of blood, so I think that's a yes on the killing," Xander finished as he picked the last bits of meat off the chicken. "But I'm a little more concerned about the fact that Buffy and Cordelia both lost prom queen. If Buffy lost, I just would have avoided the library. If Cordelia lost, I would have claimed that I needed to do some extra credit project to keep you from going all parental, and I would have totally laired up in the library. Now, there is nowhere in that school that is safe," Xander said sadly.

"They're upset," Angel guessed.

"Upset? They're way past upset. They're nearly homicidal in their upsetness," Xander said sadly.

"They'll deal," Faith said without much sympathy. "I'm a little more interested in who set up a slayerfest. Most demons don't have balls that big, present company excluded," she finished with a wink in Angel's direction.

"Perhaps it's the same person who is contributing to the out of control minion problems in town," Angel mused.

"We killed the Master. Okay, Buffy killed the Master, and we were kill adjacent, but the Master is dead, so who are we talking about?" Xander asked.

"The Master is dead, long live the Master," Faith said with a grimace. "New big bad in town, maybe?"

Xander frowned. "The Master's been gone for over a year, why now? And I'm stupid because I know the answer to that. It's because Spike's gone, isn't it?" Xander looked over with so much distress, that Angel abandoned his post at the door and walked over to rest a hand on his shoulder.

"Whoever is doing this, they're going to be as dead as the Master," Angel promised.

Faith's snort made it clear what she thought of that. "Yeah? How are we going to find the big bad? Hey, maybe we should put out an ad in the paper. Would the real demon terrorizing Sunnydale please step forward?"

"Faith, enough," Angel said firmly.

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'm heading to bed. Anyone want to join me?" She stood and twitched her body.

"I think I've had enough of scary ladies tonight," Xander said with a shrug.

"Awww. I'll steer you 'round the curves," she said as she have him a coy look. Angel could smell the growing lust from Xander. Well, he himself had chased pretty much any girl in a skirt shabby enough to suggest she would take his coin in return for spreading her legs. At least Xander was lusting after women who did not take coin. Looking at Faith again, he could only hope they had never taken coin.

"And the rule is no sex in the apartment," Angel growled peevishly.

"You're welcome to supervise," Faith offered him as she stalked closer, her smile now focused on him, but at least she was leaving Xander alone. "Maybe even some hands on supervision. But if you two are busy, I can find someone on the street who's willing to give me a good, hard fuck."

"Faith," Angel said slowly. "I'm trying hard to pretend that you don't know what sex is. And if I catch one sniff of sex on you, I'll lock you in your room for a month and potentially eviscerate whatever guy you slept with."

Faith laughed. The girl truly did seem to find his threats amusing. "Five by five with me as long as you're locked in there with me," she offered, her hand sliding down over his arm. When Angel glanced down out of shock, he could see Xander's smug amusement. The little chancer was far too amused at Angel's discomfort.

Angel crossed his arms over his chest and did his best to look stern, and again she laughed. "I need more soda, pick me up some, kay?"

"When you've eaten the cauliflower I got you, I will," Angel said firmly.

"When I what?" Faith asked, her eyebrows drawing down as she finally dropped her lascivious affect.

"When you eat your cauliflower. You said that you would prefer cauliflower over other vegetables." Now Xander went from a small smug smile to a huge smirk as he looked from Angel to Faith and back again.

"Seriously?" Faith asked, and for one second she actually looked fifteen.

"Seriously," Angel insisted. "So, since you haven't eaten any of it yet, you have a lot of eating to do tonight and tomorrow if you expect me to get more soda."

"Fucking mother hen," Faith cursed as she headed for the door, and that momentary glimpse of a young Faith vanished under the slayer with the attitude of a pissed off gangster and a vocabulary that put a foot soldier to shame.

"And I will know if you throw it away," Angel added. Faith flipped him off before slamming his door shut behind her. He listened to her go into her apartment. Really, they were all in Xander's name, and Angel again considered putting the one in Faith's name instead. The first week here, she had not even offered a consistent answer regarding her last name, but she seemed to be settling down now. Cacophonous music suddenly blasted, and Angel flinched back from the sound, smiling only when he heard the refrigerator open and the crunch of her biting into the raw cauliflower.

"Can I just say woo-hoo that you have the apartment next to her and not me?" Xander said as he looked at the kitchen wall. It was vibrating slightly from the bass. "She scares me sometimes."

"She scares me often," Angel said as he headed for his kitchen. Pushing aside a bottle of pickles, ketchup, mustard, a brick of cream cheese and a plastic tub of Cool Whip, Angel grabbed his blood, which always seemed to get pushed to the back no matter how many times he growled at the humans. Xander dumped his chicken bones on the plate of leftovers Faith had decimated and scraped them into the trash while Angel was microwaving his blood, carefully watching as it turned. It still seemed odd to put food into a box and have it heat by itself, but he was not foolish enough to ask for that explanation again. Willow's attempts to describe energy were even less helpful than Xander's. But really, it was no more strange than the music coming out of the box in Faith's room... at decibels that would damage the human ear.

Angel walked over to the phone and dialed Faith's number. It rang, but Faith didn't even bother to pick it up, she just turned the music down to where it was only potentially damaging to human hearing.

"How upset was Cordelia?" Angel asked now that it was just the two of them.

"She probably wouldn't have done more than call me some name I didn't know without looking up, but then Faith made a crude comment about how parts of me were into Willow, and now Willow and Cordelia are both with the cranky," Xander shrugged.

Angel sighed and reconsidered the idea of putting the apartment in Faith's name. Perhaps Blair would be a better guardian. Angel could financially support them both. "I'm sorry," Angel offered, knowing that the words were as worthless as ever. He had brought Faith into their lives, so every time she did something to harm Xander, he could feel the worry gnaw at him. He wanted to do the right thing, but he so rarely understood what the right thing was anymore. Jessica Harris had grown much more attentive of Xander since he was home far less often. Perhaps Angel should make it clear that Xander could move back home, and Angel would not renege on his deal. To be honest, he was selfish enough to not want Xander to leave, even if it would be better for him.

"Hey, no reason for you to be sorry," Xander said as he headed out to the couch and clicked on the television. It was so late that some stations had gone to static, and the others had reruns of shows so old they were in black and white. "I mean, I know I don't like Willow, so I meant it when I said that a stick poke could make me get hard. Sometimes I think I don't have any control at all. I mean, the other day, when you rested your hand on my shoulder, I got hard. I have a stupid cock."

"At this age, it's supposed to be stupid," Angel agreed. He took his blood out and headed for the living room.

"Was yours?" Xander asked.

"I got hard for any woman who looked poor enough for me to afford," he admitted as he sat next to Xander on the sofa.

"Okay, that's pretty high on the patheticness scale."

"I think we've had this discussion before," Angel pointed out.

"Probably," Xander shrugged. For a few seconds he focused on flipping idly through the channels. "I like Willow, but I don't like Willow, not the way Oz likes Willow or the way I like Cordelia."

"I know." Angel focused on the television and waited as Xander struggled to sort his thoughts.

"It's just that sometimes I forget she's Willow and she feels like a girl. Not that she's not a girl, because curves there. Willow as a boy would be hugely with the weird. But she's not a *girl*."

"You're just libidinous," Angel guessed. Xander turned a confused look his way. "Horny," Angel edited himself.

"Oh, yeah," Xander agreed enthusiastically. "Only Willow is supposed to be the one with more sense than me, so she's supposed to be the brakes here. Only, she's not so brake-like. She was putting hands places that Willow hands should not go, which is where the stick-poking metaphor comes in. Should someone stoking the inside of my elbow or the small of my back really be so..." Xander trailed off into silence.

"Erotic?" Angel guessed. Xander nodded unhappily. "Everyone has erogenous zones, Xander, that's normal."

"And I'm just a mindless puddle of libnous goo when someone touches one of mine."

It took Angel a second to realize that Xander meant libidinous. He fought back a smile as he tried to figure out the socially correct answer. "Do you want to go hunt something?" he finally asked.

Xander gave him an odd look. "I'm exhausted. I think I'm going to head to bed and think stern thoughts about how my body should not be vetoing reasonable decisions made by my brain," he said as he clicked the television off and got up.

"Xander," Angel said as the boy got up.

"Yeah?"

"You'll survive high school," he said firmly. "The social trauma is a rite of passage, and emotional wounds heal."

Xander looked at him really oddly. "Um, good? I think. Angel, seriously, check the expiration date on your blood supply," he said as he headed for the door. "Good night."

"Good night, Xander," Angel answered right before his door closed. Sipping his blood, he listened as Xander got ready for bed, his shower running for a long time as he masturbated. Faith was kicking her wall in time with her music and crunching on cauliflower. Blair was right: the care and feeding of humans was never simple.

A Little Brutal Honesty with Tea

"Oh, this is intolerable," Giles snapped as he slammed his book shut. "There's not a word here about Lagos or the glove." He stood up. "We don't have time for this... near missing." The book dropped heavily onto the table and Xander exchanged a quick worried glance with Willow about a millisecond before he remembered he was not supposed to be exchanging glances with Willow. Faith was so supposed to be playing chaperone, or Cordelia, and they were both on the MIA list. Or Cordelia was MIA and Faith had gotten sent out to demonstrate more moves for her new watcher. Xander was not on this new watcher's fan list. Nope. Not at all. Giles turned and pinned both him and Willow with a glare. Okay, so Xander wasn't on the old watcher's fan list either. "Just find out all you can about the demon, its strengths, its-its weaknesses." Giles snapped. He was riding the potential heart attack train of stress, that's for sure. He started pacing. "Its places of origin, and most importantly, what it plans to do with this blasted glove." Giles poked his glasses in Xander's direction.

"Hey, you're not the watcher of me," he tried joking.

Giles scowled at him. "Then go home. But if you choose to stay, then work." Giles turned and headed for his office, and Xander was temporarily frozen in shock. Willow made a little concerned noise, and Xander took a step away from her toward the stacks. Only why should he read more worthless books? His suggestion was to call Angel, but no, that was just a stupid idea. All his ideas were stupid ideas. Only they weren't. He got Angel to go with him into the Master's lair. He's the one who took escort duty with the cheerleaders. They hadn't lost a cheerleader in over a year, and normally those girls were prime vampire pickings. And even Giles' comments about Spike were obviously more stupid than anything Xander ever said. Without Spike, the vampires were getting way more with the pushy.

"Xander, where are you going?" Willow asked as Xander reversed direction and headed to the phone.

"To call a qualified surgeon to remove the British flag from Giles' ass," Xander answered sarcastically. Willow gasped as Xander picked up the phone.

"We're all tired, it's late. Maybe we should just all stop and go home for the night. My eyes are all blurry," she said placatingly, only Xander was not with the wanting to be placated. He punched the numbers on the phone a little harder than he should and just hoped that Angel actually picked the phone up. Sometimes it was like the big lug just got tired of the twentieth century and decided to ignore anything that rang, buzzed, vibrated or lit up... well except his car. Angel was in love with that car.

"Hello?" Angel finally answered after seven rings.

"Lagos and the Glove of Ming-thingy," Xander blurted.

"What?" Angel asked, sounding both alarmed and confused.

"Who are you calling?" Giles demanded as he came out of his office, his precious tea in hand.

"Angel—who we should have been calling from the first," Xander said, bracing himself for the explosion.

"Angel? The *vampire* Angel? I thought we had an agreement that if you were to come into my library, you would not compromise our work by running to that demon with information." Giles slammed his tea down on the table hard enough to make it slop over the side.

"What information?" Xander demanded. "We have a big nada, zero, zip and zitch on the information front."

"We have a picture of Lagos," Willow offered as she chewed her bottom lip.

"He doesn't have the glove yet," Xander pointed out. "Now a picture of the crypt with the glove in it might be information, but a picture of Lagos is non-information or at least in the non-helpful column of information."

"And you think telling a *vampire* where to find an all powerful weapon is a better idea than doing a little work for yourself?" Giles asked in a tone that made Xander want to slink away. "American teenagers have the work ethics of..."

"STOP!" Willow yelled, and then she nearly shrank in on herself when they both looked at her. "We're supposed to be helping each other... and helping Buffy."

"And Faith," Xander added.

"And Faith," Willow agreed with a nod and a slight blush. Right now, Xander thought Faith was way more with the needing help considering that Mrs. Gwendolyn Post seemed a little on the seriously anal retentive side. Just as soon as Faith lost her cool and told the woman about Angel and Clem and the concept of good demons, he figured she would either stroke out or call the Council and try to whisk Faith away for a bit of brainwashing, not that Angel was going to be letting that happen.

"The best way to help the slayers is not to bring a homicidal demon into our midst," Giles said slowly and carefully, obviously choosing his words to avoid the profanity that probably wanted to come out. Seriously, though, that façade of librarian didn't work quite so well after Xander had seen Giles stoned on band candy. Between the smoking and the cursing and the sex and the demon summoning, Giles had the moral purity of tar. And then he sobered up and didn't even admit to Buffy that he'd been boffing her mom. Angel and his nose was the only reason Xander knew.

Xander spoke slowly himself and tried to actually choose words instead of letting them just fall out of his mouth. "Angel is the one who helped Faith when you left her in a hotel with not even enough money for food or rent, so I'm thinking he's proved his usefulness. But now some people... some people are not that much with the useful," Xander said cruelly. Okay, it was a low blow, especially with Post poking at Giles' ego, but he was finished and finito with the blame game they always seemed to play.

"I-I-well really, she only had to ask," Giles said, and off came the glasses. Yep, that scored a direct hit. Time to sink Giles' battleship.

"Yeah, because she is all with the mentally healthy and able to articulate her needs," Xander said, loading the words with sarcasm. "And fifteen is definitely old enough to be alone, in a neighborhood filled with drug dealers and demons and hookers. Hey, there's an idea. Maybe you expected her to hook for her money."

"Xander Harris, you stop being mean!" Willow said, crossing her arms and giving him a stern look.

"Xander's being mean?" Cordelia asked as she walked in, the library doors clacking shut behind her. "Where's Faith?" she asked suspiciously. Yep, Xander was still on the short leash of love.

"She's with her watcher," Giles said archly. "And Xander was just leaving."

"Really? It sounded like he was just ripping into you," she offered with a sweet smile... the kind a praying mantis used right before eating her mate... only that was a really bad metaphor because Xander was the mate... or the hopefully one-day-soon mate. Xander shook his head as he tried to clear that image.

"Perhaps you should escort him home," Giles said, his voice tight with disapproval.

"I thought I'd listen in on him handing out the cold, hard truth."

"Cordelia, you're not helping," Willow hissed.

"I wasn't trying to," she said with a shrug.

Giles took a step forward toward Xander, and Cordelia linked her arm with his. Okay, Xander could admit that he was seconds away from folding and running away—like usual when Willow or Buffy backed up Giles—but now he faced both of them.

"Xander," Willow said in a scandalized voice.

"Oh please, enough with the trying to turn Xander into your little lapdog," Cordelia rolled her eyes.

"Me? Me? I'm not the one who's ordering him around and don't think I don't know that you told Faith to keep me away from him."

"Faith was to keep you from Xander?" Giles asked in confusion. Of course he'd left before the dance drama.

"It's a long story," Willow said softly, her hands picking at the edge of her shirt nervously.

"Miss Do-Good tried to get in Xander's pants," Cordelia summarized it. Xander flinched, but no one tried to contradict her version.

"Oh," Giles said in confusion as he looked from one of them to the other.

"I asked Faith to keep you away from his penis," Cordelia finished. Xander and Willow both blushed dark red at that.

"I hardly think this is the appropriate time for this adolescent drama," Giles said as he turned to go back in his office.

Xander pulled his arm away from Cordelia and stepped toward Giles. "Newsflash. We are adolescents. Willow is exhausted, I'm frustrated because you won't even listen to me, and Buffy is a kid, but you don't want to see any of that."

"If you're frustrated, feel free to leave," Giles said with a smile sweet enough to match Cordelia. Every once in a while that nasty side of Giles slipped out.

"Like you did?" Xander asked. He had his own nasty side if that's how Giles wanted to play. "Don't forget, I met the young you. You were good at walking away from responsibility. I bet your dad didn't listen to any of your ideas, so you just walked away and hung out with Ethan and summoned demons and smoked and slept with slayer's mothers. Oh, I'm sorry, that last part came later, didn't it?" Xander crossed his arms over his chest and watched as Giles turned paler.

"He slept with Joyce?" Cordelia asked with more than a little amusement. "You have good gossip like that and you don't tell me?"

"He couldn't have," Willow whispered in horror.

"You don't know anything," Giles said as he stepped forward.

"I know that you're the adult and you're a pretty shitty one. Why don't you care about Willow getting enough time to do her homework?"

Giles drew himself up to his full height. "She can leave whenever she wants, as can you."

"The way Faith could ask you for money for food?" Xander noticed that Giles turned just a wee bit paler at that. Yeah, Giles knew he'd been a complete an utter asshole to Faith.

"He has a point there," Cordelia offered. "Seriously, my parents are models of neglect or I would never be out this late, but they are still the Cleavers compared to you."

"I am not your parent. I did not father any of you."

Xander glanced over and he could see the tears gathering in the corners of Willow's eyes. He looked back, and Giles was watching her. The sneer on his face had softened into confusion.

"We should go," Willow said softly.

"Willow, I-I don't mean that I don't enjoy your company," Giles stammered. "I quite enjoy our magic lessons, and you are coming along splendidly. Jenny speaks very highly of your talent."

"Way to go, Giles," Cordelia said as she reached over and picked up the phone. "So, who are we giving the performance for?"

Xander froze as he realized who had just heard that. "Oh shit... Angel." Cordelia raised an eyebrow in amusement as Xander grabbed the phone and practically yelled into the mouthpiece. "Angel? Angel?!"

"Give it up. If he heard any part of that, he's on his way here," Cordelia said as she reached out for his arm again. Xander looked around the room, and suddenly he realized how much damage he'd done. Willow was near to crying, Giles was pale and looking more angry than ever, and Cordelia had that satisfied expression that always worried him. And the truce between Cordelia and Buffy was new enough that the whole Joyce bombshell really should not have been put in her hands. It was like giving Iran a big old nuclear weapon and saying, 'now you be nice and don't use that.' Yep, he was stupid. He was huge old piles of stupid.

"Giles," Xander said uncertainly.

"Perhaps I am not perfect, but that does not make your decisions any less questionable," Giles said stiffly. He continued to stand at the end of the table, and Willow slid back, her fingers picking at the neck of her blue blouse.

"It looks like someone dropped emotional napalm on you two. Seriously, consider looking at reality every once in a while," Cordelia said without much sympathy. It was funny, alone Cordy had all kinds of sympathy for people, but in front of the others, she really was at her bitchy best. Only right now, Xander seriously wished she would show just a little bit of that softer underside.

"Willow, hey, you know me... engage mouth before brain," Xander tried.

"I know," she said softly, still edging toward the exit.

"You people are pathetic if a little truth is this damaging on your egos," Cordelia sniffed, and then she was pulling Xander away. Xander followed for two steps before he stopped and pulled his arm free. Cordelia considered him with raised eyebrows.

"Giles, I meant what I said about you not thinking about us, but I said it because I was angry, and that was... okay that was shitty of me," Xander blurted before he could change his mind. "I guess I just get angry that you always seem to come down hard on me and the whole Angel thing is driving me way past the point of common sense. If he were evil, he's had plenty of time to make with the evil plan and conquer the world, not that I think he would. He has trouble keeping up with me and Faith, so I don't see him playing conqueror and trying to rule the world. But my point is that either he's not evil or he's really, really pathetic and incompetent evil. And incompetent is not the first word I think when I think of Angel. Unless you're talking electronics. If you think 'electronics' and then 'Angel', then incompetent is going to pop up pretty quick."

Giles just stared at Xander, and he could decide if he was digging out of a hole or just digging himself in deeper. It wasn't easy figuring out how to deal with pissy English people.

"Um, I should go. People to see, homework to stare at blankly," Xander said with a crooked smile. This time, he let Cordelia pull him out of the room. They walked silently down the abandoned hallways where he'd walked Ampata to her classes while Buffy made unsubtle kissing noises behind his back. This was where he rolled his eyes at Willow and Buffy when they'd all gotten volunteered to escort kids on Halloween. This was where he'd asked Amy out on a date and then been shocked when she said yes. Buffy and Willow had promptly accused him of having low self-esteem, which... no duh. So, why did he keep going out of his way to inflict emotional damage on the people he really and truly did love? Yeah, poking Giles felt good at the time, but hurting Giles meant hurting Willow and Buffy. And he couldn't forget Willow's tragic eyes. She was big with the hurty.

"I'm officially slime," Xander said softly to Cordelia.

"No you're not. Slime is disgusting, and I don't date disgusting; ergo, you are not slime," she said confidently.

"Um, present company disproves that theory."

They walked out into the night, and Xander sat on the steps. Angel was probably going to show up sooner rather than later, so no need to freak the gelled one out by taking off. Nope, he'd sit here like a good little backstabber so that Angel could find him and then look at him strangely as he tried to figure out what was going on. Xander had even tried making Angel watch Passions so he would understand the psychological damage that was friendship, but he was pretty sure he'd just confused Angel even more.

Cordelia sat next to him. "They already knew, deep down."

"And I went and pulled it all up to the surface. Yep, that's me, dredging up the ugly for fun and kicks."

"You are good at it," Cordelia offered, and Xander turned to look at her incredulously. Okay, he knew why he was dating Cordelia because... hello... Cordelia, but sometimes he didn't know why he dated her. She had a habit of complimenting him on the very things he was trying to stop doing, like poking Giles with the verbal stick. Which, true, Giles deserved the poke, but Willow didn't, and now Willow and Buffy were going to get the poke fallout. Yep, it was about to be the nuclear winter of poke, and it was all his fault. That—and Faith's new watcher—were the makings of a truly horrific senior year. Maybe he could join Faith in the land of dropouts. Her GED book didn't look too hard. If he studied, he could pass it.

"Are you going to be depressed all night?" Cordelia asked with a disgusted sigh.

"Yes."

Cordelia sighed again, but this time it was a softer sound. Reaching over, she rested her hand on his arm, her fingers curling into the inside of his elbow, and parts of his body not above his shoulders started doing his thinking for him. "What exactly did you say to them? You pointed out that Giles is oblivious to everything not slaying, right?"

Xander nodded, but only part of his attention was on her words, the other part was on the heat of her hand soaking through his skin, and the way her knee brushed against his. He glanced over and watched her mouth form words, the lips drawing together.

"And you pointed out that Giles acts like a jerk around you?"

"Um, yeah," Xander agreed.

"Truth and truth. And if Willow goes and gets all weepy over Giles pointing out that he did not father her, then she has more problems than I thought. She should get herself a good therapist. Maybe two." Cordelia shrugged and looked out at the parking lot. Her convertible and Giles' sad little car were the only ones in the lot. "And if you keep playing martyr, I'm going to have daddy get you therapy," she warned. But her hand patted him, and Xander took the threat as a sign of love.

They sat in silence for long minutes, cars sailed past and one pedestrian strolled down the side of the road.

"Vampire," Xander guessed.

"Probably," Cordy agreed without moving. These days there were so many vamps, and the vamps were so pathetically weak and out of control that he figured there couldn't be a master vampire anywhere around. Spike had always said that a master is judged by the quality of his minions, and these minions were not exactly Grade A, Prime Choice. Nope, whoever was trying to play conqueror of the hellmouth this time around wasn't Angel and wasn't any vamp who followed Spike-logic.

"I shouldn't have suggested that Giles turned Faith out to be a hooker," Xander said as he got a look of disgust on his face.

"You said that?" Cordelia asked, sounding more surprised than actually disgusted. She should be disgusted. He was a horrible person.

"I said that he abandoned Faith and that he probably just expected her to sleep with men for money," Xander admitted. His stomach was starting to tighten into one giant knot.

"Well, it's true. Again, truth is an absolute defense against slander... or would that be liable?" she mused as she shifted on the stairs.

"It would be mean," Xander answered.

"True enough, but hey, if they can't take the truth, that's their problem."

"Xander," Willow said softly, and Xander leaned all the way back on the steps and tilted his head back to see upside Willow standing on the steps above him. He flipped over so she was right side up and scrambled to his feet.

"What are you... I mean.... Hey," Xander finished lamely. Cordelia got up with way more grace than he had and managed to roll her eyes at the same time.

"Giles is giving me a ride home," Willow said as she pulled her bookbag to her chest. She looked absolutely lost, but Cordelia still shifted in front of Xander, so he was guessing that Cordy wasn't willing to withdraw the claws yet. He was just lucky that the Harmony and the others described the dance as Willow getting grabby and him getting big with the awkward and uncomfortable. He so did not want to think how shitty his life would be if those claws of Cordelia's were in him.

"Yes, I had rather hoped to catch you before you left," Giles said as he turned around after locking the front doors of the school.

"Really? Um, should I be running now?" Xander asked with a weak grin.

Giles just looked at him for a second, and then shook his head sadly. "Clearly we disagree regarding Angel, and I have my own reasons for believing him to be a danger to the community. I don't feel a need to share those reasons because, as you say, you are not the adults here."

If this was Giles' way of making up, Xander was not feeling it. He reached up and rested his hand on Cordy's waist, needing that support. Giles sighed again.

"But as you say, I have been rather harsh on you in hopes of encouraging you to do better. A number of people have suggested that I might have gone too far," he said with a grimace. "While I might not trust everyone's judgment, Ms. Calendar has a good insight on people, and she has suggested that I am more difficult with you than with other people. I had thought her an alarmist, but she may be correct."

Xander just stared, not quite sure how to take this. It might be an apology, but it might not be. And how weird was it that Giles' girlfriend was sticking up for him? Since she was Willow's techno-mage, wicca mentor person, he kinda figured she'd be on Willow's side. And the awkward silence just went on.

"I had hoped we could discuss this like adults," Giles said, disapproval leeching into his voice again. Willow hugged her bookbag tighter and Cordelia crossed her arms over her chest.

Angel saved them all from awkwardness when he squealed into the parking lot with his big old car. Xander flinched as the vamp took one of the student lot speed bumps hard enough to send the front wheels airborne. Angel hit the brakes and slowed down quite a bit before he pulled up in front of the school. When Giles reached out and pulled Willow close to his side, Xander knew that things hadn't really changed. Giles was still with the lack of trust and he was still with the much frustration.

"Xander, Cordelia, Willow," Angel said as he got out, slamming the car door behind him. "Rupert," he added after a pause.

"Hey, Angel," Willow offered from behind Giles where she'd been pushed.

"Xander, I assume you meant the Glove of Myhnegon when you called with that alarming message."

Giles took a step forward. "Yes, well, as this truly is none of your concern, you need not worry about which glove Xander meant," he said firmly at the exact same time that Xander offered a "Yep." Giles gave Xander a dirty look.

"Oh nice," Cordelia said with disgust. "You almost apologize for treating Xander like dirt and then you turn around and treat him like dirt again. And people call me thoughtless."

Giles cleared his through and got a constipated expression on his face. "I have never wavered in my belief that Angel is not the... person... to entrust with such information."

"I've always been on the side of the slayers," Angel said, and Xander could hear the frustration there. Yep, Angel and Giles were not going to sit down and sing Kum Ba Yah together any time soon... or any time far, either, for that matter.

"But people can change," Giles said with a strange tone in his voice. Xander looked from Giles to Angel in confusion, but Angel looked as confused as him, and Giles had on his 'not sharing' face.

"Yes, they can," Angel finally answered when the awkward silence had gotten more with the awkward. Walking up a few steps, he stood beside Xander and Cordelia. "Mrs. Post certainly has."

"What?" That caught Giles so off guard that he actually forgot to looked pissed about Angel being there.

"How could you entrust Faith to someone you had not even checked out? Weren't you suspicious at all? Or are you truly so convinced of the infallibility of your precious watchers that you would sacrifice Faith to your idiocy?" And Angel was definitely sounding cranky.

"I... there is no reason to suspect she is anything other than what she seems to be."

Angel stiffened and for one second, Xander thought Giles was about to get a demonstration of how vampires dealt with frustration, but then Angel gave a slow smile. "Other than the fact that she is actually a man? Other than the fact that she has no paperwork or proof? Other than the fact that Mrs. Gwendolyn Post was kicked out of your watchers' club for doing black magic? No, no reason for suspicion. She must have done a lot of black magic because the Council seems fine with their watchers dabbling in the dark arts," Angel said in a bitterly insulting tone. Normally Angel saved lectures that long for things like eating vegetables... a topic he was slightly obsessive about, but Giles had definitely found a new hot-button for Angel-obsessing.

Willow gasped. "Black magic? Jenny says that black magic corrupts your aura."

"Rather," Giles agreed. "However, at this point we only have the word of a vampire."

"Then call England and find out for yourself. And the next time someone tries to convince Faith that her only worth is in how well she kills, they may get more than a broken arm."

Xander's eyes went wide. Okay, that was unexpected. Angel broke someone's arm? Xander looked around, and everyone looked shocked except Giles.

Giles' expression just sort of closed down. "Did she survive?" he asked blandly.

"Yes," Angel said, his mouth now a tight line. "But if she's after what I think she is, she won't live for long if she gets in Lagos' way or if she gets anywhere near the Glove of Myhnegon. She's a practitioner of black magic, and they very rarely want anything other than power, money, or the ability to conquer the world."

"Then we shall find where the glove has been secreted," Giles said firmly. "Willow, perhaps we can put in another hour of research."

"The Von Hauptman family crypt at the Restfield Cemetery," Angel said calmly. "I could have told you that hours ago."

"Oh," Giles said as he took his glasses off and began polishing. "I shall call Buffy and..."

"It's not there now."

"Did Lagos..."

"I've moved it. If you find a way to destroy it, I'll bring it here for the ceremony. If not, I will hide it somewhere else."

"You will..." Giles sputtered to a stop. "Do you truly think I would allow you to have such a powerful weapon? What will happen if that soul of yours should happen naff off?!"

"If his soul does what?" Cordelia asked.

"You know. You know about the happiness clause which is why you're always big on the Angel-hating," Xander accused Giles. "And way to not show the supportiveness. You knew there was a way for Angel to go all soul-free, and you still let me live next door to him. Thanks, Giles. I'm feeling the love now!"

"I had... I never... I did tell you to not get so blasted close to the monster," Giles snapped.

Cordelia jumped right into the fight. "Right, because telling someone that without giving a reason is very helpful. Angel, I respect both you and the calming effect your presence has had on Xander's taste in clothes..." Xander glanced down at his blue striped shirt and frowned at that comment. "... however, if you're about to turn into a murdering, raping, spawn of hell, could you give me some advance warning?"

"I'm not going to lose my soul," Angel said, and Xander noticed that Cordelia didn't try to move away, not even an inch. Willow, on the other hand, looked like she was ready to press herself right into the side of the building. Her wide eyes watched Angel with horror and she held her book bag so high that her hair brushed the top.

"Really? As I understand it, the gypsies who cursed you included a clause for ending that curse." Giles looked way too smug about that little fact.

"Which, may I say, is definitely hugely stupid. I mean, you want him to have a conscience, so you curse him, but you put on a clause that will turn the badass version loose on some other group of unsuspecting people? I question the morality and/or intelligence of these particular gypsies," Xander pointed out.

"It's a moot point anyway," Angel sighed. "The condition for my soul to be lost is perfect happiness. I assure you that I often feel frustrated, aggravated, annoyed and occasionally borderline homicidal, but I do not feel perfectly happy," Angel pointed out.

"Oh, and when the day comes that you claim your consort, won't that be a perfect moment?" Giles demanded. Xander narrowed his eyes at the look Giles shot him. Okay, something was weird in the state of Sunnydale. He made a mental note to look up consort.

"First, I have no plans for Xander," Angel said and now he stepped forward so he was in front of Cordy and Xander. "Second, even if I did, I would still have to worry about an amadán like you damaging him. And if I were to convince him to leave you and this town behind, I have vampires I have made out there... I have the memories of my own bad choices. There is no perfect happiness for me."

"So you claim," Giles insisted.

"So I claim," Angel said in that sweet voice with just a hint of Irish in it, the one that Xander didn't trust. "And since I have the Glove of Myhnegon, you'll just have ta keep on trusting me, won't you? Oh, and keep that Post woman and her idiotic ideas away from Faith or she'll be getting more than a broken arm," he said as he turned his back on Giles. If Xander thought Giles had been pale before, he was practically a ghost now. When Angel turned, Xander could see the yellow eyes shining at him. "Xander, you need ta be goin' down and getting two of those cell phones contraptions. I'll not be stuck trying to decide whether to listen for you or get the job done... not again. Understand?"

"Oh yeah, got it," Xander quickly agreed. No way was he going to argue with Irish-voice, cranky Angel, and he wasn't exactly upset at the idea of cool new tech stuff anyway.

"I'll help him pick out colors that don't clash," Cordelia offered. Angel looked at her for a second, a frown flashing across his face before the yellow vanished and his face was again that sort of expressionless neutral Angel had on most of the time.

"Xander do you want a ride or are you staying with Cordelia?" Angel asked, his voice absolutely flat.

"I was going to see if Cordy wanted to go out for a soda."

Angel nodded and went back to his car, getting in without a backwards glance and taking off out of the parking lot way too fast. They all held their breath, the silence heavy between them even as Willow eased away from the wall.

Eventually Giles sighed. "Xander, you must see why I worry about him being involved in our business."

"You mean because he has a temper?" Xander asked. "Nope. Everyone in this group has a temper, and lots of us have a past full of stupids. I tried to rape Buffy, Willow tried to become queen to a cyber demon, Buffy turned vamp in that weird dream world, and you summoned demons. I'm not cutting Angel off for his lack of perfectness."

"Of course, I never did anything like that," Cordelia sniffed as she started down the stairs.

"You don't have to go evil to be scary," Xander pointed out as he quickly followed, leaving Giles and Willow behind.

"True," she said, and she flashed a brilliant smile over her shoulder at him. Oh yeah, Xander still had a shot at second base if that smile were any indication. He hurried ahead of her and opened her car door for her. Her fingers trailed over his cheek before she got in, and he rushed to the other side. Willow and Giles were still on the steps, and Xander offered them a little wave before he got in. Second base, here he came.

A Slippery Leash

"Maybe I shouldn't go," Angel said as he stood uncomfortably pulling at his sweater. Christmas had never been his favorite holiday as they had gone to church and then sat in hard chairs while his father read bible lessons. Most of them seemed to center around how sinful Liam had been during the year and how disappointed his father was. Santa Clause and Christmas cards and parties were certainly not how he remembered the day. Angel much preferred Nollaig na mBan, Women's Christmas, which came twelve days later. His mother would have her friends over, and he would listen at the door and bring them treats and sometimes get a peek of some neighbor girl's leg. Epiphany they called it now, only Xander said that no one truly celebrated that day anymore. In fact, Xander would be at school. Angel pulled at his sweater again, truly disliking the red and green colors.

"We're already here, so no 'going' required," Xander said as he caught Angel by the arm.

"Maybe I should check on Faith."

"Okay, Faith is fine. How much trouble can a slayer get into hanging out with the GED folks, and wow that was a stupid thing to say." Xander flinched as he realized how he'd just hexed himself. Angel did not truly understand why the others believed in that sort of hexing, but they did. Xander shrugged, obviously realizing he couldn't take the words back. "You really do not blend into the woodwork there, so give her some space. I have specific orders from her to not let you come act all weirdly parental."

Xander started pulling Angel toward Joyce's house. "Look, Cordy has to do some party thing with her folks, and I'm stuck Christmas Day with the parentals, so we are spending Christmas Eve together at Buffy's party. Period. The end." Xander got that stubborn expression on his face, and Angel struggled to come up with a reason... any reason... for leaving. He came up blank. He never thought he would be wishing for an apocalypse. Before he could argue more, Xander was tugging him toward the front door.

With a sigh, Angel allowed himself to be pulled up the steps. "I'm not planning on being nice to Giles or that Scott boy," he growled as Xander rang the bell.

"Buffy is trying to avoid the freaky, so teachers will not be coming to her Christmas party, and she is so over Scott Hope. She's back to Devon," Xander said, and then the door flew open and Buffy was there.

"She—" Angel was cut off by a slayer-volume squeal.

"Xander! And Angel. Wow. I so did not think he would get you to come to any gathering that didn't have a potential for bloodshed, and please let there be no potential bloodshed here," Buffy's smile slipped and she gave a bit of a grimace at that thought.

"Hey, it's Christmas Eve, no bloodshed allowed. I will stand up and order any potential mayhem to come back the day after tomorrow," Xander said firmly.

"My hero," Buffy smiled as she took Xander's other arm and pulled him in. Xander jerked to a stop when Angel hit the barrier, but he didn't let go of Angel's arm.

"Oh, Angel, I’m sorry," Buffy flinched as she looked around quickly.

"You're clear; Joyce didn't see, and if she had seen I was fully prepared to introduce Angel as my mime friend."

"Your what?" Angel asked, his eyebrows going up.

"Hey, no bloodshed, remember?" Buffy laughed. "Angel, you are officially invited into my home."

The barrier evaporated, and Angel stepped through into the slayer's home. Buffy clearly had advantages that Faith and Kendra had not. He wondered how much of her remarkable survival was due to Giles' training, and how much came from the fact she had a stable home with a clearly loving parent. Speaking of Buffy's mother, Joyce walked across the room, leaving a huge bowl of chips on the coffee table as she stepped around Oz and Willow. Angel had seen her from a distance, both in Sunnydale and back in LA where he'd watched her and her husband fight over Buffy's expulsion from school, but he'd never seen her up close. She was a handsome woman.

"Hello. You must be Xander's friend, the one who's tutoring him," Joyce held out her hand, but Angel could see the suspicion in her eyes. Did every person they meet insist on assuming he had designs on Xander?

"Angel O'Connelly," he introduced himself as he shook her hand quickly and then pulled back before she could notice the lack of body heat. "I'm more than just a friend," he said and Joyce's back stiffened. "I was very good friends with Xander's uncle, Destry LaVelle. He was a bit of a mentor to me when I went to law school, and before he went to South America, he made me promise that I would keep an eye on his favorite nephew," Angel said, putting all his charm forward. He didn't like charming humans, it felt too much like stalking them, but he could if necessary. And Joyce was just too strong and too ethical of a woman to have suspicions and not act on them. So, he definitely needed to allay her fears before he had to deal with Social Services on top of what Blair assured him was normal teen angst.

"Oh, and when do you expect your uncle back?" Joyce asked Xander.

"He's dead," Xander shrugged, a dozen pretzels already in his mouth. Angel could have groaned. Xander had many skills, but lying or even obfuscating would never be one. When Joyce looked at him with horror and sadness and just a little confusion, Xander finally caught on. He swallowed, choked on pretzel crumbs, and then finally offered Joyce a sad smile. "He died a while back, and I didn't know him all that well. My dad really hated Uncle Destry, which is probably the best character reference you can get because my dad is..." Xander looked at Angel in panic as he realized that he was in over his head, but Joyce was already melting with maternal pity.

"I'm so sorry. Your uncle sounds like a wonderful man, and I'm sure he's very proud to see how you're growing up." Joyce took Xander by the arm and herded him over to the snack table, pointing out all the treats with chocolate in them with a motherly tone.

"He mentored you in law school?" Buffy asked with a conspiratorial smile.

"You spend your evenings in your room?" Angel asked right back. He wasn't the only one lying to Joyce.

"Ouch. That was point-like," she said as she slipped a hand through his arm and stepped into the living room with him. "Angel, you know Oz and Willow," she said as she waved her hand in their direction. Willow was totally focused on Oz, her hand hovering near his arm. Oz looked a little less invested in her as he looked up and gave Angel a smile. He suspected the werewolf had been bothered by Willow's wandering interests; after all, vampires weren't the only ones with superior senses.

"Hey," Oz offered. Willow gave him a quick glance and then focused right back in on Oz. She was biting her lip and he was carefully not looking at her. Angel wondered how soon he could talk Xander into leaving.

"Larry's over there. For an ex, he's really cool about it," Buffy said. "Actually, I like him more as an ex than as a boyfriend because he was a little creepy in the boyfriend department."

Angel made absolutely no comment on that. Considering the stories he'd heard from Xander and the various things he'd sniffed on her boyfriends, Angel would categorize most of her boyfriends as creepy.

"And Freddy Iverson is the editor of the newspaper." Buffy waved at a boy on the opposite end of the food table, and he waved back. Angel made an awkward wave of his own and mentally vowed revenge on Xander. Broccoli was in the boy's future. Buffy whispered to him while still smiling at a clearly uncomfortable Freddy. "I was trying to get him to write an article about the real Cordelia Chase, the one that has the morality of a really slimy demon, but strangely he has ethics. Clearly, he is not going into journalism for a career. Anyway, Willow said that his parents do the whole Jewish ignoring Christmas thing, so we invited him."

Angel tried to smile at the boy with glasses and long hair who was staking out the food table even though he was so thin Angel doubted he actually ate. "Um, okay," he said. Yes, this was clearly hell. He might actually become nostalgic about his own family's Christmases at this rate.

"And of course Devon," Buffy said, her tone of voice shifting and lust drifting from her as the singer strolled over to them. Buffy's scent made Angel's nose itch. Angel really disliked the boy with his leather coat and floppy hair and the strangle dimple in the middle of his forehead. He reminded Angel of the man in that movie with the music where a perfectly nice girl started dressing like Faith in order to sing to the male as she danced around a carnival. It was a disturbing movie.

"Hey," Devon said, his head bobbing to some music only he could hear. Buffy smiled at him. "Hey," he repeated, "don't I know you?" He frowned at Angel.

"Yes," Angel answered. Devon just looked at him for a second, his head-bopping pausing.

"Cool," he finally answered as he went back to bopping. He leaned over and nearly swallowed Buffy's tongue as his hands went to places where Angel generally didn't grab girls until after he'd paid, but she broke away with a desperate look toward her mother. Joyce was standing with her arms crossed and a frown on her face. It had been a long time since Angel had been human, but he still remembered that look. After grabbing something green from the food table, Joyce made a beeline for them.

"So, Mr. O'Connelly," she said, her eyes never leaving Devon, "you're a lawyer."

Angel looked at Buffy, and she looked as uncomfortable as he felt. In fact, Devon seemed like the only one who wasn't feeling the heat of Joyce's glare.

"What sort of law do you practice?" she asked him as she thrust the bowl of green blob in his hand. Angel took it automatically and looked over at Xander for a rescue. Xander, however, was deep in conversation with Larry... or possibly ignoring him. While he might care for the little ingrate, Angel had no doubt he would abandon Angel in the middle of hell if it amused him.

"Ah, contracts and—"

"How nice," Joyce cut him off. Angel followed the line of her glare and found Devon's hand still dangerously low on Buffy's backside. Buffy stepped forward and broke contact.

"Mom, you should listen to Freddy describe this really cool new thing he's doing with the paper. It has something to do with... paper," she finished lamely as she hurried her mother away from Devon.

"Well... damn," Devon said with a shrug before he headed over to the couch and dropped down beside Oz.

Willow was talking to both of them, but Angel ignored her.

"It's Jello. You eat it," Xander said with amusement as he came over, his own plate full of chocolate.

"You eat it," Angel said as he held the bowl and spoon out for him.

"Oh no. No, tonight I am chocolate-loyal. I am chocolate-faithful. I am planning to eat enough chocolate to make myself sick, and seeing how much food is here, I am so glad we forgot to bring anything for the pot luck."

Angel froze. "You said we were not supposed to bring anything," Angel whispered. He had wanted to bring a gift, and Xander had absolutely vetoed his suggestion.

"Okay, you do not bring wine to an underage girl's party," Xander said as he rolled his eyes. "Um, but we were supposed to bring something sugary or in any other way potentially damaging to good oral hygiene. Look, no big. Eat your Jello," Xander said and then he was smiling at Freddie and hurrying over to talk about seven out of nine somethings.

Backing away from the room full of adolescent children, Angel stood pressed to the banister, wondering if he could hide upstairs without getting caught.

"It's hard being the adult at one of these, huh?" Joyce said as she came up to stand next to him. "But I respect you for coming. So many of these parents say they will provide adequate supervision and then they don't." She nodded knowingly, and Angel shoved a spoonful of Jello in his mouth to avoid having to answer.

He disliked eating human food. The feeling of something in his stomach always triggered his hunger. The pig blood never totally satisfied him, and the additional hunger made it difficult for him to control his urges, but right now, he could handle that more than a conversation with a woman who he had been warned about not upsetting. Both Xander and Buffy had been very adamant about him not upsetting her.

"The Wells family, they have a girl two years older than Andrew--who's just a year behind Xander and Buffy--I heard from the Rosenburgs that they hosted a party and three kids were killed driving home drunk afterwards. The parents actually bought alcohol for them. It's a tragedy that the Wells girl had to die, but apparently they are much more careful now with Andrew. Sometimes, though, I do worry about the influences in this town."

She glanced over, and Angel shoved more Jello in his mouth. This... foodstuff... was like eating water.

"You really like that, don't you? I can't stand the lime," she said. "I'll get you more."

Angel opened his mouth to protest, but she had already grabbed the bowl and spoon from him and headed back to the table. Taking the opportunity, he aimed for the kitchen where he'd seen Xander disappear.

"Angel, my man, good Jello, yes?" Devon asked, cutting him off before he could get more than a single step.

"The best Jello I've ever tasted," Angel agreed truthfully. Of course, he'd also tasted horse manure that was not too far behind it in terms of things he wanted in his mouth. The texture was clearly intended to torture the eater, and it tasted more of chemicals than food. The only redeeming quality was the way it made him nauseous enough to not care about his constant hunger.

Devon gave a knowing laugh and winked at him. And then Joyce was back, that mother-glare on her face again. With one more wink, Devon retreated back to Buffy's side, but at least this time he kept his hands off her posterior. "I don't know what she sees in him," she sighed as she gave Angel the Jello. Again, eating was much preferable to talking.

"I liked that Scott boy. I don't know why Buffy dumped him."

"He was homosexual," Angel said, happy to finally have something to contribute to the conversation. Joyce looked at him oddly. "Xander told me," Angel added awkwardly. He knew about the homosexuality from smelling the boy, and Joyce was not supposed to know about the smelling of humans.

"Oh," she said weakly. "I suppose that is a reason to stop dating him."

Angel nodded and ate more Jello. He missed Christmas in Ireland where it wasn't so hot.

"But there's Larry. He seems like a very pleasant young man. Buffy, however, seems intent on dating the most inappropriate boys possible."

Angel snorted. "Oh, yeah," he agreed. And she did. She had liked him. He was a vampire, so that was completely inappropriate. Him dating anyone was inappropriate. Although he had sometimes thought about the vampires down at the suck house. He missed sex.

Heading for the table, Angel took more of that green Jello and then grabbed a pretzel. He'd seen Xander eat them all the time. Sometimes he stuck the whole thing in his mouth, and it made his cheeks bulge. It reminded him of how William's cheeks would bulge out when he was sucking Angel's cock. Angel chuckled at the thought. He liked how Xander never really let himself not have fun just because someone else might think he was strange. Angel and Liam had both spent too much time worrying about what other people might think. Angel stuck the whole pretzel in his mouth and nearly choked as a bit broke off and caught him in the back of the throat.

He swallowed and coughed and then turned to assure the room that he was fine. "Good thing I don't have to breathe, yes?" he asked. Buffy's eyes looked all weird.

Xander appeared like magic in front of him, and Angel stuck his spoon into the Jello bowl on the table and offered it to Xander. "Thanks, but again with the no. Angel, are you okay?" Xander asked.

"I feel good," Angel agreed. "But I'm hot." He frowned and picked up the large bowl of Jello as he headed for the front door. "I should go hunting." Angel stopped and turned around. "Xander, I like that you don't let other people try to tell you to not be yourself. You're a good yourself, and you should not change. Nary a bit, ye hear me, boy?" Angel headed back for the door, and suddenly Joyce was there in his way.

"Man, that is one seriously wacked out trip he's on," Devon's voice offered. Maybe it was Devon. Maybe it was Penn. It sounded a little like Penn.

"He... what? Buffy, your boyfriend got Angel stoned?!!" That was Xander. Angel knew Xander's voice.

"Buffy Anne Summers!"

"I didn't know, Mom! Devon, this is..."

"Uncool does not even cover it." At that voice, Angel turned and growled. There was a werewolf in his territory.

"Angel, okay, we need to be leaving."

"Xander, I think we should call 911."

"Whoa, hey, the cops are totally unnecessary," the Penn voice answered Joyce.

"I am so over you. I never want to see you again. I can't believe you did this at my party, only yes, I'm with the believing because seeing is believing and seeing a stoned Angel is just big with the weird and the believing that you are a big, giant, humongo jerk!"

"And time for us to go." Angel frowned as hands pushed on his back. Without moving his feet, he turned to look over his shoulder, and he could see Xander pushing for all his worth. If Xander wanted him to move, perhaps there was a reason. Angel started walking forward. He stopped when his face ran into the door.

"That's it, I'm calling 911. Poor Mr. O'Connelly. Did you see how much he ate? Devon MacLeish, you stay right there until you tell me what you put in there and exactly how much."

"Buff, help please."

"Mom, I'm sure Angel's going to be fine as soon as he sleeps this off, right Xander?"

"I actually meant help getting the door open."

"Oh. Right."

"I think you need to wait for an ambulance."

"Angel hates hospitals; he's into holistical medicine with the herbs and the... herbs. And a lawyer getting stoned is not with the good, mom." A hand reached in front of Angel and yanked the door open and he vamped out. Slayer. He wasn't going to turn to dust for some slip of a girl not as old as his record collection.

"Xander!"

"Got him!"

Angel frowned as Xander was in front of him, and the slayer was gone. And then they were outside. The smells made Angel flinch away. "Oh, we are so going home, and tomorrow, you can kill Devon for fun," Xander said to him cheerfully. Kill Devon. Yes, that might be fun. Angel smiled as he turned to go back in, but Xander was pulling him. Maybe they needed to kill someone else first. He followed.

"I am so sick of this," Angel said as Xander helped him into the passenger side of his own car. He frowned. This was wrong; he was supposed to drive.

"Sick of what?" Xander asked as he got in and started the car. There were humans gathered at the front of the house. Enough humans to slake the hunger he carried all the time. He was so tired of being hungry. "Earth to Angel, sick of what?" Xander asked again. Angel turned his gaze from the human to Xander. He would make a good vampire one day. He and William would be a good pair. Light and dark, lithe and muscled, the artist with words and the artist with his hands. Angel had a stake with a dragon Xander had carved for good luck, and the boy was good with his hands. His work was a little crude, but he would have a few hundred years to improve. He would be better than William was with his ridiculous words of love. William with all his sharp angles had always reminded him a wee bit much of Darla—a sire he adored and hated in equal amounts.

"Okay, Angel, I’m officially freaking out here, and I have no idea what the demonic equivalent of 911 is, so you need to start talking to me."

"I'm sick of being hungry." Angel stretched, feeling the bones in his back pop.

"You're hungry? Okay, vampire munchies. I can deal with vampire munchies. We'll just go home and..."

"No."

"No you're not hungry? Come on, Angel, make some sense here."

"I'm not drinking pig's blood. Did he think he could starve the demon out of him? Fool."

"Okay, random referring to self in third person... I am going to kill Devon."

Angel laughed. "Oh yes. Devon would be a fine one to start with. Thick, rich human blood finally filling the empty hole in me. I'm na fond of starvation."

"And the freaky keeps coming," Xander breathed, his hands clutching the wheel. Angel reached over and rubbed his hand over the boy's shoulder, feeling the muscles tense under his ministration.

"Too bad you don't have another six or seven years on ya," Angel said as he let his hand drift down to Xander's arm. The training had firmed the boy up. Hopefully he'd turn well and keep those skills. Some vampires turned better than others. It had taken him years to finally get William set right. Of course, he hadn't known the lad before he'd been turned so who knew what had attracted Drusilla's eye.

"Um... Angel... that would be manhandling. Manhandling bad. Not as bad as some other things I can think of, but I'm not thinking about those things. Nope. No, those are mentally off limits." Xander was starting to smell of fear now, the lovely scent drifting from him in soft threads.

"Pull over," Angel said as he leaned in and smelled the side of Xander's neck.

"Hey, I have an idea... let's go visit Clem," Xander said. Angel's hand darted out and grabbed the boy by the neck and squeezed just hard enough to cut off the air. The car jerked to the side and took out a blue mail dropbox before Xander could hit the brakes.

"I have an idea. You stop the car and let me drive," Angel suggested with a smile. He breathed deeply, relishing the fear that flowed from the boy now. Xander threw the car into park even though he still couldn't breathe. Most humans would have panicked by now and started helplessly flailing. But then he had been training this human. This human knew how impossible it was to fight him. Slowly, Angel let Xander's neck go, watching to see if the prey instinct would make him flee. The lad wouldn't get far, but it might be amusing.

Instead, Xander just rubbed his neck and stared straight ahead for a long time. Angel leaned back, smiled, and just waited. Eventually, Xander flicked a quick glance at him, and then another, and then finally he worked up the nerve to look right at Angel. Raising an eyebrow, Angel just waited to see what the boy would have to say.

"So, um, I'm guessing whatever Devon gave you made you really, really happy," Xander said as he swallowed, his fingers still rubbing his neck.

Without answer, Angel got out of the car and walked around to the driver's side. Xander scrambled to the passenger's seat without even needing to be ordered. Maybe he should make this one the way he made Penn—with encouragement and praise. Penn had certainly grown up well... at least until he annoyed Angel. However, Xander was a little smarter, and a little more creative than Penn.

Dropping into the driver's seat, Angel ran his hands over the controls. "The soul is just so pathetic. The self-hating and do gooding is enough to make me want to strangle him."

"What with soul-you and not-soul-you sharing the same body, that would kinda hurt, wouldn't it?" Xander asked, but Angel could smell the fear. He gave the boy credit for having bollocks like an Angus bull.

"Sometimes pain is to be sought after," Angel said, and the fear took a sharp spike. He smiled as he started the car. First order of business was dinner. "Not that the soul is willing to admit that. He is such a stick-up-his-ass humanitarian I'm surprised he's not sipping tea with the watcher. They're both first class prats. But you... I'm surprised that he keeps you around."

"Me? Doesn't Angel like me... the soul-having Angel, I mean, because if you're not liking me, the soul-free you, I'm not really taking offense. Unless not liking would lead to torture and dismemberment... in that case I'd prefer you like me. Only, not too much." Xander swallowed, and Angel felt nearly intoxicated with the beautiful scent of fear.

"Oh, he likes you. He just buries that so down deep that he doesn't even think about it too much." Angel reached over and rested his hand on Xander's knee. Obviously, that was the limit of Xander's ability to control his prey-instincts because he tried to scramble away. Angel tightened his hand until his fingers dug deep into the flesh. The boy would be delightfully colorful tomorrow. Again, Xander surprised him by settling down and not fighting back.

"Soul-Angel is not like that," Xander said slowly and carefully, and now the fear was spiced with the aroma of salt.

"Soul-Angel, soul-free Angel. That is really annoying." He considered the problem for a moment. "Call me Angelus. I really always did prefer Angelus over Angel. It's a grander name, one that warns people that I am not someone to take lightly. Angelus conjures images of mighty warrior angels, beautiful and deadly. Angels... angels are overgrown pixies in pink," Angelus snorted. "And Angel does think of you. He thinks of watching you grow old or turning you. He thinks of you throwing yourself on some demon like the idiotic white knight you try to be, and he thinks of having to watch you bleed out." Angelus let his hand trail up Xander's leg until he could seize his upper thigh. "He has nightmares of smelling your blood and draining you. But then the moron starves himself so much that I'm surprised he hasn't."

"Mucho with the disturbo," Xander muttered.

"Use that phone to call William," Angelus ordered as he cruised the street. He had his potential childe here, but now he wanted his two favorite childer. Unlike so many of the others he'd turned, he'd never tired of William's desperate struggle to be accepted or Drusilla's slavish attentions.

"What? Nevermind, doing," Xander quickly added. Angelus smiled at the evidence that a single frown could correct the boy. A whip would do wonders with him. "And what am I saying when I call him?"

"Whatever you like," Angelus suggested. He only had to let William know that he was back and they would both come running home and take their proper place at his feet.

"Whatever I like. Yeah, I'd like to say that we went to this really boring party with Faith's GED friend with the eye that goes all over the place and no one got stoned. Can't say that," he mumbled as the phone rang.

Angelus tightened his hold on Xander's thigh, and the boy stopped muttering with a pained hiss.

"Wot?" William finally snapped from the other end. He sounded drunk. How far he had come from that foppish poet Drusilla had dragged home.

"Spike, hey, you sound... really shitty," Xander said, his voice high and in danger of cracking.

"Xand? What's wrong, pet?"

"Sounds like I'm not the only one with the wrong. Are you okay?"

Angelus rolled his eyes. As long as William wasn't dust, he would survive.

"Not really, luv. Drusilla up and left. She's healthy, so she can tend herself, but I didn't see it coming, and she didn't even bother tryin' ta shove me out into the sun."

Smirking at that bit of information, Angelus imagined all the ways to torture his sweet William over that failure. His own sire had abandoned him. Oh yes, very amusing.

"But somethin's not right on the Hellmouth, that's for bloody sure. What's wrong, pet, and don't give me any of that 'nothing' bollocks."

"Nope, not even going to try and say 'nothing.' But guess who's back in town," Xander tried for humorous, and his voice broke, making him sound like a child. Out of patience, Angelus reached over and pulled the phone away from him.

"William, my boy, it's time for you to come home."

"Angel?" Spike sounded confused.

"To avoid confusing discussions of souls, let's just call me Angelus," he suggested. "And I had expected you to keep my beautiful girl safe. You do know how she gets, William. You will be punished for your failure."

"Bloody hell," Spike breathed on the other end, and Angelus laughed.

"You have twenty-four hours to get here, and for every hour late, I'm going to cut a pound of flesh off your body, understand?" Angelus demanded.

"Yes, sire," William quickly agreed. Angelus smiled as he tossed the phone back to Xander.

"Spike?" Xander said into the phone, and now the fear smell was nearly overpowering.

"Pet, are you alright?"

"Depending on your definition of alright, of course I'm not! But I still have all my blood inside my body, so I'm hoping for something alright-shaped if not actually alright," Xander babbled. The words made no sense to Angelus, but Spike made a little soothing noise. Making a mental note to invest some time turning the two boys against each other so they would remain devoted to their sire, Angelus turned down the main street.

"Don't argue with him, luv. Just do what he says."

"I figured that one out on my own," Xander gave a weak laugh and Angelus stopped the car at the edge of a park before grabbing the phone.

"Tick-tock, Willy. Tick-tock," he sing-songed mockingly before hitting the end button. Xander was staring at him with eyes so wide the white of them made a full circle. There were annoyingly few prey wandering around, but a young couple holding hands and staring up at the stars caught his attention. If he was lucky, he could grab and disable the girl before her mate had a chance to discover that he was outmatched. "A lesson, boy," Angelus said as he literally sprang over Xander to land beside the passenger side of the car. Xander's eyes flickered to the keys still in the ignition, and Angelus rested his hand on Xander's shoulder, digging his fingers in just enough to warn him to be good. Xander settled.

"When hunting a young pair, always go for the female first. Males are predictably arrogant and will assume they can take you out. When hunting older pairs, go for the male or a child. Women are stupidly loyal to their mates once they have made a commitment, far more so than men. I've seen men offer up their wives to try and save their own worthless hides. You should have seen the look of abject pain in the women's eyes when they realized their husband's love did not actually extend to 'death do us part'."

Xander swallowed, his gaze now falling on the couple Angelus had targeted. Xander's fingers twitched as Angelus opened the door for him. He would not leave his pet behind to get in trouble. With no warning, Xander was suddenly screaming.

"RUN... FIRE! RAPE!! POLICE RAID! RUN! No, seriously RUN!"

The couple looked over in shock, and Angelus vamped out in frustration. Unfortunately, that did make them run. Oh, Angelus could catch them, but not without losing his pet. Growling, he grabbed Xander by the shirt and slammed him onto the hood of the car. Tears leaked from the sides of Xander's eyes, but he didn't say anything as he clutched Angelus' arms and stared up.

"Do that again, and I will kill you," he growled.

"Um, you killing other people while I just stand to the side? No offense, but seriously... do you really think I'll ever do that?"

"You will if you want to live."

"Okay, I'm really liking the being alive part of living, but I won't live at the cost of someone else's life."

Angelus bared his teeth, and the stubborn little git just set his jaw. As much as he had planned to keep the boy around, Angelus had no intention of trying to break such pertinacious behavior... not just for the pleasure of a hunting companion. He bent down to take his first real meal in decades, and his teeth sank easily into the soft flesh. Unlike most victims, Xander did not even make a sound as he fisted Angelus' shirt. Three mouthfuls of blood later, Angelus was ripped away from his meal by a wave of vertigo that made him stumble and then fall to one knee. No. No. He struggled, slamming his head into the door of the car before that damnable soul rose up into his throat.

"Xander, I can't hold him. Run," Angel's pained whisper warned the boy. Angelus expected to hear footsteps fleeing, but instead a warm hand rested on his back. Despair washed over Angel, and Angelus took firm control over the body again.

Chuckling, he stood slowly and turned to consider his bleeding victim. "You're an idiot, boy," he said as he stepped forward and caught Xander by the back of his neck. Angelus' fingers smeared the blood that still leaked from the open wound. The smell of blood and of Angelus' own scent marks all over the boy made him hungry for more than the taste he'd managed to get.

"Um, yep, I'm big with the stupid," Xander nodded. "But Angel's still in there. That means that sooner or later, you're going to get stuck under him, right?"

"Not if I can find Devon. I imagine he would give me many more pills in order to save his life," Angelus pointed out.

"But then you'll have Angel always in there with the poking and the distracting, and you told me there's some big bad coming, so you probably won't live long before you're dust, and dust has to be worse than being stuck under Angel and all that hair gel."

"Do you have a point, boy?" Angelus asked, not liking the direction this conversation was going. Moronic gypsies couldn't even get a curse right. Happiness was supposed to give him his freedom, not give him some temporary reprieve marred by the presence of the damned soul. And as much as he hated to admit it, being trapped under the soul was still better than being dust. He'd gotten to threaten that watcher, he'd emotionally destroyed the man without touching him. And hunting with his William had allowed him to sometimes forget the misery the soul dragged along with him.

"I have a deal. You let me live, and I'll gang up with you against Angel," Xander blurted. The boy seemed to be regretting his decision to not run.

Angelus narrowed his eyes and considered Xander. "Why would you do that? You are so fond of your Angel, your great protector. Do you hope that one day he'll turn you? That he'll make you immortal?" Angelus moved closer, his voice soft and tempting for the prey as he brought his other hand up and ran a finger over the wound. He licked Xander's blood, and then watched as the boy's Adam's apple bobbed madly.

"No way. Seriously, I don't want to get that pathetically out of touch with reality. But you know I love Angel, and you said he's starving himself by not having human blood..."

Angelus interrupted by laughing as he stepped back. "You are willing to die to keep me from culling the human herd, and now you expect me to believe you will force Angel to take human life? You are more stupid than I had thought."

"Hey, I am stupid, but I'm not that stupid. There is a little thing called a human blood bank or a hospital, although those would be stealing, but for you, I'll do a little larceny. Or the suck houses. Spike said there are two in town, and you would be a big deal in the suck house."

"You want me to lay down in filth and drink the spoiled blood of vampire whores?" Angelus asked incredulously.

"I could clean a room, or we could go with the blood bank idea... but it's either you eat me and some random people now and then go back to pig blood, or you work with me. Or actually, you may not even get pig blood. You know, if you kill me, I'm almost sure that Angel is going to do the big old spiral of despair, and then you may be back to rat blood."

Angelus shivered at that memory. Being forced to crawl in sewers like an animal had made the torments of hell seem like a pleasant dream. But even now, he could feel the truth of Xander's words. The soul was already writhing in pain and howling. Angelus stretched as he reveled in Angel's agony.

"I could fuck one of the vamp whores," Angelus mused, his lips twisting in disgust. He wanted fresh blood, flesh never before bruised by vampire hands. But if he took what he wanted, the damnable soul would make him pay for far longer than his crimes merited. The abject humiliations he'd been subjected to because of one dead gypsy... they proved that justice was a ridiculous human notion. It didn't exist. And the universe was intent on making him suffer far more than he deserved.

"You could... wha?" Xander choked. "Okay, you and sex is a little like my parents and sex. Not good on the brain."

"I miss sex. The soul is so busy trying to prove he is human that he tries to be inhumanly perfect. It is torture. It's annoying torture," Angelus said as he grabbed Xander by the arm and shoved him back into the car.

"Angel's anal retentiveness is a little annoying," Xander admitted, and Angelus looked over in surprise.

"I thought you loved him." Angelus started the car and did a U-turn in the middle of the street.

"I do. But I'm not with the blind here. He has this whole dark knight, avenger, perfectionist thing going on. It's hard to be a good old-fashioned nice guy around Mr. Perfect... hard on the ego. And please tell me we're going to a suck house because I'm really hoping to not die tonight. I have parental weirdness with an overcompensating mother and a drunk father to deal with tomorrow."

"I should drain them," Angelus pointed out. The boy was clearly worth keeping alive to turn later, but even the soul had entertained thoughts of killing his parents.

"Oh no. No, there will be no killing of the parent units," Xander said firmly. Angelus looked over, and Xander flushed. "Please. I mean, not that I'm telling you what to do, but you don't need to go out of your way for me because you had fucking on the agenda," he quickly backtracked.

Angelus turned his attention back to the road. Xander needed some work, but Angelus did appreciate a submissive streak in his childer, and this one would train up nicely once he got a little older. So, tonight he got to feed and fuck, and at some point in the future, he would slip out long enough to turn his boy. He could already imagine it, his legs spread as William and Xander both knelt in front of him, their yellow eyes gazing up in worship as they fought for the right to suck his cock. He'd torture Drusilla into returning home and fuck her raw after his boys had worked him with their mouths. Angelus reached down and stroked his trapped erection. The day would come. The day would definitely come.

Flesh and Blood and Heart

It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons. ~Johann Schiller

"Would the Master like anything else?" the skanky vamp with greasy, shoulder-length hair asked as he looked over Xander's shoulder at a now sated and sleeping Angelus. The only other vamp to survive Angelus' little visit had been a woman with long, dark hair that was tangled with bits of straw and grass, and she was out dumping the one human who had not survived her visit to the suck house tonight.

"No, no, Master is just fine. Huge with the fine. Needing some quiet," Xander assured the vamp. He bit his lip to try and just hold it together a little longer. Angelus was... Angelus was terrifying. And he felt exactly nothing for the poor woman who he had drained. Her fists had clawed at him, pulling him closer, and Xander had watched the lust on her face with disgust. Then her eyes just sort of sagged. Of course, Angelus' only concerned was that the woman's death not count as breaking the deal. And since the alternative had been dying just before Angelus went gone out on a killing spree, Xander had agreed to let just the one dead woman not count. Just one. Hey, it wasn't like one life was all that important in the face of stopping Angelus. Xander thought he might puke. He definitely wished the one lost life had been his own.

The skanky vamp looked at him strangely. "You call for me, Leander, if you need anything," he whispered as he backed out of the room.

Xander walked over to the pile of "their cleanest blankets" and sat down heavily. It would be morning soon, and he would have to go over to his parents and make nice noises, and he just didn't know how he was supposed to do it. He'd watched a woman die. He'd watched biting and sex and variations on sex and he'd watched a woman die. He might freak out more about the sex if he hadn't watched a woman die. And he was fairly sure his brain was broken.

He leaned back against the molding wall of the old house and looked around at the boarded windows, the piles of dirty blankets and quilts and the three remaining humans who'd been fucked and relieved of a few pints of blood. He watched Angelus sleep, praying that Angel would be able to take control once the drugs were out of his system. Actually, he decided, he didn't wish he had died instead of that woman, he wished it had been Devon. What a loser. What a moronic loser. He just wished he had more words for stupid because he'd use them all on that arrogant, vain, stupid pill-popper. Xander felt a cold trickle down his face, but he was too tired to even reach up and wipe the tear away.

Part of him wanted to blame Angel for this. It would be so easy seeing as how Angelus had used Angel's body. Besides, Angel took control away from Angelus long enough to tell Xander to run... not that he had. Why couldn't he pull control away long enough to save that woman? Xander's life wasn't worth more than that woman. She might have kids or a husband or parents out there looking for her. They'd never know that she died because she wanted some vampire to bite her. And Xander knew that Angelus, not Angel, had been doing the biting, but her death just hit a little too close to home.

Jesse's parents never found out. They never knew that Jesse had died and gotten vamped and then died again on Xander's stake. Every once in a while, Xander still logged on to the Center for Missing and Exploited Children and looked at Jesse's face on the computer screen. For a long time, Xander hated Angel for being alive... or sort of alive, when Jesse was dead. A good deal of that hate came from guilt that his best friend had turned to dust on his stake. But then he started hanging out with Angel just to prevent the Buffster from doing the hanging, and everything changed. But now, now it was changing back. Angelus had just killed some woman, and like Jesse, that woman's family would never know why they lost her.

Two, three years ago, he would have blamed Angel and kept right on walking. Growing up sucked, though, because now Xander had to think about the fact he had played his part in both tragedies. His gut wanted to hate Angel. Hate was second only to fear in his gut. But his head was not going with the plan, and that just left him sort of stuck.

Taking a sobbing breath, Xander wondered if the sun was up. He bet Buffy had called about a million times. Faith might have even gone over to ask why the hell they weren't home. Maybe not. Faith still had a habit of sneaking the booze when she knew Angel would be out, so maybe she got drunk and then came home and passed out. God, how was he supposed to tell them? What was he supposed to tell them?

'Hey, I made a deal with the soulless version of Angel, and guess what, only one woman died.' Yep, he was a real hero. The room smelled sour and musky, and one of the humans who had stayed the night on his own pile of dirty blankets stirred in the corner. His pants had been shredded, and Xander had no idea how the guy planned to get home half-naked and walking bow-legged. Oddly, he seemed to have enjoyed the sex even if Xander thought it looked like the most painful process in the history of really painful processes.

Xander scratched his leg and studied the two women on a separate pile of blankets. It was better than looking at Angel's very naked backside as he lay sprawled, face-down on the bed. What made a person come to a suck house and let a vampire bite them and then... do what Angelus had done? He'd never felt the need to use 'ravish' outside of those stupid book Buffy read, but that did seem to be the best word for it. What had happened was way outside of how Xander traditionally defined sex. He thought he had made second base with Cordy, but now he was fairly sure he wasn't even to first yet. After last night, he needed a new definition for the bases, a whole lot of therapy, and possibly a lobotomy.

The man groaned and then went still. Yep, he was waking up and realizing what he had done. Say hello to regrets and recriminations, Xander thought as he watched the guy press his hand on the floor and slowly look around. The guy frowned, glanced at Angelus dominating the entire bed, and then looked over to Xander.

"When will he be back?" the man whispered, and instead of horror and guilt, Xander could only see hope in the man's face. Yep, Xander was giving up his spot in line at the nuthouse to this guy.

"I have no idea," Xander shrugged.

Disappointment flashed across the man's face before he pushed himself to his knees, groaning again before he bit his lip to silence himself. Pulling one old blanket free from the pile he'd slept on, he stood and wrapped it around his waist, but not before Xander saw the thin streaks of blood on the man's thighs.

"Are you okay?" Xander asked. Yep, this guy was a fruitcake. He was a fig short of a fruitcake even, but if he was hurt, Xander could call an ambulance from his cell phone. Not that he had for the woman who had died.

"Buddy, I'm fantastic. Seriously, I'll pay double for that," he said eagerly. And Xander found whole new levels of squick.

"I'll tell him," Xander smiled weakly. Okay, if Angelus was still in control, he'd probably be pissed at having humans pay as though Angelus were for sale. If Angel was in charge... hell, if Angel were in charge, that was going to be a drop in the big old guilt bucket he was going to be trying to drown himself in.

The man nodded and stumbled awkwardly to the door. A scrap of his pant leg was still caught around his ankle and long threads trailed after him. Xander watched them make a wormy trail in the dust of the floor.

One of the women opened her eyes, glanced around, and then promptly went back to sleep, leaving Xander alone with his thoughts. He just stared at the wall and tried to think about nothing... except maybe about how that wall paper was really, really ugly. He didn't even know they made wallpaper that shade of yellow. Water stains sort of blended with the design of leaves. He was exhausted, but he couldn't bring himself to close his eyes.

"Pet, you alright?" a voice interrupted his little trance. Xander jerked, gasped, and looked over to find Spike crouched next to him, all vamped out and twitching his nose like a rabbit... although he probably shouldn't point out the rabbit part since he didn't have a love of pain and bloodletting.

"Hey, me? I'm fine. Look all my fingers and toes are still attached," Xander said as he held his hand out and wiggled his fingers. Spike looked at him oddly. "And you're here."

"Right then, need to deal with the big bugger first, alright?"

"Deal away," Xander nodded. He should probably feel something about Spike showing up, but the part of him that felt things had gone on vacation and not left a contact number. Maybe it had even moved and failed to file a change of address form. Maybe... maybe his brain was really and truly broken.

"Sire?" Spike said softly as he edged closer to the bed.

That broad back stiffened, muscles rippling under the skin and then in the blink of an eye, Angel was up, his hand around Spike's throat. He snarled, showing his vampire teeth, and then dropped back into his human face. "Spike?"

"Angel?" Spike asked, his voice still sounding way more respectful than Xander had ever heard him.

"What are you—" Angel looked around with a slowly gathering expression of horror. He let go of Spike's neck and dropped back down onto the bed as though someone had cut all his leg muscles. That same woman in the corner opened her eyes and blinked owlishly at Spike.

"Get out," Spike ordered when Angel just continued to stare blankly. Xander knew exactly how Angel felt. Yep, the brain was not engaging with the world right now.

"What?" the woman asked as she frowned. She pushed herself up and woke the second woman. Spike threw Angel's pants at him, and Angel started putting them on mechanically.

"Master, do you need anything?" Leander asked from the doorway.

"Yeah, get the birds out of here," Spike said before he turned his back on them. With a respectful nod, Leander reached down and practically picked one woman up under each arm as he hauled them out of the room.

"So, wot possessed you to go after a suckhouse, Peaches?" Spike asked, his usual insolent tone back. He leaned against the wall and pulled out a cigarette.

"I... Spike, just get out of town before the slayer sees you," Angel said wearily. His pants were on and he sat back down on the bed. "I need to get Xander home.

"During the day when you own a bloody convertible? Good luck with that, luv. Soddin' idiotic, owning a convertible unless you plan a little self-immolation."

"What? No," Angel said peevishly, and if Xander knew what immolation was, he might even understand why Angel was peeved.

"At least you don't smell like you're starvin', and I know I didn't see a pile of bodies outside, so did ya decide to take up with a stable?"

"No!" Angel protested about the same time Xander pointed out, "There was a pile of one."

Spike turned and gave Xander one of those patented raised eyebrows. "Don't generally call one body a pile, pet."

"Oh god," Angel breathed. "Xander, I'm so sorry. You never should have seen that. Oh god, I'm sorry." Angel had a whole tragic face going.

"Um, I’m feeling more sorry for the woman," he said. Yeah, Xander knew he should probably be doing the supportive thing, but he didn't want to be supportive. He wanted to whine and throw a fit and have someone just undo the last twelve hours. He felt like he was four years old and his drunk father in a Santa suit was yelling about how Xander was too fucking old to believe in dumb shit like Santa anyway.

"I'm well and truly out of my depth here. Bloody hell, I ate three baggage handlers just to make it here this fast. So, I don't really know why you have your knickers in a twist over one Happy Meal."

"They aren't Happy Meals!" Xander shouted as he exploded up from the floor.

"No, they aren't," Angel said quickly. "She was a human being with a soul, and I chose to kill her," Angel said firmly as he got up to follow Xander across the room. When Xander flinched back, Angel just froze. Guilt clawed at Xander because he knew that Angel wasn't technically to blame, and hurting him wasn't going to fix any of the things that had gone wrong. Xander crossed his arms over his stomach and didn't know what to say about any of this. His brain was all twisty and fuddled, and for him to be fuddled took a lot of fuddling because he was used to a brain that was a little fuzzy on the logic bits.

"She was a human being who chose to be here," Spike pointed out as he waved at the room, his cigarette making a bright arc. "If cancer killed her, ya wouldn't be blaming cancer cells."

"I might be. I can be irrational and blaming. I'm actually really good at irrational and blaming," Xander said softly. It was easier than saying what he really thought.

"Spike," Angel sighed as he backed up a step. "It is not irrational for Xander to blame me. Xander, I understand that it's difficult for you to be around me right now, especially given what I did... and implied. I hope you will accept living money. I'm sure Blair can take you in until you get your feet under you."

"What?" Spike nearly yelped. "If you're tossin' him out with the garbage, I'm bloody well taking him with me."

"You will leave him alone," Angel snarled as he turned to face off against Spike.

"Ya think it's better to just turn 'im out? You fucking ponce. Soul, no soul, you never bloody change."

"I'm doing what's best for Xander," Angel hissed Xander's name past his fangs, and now Spike vamped out.

"Like you did for Dru? Like you did for me or Penn or anyone else you just got bloody tired of?"

"Dru? Is that was this is? One more temper tantrum over Dru? Xander is a human being, and I won't even ask him to look at me. I killed a woman in front of him. You have no idea what kind of comments I made about how I was going to turn him, about how he should plan his hunt to kill the most people, how I threatened to hold him down and... and...." Angel stumbled over his words, but Xander remembered exactly what Angelus had threatened to do while holding him down. Angelus left very little to imagination, which was probably good in the being useful way because Xander could not have imagined most of what Angelus said without very specific words and graphic demonstrations with a human volunteer. The only thing that had saved him from a more immediate demonstration was Angelus' determination to not accidentally kill Xander and apparently human bodies, virginity, and a vampire who'd been denied sex for a century were not a safe mix.

"Fucking hell." Spike dropped his cigarette and crushed it under his boot. "I've said that shite to him a thousand times, or did you have your head up so far up your underfed arse that you never heard it? And it's not like I don't kill! If the boy was as fragile as Dru was before ya turned her, he'd be a gibbering idiot already."

"You have no idea what I've done."

"I have a nose, and I can pretty much guess from there. But I don't see you out massacring nuns and laying their bodies in the street and I don't smell anything more than your bloodmark on the boy, so I'm not sure what you think you're fucking apologizing for," Spike said with a dismissive snort.

Angel's fist struck out and caught Spike just under the jawbone. Spike's arms flew wide as he crashed into the wall and a stud gave way with a thundering crack. He came back with a low flying tackle that caught Angel just above the knees and Xander slipped out of the room. They were both worked up, they probably need to try and kill each other for a while, and Xander definitely needed some space.

Scurrying out of the room, he picked through the trash and the odd bits of broken furniture that lined the halls and the staircase as he headed downstairs. It was time for him to just be somewhere else for a while.

"Can I help you?" Leander asked when Xander reached the front room, and Xander screamed and nearly jumped out of his own skin. The vamp backed away and held his palms up. "I would never poach on a true Master's territory, you are safe, young one."

"I was just... uh... practicing my yell," Xander said. Leander didn't look convinced, but the mighty crash from upstairs distracted him. Angel came thundering down the stairs first, stake in hand. Leander backed away, his hands still up and his expression panicked for that one second it took for Angel to drive a stake into his heart. The look of horror and shock was etched in dust for one second before Leander exploded.

"Geez, Angel. What part of not poaching did you not hear?" Xander demanded. Part of his brain was pointing out that Leander had been a vamp, but the other part kept wanting to think about how he'd been a nice vamp. Yep, Xander decided, he was stupid. He was huge with the stupidness and despite Spike's claim, clearly insane.

Angel just stood, Leander's dust in his hair as he looked at Xander in confusion.

"Oi, what did you do that for?" Spike asked, and he sounded as confused as Angel looked.

"He was a vampire," Angel said sharply. Spike's eyebrows rose. Yep, even Xander could spot the hypocrisy in that statement.

"He was a bloody suckhouse vamp... about as dangerous as your common field mouse."

Angel's face hardened into a frown and Xander started edging for the front door again. Human bones in the middle of vampire fighting led to breakage and pain and calls to 911, and Xander was just so not in the mood. He was almost to the door when Angel shot forward and grabbed Xander's arm. With a cry, Xander reversed direction, and Angel let go way too fast, a look of almost comical horror on his face. Stumbling back, Xander found himself caught in Spike's arms. He twisted to move away, but Spike just tightened his hold.

"Hey, thanks for the save because I really didn't need to fall on my ass today, but you can let go now. I'm fine," Xander said as he squirmed.

"Try that on someone who can't smell the blind panic on ya," Spike snorted. "Now, Peaches, you mind telling me what the bloody fuck happened?"

But it was Xander who spoke up. From the way Angel was blankly staring at the floor, they were all going to stand there for way too long if they waited for Angel to talk. "Buffy's boyfriend put drugs in the Jello and when Angel ate them, it made his soul distinctly unsoullike or untherelike or something unhelpful because Angelus came out. But now that he's sober, the soul is soullike and therelike," Xander summarized.

"You mean all it takes is—" Spike just stopped as he stared at Angel.

When the silence continued, Angel looked up, and despair turned to a narrow-eyed anger. "Don't ye think about it boy unless you want me to rip the skin from your backside," Angel warned. Xander had heard that voice before... that was the voice of angry-Angel. The Irish 'don't fuck with me' accent that meant he was close to losing it. Only now, Xander realized that voice was also Angelus.

"Okay, if I have a vote here—and, yes, I realize I so don't—I'm voting for the never bringing Angelus out again plan." Xander twisted to look at Spike earnestly, and Spike shifted his hold so he could smoke his cigarette with one hand and hold Xander with the other.

"Angel is less of a dominating bastard, anyway," Spike shrugged. "Still, I don't know how we're going to solve whatever mess you lot see. As far as I'm concerned, things are good, but you two look like someone vivisected your bloody puppies." With that, Spike leaned against the banister, still holding Xander firmly in one hand.

"You can't understand, you don't have a soul," Angel said firmly. "Now let Xander go. Xander, you can take the convertible." Angel pulled out keys, but Spike had already yanked Xander back so that Xander was now standing between Spike and the banister, very firmly pinned. In aggravation, he punched Spike's side and was promptly ignored.

"The boy is in a right funk, and you're going to give him a few thousand pounds of metal to go play with after tellin' him you're foisting him off on some git named Blair? Peaches, you're a fucking idiot."

"Watch your mouth," Angel warned as he stepped forward. Xander couldn't see Spike's face, but from the long plume of smoke that headed for Angel's face, he was guessing Spike was going for insolent and disrespectful. Oh yeah, they were going to fight, and Xander was going to get broken. Then again, broken would save him from having to explain to anyone else how much of an idiot he'd been.

"I'm a fucking monster, Spike. You are too! We're abominations that shouldna even exist, and yet we do. We walk and talk like humans but we're fucking dead things gorging off the lives of those who should be here," Angel snapped, and then he turned his back. Xander didn't know what Angel was going to do until the door was open. For one second, Angel stood in the sun, smoke rising from him, and then Spike tackled him from the side. The front door splintered under the impact and the two vampires tumbled into what used to be the dining room.

Xander was frozen for one second before he leapt after them, scrambling over the fallen door. Angel was on top now, his fangs already deep in Spike's neck, his hands on Spike's shoulder as Spike's fingers clawed at him. After a minute, Angel jumped up with his mouth stained red, and turned toward the door, but Xander was already blocking the dining room door, his arms stretched to cover the whole area.

"Xander, move," Angel said slowly. The blood on his face and the yellow eyes made Xander's stomach curl in fear.

"No," Xander said firmly.

Angel narrowed his eyes. "You know I can't risk him getting out again. He wasn't kidding--he'll rape you, Xander. He'll turn you."

"Which is a great reason to kill Devon, but not you," Xander pointed out. That surprised Angel into backing up a step and dropped back into fully human features.

"Xander, the apartments are in your name. I've left enough money in the bank that you won't be trapped into going back with your parents. It's okay to hate me for what I have inside, don't blame yourself for that." Angel said sadly as Spike slowly dragged himself to the side of the room and glared at Angel.

"Spike's right. You're an idiot," Xander said as he crossed his own arms over his chest. "I don't hate you... okay, I kinda do," Xander admitted with a grimace. "But I hate that you were this giant twit who paid for sex and had huge father issues. I hate that you had insecurities on top of your insecurities, Angel. I hate that Angelus is never going to get past that. Angelus is everything Liam secretly wanted to be and I really, really hate that this superpowered, twisted, teenage version of you is always going to be under the surface. But I don't hate you... the souled you... because you've grown up since being Liam."

Angel looked at him with a frown and then shook his head. "Xander," he said softly, "you don't understand; Angelus is a demon. He's a monster who is focused on you."

"I'm hitting the bullshit button on that one," Xander said with a snort. "Spike's a demon, only he still likes music and food and poetry." Spike gave an outraged 'Oi' at the idea of him liking poetry, but then again, Xander might be in-denial boy too if he read the old fashioned stuff Spike liked.

"Xander," Angel said with some frustration.

"Angel, look where Angelus came. Lots of sex, money changing hands, way too much drinking going on... ring any bells? Hey, if you went and got all weird about proving yourself to be just as good as your father, I'd start calling you Liam."

"Oi, boy's got your number." Spike smirked as he got slowly to his feet, one hand on the bloody bite on his neck.

"I didn't—" Angel looked around.

"And I hate you for lots of stuff... for being a normal screwed up teenager as Liam, for one," Xander nearly shouted. "I mean, if you're supposed to be some perfect superhero, dark knight type, your human roots are showing. And then I hate that you're lying to me and being big, old hypocrite boy."

"What? I'm not lying. Xander, I didn't know that drugs would affect me like that," Angel said as he took a step forward.

"Yeah, yeah, I got that. But you're starving yourself? You're playing big old martyr and making yourself all crazy hungry for human blood when I'm the closest human blood most of the time? Okay, that's officially sounding both stupid and dangerous."

"I can control the hunger," Angel said stiffly.

"And I can control my need to breathe... for about sixty seconds. But you're practicing holding your breath during deep sea diving... and I think that metaphor fell apart in the middle what with you not needing to breathe. The point is, though, that your control is going to snap and I'm at ground zero. Not feeling safe here."

"Which is why I need to do this," Angel said, his eyes going to the gaping hole where the front door had been torn down.

"You fucking ponce," Spike said from his spot still leaning on the wall. "You do that, and I'll fucking turn him myself."

"Say that again, and I'll dust you," Angel snarled as he turned on Spike.

Xander threw himself forward and grabbed Angel's arm. "There will be no dusting of Spike. And even if you did dust him, what would keep Drusilla from coming after me? Hello! She's the one who thinks I'm the puppy that peed on her daddy or something. And what about the big bad that's coming? So, you take off, and you just leave me to deal with all that? Maybe I'd be safer if Spike did turn me."

Spike smirked, and Xander had to hold on tightly to keep Angel from ripping his arm out of Xander's grip. "Not volunteering. Nope, I like myself with a heartbeat, and after seeing just how freakily terrifying Angelus is, may I say that I truly don't want my teenage issues getting immortalized into some demon. My issues have issues in here. It would not be pretty, people." Xander shuddered at the thought of what he might be like as a vampire. He had his fantasies of shooting bullies and finding his parents dead so he had to go off and live with a rich uncle and beating up Buffy in a fight because he was super-strong and no longer in need of her emasculating offers to beat up boys for him. Yep, his issues would make for a grade-A typical, homicidal vampire.

"Xander, you can't be okay with what I did," Angel said, and the anger slipped aside so that Xander could see the raw pain. While Xander had seen lots of moods on Angel, he hadn't ever seen this much pain.

"Oh, I’m so not. I'm totally not. I'm furious with you. I mean, if you weren't starving yourself, maybe Angelus wouldn't have been so..."

"Obnoxious?" Spike offered helpfully. Angel must have been upset because he ignored the jab.

"Over the top," Xander said instead. "And I'm all issues boy about that. And I'm issues boy with Devon because drugging people for fun and games is neither funlike nor gamelike. And I'm all about the issues with what I saw last night. I mean, it's one thing to have a general concept of sex, but some of those things last night... they were not in my general concept. Not in my general concept or specific concept or even the porn I look up when you think I'm doing my homework on the internet. I'm thinking either much therapy or much denial is going to be needed to deal with last night. And I'm issues boy about the fact that I talked you into going to that party and I talked you into coming here and I didn't exactly call 911 when you drained that woman, and maybe they could have helped her if they got here fast enough, but I just sat there and watched you kill her." Xander stopped, his heart pounding way to fast and his head starting to feel like it might just pop under the pressure.

Before Xander could blink, Angel's arms were around him, and for a half second, he panicked, his brain sending up images of Angelus' arms around a woman who was dying. But this was too familiar. Awkward, but familiar and familial and safe. Xander slipped one arm around Angel's bare waist. "It wouldn't have made any difference if you'd called. I killed her, you didn't," Angel reassured him.

"Angelus killed her," Xander corrected him, "so, we can blame Liam for creating Angelus, but not you."

Angel sighed, but he was obviously not willing to keep fighting over that point. "And Angelus' first plan was to drag you around town on a killing spree. He knew he didn't have much time, and he wanted to leave a trail of bodies that would make everyone notice him. You talked him out of that," Angel pointed out

"Bloody hell, the boy talked Angelus out of something? The way I remember it, the stubborn bastard did exactly what he wanted," Spike said with a snort. Xander looked over and Spike was trying to light a cigarette with a hand that shook. His neck had stopped bleeding, but it was still smeared with blood.

Angel's arms tightened around Xander for a moment, and then he let go and backed away. "Xander promised to make me drink human blood."

"And no way are you making a liar-man out of me because if Devon or anyone else does the stupid again, I am not going to face Angelus after breaking my word," Xander said as he pointed a finger in Angel's direction. "There is such a thing as bagged human blood. I saw on the news where they throw lots out when they screen it for disease, so you will not be starving yourself," he said firmly. "Because Angelus scares the shit out of me and breaking my word to the psychopathic killer is just not going to happen."

"Xander," Angel sighed again, but at least he was looking at Xander and not the sunny doorway. "I don't want you blaming yourself for any of this. You kept something truly horrible from happening last night."

"And yet, the horrible happened to one person," Xander pointed out. "But I feel like my head is going snap like a rubber band because I'm also thinking that Spike kills and I knew that, and I never got on the kill-Spike train with Buffy. I'm a worse hypocrite than anyone, and I don't know how I'm supposed to be okay with myself knowing that." The energy drained from Xander and he took a step back and leaned against the edge of the doorway. Maybe Giles was right. Maybe Xander was just being stupid. But looking at Angel and Spike, Xander couldn't see things all black and white like back when he'd first met Buffy. Clem wasn't evil at all, and Angel wasn't generally evil. Which left Spike who was definitely evil, but Xander still didn't want to kill him, which definitely put Xander on the shady side of morality.

"I don't go making a show out of killin'," Spike objected as though that make killing okay. But then as a demon, Xander really didn't expect Spike to get it. Angel looked over at Spike with an unreadable expression. Spike just leaned against the wall with his cigarette hanging from his mouth.

"He's family," Angel said, and Xander remembered those conversations from so long ago. "We don't have to like what he does, but he's still family. But you haven't done anything wrong. If you blame yourself for any part of this, therapy is probably a better choice than denial." Angel stepped forward and laid his hand on Xander's shoulder. Looking up, Xander focused on the vampire's expression, which was all Angel without even a trace of Angelus.

"Yeah, yeah, we're all more screwy in the head today than yesterday," Xander agreed sadly.

"Speak for yourself, mate. I'm willing to admit that you two are downright touched in the head, but I'm just fine," Spike said as he blew out a cloud of smoke. The cocky would have worked better if he didn't look ready to fall over.

"You need blood," Xander pointed out as he looked at just how pale Spike was.

"You offerin'?" Spike asked with a grin.

"Me? Big with the no," Xander said as he reached up and touched the sore bite mark on his neck. He was so never going to be able to hide it. Maybe he could grow his hair really, really long... within the next hour.

"I am," Angel said. It took Xander a second to catch what Angel meant. Stepping away from Xander, Angel held one arm out to the side, and Spike yanked his cigarette out of his mouth and let it hang his hand hang limply at his side as he stared in shock. One Spike eyebrow went up. "Quickly, before I change my mind," Angel said in aggravation. Spike dropped his cigarette and crushed it under his heel before quickly moving right in front of Angel. Angel bent slightly, and Xander watched as Spike eyed Angel's neck with a look that came close to how he looked at Drusilla... all devotion and focus. Vamping out, Spike slowly bit down on Angel's neck. Angel's arms came around Spike's body as Spike's eyes fell closed.

Yep, they were all family, Xander thought. Screwed up and morally ambiguous family, but family all the same. And truthfully, Xander thought he was probably about as morally questionable as the less human members of his family.

A Slender Thread of Sanity

"Willow, Ms. Calendar, Oz, fancy meeting you here," Xander said with a plastered on smile as he walked up to them in the small park where they'd set up shop. Faith was two steps behind him, and without her, he so would have turned and run for the hills, or in his case, the apartment. Trees waved in the wind, gray against the black sky and they had pentagram and crystals set out on the picnic table in the dull yellow light of a lamp that barely lit the moonless night. Add a guy with a chainsaw and they had the makings of a good horror movie started. Well, except for the freaky suitcase computer sitting on the edge of the table which seemed a little weirdly out of place to him, but with Ms. Calendar, magic and computers were sort of one and the same.

"Xander!" Willow said happily, and then her tone changed as soon as Oz looked at her. "Xander," she repeated, suddenly saying his name the way Mrs. Smythe in fourth grade said his name when he couldn't figure out how to use the dictionary. Oh yeah, unpleasantness ahead. Just great. "What are you doing here?" she asked sternly as she scooted an inch closer to Oz. For his part, Oz was looking distinctly unamused. A couple of weeks ago this would have really bugged Xander, but now he was more with the 'bigger problems' outlook. Although some days Xander officially wished everything would just explode out in the open with Willow and Oz and him. Some days, he thought about walking across and just giving Willow a big kiss on the mouth and making all the ugly just come to a head.

And then he thought of Cordy. He was so not stupid enough to do that to someone as scary as her.

"Where's Cordelia?" Oz asked with a bit of a frown. Faith gave Xander a meaningful look, so he knew he had to get to the point or she would be all point girl, and Faith and diplomacy... not really friends.

"Cheerleading practice, hence the slayerly escort," Xander shrugged.

"Xander," Ms. Calendar said as she put down a jar of something pink. "I'm really sorry, but Willow and I have some very important work to do here."

"Oh," Xander said as he saw his perfect chance to run away like the coward he truly was. He turned and Faith gave him the hairiest eyeball in the history of hairy eyeballs. She had definitely been taking Angel lessons... not that Angel had giving him the hairy eyeball in... oh... a couple of weeks. He turned back to them, and Ms. Calendar was now frowning at him with that little crease between her eyes.

"So, what ya doin'?" he asked.

Faith sighed and walked over to lean on the van where she pulled out a cigarette.

"Didn't Buffy tell you? Or actually, you already know most of it," Willow said, all of her resolve to be all cold to him obviously vanishing in the excitement because she was almost bouncing. "You know those two kids who were killed? They aren't kids. They aren't even dead. They are, however, this really old evil power that Jenny recognized right away."

"What, hunting time?" Faith asked with a sudden interest in the whole conversation.

"It can't be killed until we reveal its true form," Ms. Calendar said with a frustrated sigh. "Xander, why don't you tell us why you're here so Willow and I can get back to this spell," she suggested in that teacher tone of voice that made it clear she was more with the ordering than the suggesting.

"Oh," Xander said. "I was just going to talk to Oz. Maybe Oz and I can..."

"I'm lookout," Oz said, making it pretty clear in two words that he didn't plan on going off with Xander. Right, so Xander was going to have an audience for this. He could do this. He'd done way harder, like look at Cordelia and not think about the way a woman's... nope not thinking that.

Faith glanced over. "So, if a vampire comes up, you ask him to wait a couple of weeks until you come into your wolfy powers?" she asked with just a bit of snide in her voice. For some reason, Faith had decided to take it personally that Oz and Willow were being a bit weird with him, and there was exactly nothing he could do to stop her from being bitchy about it.

"I drive fast," Oz said as he pulled out his van's keys.

"Yep, driving fast and running fast... two survival skills that cannot be overestimated," Xander quickly agreed, and then just stood there as everyone stared at him waiting for him to say something important. He shifted nervously from foot to foot.

"Xander?" Willow asked as she got up from the table. "What's that on your neck?"

"Oh, this?" Xander asked weakly, fingering the neck of his black t-shirt and cursing Angel's name for hiding all his turtle necks. Yeah, he had to deal with this eventually, but he didn't want to be greedy and gobble up all the dealing at once. He had enough to deal with besides the biting, and he preferred to save some deal for later, like when hell froze over.

"Oh my god. That's a vampire bite. Xander, a vampire bit you!" Willow said as she pointed at his scar with one hand and covered her mouth with the other. Ms. Calendar came over and quickly put her hand on his shoulder to get a better look in the dim light and Xander took a fast step back.

"Whoa, hey, it's an old vampire bite; therefore, old news," he argued, only just totally creeped out at teacher touching.

"Not old to me, Mister. Buffy and I thought you were hiding disgusting Cordelia marks under there, not vampire bites! What happened?" Willow demanded, her hands on her hips, and Xander glanced over to see Oz looking more wolfy than he usually looked in the absence of a full moon.

"That'd be a no on the Cordy marks," Xander said clearing his throat. If anything, he was getting way less Cordy marking since her touching him tended to cause inappropriate thinkage that led to either embarrassing stains on his pants or his balls trying to climb back up into his body. And even worse, he couldn't really bring himself to explain why heavy petting was sometimes on the ick list, now. "Hey, it's really kinda a funny story," he said with a grimace.

"Hey, Oz, I hear Devon is back in town after a brief tour of hiding from the Buffster," Xander shifted his focus to Oz. Oz was much less intimidating than Willow, even with the werewolf thing. Oz stood by the open door to his van looking pretty much just confused by the whole conversation which was miles better that Willow eyes or the look of disgust Faith was giving him as she leaned on the front of the van, one boot braced on the bumper as she smoked.

"Yeah, he got in yesterday morning," Oz agreed with a confused frown.

"Um, he might want to, you know, keep touring," Xander suggested. "I hear outer Mongolia is really cool this time of year. He could take up... Mongoli-ing."

Willow crossed her arms. "Xander LaVelle Harris, you are being avoidy about the vampire bite."

Xander backed up another step and took a deep breath. "Not really, Will, it's kinda all the same story. You guys remember Buffy's Christmas party, yes? The food, the chit-chat, the drugging of the Jello?"

Willow scrunched her face up as she turned to Ms. Calendar. "Devon put something in the Jello, and we're all lucky that we didn't get drugged and do something really bad like... well, like anything really bad. But Angel decided to eat a lot of Jello, so he got really stoned and started saying things in front of Mrs. Summers like how it was a good thing he didn't need to breathe. Apparently, he also told her that Scott was gay, which is not really very truthlike, but he was stoned, so I don't think that actually counts as lying. And then Mrs. Summers called the ambulance, but Xander and Angel had already left, and the police showed up and Devon kinda broke through Buffy's window jumping out the second story and a good time was definitely not had by all."

Faith laughed. "Only you losers could make a group of dropouts look like the cool party." She rolled her eyes and took a deep drag on her cigarette so that the end glowed in the dark.

"Hey!" Willow objected. "We were not even trying to be cool, and Jenny and I are supposed to be casting spells on the Bérgan before the little murder victims turn into big old murderers and go after those of us who are practicing our constitutionally protected Wiccan religion."

"Before the... what?"

Ms. Calendar sighed and headed back to the picnic table. "The two children are really projections from a demon called the Bérgan, an ancient enemy of white witches. It mimics a ritualistic murder victim and then uses fear and anger to control a mob of people who kill anyone with magical powers so that the Bérgan can feast on those powers. Now, Xander, can you please quickly answer two questions? First, where did you get the bite, and second, why does Devon need to leave town?" She sat on the bench facing Xander, her back to the spell and her arms crossed in a way that made it clear she was not really with the joking.

"Fuck, just let me tell it," Faith said in an aggravated voice as she dropped her cigarette to the ground and crushed it under her boot.

"No!" Xander yelled. "No, I'm telling!" He took a deep breath and then just turned his brain off so he could say what he needed to say. If he thought about it too much, he would move to Timbuktu or something. "Angel was stoned when we left, and he just kept getting more stoned, and apparently stoned is a whole lot like happy because Angel was not so much soulish any more."

Xander had squinched his eyes together, and now he opened them. Willow was looking at him with horror, and Ms. Calendar was back up on her feet. "Xander," she said as she moved toward him, her face caught somewhere between disbelief and abject horror. "If his soul has been lost, we need to act now, before he can further his evil plans," she said in that same 'I am teacher, thou shalt not argue with me' voice.

Faith snorted. "If someone has to put the man down, it's going to be me. You sure wouldn't get that stick up your ass anywhere near Angel... or Angelus," Faith warned as she crossed her arms. "But that is just not happening, babe. The soul is right back where is supposed to be." It was funny... Ms. Calendar's voice was big with the authority until sixteen year old Faith came in with her slayer 'thou shalt not argue with me' version, and Ms. Calendar suddenly didn't seem so very confident.

"He... he bit you," Willow said, all horror and fear and wide eyes.

"Yes, he did," Xander agreed. "Which hurt, but no one will be doing any staking because the demon's get out of jail card had a timestamp," Xander hurried to say. This was pretty much exactly where he didn't want this conversation to go. He was doing enough freaking out all by himself, so he did not need the Willow freak on top, especially since Willow-freak was so closely followed by Buffy-freak and the closely associated Giles-judgment.

"Excuse me?" Ms. Calendar asked. "The spell doesn't work that way. If he had a moment of perfect happiness, even one, then the soul would separate from the body and return to its eternal destination since it was clearly no longer torturing the demon for his crimes."

Xander looked at her suspiciously, because she was sounding strangely expert on the subject of soul spells, way more than even Giles.

"Drugs... not so perfect with happiness," Oz offered with a shrug. "Happy, but not perfect."

"Not unless you have some seriously good shit," Faith seconded him as she stretched and scratched her bare stomach. "But Xander is off track here. Get to the point, babe."

"Right point," Xander said taking a deep breath. If he were smart, he'd figure out a good way to lie about this next part. "Okay, so Angel's soulless twin Angelus came out, and there wasn't actually as much blood as sex, which is disturbing, but way better than bodies stacked up like firewood," Xander said as he remembered one of Spike's more vivid stories of Angelus and nuns. Spike's way of making him feel better was not actually big with the feeling better.

"Angel had sex? With a girl?" Willow asked, obviously remembering last year's very awkward conversation about Angel and gayness.

"A girl, a boy, another girl, a vampire, two girls, two girls and a vampire," Xander admitted with a shudder, and Willow's horror face turned into her squick face, her arms crossed over her stomach. He totally understood the feeling, especially having had a front seat for things that he really honestly could have lived without ever knowing, although parts were... and that's one more part of the brain he was not going to be exploring tonight or ever.

"But he didn't kill anyone?" Ms. Calendar asked, still confused.

Luckily Faith jumped in before Xander could say something really stupid about a pile of one. "Sounds like Angelus was way more interested in the sex, and who can blame him after a hundred years. All that pent up sexual frustration?" She shimmied, stretching deliberately to make it oh so clear that she would not be trying out the century of celibacy plan. "I'm just seriously sorry I missed that ride," she said with a twitch of her body. Oz's eyebrow went up.

Obviously Faith's boyfriend poaching ranked higher than potential soullessness because Willow quickly hurried to Oz's side. She slipped her arm around his waist so that he draped his arm over her shoulders and looked at her. Faith had a view of the back of his head.

"Five by five, little girl," she said so softly that Xander might have thought Willow didn't hear except for the little frown on her face.

"Still not hearing about the biting," Willow said now that she was safely next to Oz.

"Obviously Angelus bit him," Faith said in a voice that made it pretty clear that she thought Willow was all kinds of stupid. Willow's face hardened into fury.

"Okay, time out!" Xander shouted. "Look, Angelus bit me, we went to a suckhouse, he had lots and lots and lotsandlots of sex while I freaked out in the corner. He called Spike and threatened him if he didn't get back here, and Spike came running because he thought Angel had slipped 'round the twist'—his words not mine—and now Spike is thinking that Devon is too stupid to live. So Oz, it would be a really, really good idea if Devon took a long tour of Siberia because Buffy may be over her mad but Spike definitely isn't. And honestly? I wouldn't mind punching Devon really, really hard myself. Really hard. Really." Xander sort of ran out of steam on the last 'really'.

Faith was smirking, offering him a thumbs up not so subtly while Willow and Oz just looked shell-shocked, and it took a whole lot to shock Oz. Looking over toward the table, Ms. Calendar had the oddest expression Xander had ever seen. He wasn't even going to try and guess on that one, but it definitely wasn't of the good.

"Angelus and William the Bloody?" she asked, sounding way Gilesy.

"Angel. Say it with me people, AAN-GEL," Xander said sarcastically as his last nerve finally snapped. "Angel with soul still attached. And *Spike* who right now is way less with the rampaging and way more with the confused about why Angel and I keep telling him he can't eat Devon. And honestly? I'm only 95% on the 'don't kill Devon bus' myself. But other than that... yeah... kinda," Xander admitted as his anger failed him when he needed it most. It was a really good thing that Ms. Calendar was standing near the picnic table because she just sort of fell backwards onto the bench. For a minute the crickets took center stage as silence fell.

"Well, this was unexpected," Oz finally commented. "So, Spike wants to kill Devon?"

Faith snorted. "Please, Spike is one name on a very long list of people who want to kill Devon, including me," she said, and then she took out a knife and started cleaning her nails, which was either a warning or just really bad timing. She shrugged as she flicked something out from under a nail. "However, Spike is the one most likely to go through with the killing."

"Oh yeah," Xander admitted. He wished he had something to lean on or sit on, but he was not sitting or leaning near either Willow or Ms. Calendar and he would probably look pretty stupid sitting on the swings and yelling across the park.

"William the Bloody?" Ms. Calendar asked weakly. "We should probably call Giles. We should definitely call Giles. We'll need patrols."

Oh great. Yeah, that's all Xander needed to make the night truly perfect. Hey, let the witch killing demon show up, and things would be pretty much perfectly sucky. He was so moving to Siberia. Unless Devon was moving there, in which case he was heading for Timbuktu, because he really was on that list of people wanting to kill the creep.

"Oi, you lot are bloody worthless," an entirely too familiar voice called out. Spike dropped from the top of the van down into the middle of the group. Willow screamed and jumped into open side door of the van while Oz just sort of blinked at him. Ms. Calendar grabbed for the stake tucked into her jeans, and ripped a big chunk of her shirt in the process. She stood there with her stake thrust out in front and a big flap of blue shirt hanging down.

Looking around, Spike was laughing like a loon, his yellow eyes shining in the dark. "Boo!" he yelled in Ms. Calendar's direction, and she jumped back, her knees hitting the bench so that she stumbled and nearly fell. It just made Spike laugh harder. He was still laughing when he passed Oz with a slap on the arm that sent Oz crashing into the side of his van before he walked to the front and leaned next to Faith. "Hand over my fags you soddin' grifter. Pinch 'em at the store like everyone else."

"You're such a sweet talker, Spike. Geez, it's not like you paid for them," Faith complained as she pulled the pack out and threw it at Spike's head. He snagged it out of the air and gave her a nasty smirk. Watching them, Xander just got the really creepy vibe going, but telling Faith to not do something, like sleep with the evil undead, was pretty much a guarantee she'd try it, so he was avoiding stupidity for once in his life and just keeping his mouth shut.

"Oz, get the computer," Ms. Calendar said as she inched forward, her stake in her hand. Spike glanced over toward Oz, but he was pretty much frozen to the spot as he just stared at them all.

Spike turned his attention to Ms. Calendar. "Bloody hell, pet, you're holding that so tight you're losing circulation in the fingers."

"Oz! Get. The. Computer," Ms. Calendar ordered, her voice shrill.

Okay, time for Xander to step in and fix this mess, even if he had been the one voice of reason arguing for just denying and ignoring the whole stupid mess. In hindsight, his plan was so much better than Angel's. Seriously, they should have just mailed Devon a horse head or something. "Ms. Calendar," Xander said, really trying to sound like he knew what he was talking about. "Spike is really annoying... and evil, I'm not saying he's not evil," Xander hurried to amend himself when Spike growled at him. "Totally evil. But, he's not really likely to eat anyone here."

She stared at him like he'd lost his mind, so Xander was calling this whole idea a brilliant failure. "Oz," she said, her voice low and desperate, and Oz was still standing by the open van as he looked from Ms. Calendar to Spike and back. Xander didn't even see Spike move, but suddenly Ms. Calendar was sitting on the grass, her legs sprawled out in front. Looking down at her with amusement, Spike had her stake in hand.

"Bloody well tried ta warn you. If you go holding onto a weapon that tight, you make the fingers go numb," he pointed out. Then he tossed the stake behind him. Faith caught it and tucked it away as Spike held his hand out for Ms. Calendar. "If I was going to eat ya, I wouldn't be offering you advice. Bloody hell, pet, are all your little friends this thick?" Spike asked as he looked over at Xander with a frown.

"Um..."

"Hey, not thick. Ms. Calendar is not even close to thick," Willow objected from the dark van behind Oz. Spike cast a disgusted look over his shoulder but then he must have seen Willow in the dark interior of the van and he turned totally around.

"Got some darkness and power in that one. All insecurity and need, you'd make a lovely vampire, pet."

Willow gave a little squeak as Ms. Calendar finally scrambled to her feet without Spike's help. "I don't know what you want..."

"To get the soddin' hell out of here," Spike cut Ms. Calendar off. "The fucking minions have just about taken over the hellmouth, and I'm going to bloody well teach 'em to go disrespecting me," Spike snarled, and all of the teasing playfulness was gone. Ms. Calendar stumbled back a step and Spike smirked. "Don't go getting your knickers in a twist, luv. The boy was just trying to make a point, and I got tired of him using words. Now, me, I'm more about actions. For example, Faith doesn't try and kill me, and I don't try and kill her," he pointed out. "Although I may reconsider that if she keeps nicking my fags." He turned to glare at her.

"You and what army, babe?" Faith asked as she gave a smirk of her own and stepped forward, her hips rolling as she stalked gracefully toward him.

"That's disturbing," Oz said quietly.

Spike snorted. "The point is," he said as he turned his gaze back to Ms. Calendar, "that you and the watcher keep acting like there's some sort of war between us." Spike cracked his neck to the side and glided closer to her. "Is there?" he asked, his voice low and sultry. Ms. Calendar swallowed. "I don't remember mucking about in your business, but maybe I did and forgot and that's why you keep mucking about in mine," he suggested helpfully.

"I don't know—"

"You don't know much if ya think you can annoy me for long, especially since ya really don't have cause. I'm not out thinning the human herd around here... much," Spike shrugged. "But ya got hundreds of minions that practically crawl out of the woodwork, and the slayers can't so much as find 'em. Ya have a fucking Bérgan wandering around, some zombies, and the caves around the Hellmouth are just about empty, which usually means something really big and nasty is coming. Personally, I don't much care. World goes to hell, I'll turn Faith and Xander and we'll go on our bloody way. But Peaches is fond of humanity and his humans, and seein' as how he's likely to get more depressed than ever if the whole fucking lot of you gets sucked into a hell dimension, I figure, why not help the sod." Spike pulled out a cigarette and made a big production out of slowly lighting it and drawing in a deep drag before he blew out a cloud of smoke. Ms. Calendar looked about ready to collapse in fear. "I'm not the one you're at war with, and you and the watcher better pull your heads out your arses before you lose the show."

Spike deliberately turned his back on her, standing there for a second in a display that Xander knew another vampire would take as one seriously nasty insult. Spike had turned his back on Angel once, and broken bones had been involved. Apparently, Spike had expected and wanted the broken bones because vampire displays of affection were more than a little seriously disturbing. Of course, guilt was also involved, which Spike didn't understand as well as the broken bones part. Xander'd tried explaining the concept of guilt, but apparently guilt was one of those things that just didn't translate well without a soul.

"Wolf," Spike offered pleasantly, giving a nod to Oz. Oz nodded right back. "Oh, and the boy's right about your mate. He's a fucking waste of human flesh, and I'll break his neck if I see him or catch so much as a whiff of him around me or mine, got it?"

"Very much with the getting it," Oz agreed as he kept right on nodding.

Spike leapt up onto the top of Oz's van, the whole thing banging and shaking under the weight and then he was gone.

"Showoff," Faith proclaimed in a bored voice.

"He impressed me," Oz answered. He sat in the open door of the van. Xander watched as Willow's pale face appeared behind Oz. She scooted forward, her hands catching at him and fisting his jacket as she sat just behind him.

"It was... different," Ms. Calendar said weakly. She looked around as if expecting him to jump out again.

"Nah, that's pretty much same old, same old for Spike," Faith dismissed the whole thing. "And if I don't get going, he's going to refuse to let me play with any of the minions he finds," she said as she pulled out her stake. "Xander, you good here?"

"Um, yeah, big with the good," he agreed. He wasn't, but at least with Faith gone, the potential for bloodshed dropped significantly.

"Five by five. Wish me luck," she said with an eyebrow wiggle, and then she was off running into the darkness. Xander was so not wishing her luck because he still wasn't entirely sure she was planning on actually staking the vampires she found. Spike was not exactly what you would call a good influence.

"I guess I should leave you witchy types to the spell making, huh?" Xander asked as he backed away a step. "And really... don't go getting Giles all worked up because that soul is tacked on good and tight. They just don't make escape clauses on curses like they used to... although, technically the curse is a 'used to' since they made it so long ago." Xander cleared his throat and really wished they would all find someone else to stare at. "And this is me going."

"Xander, wait!" Willow called as she jumped out of the van. "Oz, don't let him go off into the dark," she said as she turned to him.

Oz blinked for a second. "She's right. I'll give you a ride home," he offered.

"Nah, I'm good," Xander said. He patted his leg with the blade strapped to it.

"Xander," Ms. Calendar said as she stepped forward. Her hair was going every which way, and with the ripped shirt she was looking very much unteacherish. "You can't just wander off on a hellmouth."

Xander laughed. How many times had he gone wandering off on his own that first year when he didn't even have any training? Here, here's a stake, try and hit the heart. Yep, he was officially surprised he survived. Now, not so much with the being alone... or the being defenseless. Between Angel and Spike, he could swing a mean sword, and he wasn't half bad with a Smith & Wesson double-action. "Hey, the only things on the hellmouth right now are vampires and a couple of zombies. Even Clem's family moved, which really... is big with the calm before the storm creepiness."

"But Xander, vampires," Willow said with a frown.

"Minions. I think I can take a minion or two," Xander pointed out. Why did she assume he was incompetent? "And second, I smell like a three hundred year old vamp bite. I figure the minions are going to smell me and figure..."

"That you're a consort," Jenny finished. "They'd starve themselves to insanity before touching a master vampire's consort.

Xander stared at her blankly for a second. "And again with the consort stuff. I was going to say that if I could survive a bite from a three hundred year old vampire, I must be one seriously bad badass. But yeah, they would probably run away from the Angel smell because of Angel, too. I think I should get going. You know, people to see, homework to not do," Xander said as he turned and started power walking for the far side of the park. Well, that went absolutely horribly. When he hit the swings, he started jogging, his sneakers sinking into the sand of the playground, but he ignored that to hurry toward the darkness of the trees on the far side. Even now, he could feel their eyes on him.

When had they all grown so far apart? When had Willow started being more worried about her boyfriend than a discussion of soul-stealing spells? Part of him still loved her, but part was seriously starting to consider that he was not the only one needing a little therapy. Of course, Willow's parents were big with the psycho-babble which meant they would never believe that they were therapy-inducing parents. Seriously, though, Xander was starting to think that with the exception of Buffy, he had the best parents in the group.

Even as kids, Willow's parents would only give her attention if she did something perfectly, and only if it was something that they wanted her do to. He remembered when she gave up flute after her one and only recital. Yeah, he'd been a kid, too, so his memory was probably a bit wonky, but he remembered her doing a great job. Her parents had made excuses to all their friends who had come over about how she hadn't practiced enough and how she certainly couldn't live up to some other kid that Xander didn't even know. That left way bigger scars than biting. He ducked under a tree branch and came out on Oak Avenue.

The street was quiet, a few barking dogs in the distance and faint music coming from one of the houses. It sounded like someone was mowing their lawn in the middle of the night, and that just had to make the neighbors happy. He started walking toward home, listening to the slightest rustle in the trees beside him. It could be the wind. It probably wasn't, but it could be.

And Angel... no wonder Angelus was so loose with the screws. Angel's dad may have converted to marry a good protestant woman with the right bloodline to get him a little power, but Xander had heard enough stories to know that Liam's friends had all been Catholics, and he'd been pretty well convinced he was going to hell way before he went and got demonized. Of course, it didn't help that his father had gone all Calvin on him. Xander's Catholic friends laughed about guilt being the cornerstone of their religion, and Angel had that, but at least the Catholics believed that you got forgiven. Liam inherited his father's old Catholic guilt and his newly adopted Calvin belief that he was never getting forgiven for it. No wonder Liam finally broke and decided that if he was going to hell, he might as well have fun getting there. All that damage, even without the beatings... not that Angel's dad had skipped on the beatings.

Yep, his folks were saints by comparison. Get a little drunk, scream, make random accusations about how everyone else ruined your life, and fall asleep. It wasn't exactly prime evil. Xander stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

"Ambush me or come out. You're going to scare some old lady to death creeping through people's yards," he told the bushes. They rustled for a second, and then Angel stood up. Angel might be way better with the one-on-one fighting, but Spike had it all over him when it came to ambushing. After many a near heart attack from Spike's version of "helping" him train, Xander had gotten pretty good at noticing stalkers.

"Xander, you shouldn't be out here alone," Angel said, his face still that weird emotionless mask he seemed to wear all the time anymore. Yep, when they went to LA this weekend, Xander was not the only one getting therapy, Angel just didn't know it yet.

"You being here makes the alone less aloney," he pointed out as he started down the street again.

He could hear when Angel started following a few seconds later. Rather than walking next to Xander, he kept his distance. Part of Xander wanted them to go back the way they had been; he missed the touches and the shoulder bumps and the slaps upside the head. But he had to admit that another part was just as happy that Angel was leaving a little distance.

"So, what's a consort?" Xander asked.

"You thought you were alone, so going off on your own was a poor decision," Angel answered, which Xander was pretty sure didn't answer the question.

He stopped and turned around to face Angel. Right away, Angel stopped, one hand coming up to hold the wrought iron fence in front of a rundown old house. "Faith let me go off alone," Xander started, and right away he could see an emotion on Angel... not a good one, but at least it was an emotion. "Which means," he said loudly, interrupting Angel's little silent pissy fit, "I wasn't alone. No way would she have gone off unless she knew you were right there. For that matter, no way would Spike have taken off and made her pick between hunting with him or babysitting me, not unless you were in the shadows doing your imitation of a stalker."

"With some demon trying to take over the hellmouth, having an escort is not the same as babysitting," Angel said with a frown.

"Yep, getting that since you won't let Faith hunt alone, although I don't know which is scarier, her hunting with Spike and picking up all kinds of bad habits or her hunting with Buffy and potentially saying things that I so do not need for Buffy to be hearing."

"Both options are equally dire," Angel agreed with a sigh.

"Yep. So, what's a consort?"

"A consort?"

"Yep, that was the word," Xander agreed. In the old days, he would have kept walking while needling Angel, but it was hard to talk to someone when they walked six feet behind you... even harder to nag them that way.

Angel frowned. "The husband or wife of a ruler. Queen Victoria's husband was Albert, Prince Consort of England. I don't think people use the word much anymore. They just call Philip, Prince Philip."

"Philip?"

"The Queen of England's husband," Angel said.

"Oh." Angel had been watching the history channel again. Xander frowned. "Okay, why would Giles and Ms. Calendar both talk about me becoming a consort? I mean, I know we call her Queen C, but Cordelia is not really much with the actual queenliness." Xander didn't add that the odds of marrying her were growing dimmer what with the avoiding touching her... and the him annoying her with his current freakiness.

"Because they're idiots who believe anything that some watcher once wrote down," Angel sighed. He turned and leaned his back into the fence. "Xander, they're making some huge assumptions that are absolutely wrong. I just think maybe this conversation should wait for another time." Angel sounded so stressed and tense that part of Xander wanted to agree. It was hard to nag Angel when he was already so depressed that all he did was stare at the floor, or in this case, the street.

"If you don't tell me, I’m so going to use my Spike-taught skills of lock picking and look it up in Giles' books and get misinformed for myself," Xander warned.

Angel didn't answer right away, but from the deep sigh, Xander knew he had won. Now he only had to wait. He walked over to the brick pillar built around the mailbox and leaned back. He could wait. He shifted to his other foot. He really hated waiting.

Luckily, Angel cracked first. "It's from a twelfth century vampire named Erlend. He was courting a witch, and he invented this whole mythology about how a vampire could take a human as a mate, a consort. He promised her long life and said they would have a mystical bond that would reach beyond the grave." Angel looked up. "It was a lie. Darla knew the man, met him years later, and he laughed about how the witch had told others the story, about how the watchers were forever looking for his blood-magicked ceremony, the one that would turn a human into a consort."

Suddenly the idea of trusting watchers to be the almighty keepers of mystical knowledge didn't seem so bright. "Wait," Xander said as a thought came to him. "They think we're married?" he yelped. Memories of Angelus and that man flooded back.

"Ye will like it well enough after I break ye in lad. I'll take my time with ya," he'd vowed, his yellow eyes on Xander as he had thrust into the man below him, holding the man's arms to the bed as the man's back arched and he screamed.

"Xander, it doesn't matter what they think. I wouldn't touch you," Angel was saying loudly. He'd taken a step closer to Xander, and Xander blinked, struggling to focus on the here and now.

"They think we're married," he meant to sound indignant, but it came out kinda squeaky.

"Calendar thinks we're married... Giles thinks we're going to be married," Angel admitted with a wince. "They also happen to think that consorts get some magical powers from a vampire. Think about it. My immortality comes from being dead. How can I share that with you without killing you?" Angel asked. He shook his head fiercely. "No. No, I will never do that do you, Xander. You have to know that."

Angel looked so pained that Xander braced himself and closed the gap between them, resting his hand on Angel's arm. "I know that. See me? This is my not worried face," Xander promised. "Okay, it's my slightly worried face, but my worry has to do with a whole bunch of things, none of which are being afraid of you turning me."

Angel looked at Xander, his eyes almost black in the dim light of the street. "I wouldna do that do you," he said seriously.

"Yep, got that," Xander agreed, and he was so not even going to deal with the Irish accent right now. Yeah, he might need therapy, but he seriously hoped this guy Clem recommended was good with multiple personality disorder because Xander wasn't even the really, really screwed up one here. He slid his arm around Angel's and pulled on him. "Come on, let's go home," he said.

For a second, Angel didn't move, his face dark and full of pain as he looked down at Xander. Then that emotionless mask slipped back in place and Angel allowed Xander to turn him toward home, their arms still entwined as they headed down the shadowed road.

The Enemy of my Enemy

Xander checked out the library through a partially cracked door before he inched into the room. He was still having trouble getting his head around Giles doing the whammy on Buffy for her eighteenth birthday, and he really had no idea what to say to the man. If Giles had gone and tried to screw over Angel, that Xander would have understood. He would have called it stupid, but he would have understood. But Giles doing the big whammy on Buff surprised him.

He could see the back of Buffy's head bent over the table as she sat on Oz watch, only without much watching of Oz. He must have fallen asleep in his cage. "Hey, Buff," he said as he got close.

"Xand! Hey, you missed a whole week of English type fun with research, only not so much with fun," she said as she turned and gave him a smile.

"It's funny, but I do better with school when I'm not in school, which makes my teachers happy on two counts because classrooms and me lead to sleeping, no matter how hard I try to not be bored," he admitted. "And I'm really sorry I missed your birthday. I mean, I know you told me it wasn't a big deal, but I'm still feeling the guilt here. I got back this morning and Willow gave me the full rundown," he said before he went to another chair and dropped into it. Angel had been livid... nearly Angelus levels of livid even, and after hours and hours and hours of therapy, Xander was only just now starting to be okay with the fact that Angel had a right to get angry.

"Hey, I wasn't kidding when I said I had a big zero planned. I didn't even do the ice show like I said," she shrugged. Xander grimaced at that admission. She had really been looking forward to some father time, but since she had the functional mother, he guessed she had to have some sort of dysfunction somewhere in the family tree if she wanted to fit in with the rest of them.

Xander gave her a crooked smile. "And here I thought you had scheduled a miss on celebratory weirdness."

"Yeah, so did I," she said defiantly. Then she gave him a wry grin. "Not so much, though."

The library was quiet as Buffy played with a page in her book. The corner finally ripped off in her fingers, and Buffy looked up toward Giles' office with panic, but there wasn't any Giles there. Xander took a deep breath and actually tried to say something real. His therapist told him that he needed to express himself without the jokes when he truly wanted other people to understand his emotions. Xander felt a need to make a therapy joke, but he had promised he was going to give this a try. "Buffy, I'm really sorry I wasn't here. Not that I could have done much, but still, I'm sorry because I guess I figure as a friend, I should have been here to be miserable with you... or cheer you up... or something." Xander just waited, watching as Buffy looked at him in surprise for a second.

"I know you had to do your thing," Buffy said quietly, and Xander squirmed at the strange emotions in the room. He was fairly sure it was sincerity, an emotion he only had a passing acquaintance with.

"I kinda did. Devon with his trick and Angelus with his creepy really did a number on me," he admitted.

Buffy flinched.

"And that came out sounding way too 'I told you so,' because that was not the emotion I was going for," Xander sighed.

"No, you have every right to 'I told you' away," Buffy said as she straightened her shoulders. "Although you were more with the making druggie jokes than actually telling, but I did get the point. I guess I just really wanted to be with someone who knew about me." Buffy leaned back and pushed her hair back from her face with a frustrated sigh. "You know, that whole thing with Owen wanting a good spanking never would have happened if he hadn't caught me with that big old knife. I really need to come up with a better excuse for carrying heavy weaponry." Buffy made a squinch face worthy of Willow.

"But on the bright side, now your mom knows," Xander pointed out. Okay, so Joyce getting kidnapped by some vamp that the Watcher's Council had set up to kill Buffy as a twisted birthday prezzie... kinda not cool, but he figured she had a right to know what happened if Buffy never came home one night the way Jesse had.

Buffy made and even squinchier squinch face. "She was not really with the happy, and I can't decide if it's the slaying or the three years of less than honesty about the slaying," she admitted.

"Ah, an unhappy parental. I'm sorry," Xander offered. Silence fell again as they both just sort of ran out of words. Buffy picked at the edge of the table. Xander tried to come up with an excuse that didn't sound excusy.

"How's Cordelia?" Buffy asked suddenly.

"Cheery," Xander said. "In that she's cheerleading a lot, so I’m not that much with the seeing her. She cornered me in the mall and yelled at me for not bringing her back a bigger present from L.A., so I guess she's good."

Buffy gave him an odd look. Finally she sighed. "Was this always so awkward?"

Xander laughed. "Not so much. I think all the avoiding is making this... really weird," he admitted.

"Oh yeah. So... no more avoidy? I mean, I can handle the big pink elephant if you can."

Xander looked at her and internally groaned at the idea of talking Giles with her. Giles was like her dad, only much more dadlike, so he wasn't sure he wanted to know just how much his betrayal had to hurt. It was weird, but on the phone Willow was way more upset with the Giles getting fired part than the Giles stabbing Buffy in the back. But he could handle this. "Hey, I'm all about dealing with the big ugly," he offered with a smile.

"Thank god," Buffy said with a sigh. "I was about to break my brain trying to avoid you and therapy and Angel."

"What?" Xander yelped. "Me and Angel is an open book in the openness if not the bookness. I was avoiding Giles and his backstabbingly tacky birthday present." Xander crossed his arms and watched as Buffy's eyes went all big.

"Oh..." she said slowly. And then she was just kind of quiet.

"Seriously? You're more with the avoid about my therapy than Giles and his Benedict Arnold impression?" Xander asked softly.

Buffy's lips pulled down into a frown. "I didn't really consider it Benedict Arnoldy until this point," she said. She closed her eyes for a second and then shook her head. "Only you could make it seem like Giles is the bad guy when it was the Council guys who made all these stupid rules."

"And yet Giles is the one who followed their stupid rules," Xander pointed out. He was so not ready to let the guy off the hook. And the fact that he had told Buffy after drugging her didn't erase the whole drugging of Buffy in the first place. And Xander was big enough to admit that maybe he was a little touchy on the subject of drugs these days, but it was still seriously creepy.

"I guess I never thought of it like that," Buffy admitted. "But he told me, and if it wasn't for that Council goon getting himself killed and letting insano-vamp loose, that would have been the end of it. So, I guess me and Giles are still okay."

Xander didn't answer since he wasn't really sure what to say. He knew that Giles had to have something really special and worthy under the tweed and stuffy or else Buffy wouldn't like him so much, but Xander sure didn't see what that something was.

"So, you and Angel? Therapy?" she asked.

Xander nodded. "Yep. The therapist is a little strange, and she has even stranger and occasionally green friends, but I don't know, I think it might help some."

"So, is that why you and Cordelia are kinda...." Buffy brought her two forefingers together and let them slowly drift apart.

"What?" he frowned.

"Drifting. You know, are you and Angel really up for tying the knot?"

Xander stared at her blankly. No. Just no. No way would Giles have said that to Buffy or Willow. No and more no because if he did, Xander was going to have to kill him.

"Xander. Are you okay?" Buffy asked as she leaned forward, waving her hand in front of his face.

He tried... he really tried to do the counting to ten in three different demon languages thing that the therapist had recommended. He tried and failed utterly. "No. Just a big old 'no'!" he snapped. Buffy sat up straight and looked at him with even more concern. "There is no marriage, no consort, no with the gay sex. Oh, sure, there were threats when Angel went all Angelusy, but even Angelus didn't have the gay sex with me. Why does everyone think I'm gay?" he demanded.

The library door came open. "Hey, everything five by five?" Faith asked from the edge of the library.

"I think I broke Xander," Buffy said with a face.

"Hey, if you broke him, you're the one telling the Big A," Faith snorted as she walked in the room.

"I am not gay," Xander insisted as he turned to Faith.

For a half second, she paused, obviously caught off guard by that little outburst, but then she gave a slow, sultry smile and swung her hips as she stalked closer. "You volunteering to prove that?" she asked as she caught her tongue between her teeth and gave him a look Xander had only seen when he had walked in on Spike and some very disturbing porn.

"Okay, ick," Buffy complained.