Learning Curve
Rated ADULT
Sexual Content

Jim/Blair, Xander/Spike
Chapters 26-30

Jump to: Section 7

Chapter 26

"Oh shit. Spike," Xander crawled forward when his vampire dropped to the ground right after Sungsen's body. "Holy crap. You're cooked. And the sun is still sunlike, and in the sky, and what are you doing up?" Xander could feel the panic bubbling just under the surface, and shade or no shade, he was definitely not okay with Spike being up. Xander looked up at the canopy, suddenly sure that something would magically whisk away all the leaves, and he would have to watch Spike disappear into a poof of dust, and oh god, how had Buffy done it? How had Buffy walked away and let Spike die on the hellmouth, and yep, there was anger right on the tail of fear.

"Xander!" Spike said loudly enough that Xander figured out two things. One, Spike had been calling him for a while and two, he was panicking. "Oi, breathe, pet."

"Breathe, I can breathe, lots of experience breathing," Xander muttered as he really did struggle with it. "I just can't believe you got burned so bad. Hugely bad. Horror movie special effects level badness."

"Pet, if you insist on runnin' toward trouble instead of the other way, someone has to save your arse."

"And my arse thanks you, but holy crap, Spike." Xander stopped a foot from Spike, trying very hard to ignore the dead body flopped on the ground and focus on the charred body in front of him. Spike's left side was burned, his skin black and cracked with a roadmap of pink showing through the jagged edges. His left hand was almost skeletal, and Xander was afraid to even reach out and touch him.

"Oi, been burned worse than this."

"When you went to hell, maybe. That's not really a comfort right now. I mean… shit." Xander reached out and let his hand rest on Spike's right arm, the one that didn't look like it'd been crispy fried.

"As long as I'm not dust, I'll heal. Can't say that about Sungsen. Wanker."

"Riley!" Xander yelped.

"Another wanker. The way he was talkin' to you—hey!" Spike made an indignant protest when Xander just about kicked him trying to scramble across the mat of fallen pine needles to Riley's side. The soldier was still moaning, curled on his side, and Xander gently rolled Riley over onto his back.

"Oh man. That… that is not good," Blair voice said softly. Xander glanced up and Jim and Blair stood in the shadow of the large tree, both looking a little more worn and ragged than before.

"Blair, get the first aid kit and the rest of the stretcher. Xander, get those wrappings off his leg." Jim immediately moved forward and knelt down on the ground on the other side of Riley. Xander nodded and started working the bloody knots holding the rough splints to his mangled leg.

"Bloody hell, you're welcome for saving your sorry arses, too," Spike grumbled.

"I'll thank you when I know no one's about to die, Spike. Careful with that, Sport," Jim said, reaching out to grab Xander's hand where he was already working a knot. "That's the end of his bone," Jim said, pointing to a lump poking up at a very unnatural angle.

"Okay, I think I'm going to be sick now." Xander sat with his fingers already red from the blood that had seeped into Riley's pants. Xander realized that Riley had done this to himself trying to save him, and that was way more responsibility than he wanted. He couldn't handle the guilt of being there when people died, so having people actually die for him was way more than he could handle. Xander could feel his hands start to tremble.

"Shove over, pet. I'll get them off."

"Your hand isn't going to work," Xander pointed out very reasonably as he went back to working on the knotted fabric, trembling fingers or no.

"And your hands are covered in blisters."

"Which is better than having all the skin burned off, so just back off." Xander didn't mean to be a snappish, but even he could tell he was being slightly on the totally unreasonable side.

"And how about you both stop?" Blair said loudly. Xander looked up to see Blair standing over them with a pair of blunt-nosed first aid scissors, the kind used to cut through clothing. "Both of you, move over." Xander moved closer to Spike to give Blair room to flop down on the ground. He handed the white box over to Jim before he started cutting at the pants and binding.

"Spike, are you going to be okay?" Blair asked softly as he worked.

"I'm dead, so I don't know why you lot get so worked up. As long as I'm not dust, I'll be fine. 'Course, I appreciate you askin', unlike some ungrateful gits."

Jim took a second away from administering some sort of drug to glare at Spike. "I'm just trying to ignore the stench of burnt corpse."

"And I'm just tryin' to ignore how ya left my boy to die."

Jim stiffened.

"Oh no. There was no leaving," Xander hurried to say.

"Ya have a short memory there, pet."

"And you weren't looking at what was really going on. Jim so would have come back just as soon as he got Blair, and then it would have been four against one. See? We were on the verge of all out victory because there was no leaving. The nearly going flambeau was totally not needed."

"Flambé," Blair offered.

"Flambé, flambeau, no flames at all. Flames plus vampires equals usually good, but not in the case of my vampire." Xander watched Blair peel back the fabric of Riley's pants, revealing a white bone poking through the skin.

"Oh god."

"Spike, can you set up the stretcher?" Blair asked quietly.

"Yeah, but only because the git was doin' his best to help Xander, even if his best turned out ta be damn near worthless," Spike pointed out before he stood up to retrieve the bits of stretcher Blair had brought and the pole Riley had used as a crutch.

"I'll help," Xander offered, but Blair's hand reached out and caught him, smearing Riley's blood on Xander's arm.

"Xander, I need you to sit here and talk to Riley. Remember how I explained the bit with dials to control pain?"

Glancing over at Jim to see if he was hurt, Xander nodded without really understanding the question.

"Okay, I need you to talk that through with Riley. Somewhere down there he can hear you, and these drugs can help stabilize him, but they can't stop the pain. Talk him through the dials."

"Wait a minute. Just... Riley?" Xander asked.

"Bloody hell. You sure?" Spike demanded as he slipped the pole back into the place.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Blair said. "Xander, he could see the bird as well as Jim. He could hear you whisper from twenty feet away, and then there's the fact that Sungsen couldn't touch two people, and only two people."

"The yellow," Xander breathed. "I saw yellow in his cord and I thought it was fear, but yellow is very gold-like and the yellow could have been gold, and I truly suck. Why didn't I notice this?"

"Xander, it's okay. You're still learning how to use your powers."

"Sport," Jim interrupted. "It doesn't matter when we figured this out. Right now, he just needs you to help him control the pain."

Nodding, Xander slid forward, but then Spike's hand was on his shoulder, holding him back. "If he's a soddin' Sentinel, then the fuzzy Shaman can talk him through whatever Sentinel shite he needs."

"No, I can't. Riley was reaching out for Xander, trying to make a connection with Xander, which means whatever instinctive part of him recognized a Shaman wants Xander."

"He bloody well can't have Xander. The boy's mine."

"Spike." Jim stood up. "I understand. I do," he hurried to say when Spike tried to interrupt. "Another Sentinel got near Blair not that long ago, and I felt exactly what you're feeling. And just as soon as Riley is in a hospital and we can call Buffy to get him another Shaman, I will help you tie his ass to a bed so you can get Xander safely to the next state... although really, I would prefer if you headed for the next country, no offense, Xander," Jim turned to Xander apologetically, but Xander got it. Jim and Spike were never going to be really okay with each other. Bonding in the face of potential death, yeah, but they'd never sign up for a bowling league together. "But right now he's in so much pain that we don't have time for territorial games. If we don't all pull together, Riley is going to die."

"No skin off my nose, and even if it were, I wouldn't let the soldier boy anywhere near Xander, not knowing what he wants." Xander's eyes went wide as he thought about that. No and more no. If the Shaman-Sentinel thing included sex, he was so not signing up for that. He did not have sex with friend's boyfriends, and while he had made one or two inappropriate comments about Riley and sex and potential gay sex with Riley, he was so off the market now and Riley was so very straight.

Jim sighed. "Spike, he's not looking for anything but a person who can help him control the senses, and if I can't appeal to your honor by pointing out that Riley was willing to die to protect Xander, then I'm going to appeal to your selfishness. If he dies, Xander is going to live with the guilt of that."

"Big time guilt. Maybe not ripping all the skin off someone guilt, but I'd be close," Xander pointed out. Spike's hand tightened for a second before he finally let go. "But I'm not okay with having sex with Riley, either," Xander said guiltily, and yeah, maybe a good man would sign up for the sex part to save a life, but Xander wasn't that good.

"Sport, a Guide is not sexual. Blair chose to have a relationship with me. It has nothing to do with him being my Guide, and Riley is not up for anything right now, but he needs your help to control his pain if he's going to survive."

Xander nodded. "Spike, I really need to do this." He turned to look at Spike pleadingly. For a second, the vampire seemed unaffected, and then he turned to Jim with a growl.

"Fine, but you and Blair are carrying him to the truck, Ellison."

"We can do that," Blair nodded.

"I mean right now," Spike went over and grabbed the stretcher. "I'll catch up and carry him the rest of the way once the sun goes down, but I'm not sittin' here and watchin' him bleed until then. So you get his sorry arse as far as you can, and I'll follow from the shade."

Jim stared at Spike for a second and then nodded. "There's no reason to stay together now. Xander, start talking Riley through the dials. Even if he doesn't seem to hear you, just keep talking to him. Blair, let's get him loaded and head for the truck."

"The explosives we planted," Blair suddenly blurted out.

"We don't have time to collect them. We'll set them off, and if it attracts someone's attention, all the better. A ranger could get a rescue helicopter out here faster than we could get Finn back to town and find a signal on the cell phones. Xander," Jim said, "start talking to him before we lose him."

"Talking, right." Xander shook himself out of his shock and took Riley's hand in his own. "Okay, Ri, here's how it works. You have to imagine your pain as a dial, and right now it's set way up high, like at a ten, and I know because that leg, that's not looking good, but you don't have to worry about that. You just have to grab that dial and start moving it down..." Xander kept talking to Riley, repeating everything Blair had ever taught him about being a Guide as Jim and Blair set up the stretcher and carefully transferred the still bleeding Riley over to it.

Seven hours later, Xander found himself trying to fend off a nurse's attention in the tiniest emergency room he'd ever seen, and Xander was a connoisseur of emergency rooms.

"If you would just let me check those scratches," she huffed as she gave Xander a glare that would make Spike proud. Either that, or he'd make her sorry she'd ever turned her over-mascara'ed glare toward Xander. But Spike was in the basement scrounging up whatever blood he could find while the medical staff took care of the rest of the wounded. Xander had an unkind moment where he really wished that Spike was up here so the nurse could turn her ice-cold stethoscope on him and then pass out from shock when she couldn't find a heartbeat.

"I'm fine," Xander objected again. "Maybe you could see if the doctor is done with Riley yet."

"He has a compound fracture and a good case of shock, Sport," Jim said from the far side of the room where he waited near the curtain for his turn. He didn't have nearly as many bumps and bruises, but he'd taken a nasty cut to his cheek sometime during the fight. "They're going to be working on him for a while."

Xander turned his best puppy eye on the nurse anyway. She just raised her eyebrow, which made her look even more Spikelike... well, if Spike were old and wrinkled and a woman. But hey, she had the cranky part down perfect. She sighed.

"I've treated five year olds who were less obstreperous."

"And I'm sure I would be offended if I knew what that meant, but ignorance is bliss. Can't you just check and make sure he's still breathing? He wasn't breathing well. And Blair told you, he has allergies."

"If you take off the patch and let me treat all your scratches like a good little reprobate, I might check on your friend, but if you don't let me make sure you haven't injured your eye socket, I am going to put down in your file that you need every shot in our inventory before we let you out of here."

"Geez. Grouchy much?" Xander complained as he reached up. He hated taking the thing off, and even though he knew Jim and Blair-- and he didn't actually care what Nurse Battleax thought-- he still hesitated before pulling off the patch.

"Stubborn much?" the nurse shot back as she leaned in. "You have some deep scratches. The enucleation of the eye leaves the remaining tissue vulnerable to infection, so I'll get you some antibiotics and a cream you can use on that."

"Thanks." Xander went to put the patch back on, but the nurse put her hand on his arm.

"And I'll get you a new patch. That one is worn and filthy. Are both of you as annoyingly obstinate as this one?" she asked as she turned to Jim and Blair.

"Oh man, you have no clue," Blair said softly.

"Well someone had better talk him into going to a surgeon soon. He doesn't even have an orbital implant yet. Postponing the reconstructive surgery is going to make it more difficult to get a natural-looking prosthetic."

"Hey, how about we not discuss private medical history in front of random people I know but who you don't know from Adam," Xander complained. The nurse gave him a rather unsympathetic look.

"I'm going to find you a new patch." She pulled Xander's familiar patch right out of his hand and disappeared.

"I thought nurses were supposed to be helpful and motherly and offer people cookies or something," Xander sighed.

"I think that's when you donate blood, Sport. All the emergency room nurses I've known have been more efficient than motherly," Jim said. "While she's looking, I need you to tell me what happened with the cords, Xander."

Xander fought an urge to hide his missing eye, but Jim was just watching him calmly. Not even Willow and Buffy could fake the lack of disgust that well. "The black cord--"

"That *was* Sungsen, right? Man, if there's Sungsen and some weird cord demon out there, I am so quitting the demon-hunting business."

"You're quitting it, anyway," Jim said firmly.

"No cord demon. That was Sungsen, or what used to be Sungsen because there wasn't any humanity left. And the whole reaching out for people with the cord was a new one." Xander shivered, not sure whether it was worse to see that cord reaching out or to be like the others who could feel it but couldn't see it coiling around them with raw chicken-slimy slickness.

"Not true. You said Riley's cord reached out for you, and I think it's safe to say that Riley was reacting to the proximity of a Shaman," Blair interrupted. "So some instinctive behaviors must translate into the cord. Have you ever seen anyone else's cord reach out?"

"And that's a huge no. Cords are supposed to just lay there, well, except for you and Jim," Xander said as he suddenly remembered something else.

"What about us?" Jim quickly asked.

"Your cords sort of lean toward each other, and your colors bleed into one another, and if I were a girl who watched those sappy movies that I will never admit to watching with Willow, I would use words like soulmates."

Jim didn't say anything, but he did drape an arm over Blair's shoulders. And if it weren't for the blood and the gash on his face, Xander might think that he had a sappy expression. But it was hard to call a bloody soldier sappy.

"What about your cord? Does it reach out for Riley or Spike?" Blair asked.

"Oi, you better be careful how ya answer that, pet. Eatin' Riley is still a possibility, at least until Buffy gets here."

"Buffy's coming?" Xander asked as Spike came in the room. Half his face was still pink like he'd been sitting too close to a space heater, but he actually looked better than Jim in the having gotten his ass kicked department. And at least Spike had gotten his ass kicked by the sun and not a linguist like the rest of them.

"Yeah, her and Red killed the beastie threatening to set up a new hellmouth, so they were already on their way before I called."

"Score two for the good guys," Xander smiled. Spike smiled back before coming over and cupping Xander's face, tilting it so that he could look at Xander's injuries.

"Still think you're a wanker for not watchin' out for him," Spike told Jim, but at least this time there wasn't the growling and posturing and toxic levels of pissiness.

"I did my best. I wasn't prepared for what we found."

"No bloody kidding. So, you were tellin' us what happened with the cords. Oh, and don't think I missed what that bird said about your eye, either," Spike warned with a serious expression. Xander rolled his good eye before catching Blair's amused expression.

"Mother hens. I'm telling you, these alpha males are all closet mother hens," Blair smiled. Spike didn't even disagree, although he did give Blair a nasty glare.

"Cords. Okay, I can do that. The black cord was definitely Sungsen, and his cord avoided Jim's and Riley's cords, so I’m guessing it was a Sentinel thing, only when Jim gets close to Blair, his soul cord sort of merges with Blair's which must have made Blair vaguely Sentinel-like."

"But Riley couldn't protect you," Spike added thoughtfully.

"It wasn't for lack of trying. He nearly died trying, and that would have been seriously bad in terms of costing way more money than I have in long-term therapy," Xander pointed out. "And Jim's cord couldn't really protect me, so Sungsen's freaky soul cord wrapped around me and dragged me into the trees, and oh my god, I pulled it out. Fuck." Xander could feel his heart pound until the sound of it filled his ears, and then strong hands were holding him just a little too tight for comfort.

"Calm down, pet. What did you pull out?"

Xander could feel hysterical laughter press against his guts, making him vague nauseous. "I pulled his soul out. I grabbed it and pulled it out of him. Oh my god."

"Bloody hell, that's why he went all quiet there at the end," Spike said softly.

"Oh man. That's like huge," Blair added.

Immediately, Spike's voice was all business. "'Course you did it. Soddin' had to considering that the wanker was tryin' to kill you."

"Sport, breathe," Jim suggested. Xander tried, he really did, but the air when wooshing out as fast as it came in and the room got a little wavy.

Strong hands pushed his head between his knees as Spike's arms closed around him. And then Blair was there, kneeling in front of him. "Hey, it's okay, just count with me. In, two, three, four. Hold. Out, two, three, four. Hold." Blair rested in hands on Xander's legs, but when the room stopped wobbling and spinning, Xander leaned into Spike, hiding his face in the vampire's shoulder as he felt the waves of guilt and fear and horror spread through him.

"I ripped out his soul," he whispered.

"You saved the furry little Shaman and yourself, pet, and Major Moron would have bled to death out there." What with all the panicking, Xander really didn't have an answer for that.

"In battle, you use the weapons you have," Jim added. "Xander, I'm glad you killed him. Lethal force is never the first option, but it was him or us. Worst than that, it was him or possibly thousands of other people who would have died if he had reached a population center."

Xander shook his head. "I didn't kill him. Spike killed him. I ripped his soul out." Xander closed his eye and replayed those few seconds. The soul ripped free like a rotting root and Sungsen had stood there, his body empty as Spike grabbed him from behind and sank his teeth in. "Oh god. I ripped his soul out, and I think there's a special level of hell for that—a special, special level of hell lower than even the one with the child molesters and people who talk in the theater."

"Pet, look at me," Spike said, and again, that strong hand cradled his cheek, forcing him to turn and look up. "Pet, ya didn't do anything that I don't do when I kill someone. If you hadn't slowed him down, I might have gotten myself thrown out into the middle of that clearing where I would have been dust. But if I was faster than Sungsen, I would have ripped his soul out just as well as you did. The only difference is I would have done it by killing his body. I figure the Sentinel has killed a few souls in his time, too. So don't you go getting your knickers in a twist because it was down to either him or us, and I'm not sorry that wanker's dead. I'd kill him again if I could, only this time I'd do it a bit slower because he really got on my nerves there at the end."

"But his soul," Xander said helplessly. "Soul… ripping… ripping… soul. Those two things are two things that shouldn't be together, and yet I was with the soul ripping powers there."

"What ya did bloody saved us, and unless you suddenly wish that tosser had won, you soddin' well won't apologize for doin' what you had to do." The soft comfort in Spike's voice hardened, and when Xander opened his mouth to continue with the freaking, Spike looked at him coldly. Xander froze.

"You think about that. Ellison, have you ever killed?"

"More than I care to think about some mornings," Jim said quietly.

"You sorry you did?"

"Yeah, most of the time I am." Jim's soft answer made Spike turn and look at him sharply. Jim just shrugged. "It's a human thing. I'm sorry I ever had to take a life. But at the same time, I wouldn't change anything in my past, Xander. I'm sorry that this world makes us choose between protecting the people we love and a good night's sleep. I'm sorry that there are idiots who are so caught up in getting what they want that the rest of us are forced to stop them any way we can. I'm sorry for having to kill. But I'm never sorry that I killed the specific people I killed. I made choices, and those choices protected my country and my friends. Your choice protected all of us in this room and Riley and thousands of potential victims." Jim stood silent, but Blair's arm slipped around his waist.

The exam room was silent. Xander clung to Spike, Jim leaned into Blair, and they were all still standing there when the nurse came back into the room, a new eye patch in one hand and a fist full of slick, colored brochures in the other.

"Your friend is doing fairly well. His vitals have improved, and they have the leg stabilized. They're evacuating him by helicopter to Kootenai Medical Center in Coeur d'Alene so surgeons can set the leg and fix the internal damage. People die falling off these mountains, so if you don't know what you're doing, find another hobby," she suggested as she shoved the eye patch and the brochures at Xander. "So, let me get a couple of stitches into you, and you can follow your friend up to Coeur d'Alene," she said as she turned to Jim. She either didn't notice or just didn't bother commenting on Spike's appearance or the awkward silence in the room.

"I don't need stitches," Jim objected.

"Oh no. No, this one has worn out my patience already," the woman said as she poked a thumb in Xander's direction. "I am not putting a band aid on a facial laceration, so you can sit down and let me do my job, or I will start getting creative with a needle and a set of completely unnecessary vaccinations."

"Then let's just get this over with," Jim said as he pushed back the dividing curtain and sat on the second bed. "We need to get to Coeur d'Alene."

"Oh yeah, Xander definitely needs to get to Coeur d'Alene," Blair agreed.

"Oi, you don't have to use that tone of voice," Spike complained. "We're only goin' there to wait for him to wake up and then tie him to the bed so the boy and I can leave the country, remember?"

The nurse sighed without pausing as she cleaned the cut on Jim's face. "You people have serious issues."

"Oh man, you have no clue. But I'm guessing we're going to look good when Buffy and her crew shows up," Blair said to no one in particular. Looking through the eye replacement brochures the nurse had brought, Xander noticed that no one was disagreeing. Considering how badly everyone had taken the whole seeing souls thing, Xander wished he could just skip the whole ripping souls out revelation. Oh yeah, they had issues… issues and subscriptions to issues and whole, huge freaky archives of issues. And somehow, Xander didn't think it was going to get any better in Coeur d'Alene. He was almost hoping the Susan Clark lady went all demony just to avoid the issuage. Unfortunately, he just didn't think he would be that lucky.

Chapter 27

"Xander!" Willow shouted as she walked down the white hallway as fast as she could without getting accused of running in a hospital, which would be bad.

"Will." Xander stood and held his arms open as she threw herself in them.

"Spike called and he said there was a demon, and there wasn't supposed to be a demon, just Riley, lost, or not lost and dead, but no demon. And oh goddess, I'm such a bad friend what with the almost sending you to your own death, and I am so sorry."

Xander held Willow through the babble, resting his chin on her head as she clung to him.

"Xander, Spike," Buffy said as she finally caught up to Hurricane Willow. Spike stepped closer to Xander, resting his hand on the small of Xander's back.

"Buffy," he said calmly. He glanced down and then with a sigh offered a tired sounding, "Willow."

"Hey, we're good. Okay, Spike got a little crispy, and I know what cheese feels like getting dragged across a grater," Xander admitted as Buffy looked at his scratched face with a raised eyebrow, "but it's all good. There's breathing, and a pulse and all sorts of other good, not-dead things."

Willow leaned back without totally letting go of Xander and looked up at his face. Slowly, she brought her hand up to trace the red scratches that disappeared under his new patch.

"Ow worthy," she said softly.

"Yep," Xander agreed. "Ow worthy, but not even near the maimed or broken columns. I don't break easy."

"Nope, my Xander-shaped friend stays Xander-shaped even when lesser men would be stretched into taffy shapes," Willow said happily.

"Spike, I'm really sorry," Buffy said, and still she stood back a couple of feet. Xander knew that look, that was her guilty at not being able to fix things look. That was the look she had when she'd told Dawn about their mom being sick.

"Nothin' for you to be sorry about, luv."

"Okay, I trusted the government when they said kith-harn, and then I believed the whole dead in an explosion kith-harn story, and you would think that I would catch on to them being these slimy, lying, back-stabbing bastards after getting screwed the first dozen times or so. I'm writing that in my address book. G for government, first name-bastards, address-slimysville, phone number-1-900-we-suck." Buffy grimaced. "I should have checked the story out before I sent you and Xander out there without any research or weapons."

"Hey, you had your own potential disaster brewing, and there should be a one disaster at a time rule," Xander pointed out. "It's bad enough with the lack of pension plans and 401(k)'s, but this hero gig should at least come with a promise that the disasters will be nicely spaced for easy stoppage."

"Like idiot fledges bein' too stupid to attack all at once?" Spike asked. Xander glanced over at the sharp edge in Spike's voice.

"Exactly!" Xander smiled at Spike as he let his hands fall away from Willow's back. "There are rules you know. The bad guys have to attack one at a time and reveal all plans right before going down to defeat. These modern villains are not living up to expectations."

Buffy smiled. "I'll be sure to let them know next time I'm kicking their asses."

"You do that. So, I hear all went well on your ass-kicking front." Xander focused on Buffy while Willow held on to him for just a couple of seconds longer than was really comfortable. Finally she let go and retreated back to Buffy's side.

"Yeah. It turns out we didn't need a sword of... uh... whatever. We just needed a bladed weapon that had been blessed, so we took good old Bessy down to Father Whelan, and he blessed it."

"And one of these days, Father Whelan is going to start asking why we keep asking him to bless water and now five-foot steel swords. I mean, I think we've officially hit his weird-o-meter," Xander warned.

Buffy nodded with a smile. "Oh, weird-o-meter hittage is confirmed. I think he lost his eyebrows they went up so far, but you have to love the superstitious Irish who still believe in things that go bump in the night just enough to go along with blessing weapons. And I had him bless your favorite stake while he was at it." Buffy pulled a dark, walnut stake out of her waistband and handed it over. Xander took the warm wood and ran a thumb over the shined surface. It was hard enough to get through even leather, and it had saved his life more than once. He couldn't believe he'd left it behind.

"Thanks," he whispered. Xander felt Spike's arms slip around his waist, and both girls suddenly found the walls very interesting to stare at. Yep, well there went his hope that denying the problem would just make it go away.

"So, how's Riley?" Buffy asked.

"Bad enough that we've been sitting here so long my butt is officially the same shape as these lame chairs. And when I say lame, I mean both pathetic and lame as in not being able to walk because another hour of sitting, and Spike will be trying to find me a nice wheelchair." This time Xander had to force the joke and the smile, and Spike's arms tightened. Xander vaguely wondered if that was Spike's way of telling him to relax or just a show of support.

"Is he..." Buffy stopped, her face twisted with worry.

"He'll live," Spike quickly added. "The docs are just working on making sure he can walk again."

"Oh goddess." Willow's hands fluttered up to her mouth. "I thought he just had a broken leg."

"Um, yeah on the broken leg, but then add in days of waiting for rescue and then walking on the broken leg to try and save me," Xander said, and that was his guilt showing up right on schedule. If Angel showed up, the combined guilt in the room would create a black hole of guiltiness sucking up all the guilt in the universe. Until they'd shown up at Kootenai Medical Center and had some doctor talk to them about the possibility for long-term disability or loss of the leg, Xander had put 'broken leg' into the no-big column of injuries. Now, not so much.

"Is Giles here yet?" Buffy asked.

"No, you expected him?" Spike's arms tightened as he leaned forward.

"He's bringing a healer," Willow whispered, glancing around the nearly empty waiting room as though she expected someone to pounce on her for using the 'H' word in the great temple to modern medical science.

"Haven't seen him. But don't think you're going to gang up on us like before. Three against two, four against two, the whole fucking world against us two, Xan and I are still together," Spike warned. Buffy had been staring at the double doors that led into the operating rooms, but now she looked at Spike.

"Get over yourself. This thing with Xander... so not a good idea, but I'm not arranging my life around trying to make you see the bad-ideaness of it. I want Giles and the healer to hurry up so Riley has the best chance at recovering."

"We shouldn't fight here. We're all worked up with the danger and the lack of sleep and the flight attendant who wouldn't stop with the sexually inappropriate comments, so let's not fight. Okay?" Willow asked.

"Not fighting, just pointing out a few truths," Spike said with a shrug. "Since you lot are here, I'm takin' Xander back to our hotel before he sits in these chairs so long he can't walk. You can wait for news on Major Moron."

"Wait, will the doctors talk to us?" Willow asked.

"Don't know. They only talked to us because the furry little Shaman talked them into it, but seein' as how you lot doubt his powers, I suppose one of you can just as easily talk them into giving you the information."

"Spike, you don't have to be so pissy," Buffy said, her voice confused, but just sharp enough to make Xander flinch.

"Yeah, pet, I really do. You lot show up and within five minutes, the boy's smelling like despair and struggling to figure out what to say that won't piss you off."

Buffy and Willow both looked at Xander, and the blood rushed to his face so fast that Xander thought he might just spontaneously combust.

"Xander." Willow strangled his name.

"Hey, no despair here, except for the whole chairs deal which is more annoyance than despair." Xander gave the girls a goofy grin that froze when he spotted Spike's expression.

"Yeah, well I'm stuck in bum-fuck nowhere with a hotel room that's decorated with soddin' dried flowers. The fucking tub is shaped like a heart, and that's still lookin' like a better option than this fucking waiting room where I've been stuck for hours. So, you can have Riley-watch because the boy and I are due for some down time." Spike started pushing Xander toward the hallway, and for a half second, Xander couldn't get his feet all going in the same direction as he stumbled forward. Spike's hands at his waist kept him steady as he got his feet untangled and started for the parking garage.

"Oh," Spike shouted over his shoulder. "It turns out Riley's a Sentinel, too. So good luck with that." Xander barely even caught the shock on the girls' faces before Spike just about shoved him through the doors into the main lobby. With the windows catching the early afternoon sun, they had to walk fast with Xander shading the bits of Spike that kept crossing into the pools of light that spilled onto the carpet.

"Um, it's still daylight," Xander pointed out.

"Yeah, and I'll be riding in the trunk. Bring the car as close to the door as you can, and then open the trunk."

"Wouldn't it be easier to wait for dark?" Xander asked as they almost dashed through a large sunlit area. A couple of nurses turned to look at them strangely.

"With my mood, no," Spike insisted. "And when you're heading to the hotel, you'd better stop and get some food somewhere. If you don't, I'm tellin' Sandburg how you aren't eating, and sending him out for food."

"Hey, no way, he eats stuff that should be on the bottom of the ocean. I mean it, I've eaten bugs that were better than some of his weirdness," Xander looked at Spike, desperately wanting some sort of reassurance that this sudden change in temper wasn't his fault, but Spike just stared ahead and detoured around an old guy in a wheelchair.

"Then stop at McDonalds, but get yourself some food. You're soddin' hungry," Spike said, his voice curt and businesslike and oh so not Spike. Xander nodded and closed his mouth, not even sure what to say, and not wanting to say anything until they got back to the hotel where they'd checked in.

"Food, right," he agreed weakly.

He still hadn't figured out what had made Spike extra-special cranky as he parked near the side entrance to the hotel and got out with his bag of McDonalds. Swiping the card in the lock, he propped it open with the ashtray before he headed over to open the trunk. With the speed of... well, a vampire, Spike ran for the shade of the hallway while Xander parked the car and headed for the hotel.

"Right, you get anything to eat or are you eatin' in the room?" Spike asked as he leaned against the hallway wall and waited.

"Um, I could eat in the room or not eat if you're going to yell at me. Eating and yelling are not good for human digestion," Xander pointed out as he shoved the ashtray back and let the door fall closed.

"I'm not going to yell at you," Spike said wearily. "Pet--"

"Hey, I'm not saying you don't have a right to yell. I mean, I can't figure out what I did, but that doesn't mean I didn't do it. I'm just saying that if I eat and then you yell, the chances of nasty bodily functions happening goes up kinda dramatically." Xander reached their room and slid the card through the lock. The green light flashed and he pushed his way in.

"Pet." Spike caught his arm and pulled him around so that Xander pressed up against his chest. "Not mad at you. I'm just worried. Ya sometimes get me so wound up, I snap at anyone who's near enough to snap at. I never promised I was perfect."

"Not looking for perfect. I just don't want you mad at me," Xander admitted softly. The bands around his stomach--the ones that had made him gag at the smell of French fries--loosened up. Random snapping at people because you were in a bad mood—Xander understood that.

"Right then, let's get you fed." Spike moved them into the room and let the door fall closed behind them. They'd checked in without any luggage, but Jim and Blair had obviously made a trip to the local Walmart for them because there were several pairs of jeans and t-shirts stacked on the end of the bed.

"Can we start with the 'what's making you so cranky' part so I know whether I can eat without, you know, messy human stuff happening. Because I'm not fond of messy human stuff. Of course, I'm less okay with messy demon stuff, but you know." Xander shrugged as he headed over to the bed and sat, dropping his fast food bag on the nightstand.

Spike shrugged off his duster and tossed it at a chair. "Pet, what were you saying to me when I had dug myself into the earth?" he asked carefully.

"Um. Don't kill Riley? And I really appreciate that you didn't kill him because the whole him making a play for me thing was big with the weirdness, and I'm really glad that it was Sentinel weirdness and not repressed sexual identity weirdness, but I was fairly sure you were going to kick his ass either way."

"I understand the wanker. Instincts sometimes tell ya to do things that ya don't mean to do. So, seein' as how he was just reacting to your powers and he did try to save you, I won't kill the git. However, I was more interested in what you said about yourself."

"I said stuff about myself?" Xander struggled to remember what he had said as he laid in the tent, but in his memory, he went from begging for Riley's life to seeing Sungsen's freaky demony cord. "Um, I didn't know there'd be a test on this, and I so didn't study."

"Pet, ya said you couldn't tell the others you were in pain because they had needs. Willow needed someone to lean on when the hell-bitch was making her life miserable. Buffy needed ya to be who you were at fifteen because she deserved a little happiness."

"Oh, that." Xander shrugged. "Okay, I remember that. Spike, there's nothing cranky-making in there."

Spike walked over and went to his knees in front of Xander, capturing Xander's face between his two strong hands. "Tell me how you're feelin', pet."

"Spike, what do you want me to say?" Xander could feel the bubble of panic rise in his chest, pushing out the air so he felt a little light headed.

"I want you to tell me how you're feeling."

Xander opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

"You found out you have the power to rip souls out of bodies. Your best friend's boyfriend is fixated on you and obviously wants you as a Guide, your friends are not-so-secretly hoping your lover dumps you, which is never going to happen. Tell me how you feel."

Xander could feel his eye get hot, and he struggled against the tears that threatened to escape. "Okay, I'm a little freaked."

"That's something," Spike said softly. "What are you afraid of, Xander? More than anything else, what's scaring you?"

Xander shook his head.

"Pet?"

"I don't know."

"Least it's an honest answer."

Shoving at the hands that held him, Xander flopped back and scrambled over the bed to get away. "What? You thought I'd lie?" he snapped. Distract and redirect.

"To me, no." Spike calmly stood and came around the bed, and Xander found himself trapped, the mini-kitchen at his back and flanked by the bed on one side and the hideous, red, heart-shaped tub on the other.

"Okay, I'm done playing games, Spike. Say what you're going to say."

"Why the bloody hell did you lie to them?" Spike asked, crossing his arms and waiting as the silence settled over the room. Xander froze.

"I didn't--"

"You're good? It was nothin' worse than getting dragged across a cheese grater? Ya don't break that easy?" Spike dropped each word into the silence, and Xander recognized every single one.

"I just... worrying them wouldn't help."

"Pet, not worrying them means they don't know what you're carrying. It's the same thing you've done from the beginning. It's like if you carry all this shite yourself then it can't touch anyone else, and you know that's pure bullshit because you've called Buffy on it often enough, but ya still rip yourself apart doin' it to yourself."

Xander shook his head. "It's not like that."

"Did ya tell them about how guilty you felt, going after Buffy when the hyena was in you?"

Xander blushed.

"Right, what about that zombie ya told me about savin' the school from or the curse that drove you away from your wedding? You talk to people about those or just try ta carry all that yourself?"

Unable to stop a sob from escaping, Xander suddenly found himself crying. "I hate this. Damn it, don't make me do this," he whispered as he struggled against the pain that made breathing hard.

"Shhh." Strong arms caught him, and Xander mewled as he choked off his own sobs. "I have ta make you do this, just like I have ta make you get that eye taken care of and I have ta make you eat, you silly git. You'll take care of everyone but yourself. Don't care what Blair says about me bein' a mother hen, it's all rot. You're the mother hen, and you don't bloody well know how to let go of that. You'll bleed to death while tendin' someone else's scratches. I swear, I don't bloody well know how you survived on the Hellmouth unless being a Shaman somehow threw the odds in your favor."

"I don't want this power, and I'm scared that it's going to go away and then I won't have you," Xander blurted the words out, the truth of them making his heart ache. The ache turned into a throbbing pain in his chest as Spike's silence continued. Clinging to Spike, Xander tried to focus on the fingers threading through his hair and not the quiet that threatened him, that whispered that Spike couldn't answer that because it was true.

"Fair enough, if that's what has ya wound up, let's talk about it," Spike said calmly as he worked fingers on the buttons of Xander's shirt. Xander tried to reach down and unbutton his own shirt, and Spike slapped his hands away just hard enough to smart. "First off, ya can't lose your power. A witch can have his power stripped or bound, but you're a Shaman. Magic is just part of you, so you'll have your power until the day you die, whether you want it or not."

"I don't. I really don't," Xander whispered as Spike pushed his shirt off, letting it fall to the ground. "But if I don't have it—"

"It's who you are, pet," Spike said gently, kissing the place where shoulder and neck met, and Xander shivered as his lust overtook his fears, beat them up, and shoved them right out of the brain, or shoved them to the side at least. "You're a Shaman, and you'll always be one."

"Shaman I could do. I like tracking," Xander said as he struggled to hold onto his thoughts with Spike softly sucking the skin of his neck. "Tracking good. Sucking good. Kissing better."

Spike pulled back, a small smile on his lips as he gave Xander an almost chaste peck on the lips.

"That's a kiss? Um, Spike, did you get hit too hard in the head?"

"Just thought we'd finish here first," Spike offered as he moved in so that his lips were a centimeter from Xander's ear, tickling the little hairs inside and making Xander's cock harden in anticipation. "Ya had two fears, and you need to hear this, pet. You're mine. If ya took a hit that scrambled every bit of brains you have so ya couldn't figure out how to tie a shoe much less touch a soul, you'd still be mine. My demon will always see you as its most valued possession, and my soul will always love you."

"Spike," Xander breathed the word as soft as a prayer.

"If ya fucked up so bad you couldn't look in a mirror, I'd still love you. I'd still love you, and you still wouldn't have done anything near as awful as what I've done. If you cheated on me, I'd get soddin' drunk, chain ya to the bed and make you listen to my worst poetry, and I'd still love you. If you went as bad as Willow and tried to end the world, I'd stand in front of you and make you take me first, but I'd still love you. Loyalty isn't one way, pet. It isn't somethin' you give away without ever expecting it back."

Xander shook his head at that, his lust and his fears and his hopes all tangling up until he couldn't find his own thoughts. "I know that," he finally said. "I know you're loyal, but I just--"

Xander chewed his lip. Okay, that was a slight piece of illogic there because he was going to say he was afraid of Spike leaving which didn't really fit with the knowing Spike was loyal. Pulling back slightly, Xander looked at Spike in confusion.

"Shhh, pet. Just listen." Spike's hands were on Xander's jeans, opening them so that Xander hissed at the brush of a knuckle across his erection. "I won't leave ya. Even if you found some never before seen way of mucking up your powers, I won't leave. Even if ya go off your rocker, I'm not going to leave you. The whole world could bloody end, and I'd find us another dimension so I didn't have to leave. You'll leave me one day, but I won't ever leave you."

"I wouldn't," Xander immediately protested, but Spike held a finger across his lips to quiet him.

"One day, you'll die on me Xander. I can't turn ya without destroying you, so it's going to happen. But until that day comes, I'm going to love you, even when you're eating stewed yams for dinner because you lost all your teeth."

"You'd stay through yams?" Xander asked with a strained smile. Spike reached up and stroked the side of his face with a knuckle.

"Yeah, even through the yams, pet. And the girls will be right there with ya, eatin' those stewed yams right next to ya. I figure I'll get you three adjoining rooms and hire some nurse to change their nappies while I'm takin' care of you."

"You do know this is slightly disturbing, right? I mean, feeling the love here, but ewww." Xander trembled when Spike slid to his knees and started working on Xander's boots, unlacing them slowly.

"I'm going to keep telling you that until you finally believe it, not in your head but in your heart, pet. And then I'm going to go find your lackwit parents and..." Spike sighed. "Sometimes life was easier before the soul because I know what I want to do to them."

"Um, how did parents get into this? How did *my* parents get into this?" Xander asked as Spike pulled off his boots, and that was a thought that pushed him back from the edge of orgasm because parents and sex did not belong in the same brain at the same time.

"We learn to accept unconditional love from them, don't we? I always knew my mum loved me. She put me first in her world, only you've never had anyone put you first." Spike stood up and Xander watched that expressive face.

"I have you," Xander said. "I know sometimes my foot goes in my mouth and my brain doesn't always know everything it thinks it knows, but I know you love me. And when I'm not busy with the whole insecure bit, I totally know you put me first."

Spike nodded as he helped Xander out of his pants and then his underwear and led him to the tub. Sitting on the edge, Spike ran the water.

"Um, are you joining me?" Xander said hopefully, his cock starting to recover from the talk of parents.

"Yeah, in a bit," Spike said softly. "Still need to talk a bit. I'm not having a repeat of London. Can't put up with another round of the same shite, so we need to approach this a bit differently."

"Different as in?" Xander asked as he sank into the tub and let the hot water and steam soak away his pains.

"I'm a little older than you, and a little wiser," Spike started.

"Um, yeah and hell yeah," Xander agreed.

"And when I tell you to do something, I expect you to do it." Now Spike pinned Xander with a sharp look, and Xander could feel the edges of a trap ready to close on him.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Spike was older. Spike was pretty smart, even if his plans of world-domination usually blew up in his face. Spike had pulled Buffy back from the edge of some really big badness, and Xander knew that without Spike, he'd be in his own version of badness. And even if Spike denied it, Blair was right about him being a huge old mother hen. He opened his eyes and let out his breath. "Yeah, I'll do what you tell me," he said. His stomach did a little flop while his cock hardened.

"Right then. First order is you need to take care of yourself. I'll get your dinner." Spike grabbed the fast food bag and started unwrapping the burger, handing it over to Xander. "Second is that you're going to be honest with the girls tomorrow. They're loyal Xander. They aren't going to turn on you if you let them see that you're hurting and scared."

Xander closed his eyes and focused on breathing. The one bite of hamburger in his stomach turned to lead.

"Pet, you okay?"

"Um, terrified. Does terrified count as okay?" Xander asked as he opened his eyes.

"You're fine, pet."

"Okay, I can do this. I can be honest. Being honest will totally freak them out, but worst case scenario, they get freaked out and leave." Xander looked up at Spike who was studying him. "I can handle them leaving because I'm thinking you won't even if they do, and I'm starting to think that you went looking for Riley to make me happy, not to make Buffy happy."

"You thought I was tryin' to make *Buffy* happy?" Spike looked absolutely flabbergasted, which was kinda a cute look on him.

"Well, duh. You still love her," Xander pointed out as he took another bite of hamburger. Spike reached out, and again with the soft stroking on the side of Xander's face. Xander stopped chewing so he could concentrate on the feel of that touch sending little shivers though his whole body. If the water weren't so hot, he'd be hard, but between the heat and the gentle stroking, Xander felt a little like a big, relaxed, blissed out cat getting petted.

"I'll always love her, but she's not mine, pet. Never was. You're mine, and you're the one who wanted to go after the great clod. I figured you wanted to prove yourself." Spike stopped stroking, and Xander quickly swallowed.

"I did. Very much with the proving because they were very much of the doubting."

"We talked about that, pet."

"Yep, Buffy, guilt, Willow, afraid of being alone, not liking change, therapy. I remember that talk," Xander agreed. "I just--"

"Can't quite get your brain to believe what it knows?" Spike asked.

Nodding, Xander took another bite of dinner. Damn, he really was hungry. "Understand this, Shaman of mine, I bloody love you. So, you stay in this tub, relax, eat, and I'll be back as soon as I finish talkin' to the fuzzy little Shaman."

"Blair?" Xander asked as he started standing up.

"No." Spike said, a hand pushing him back down. Then Spike reached over and turned the jets on, and Xander's heat addled brain melted even more as one found a sore muscle in his lower back. "You stay here. When I get back, I expect to find you blissed out and full. Got it?"

"Yes, mother hen," Xander agreed.

"Git."

"Cluck, cluck," Xander teased, using one arm to imitate a bird's wing as he took another bite of burger. Spike rolled his eyes and pushed the fries closer to the edge of the tub.

"Look like a bloody loon doin' that. Don't know why I always fall for the nutters." Spike got up, grabbed the keycard and headed out of room. Sighing as tense muscles finally loosened, Xander grabbed a handful of fries and just followed orders, nice clear orders where his brain didn't have to try to sort through things. Eat and bliss out. He could do that.

Chapter 28

"Pet?"

Xander rolled his head to the side and looked at Spike. Letting out a belch, he smiled.

"Lovely," Spike said as he rolled his eyes.

"Full and blissed out as ordered, master," Xander hummed. Spike sat on the edge of the tub and pulled his boots off as he studied Xander curiously.

"Like orders, do you?"

"Oh yeah. And the clearer the orders, the less likely I am to do something to completely fuck them up. Like it even better when you tie me up," Xander said, blushing and sincerely hoping the heat from the tub kept that from being obvious. His blush was obviously still catching up with his new revelations about being officially okay with being overpowered.

"Yeah? We back to you not trusting yourself again?" Spike asked curiously.

"Can't we just call it kinky? It sounds less screw loose in the headish when we just call it kinky."

"We can call it whatever ya like, luv."

"I call it kinky," Xander sighed as he sank back into the curve of the tub. He didn't even open his eyes when Spike slipped into the water, their legs tangling as Spike got himself settled and then pulled Xander into his arms.

"Thought ya'd be more worked up when I got back," Spike said, strong hands carding Xander's hair, and Xander arched his neck into that touch.

"Came to a decision," Xander admitted.

"Oh?"

"You went over to talk to Blair, right?" Xander asked in a complete change of topics. He smiled as Spike paused for a second as though trying to figure out how that question fit into the puzzle that was Xander.

"Yeah, pet."

"And you'd tell me why if I asked, but if I don't ask, you don't really feel any need to check in with whatever plans you have running around in your head."

"You want to know what I talked to the furry Shaman about? It wasn't any great secret, pet. I just asked--"

"Nope," Xander said quickly. "Nope, not the point, and right now I'm trying to enjoy this sudden epiphany I've had so I really don't want to know if you did something that would make Jim pack up and leave tonight because I like having Jim and Blair around, and not in the naughty touching way because I get enough naughty touching at home, thank you." Xander ran his fingers over Spike's leg and let his head fall back until it rested on Spike's shoulder.

"You keep showin' your neck like that and we won't be finishing this conversation."

Xander smiled at the sibilant sounds in Spike's voice. Even without opening his eyes, he knew that Spike had vamped out. "That would be okay," he nodded, his fingers sliding to the inside of Spike's legs where he could feel the muscles cord under the skin.

"Yeah, after you tell me what crawled in your brain, pet."

"Okay, as someone who's had way too many things already crawl in my brain, that's a disturbo metaphor. But to answer your question, when you went over to talk to Blair, you so talked to Jim first, didn't you?"

"Yeah," Spike said slowly. "But that's not an answer, pet."

"And whatever you wanted from Blair, I bet you had a harder time talking Jim into it than Blair."

"Bloody hell, yes. All I wanted was a few hours of his time, and the wanker acted like I was trying to put his Shaman into the middle of a fucking war. Not my fault this whole mission went tits over arse, and I'm the one bein' big enough to forgive him for leaving you alone with Sungsen."

"Exactly," Xander muttered as he snuggled into Spike's arms, his fingers creeping toward naughty touching.

"Ya lost me, pet." Spike still sounded confused.

"Blair's not girly or weak. I mean, if Blair and Jim were both pissed at you and each one was standing near an exit, and you had to get out of the room, which one would you take on?"

"Pet, you're scarin' the vampire, here. What do you have rattling around in that brain of yours?" Spike's use of the crazy-Dru voice made Xander smile.

"Come on, Spike, play along," Xander tilted his head so he could apply the puppy look. Spike held out for almost thirty seconds before he sighed.

"Fine, I'd take out the Sentinel."

"Exactly," Xander nodded happily. He was even happier when his own naughty touching was returned, Spike's hand caressing his balls gently.

"Hot tub cooked your brains," Spike said, but the tone was more indulgent than freaking over cooked brains. And cooked brains were totally worth freaking out about, even if they weren't yours, because Xander had seen how the English people would try to slip brains in on the plate with the scrambled eggs, and that was just all kinds of freak-worthy.

"Blair is still scary guy."

"Oi, not scared," Spike immediate protested. "Just smart enough to know which fight to pick. Now, is there some reason we're talkin' about fightin' those two? They do something?"

"Hey, no, no doing! No doing anything and no fighting!" Xander said, a moment of panic flaring through his new-found calm because Spike in mother hen mode was totally more dangerous than a mother hen. Spike was more like the radioactive mother hen who ate Cleveland in the aftermath of nuclear war. "It's just that my heart has figured out what my head kept telling me, or what Blair kept telling my head anyway," he hurried to explain.

"Which is?"

"Okay, Blair is all about being beta. I mean, Jim isn't all as grrr like you sometimes get, but he's growling just under the surface, and yeah, he trusts Blair to take care of himself, but when some suspect threatens Blair, I expect him to break out with the game face. Either that or he does this really quiet thing that creeps me out because it's like the calm before the homicidal storm. So being strong and being beta are two flavors that taste great together, and if the girls don't see that then they're having the problem because any not-strongness I have going on has nothing to do with the betaness I have going on."

"Your heart just figured that out, huh?" Spike asked, and now he just sounded amused. Xander reached down and stroked Spike's hardening cock.

"Yep. Heart dumb. Also, I want to point out the unfairness of this." Xander tightened his hand around Spike's cock, and the vampire hissed and vamped out again before his human features fell back in place.

"Oh?" he asked with a dangerous grin. "You think there's something unfair about this?" Spike's fingers closed around Xander's fist, forcing him to pump faster.

"Mmmm. Yeah, see the heat makes things go saggy on me, but you're not saggy, and it's kinda weird because I am all hot in more than just the hot tub way, but Xander Jr. is not joining the party. Since I've figured out it's okay for me to ask for help, do you think maybe you could do something about that?"

Spike slid out from under Xander, switching their positions so that Xander sat in the hot tub seat and Spike straddled him.

"Ya figured all that out when I went for a walk? Goin' to have to walk more," Spike mused, and then his lips were on Xander's demanding entrance, and Xander let himself yield to that need. Sharp teeth nipped his lower lip, and Xander bucked up and grabbed supernaturally strong arms.

"Goin' to have to take a lot more walks, pet," Spike murmured before he bent down and started sucking at Xander's neck.

"Bad plan. If you're walking, you aren't here doing this," Xander complained as he wrapped his legs around Spike's knees and pulled. A human would have tumbled into the water, but Spike just grinned down, his tongue touching his teeth in the sexiest expression ever in the history of sex.

"You tryin' ta do something, Xan?" he asked. He didn't budge an inch, and Xander pulled harder, succeeding only in making his ass slide off the seat of the hot tub as his own weight proved a whole lot easier to move than Spike. Since he still had his legs wrapped around Spike's knees in an attempt to pull the vampire down, Xander had to cling to Spike shoulders just to keep from going under. Spike just smiled like he was trying really hard not to laugh.

"Okay, that goes in the doesn't work column. Vamp strength plus slippery tub equals failure for the Xan man." Xander smiled up.

"Seems to me ya got just want you were looking for," Spike said, his smirk growing wider has he wrapped an arm around Xander's waist and stood, easily picking the man up.

"Okay, see, an insecure man would feel all girly about getting picked up. Me? I'm thinking woo hoo for vamp strength."

"I'll give you something to be grateful for, pet," Spike promised as he dropped them both on the bed. Spike's weight on him made Xander's air escape in an exaggerated sigh, and before he could catch his breath, Spike had flipped him.

"Beautiful," Spike breathed, and strong hands were kneading his ass and sending shivers up his back.

"No fair, I can't see you," Xander complained softly as he bunched up the sheets in his fists. A heavy body fell across his back.

"Too bloody bad," Spike whispered in his ear, the air tickling before Spike caught his earlobe between dull human teeth and nibbled.

"Oh fuck." Xander humped as Xander Jr became suddenly interested, but Spike's feet forced his legs apart so that Xander was sprawled obscenely across the bed. Squirming, Xander tried to work his hand under himself to grab his cock, but suddenly Spike caught his wrists, pressing them to the mattress on either side of his hips as Spike's mouth moved to the back of Xander's neck: tasting, nipping, dragging a sharp tooth across the water-warmed skin.

Xander made an embarrassing noise that didn't even come close to human speech as Spike's tongue moved down his backbone. A little tiny part of Xander wanted to object that what was about to happen really wasn't all that hygienic, but the feel of a cool tongue tracing down his spine short circuited any thought not directly connected to his cock.

Running his tongue over Xander's hole, Spike purred, the vibration traveling right through the center of Xander, making every part of his body arch and ache as Xander squirmed. He struggled to pull his legs together and push up into that incredible feeling, but Spike held him still as his tongue circled.

With a gasp, Xander bucked helplessly as Spike purred louder, the vibrations narrowing Xander's whole world down to that one point of contact. His whole body contracted and stiffened, needing more but unable to do anything but lie there. Even when Xander mewed his distress, his hot need, and yanked at his trapped hands, Spike ignored him. Instead Spike drove his tongue farther in until Xander could only lie there, limp and trembling.

When Spike finally started working south again, worshipping the underside of Xander's balls and then his inner thigh, Xander couldn't register anything but the flickering touch of Spike's tongue across his skin and the way his skin prickled when Spike blew across the damp trail.

"Please," Xander begged.

"Want somethin', pet?" Spike asked right before a sharp fang trailed over Xander's inner thigh making every nerve scream with anticipation.

"Anything, please, just, please." Xander struggled to even find individual words in his brain, and his cock was definitely on the verge of breaking. Arching his back, Xander set a rhythm of small rocking motions with his hips that allowed him a pale mimic of thrusting, and the world whited out again as anything north of his waist and south of his thighs just didn't matter. World ending, Shaman, friends… it all vanished under a pure heat.

Vaguely aware of Spike chuckling against his thighs, his skin vibrating in sympathy as Spike leaned against his leg, Xander could only wait and slowly rock into the mattress as the lust deepened. The hands around his wrists tightened, and Xander threw his legs open even farther, bending his knees as he tried to get more leverage for his weak thrusts.

Xander could hear the pathetic whimpers slipping from his own throat as Spike sucked at one spot on his thigh long enough to make the heat center there. That one spot and his cock became Xander's whole world as he rocked and gasped and struggled against Spike's grip even knowing he could never break free.

The fang sliding into his flesh sent one flare of a prey's panic through Xander and then a feeling of euphoria settled over him as Xander turned pliant. Spike's hands finally released him, wandering over Xander's butt and hips, tracing patterns on his thighs and tickling his balls. But Xander lay limp and gasping, his cock achingly hard and throbbing while every other muscle had gone slack. Even his hips stilled as only the agonizingly slow mouth on his leg mattered.

Sprawled across the hotel bedspread, Xander could only wait as Spike leisurely finished, kissing the skin his fangs had just pierced. He felt a shiver travel his backbone as Spike finally slipped a finger inside. Letting himself drift on the bliss, Xander just lay still as Spike added a second slick finger almost immediately. His cock still screamed to come, but Xander found that didn't matter compared to the aching throb in his leg and the soft, drifty feeling as Spike added a third finger before crawling up to kneel over Xander.

Spike's cock forced its way past the ring of muscle easily, slipping in so deep that Xander stopped breathing for a second, and then as Spike pulled out and thrust in, he found himself breathing to the rhythm of the fucking, grunting with each stroke as Spike drove in hard enough to make their flesh slap.

Xander could feel his lust grow, the need to come nearly overwhelming him as Spike growled his own orgasm even as he continued to thrust, every movement now slick as Spike came inside Xander. Nearly crying with a need that wasn't quite enough to send him over, Xander finally moved, clawing the cheap bedspread and squirming under Spike.

Sharp fingernails scored lightly down Xander's back. "So fucking beautiful. So fucking perfect, and all mine," Spike growled. Xander thrust down into the mattress once and started coming. Holding his breath until spots danced in his eyes, Xander collapsed onto the bed, Spike softening but in him as he lay across Xander's back.

"Bloody warm along with beautiful and perfect," Spike muttered as he ran a hand up and down the back of Xander's arm.

"And yours," Xander murmured as he wondered if even vamp reflexes could get the sheet out from under them without requiring Xander to move. Xander was so not up for moving.

"Yeah, pet. All mine," Spike agreed as he kissed Xander's shoulder blade. "All this power running under your skin. All the strength to carry your pain and the girls' along with it. All this power, and the only thing you want to do with it is make everyone else happy. And now all that is mine because you know I'm even stronger. Bloody perfect, you are." Spike placed one last kiss on Xander's neck and then Xander did what all good manly men were supposed to do after mind-blowing sex… he let himself sink into sleep.

Chapter 29

Xander groaned as he felt Spike slide away from him, cool air seeping into the warm nest of covers where he'd been sleeping. He squirmed around, pulling the covers down as he stuck his head out and blinked. Spike, his naked butt pale in the dim light that seeped in around the curtains, yanked open the hotel room door.

"Wot?!"

For a second, it was silent.

"Okay, I've seen lots of manhood displays, and I realize phallic symbolism is pretty common, but this is the first time I seen someone actually, you know—"

"Oi, ya woke me up. I'm not getting bloody dressed just for you because the minute you're gone, I'm going back ta bed. We were up all night keeping watch over Major Moron until the others showed up."

"Which is why we're here."

And oh my god, that was Jim. Spike was flashing Blair and Jim, which shouldn't be more horrifying than flashing just one of them, but yet somehow was. Xander blushed for Spike, despite the fact the vampire didn't seem to mind.

"Someone in the front office is looking for us, giving some bullshit story about a family emergency. A girl who talks like Xander and an English guy," Jim finished.

"Oi, that's them. Give us a sec to get dressed. I'd answer the door starkers, but Xander probably would probably give birth to kittens or something."

"Hey, Hellmouth born here. We do not joke about birthing inhuman beings. It's up there with the ban on the 'w' word. And if Buffy and company are coming, I totally need to get dressed."

"Then hurry up, Sport. The front desk just gave us up."

"Shit." Xander bounced out of bed before Spike had even closed the door on Jim's and Blair's faces. "I am so not ready for this. I'm still freaking over the soul ripping, so the friend freaking is going to have to wait."

"We'll just take it as it comes, pet," Spike said calmly as he pulled on a pair of jeans. Glancing down, Xander spotted the bedspread.

"Okay, officially gross. This is why you are not supposed to touch hotel bedspreads because ewww! Eww and very not so subtle." Xander yanked the bedspread down and wadded it up at the foot of the bed to try and hide the evidence.

"We're not trying to hide, pet."

"Well… um… of course we aren't," Xander said, momentarily confused. "Okay, Spike, I know we're not with the hiding, but I have decades of old habits to break here. Me being gay hits the weird o'meter, so I just…"

"Bend over backwards trying ta not put your friends in a spot where they might have to see something they don't like?"

"Um, yeah. That." Xander bit his lip as Spike just considered him with one eyebrow raised. Then Spike shook his head.

"One step at a time, pet. We'll get there."

"I can do this. I can do the first step, which means you and I are together and I am a Shaman, which is two steps. I can do two steps."

"You're going to add talking to your friends in the altogether if you don't get your kit on," Spike pointed out calmly as he started pulling on his boots.

"Shit. Shit and shit," Xander muttered as he grabbed the clothes Jim and Blair had bought for them. The stack had ended up all over the floor so he had to sort through and find the stuff that fit him before he could start speed dressing. He had all but his shoes on when Spike stood up.

"Out of time, pet." Spike opened the door. Jim and Blair came in and immediately headed for a position near Xander, which was really kinda nice what with the feeling supported, but Xander hated that everyone seemed to think he needed support against his friends.

"Hey! Spike, you're awake, which is on the unexpected side," Buffy said cheerfully as she came through the door. A whole crowd of people followed: Giles, Willow, some old dude, Riley.

"Riley," Xander said in surprise. "You're looking strangely unbroken. Why aren't you broken, not that there's anything wrong with you being unbroken. Unbroken good."

Before Riley could answer, Giles stepped forward. "I called in a healer. I haven't been able to identify a demonic power capable of creating this kind of change in a human being, so we needed Riley's assistance. We shall simply need to avoid any official notice for a few months or someone will certainly be asking how he healed so rapidly. That kind of attention can prove unhealthy, especially for someone in the service."

"No joke," Blair softly breathed.

"Jim, Blair—this is Buffy the slayer and Willow the witch and Giles the watcher guy and someone who I totally don't know, but I'm guessing he's with us because Giles gets that constipated expression if I say 'slayer' around someone who isn't in the know," Xander offered introductions. Spike had backed away from the door and now leaned on the wall, but his leaning was right between Xander and the Scoobies, and with Jim and Blair beside him, Xander felt vaguely boxed in.

"Yeah," Buffy laughed, even if it was a strained laugh. "And then you tell everyone that I'm a slayer fan and convince them there's this really obscure hockey team, and it's not pretty. I love you Xander, but you and lying are not best buds."

"Nope, not really. I'm great with the just not saying anything, but lying leads to guilt which leads to nervousness, and that is the path to saying really stupid crap," Xander agreed.

"This is Bertrand Rousseau. I asked him to assist us on this," Giles said as he nodded to the old dude. The guy looked like someone who should be hosting a public television special on Dickens or something equally boring that only Willow would watch. He had on a grey suit that matched his grey hair and his dark grey tie and his way too serious expression. Even his crisp French accent sounded grey.

"Ta," Spike offered without even an attempt to be polite.

"Hey, nice to meet you Bernie," Xander smiled. "So, this is Blair and Jim, the special ops soldier guys we asked for backup, and I see your guilty face Willow Rosenberg, so stop with the guilty." When he had mentioned needing backup, Willow's face had scrunched into something really unpleasant.

"Ah yes, the… what did Rupert call him, the Sentinel?"

A silence fell on the small group. Jim stood up a little straighter and Spike stepped to the side so he was standing directly in front of Xander. All Xander could see was the back of Spike's head, but from the expression of panic on Bernie's face, the Frenchman was getting the extra-special homicidal glare. Buffy shifted closer to the guy and Giles pulled his glasses off and started polishing.

"Perhaps that was a regrettable way to phrase that," he started.

"Just a mite," Spike immediately agreed, but the French guy kept right on talking.

"Being a Shaman myself, I am aware of a certain aura around both you and Mr. Finn, so Rupert's indiscretion with your own powers is understandable. I certainly would have known you were not entirely human. And you, Mr. Sandburg, are another Shaman I see."

Jim went from uncomfortable to just flat out pissed. Xander could see it in the way his arms tensed and the way he reached out and grabbed Blair's arm, dragging his Guide just a little closer.

"Are you one of those 'seeing the truth of things' Shaman?" Xander asked. Stupid question since it really didn't matter. He could be a magical fairy dust Shaman and the guys were still going to be pissed, but if they were talking, they weren't eviscerating.

"Conspic Shaman? No. No, I am a salus Shaman, the healer Rupert asked me to tend your wounded. " The guy looked at all the pissed off alpha-males for a second. "I could certainly heal that cut of yours Mr. Ellison," he offered uncertainly.

"I'm fine." Jim's growl didn't reassure Xander one bit, but Bernie seemed somehow more comfortable.

"Yes, I have no doubt you'd prefer to heal naturally. In fact, as I told Rupert, Mr. Finn would have no doubt preferred the same."

"I would have," Riley agreed softly. Buffy was holding his arm, and she looked up in sympathy.

"Atego are notorious for avoiding supernatural interventions and individuals. Which, of course, is the great irony since they all must work with a Shaman to access the full power of their gifts."

"Wait, Atego?" Blair asked.

"Before you go using new words, do you mind handing out a glossary for us not-researchy types?" Xander asked.

"I apologize for the unfamiliar term." The guy gave them a smile, and the yellow and uneven teeth so did not fit the GQ image. "Atego, from the Latin 'tego' meaning to shield or hide or protect. 'A' of course refers to the prefix for 'away from.' The Latin term is for an individual whose very nature both repels magical creatures and conceals magic within his possession."

"Am I the only one missing something?" Xander asked as he looked to the girls. If anyone would have his back in the clueless department, he could count on Buffy. She was already nodding.

"Oh, I was totally missing girl. They had to explain it to me three times. See, these Atego are warriors, but apparently they're like the opposite of Slayers. According to book-boy here, I attract the forces of darkness."

"That's disturbing," Xander said. She just gave him her 'oh yeah' expression.

"Oi, it's also true. Every vampire knows a Slayer will practically call to your demon. It's an almost overpowering need to throw yourself against her and prove you have the bigger knackers," Spike said. He moved to lean against the wall again, and Xander could see the calculating expression as he studied Bernie.

"And as someone with no knackers, I'm happy to say you do have the bigger ones, but I still kicked your ass," Buffy smiled.

"Um, can we get back to the part where I'm confused, please?" Xander interrupted. Yeah, he knew that Spike was his in a way that Spike and Buffy had never fit. They'd never made their needs fit each other, but watching them do the pseudo-flirting was still a little stomach turning from his point of view.

"Not to interrupt, but perhaps I can be more concise," Bernie offered. "What you call Sentinels are what the demonic community refers to as Atego: warriors whose very nature repels magical creatures and who have senses equal to the demons they would fight. Typically the senses are seen as only a curious side effect. An Atego's ability to conceal magical artifacts and consciously resist magical interventions are typically seen as his most powerful attributes. Had Miss Summers not convinced Mr. Finn to cooperate, I could not have healed him because his considerable magical power would have simply rejected any changes I attempted to make in his body."

"Oh man," Blair breathed the words.

"I suspect with this many magic users here, our two Atego are feeling both uncomfortable and rather hostile toward most of the people in the room. It is instinctive. Just as magical creatures avoid Atego, Atego feel an innate antipathy toward those marked by supernatural powers."

"I dislike most of the people here for reasons that have nothing to do with instinct," Jim pointed out dryly.

"Yes, of that I have no doubt." Giles sounded tired. Uber tired. Xander wondered when he had last slept, or when he'd last slept without having his face planted in some book he'd fallen asleep over. "I would ask that you restrain yourself with Riley, and Riley, I would ask that same restraint of you. I am aware of your background with the other Sentinel, Mr. Ellison, and I don't want a repeat of the attack which left her institutionalized."

Xander flinched as both Jim and Blair reacted to that. Blair took an angry step forward. "Oh man. Buddy, you are a fucking piece of work." Blair poked his finger in Giles' direction. "You don't know shit about what happened, and what Alex did…. Man, she did that to herself. You do not bring that up again, not unless you want to make a couple of enemies." Giles physically backed up a step. Buffy would have stepped forward, but weirdly, Riley held her back. For a second, Xander thought he might get to see a nerd on nerd smack down with Giles versus Blair, but then Jim reached out and pulled Blair back to his side.

"I'm not feeling any aggression toward *Finn*," Jim said with a dangerous quiet in his voice. He almost made it clear that there were lots of people in the room he did feel some aggression towards. They were Xander's friends, but he could see where Jim was cranky. "Finn?" Jim asked as he glanced toward the other soldier.

"No sir, I'm not feeling particularly aggressive."

"Interesting," French guy said. He'd backed up all the way to the hotel door, where he stood between Willow and the only escape. Xander really couldn't blame the guy since it was definitely looking like they were approaching smack down territory, and the old French dude was no match for the number of alphas in the room, or betas either for that matter. He and Blair weren't exactly chopped liver… not that he would fight his friends. Xander stopped thinking before he got his brain in a knot.

"Interesting how?" Willow asked softly. She looked from French guy to Buffy and Riley who were standing closest to the bed and please don't let them pay too much attention to that bedspread.

"Atego are infamous for their territoriality and inability to work with others. To find two, unrelated Atego working together without animosity is… well, quite frankly unique."

"You're assuming I am planning on working with you from here out," Jim said darkly. "We have work on Monday."

"Right," Blair said sarcastically as he finally gave up on glaring at Giles. "We'll just wait until this woman eats the base and then starts munching on nearby towns."

"They've been handling this stuff for long enough that I think they can deal with it."

"And the fact that we're immune... that doesn't make us useful in this fight at all." Blair narrowed his eyes and glared at Jim. Xander knew if Jim just walked out and headed for his truck, Blair would follow. Instead the Sentinel sighed.

"Chief, I don't want you anywhere near if this goes wrong. I may be immune, but you aren't."

"I am when you're with me. And man, I plan to be glued to your side. Where you go, I go. Trust me, I do not plan on getting anywhere near Sungsen version 2.0." Blair nodded as though the issue were decided.

"You were immune from the attack? No one mentioned that," Giles said. Xander noticed the man had retreated to stand near Buffy after Blair's verbal attack.

"Does that mean something?" Blair asked. Giles looked at Bertrand.

The man nodded slowly. "I'm sure it does. I have no idea what, but I trust that between us, Rupert and I can identify potential suspects given this new piece of evidence. Ategos' responses to various demons are well documented in the literature since so many do hire Atego to protect magical objects or to prevent places from being influenced magically or even to keep magical creatures from coming into an area."

"There's literature?" Blair asked, his enthusiasm washing away the last of his anger. "Wait, that means there are others! How many others? Are there any others around now?"

"Two in Russia, said to be brothers, one in Eastern Europe, another in Saudi Arabia, and I've heard rumors of a couple in South America, but South America is notoriously poorly connected to the demonic world as a whole."

"Oh man, we could meet the others. Do you have books I could borrow?"

Bernie was smiling, obviously relieved at the sudden drop in homicidal glaring in the room. "Of course."

"Hang on there, Chief. For all we know, this guy is feeding us a line."

"I assure you that Bertrand is reliable and one of the best in the business," Giles said in his best offended voice. Xander blinked away the room and studied the cords that flowed so thickly he could barely see where one stopped and the other started. Willow's soul still shimmered from one color to another, a tannish-orange being the most dominant. Giles, like Riley was blue, but Riley's was stained with gold and Giles' with black. Buffy stood out the most, a brilliant golden color. Bertrand was a lavender with bits of blue dancing in the cord. Nothing gave Xander the Hellmouthy vibe the way the yellow had in Angel or the black in the other demons he'd seen.

Xander blinked away the cords and Jim was still standing with his arms crossed and a not-happy expression. "Jim, I'm not exactly good with this whole Shamanic sight thing, but I don't think he's doing anything big with the bad. I mean, he could still be lying because I know there are things I lie about because I'm trying to be good, so he could be good lying, but I don't see any not-good lying."

"You can identify intentions within the soul? You are far more advanced with your powers than Rupert led me to believe." The guy turned to look at Giles with something that came close to reproof.

"Xander never told me he could access information like that," Giles said as he gave Xander that same look. Spike stood up straight, blocking the line of sight, and Xander touched his back in thanks. Giles was the only one who was kinda sorta on their side, and Xander could not handle Giles' attitude along with the girls. Of course, Buffy was actually strangely silent, and Willow was sticking to the tragic eyes, but hiding behind Spike was so much nicer than dealing with all the looks.

"Well, it does preclude the theory that Xander might be a conspic Shaman, not that I ever subscribed to that theory based on your descriptions. Peto Shaman and animus Shaman are the only types I know who can access information of that nature," Bernie said.

"Whoa. Okay, I thought we already knew Xander was an animus Shaman?" Blair asked.

"Xander and Spike knew, or Spike knew because Xander was big with the not knowing, and just because Spike said he knew did not mean he knew," Willow said from her spot next to Bernie. She turned a glare toward him, and now he really looked uncomfortable as his hand actually reached out and rested on the doorknob. "And are you sure?" she demanded. "We thought it might have been some sort of trick because Xander was never Shamany before."

"Both animus and peto Shaman are higher-level Shaman. Their powers would not be evident without extensive training."

"Which he didn't have," Willow announced triumphantly. "There was no training, so there couldn't have been extensive training, which means something is not right in a big way." Looking around Spike's shoulder, Xander could see the resolve face. He could also see just how tense Spike had become.

"Bloody hell, ya sound like a broken record, Red. You need to find a new tune to sing," he snapped.

"While I think we can all agree that Xander has some sort of power, Willow is right that the circumstances are suspicious," Giles commented mildly.

"See?"

"Don't you start," Spike growled.

"I'm not with the starting. Giles started it. It *is* all suspicious like because three weeks is not enough time to develop your powers."

"It is when you're workin' with a trado Shaman. Seems like I've said that two or three hundred times now." Spike was nearly trembling now, and Xander didn't want to check with his Shamanic vision because he knew he'd see Spike's demon flailing against the soul. Spike's demon thought of the Scoobies as his, so the demon would want to put Willow back in place, which was probably not going to score points with anyone, and would definitely piss Willow off. Xander stepped to Spike's side, slipping his arm around Spike's waist and leaning into him. Spike took a deep breath and then the tension went out of him as he leaned back into Xander. The room fell silent, which was amazing given the number of people in it.

"A trado Shaman. Your specialty?" Bernie finally asked Blair.

"Oh, uh, yeah, I'm one of the best teachers on campus. If students show up for class, I can get them to understand the material, no problem."

"Yes, working with a trado Shaman is, no doubt, an advantage," Giles said. "However, as I understand it, Blair has no training and is very unlikely to be able to access his own powers, much less teach Xander to access his, which leaves serious questions as to the source of Xander's powers, especially if, as Bertrand has suggested, his powers are those of an upper-level Shaman." And there went the support from the Giles corner.

"No training? You have managed to access your powers with no training?" Bertrand looked stunned. "You are a remarkable young man, but I will admit this is a bit of a conundrum. According to everything I know about Shamanism, which is an extensive body of knowledge, upper level Shamen always require training."

"Go on then, Blair, tell him your trainin'," Spike said smugly. Xander looked at his vampire suspiciously because as far as he knew, Blair didn't have Shamanic training.

"Spike, I don't actually have—"

"Growin' up with your mum. I heard at least a dozen stories from Xan that seem to be about you training as a Shaman."

Blair looked at him confused for a second. "Oh, you mean the retreats," he finally offered.

"Retreats? What sort of retreats?" Giles took a step forward.

"Naomi was all into finding harmony with the world. Oh man, I learned to meditate when I was six. We did everything from protesting nuclear energy to having a moonlight drum dance in the giant redwoods. One time, she took me to this reservation in New Mexico and I did a spirit walk. That was right before I went to the university. I was only fifteen, about to turn sixteen, and mom wasn't sure about leaving me alone, so she told me that if I could complete the manhood ceremony I could go to Rainier."

"That would certainly appear to be Shamanic training," Bertrand said in a tone of voice that suggested he had settled that in his own mind. Blair had training; therefore, Blair could train Xander. Xander glanced toward Giles who at least looked confused, which was better than looking sure that Xander had lost his mind.

"And then my first Guide," Jim added, "he died in Blair's arms and passed the way of the Shaman to Blair."

"What type of Shaman was he?"

Jim shrugged. "He spoke Chopec, so I don't think it would translate, but he would often appear in my dreams and could interpret dreams. When the tribe's land was desecrated, he took the symbol on the equipment and did a spirit walk. He tracked the president of the company all the way to Cascade."

"Ah, a dormito Shaman. They are not nearly as rare as Xander's power, or your own, Blair, but they are upper-level, powerful beings. In my professional judgment, if Blair is being truthful, that would count as training," Bertrand nodded.

"See?" Spike said smugly to Willow.

"Not good training," she said softly. "And just because Blair is trained, that doesn't mean he could train Xander in three weeks. I mean, if Xander is an animus—"

"I'm in hell," Buffy interrupted Willow's whine and Spike's growing growl. "I'm in hell and on the other side of the world from my therapist, and this is just not happening. Will, just think about it, okay?"

"Fine, thinking. Not happy, but thinking." Willow made a face at Buffy.

Spike turned on Bertrand. "Look, as interesting as this rot is, I don't bloody care. Just tell this lot that Xander's an animus Shaman so they'll bloody drop this."

"Uh, being able to read intentions could be a peto Shaman, one who influences others desires and reads their intentions in order to influence them, or an animus Shaman, one who sees and can manipulate the soul and the soul's intentions. I cannot determine which power Xander possesses without further testing."

"Ya don't need any more testing," Spike said confidently. "Tell 'em, pet."

Xander felt cold panic wash through him. No no no. They were still on the Shamanic step. He couldn't deal with the soul-ripping step. Xander looked at Spike in panic.

"Go on," Spike urged him softly. Xander closed his eyes and reminded himself that Spike was older and he had given Spike the right to make decisions like when to stop hiding things.

"Perhaps Xander is not ready to share whatever it is you are asking him to share," Giles said.

Xander shook his head. "No, hey, I'm share boy." He took a deep breath. "Okay, this is the not-so-easy part to say."

"Xander?" Willow asked, and in that word, Xander could hear the love and the worry, and he wished he had a magic wand so he didn't have to say this next bit. The room was absolutely silent.

"I ripped Sungsen's soul out," Xander said softly.

"You what?"

"Xander!"

"Good Lord."

"How could you?"

Xander couldn't even listen fast enough to figure out who was saying what, but he was guessing Giles was the 'good lord.'

"Enough, all of you!" Riley shouted over all of them. Leaving Buffy's side, Riley moved to stand next to Spike where he crossed his arms and glared at the Scooby half of the room. "Xander did what he had to! I shot Sungsen in the head, and the bullet didn't even slow him down. Spike drained him. So, if you want to yell at someone, yell at us. We actively tried to kill Sungsen. I knew the man. I had Thanksgiving dinner with him. I've met his parents, and I put a bullet in his brain. But you do not yell at Xander for this."

"Okay, that was freaky," Buffy said slowly. Xander noticed that Jim had moved to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Riley. Buffy looked from one to the other. "Riley, I'm all for you getting along with the friend group, you know what they say about getting with the friends and all, but you sticking up for Xander… a little pod-personish. You standing with Spike to stick up for Xander… major pod-personish. You do remember you hate Spike, right?"

Riley sighed. "Yeah, I remember hating Spike. He's an arrogant, devious son of a bitch. But that doesn't mean I'm going to stand here and let you take cheap shots at Xander."

"Hey, no shooting," Willow protested. "We were not shooting, cheap or otherwise. We're just surprised."

Xander looked at the witch and bit his lip. "Surprised in the 'me doing something borderline horrifying' way or the 'me doing something borderline useful' way?" he asked, not sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"Sport—" Jim started to say, but Spike cut him off.

"Yeah, I agree with what he's about to say." Spike poked a thumb in Jim's direction. "Look, the boy's powers have always been there, and they're not going away."

"We could try," Willow said, as her eyebrows furrowed in worry. "We could try to make them go away or bind them or something. I mean, soul ripping—not as creepy as skin ripping, but up there. Couldn't we try and bind the powers or something?" Willow looked from Bertrand to Giles and back.

"I don't know who the hell you think you are," Jim growled, "but you are crossing the line with that comment." Jim crossed his arms and glared at Willow.

"Me?" she almost squeaked. "I'm not crossing line. This is me way inside the lines. Miles inside the lines."

"So, implying that Xander is somehow untrustworthy is just normal for you?"

"I never!" Willow objected loudly at the same time Spike offered his own, "Bloody hell, yes!"

"I wonder if my therapist takes collect calls," Buffy mused softly. She sat on the unmade bed.

"Did you hear what he called me? Not that he actually called me anything, but there was implying. There was a lot of implying going on!" Willow said as she turned to Buffy.

"Oi, I'm not implyin' anything. I'll come right out and tell you that ya need to back off before ya say anything else as manipulative as that," Spike offered. "You'll do anything ta try and keep the boy, even if it means ripping him apart." Willow's eyes went large, and Xander could feel the need to reassure her, to take away the pain. Spike's arm tightened around his waist.

"Spike," Buffy warned.

"No. No, you don't tell me to back off when it comes to Xander."

"And the freaky just keeps on going," Buffy sighed.

"Whoa, hey, talk about the unpleasant implications! I think we all just need to take a step back and maybe reconsider the effect our words have on each other," Blair suggested.

"I'm for backing off," Xander quickly agreed. "All in favor of backing off before causing decades-long friendships to fall apart, raise your hands." Xander raised his hand and looked around the room. Spike was giving him that indulgent look that suggested he thought Xander was an idiot but loved him anyway. Xander smiled back before turning to catch a glimpse of Willow's tragic face.

"Xander?" she asked in a tiny voice. "Fall apart?"

"This is me raising my hand for *not* having the friendship fall apart." Xander wiggled the hand he had raised to make his point before he slowly lowered it. "But you can't keep saying words like freaky when it comes to me and Spike."

"Despite the fact—"

"Slayer," Spike growled when Buffy tried to rejoin the conversation.

"Buffy," Riley said firmly. "I'm with Xander on this one. Spike is an asshole, but he cares about Xander. Trust me on this."

"You listened," Blair said softly while Xander was still trying to process the utter wrongness of Riley sticking up for him and Spike. Apocalypses and flying pigs and the Abba comeback tour had to all be right outside the hotel window.

"When Xander was talking to Spike, yeah," Riley agreed. He turned to Xander. "I didn't know you were whispering. I didn't mean to eavesdrop."

"It's okay, soldier. When the senses first come on-line, it's hard to know when you're using them," Jim assured him, and Riley actually looked relieved.

"Oi, don't bloody tell him it's okay. It's me and the boy he was eavesdropping on," Spike snarled.

"Spike, it's okay." Xander turned and really looked at Spike.

"Pet?"

"Riley, tell them what you heard," Xander said, happy for a way to say some of this without saying it himself. Yeah, he could ask Spike to explain this bit, but if he did, the girls would listen and Giles would say that Spike was being too controlling and badness would happen. But maybe they would listen to Riley.

"Buffy," Riley stopped and looked over at Xander again. Xander nodded his permission. "Xander's been hurting for a long time, and Spike gives him a security he needs."

"We're secure. We're all about the being secure," Willow interrupted.

"Yes, well… if I could interject," Bertrand then interrupted Willow's interruption.

"No, you bloody can't. Have enough wankers talkin' about shite they don't understand."

"I was going to make an argument in your favor, I believe," the Frenchman commented.

"Oh, well in that case, interject away, mate." Spike waved his hand to hurry the man up.

"I specialize in the more arcane aspects of the supernatural."

"There are parts that aren't arcane?" Jim asked dryly.

"Well… yes. Vampires are rather mundane," Bertrand said in a confused tone. He obviously missed Jim's lecture on how to defuse a homicidal domestic conflict with humor. Xander had heard him give that one to a uniform just after the guy had caught a frypan to the head, and Xander definitely thought they were probably pretty close to domestic violence here. Bertrand must have caught Spike's glare though because the man hurried to correct himself.

"Minions that is, each master vampire is a subject worthy of study. And a master vampire with a soul definitely fits into the arcane."

"This is not about Spike, and the next person who implies that Spike or me and Spike are freaky is going to—okay, I won't do anything, but I'll be cranky," Xander took his turn glaring, and Bertrand actually turned a little pale.

"I assure you, I would never offend a master vampire or an animus Shaman. Both are quite powerful enough to deter a casual insult, especially if one is not particularly suicidal. My point is that I study the more arcane aspects of Shamanism and the demonic. It's one reason that Rupert contacted me when Mr. Harris' powers seemed to be exhibiting in an unusual manner. Higher level Shaman, like myself, tend to have some rather unusual instinctive behaviors, or unusual for humans rather. You have to understand that all magical powers have a demonic source, whether that power is still evil or has reverted back to its original neutral orientation."

"Oi, in English," Spike snapped.

"I rather thought he was speaking English," Giles commented as he took off his glasses and closed his eyes altogether. "I can't say I like what you're implying, Bertrand, but it is in English."

"Be that as it may, I am speaking the truth, Rupert."

"And would someone like to translate the English into something I can understand? Maybe some Californese?" Buffy asked. She pulled her legs under her and sat cross-legged on the bed.

"Shaman, rather like some clannish demons and even Atego, tend to form hierarchical relationships."

"Which is not with the Californese," Buffy said with a frown. "Willow? Translation please?"

"Oh goddess, you can't mean," Willow breathed. Xander might have felt sympathy if he'd had any idea what anyone meant. Willow and Giles certainly looked upset, though, and Spike was starting with his low growl, which meant Xander had so totally missed something, and he wasn't the only one.

"Is anyone listening to me? Confused slayer here," Buffy complained.

"It's a natural side-effect of the powers channeled through the individual," Bernie insisted.

"Um… hello? Did I turn invisible? Still not getting it," Buffy said a little louder.

"Welcome to my world," Xander pointed out. Yeah, it wasn't fair to suggest they always talked over his head, but they did it lots… lots and lots.

"Your world kinda sucks," Buffy said.

"Yep," Xander nodded.

"Upper level Shaman, they're drawn to power exchanges. They want partners who will either take charge or allow them to be in charge," Blair said slowly, his face wide with shock. "And it's instinctive. An actual need?"

"Most people believe, yes. And if Mr. Harris has formed at attachment to William the Bloody, I doubt that anything short of being forcibly rejected would end the relationship. After all, the dominant member of the relationship is typically the one to set the limits, at least when the relationship is instinctive. The instinctive behaviors of powerful creatures is not the same as the games humans sometimes play.

"Oh my god. You mean Xander is stuck to him?" Buffy demanded.

"Like a claim? Spike did something to trap Xander?" Up to now, Riley had been standing with Jim and Spike, but now he turned on Spike looking ready to throw a punch, even if Spike could punch back, now.

"Oi, you pillock. Claims are fiction, made up by wankers who got their rocks off by getting bit and who didn't want to admit they wanted it." Spike gave Riley a nasty sneer. "The demon can't lay claim over a soul."

"And I would agree," Bertrand hurried to add. "There is no physical attachment, but leaving would entail a painful separation, psychologically, and would most likely result in some mental instability, at least in the short term. The submissive member who is rejected often has a period of depression, anxiety, sometimes even irrational or dangerous behavior."

"What if it's the dominant who is left?" Giles quickly asked.

Bertrand shook his head. "Rupert, these are not the sort of power exchanges you and I dabbled in during our youth."

Xander immediately started choking on his own tongue. Giles glared at him while Buffy had a faintly disgusted look on her face.

"Okay, father figure, ew," she said softly.

"Um, seconding that," Willow agreed with an equally disturbed expression.

"Bloody hell," Giles swore, sounding faintly Spike like, and speaking of Spike, that was a seriously smug expression on his face. "I was young once, people. And I have certainly been forced to endure enough of your sordid relationships, so you can kindly deal with a few facts from my past with some discretion. Now, Bertrand, I am still not clear on what you mean, and I do not want to misunderstand this point."

"Rupert, for those of us who have demonic energies within ourselves, the power exchange is instinctive. If the submissive attempted to leave, the dominant would simply find them and act to ensure they became more submissive and accepted the relationship."

"Okay, that's even more ew-worthy than Giles having kinky sex," Buffy said. "That sounds like abuse."

"I assure you, it is different for those who are, in part, demonic. You yourself must have felt the need to either have a partner who could best you or best your partner. I cannot believe that a slayer, with all her demonically-obtained power, does not see fighting as an integral part of the sexual act and her interpersonal relationships."

"Oi, she feels it alright," Spike said. "You can't deny that, luv."

"Okay, I'm not denying it, but it's still abusive. He's saying that if Xander wanted to leave, he couldn't. Color me unsupportive, but I'm not okay with that."

"Buff," Xander said, "That's not what he's saying."

"Um, I thought that's what he said. Did I miss something?" Buffy turned to Giles.

"No, you did not. That's exactly what he said."

"You are attempting to judge the actions on human standards." Bertrand shook his head with an expression of amusement.

"Man, it's not that the dominant would abuse the power, it's that the submissive needs to know he would come after him. The act of dominating would be welcomed," Blair said softly. "I'm the first to admit that I'm not the alpha dog here, but Jim is not into that kind of power play and control," Blair said, not sounding convinced at all.

"Then I would suggest Jim has never felt threatened that you might actually leave. If he did, I have no doubt he would act more aggressively. And your attempt to leave would actually be an attempt to get him to show a more dominant interest," Bertrand shrugged.

"Bertrand, you have to know what you are describing is abuse," Giles said slowly. "Forcing a submissive is against every rule of playing."

"For humans, absolutely," Bertrand nodded. "But in demonic circles, the submissives are either biologically inferior such as a vampire's childer or a Vinji's clan-spawn, or they are just as powerful if not more powerful than their dominants.

"In the first case, the hierarchy is biological, and no different from a parent being the head of the household. In the second, the dominant provides a check against excess. Giles, you have met Amélie. She is quite the dominant, but her powers are actually weaker than my own. However, by choosing a dominant who is strong enough to stop me if I do overindulge the way you and Ethan did, I have protected myself. If Amélie were killed or if she simply tired of me and I went home to find my possessions sitting on the street, I can't predict my own reaction."

"So, I could go world-ending crazy?" Xander asked. Bertrand shrugged. "Okay, that's not good."

"Not an issue, pet, because you have me," Spike tightened his hold.

"Unless you were to get dusted," Giles said, but he still wasn't sounding happy.

"Ever the optimist, Rupert."

"I am simply pointing out the real dangers. You are not particularly careful with your own life."

"I'm a hundred and thirty bloody years old. I've taken care of my unlife just fine. Besides, if some nasty did get me, Xander has Jim and Blair, here."

"I wouldn't advise that," Bertrand shook his head. "Atego are certainly very solicitous with their Guides, but not with other magic users in their territory."

"I would never hurt Xander," Jim growled as he stepped toward the Frenchman. He backed up to the wall and took up position next to the door again.

"Xander has us!" Willow protested. "And this is freaky and slightly of the wrong, but we'll take care of Xander one way or another."

"I would suggest that a contingency plan would be advisable. You have no idea how powerful an animus Shaman could be. Given the correct motivation, Xander could kill every person in this room before any of us had an opportunity to fight back. If he feels he needs a powerful dominant to ensure his peace of mind, that would be the best course of action. I myself would not feel safe without someone who would prevent me from repeating some of the excesses of my youth. That same trick we played with the headmaster at school, Rupert, that would no doubt result in the man's death if I were to repeat it today."

"So, Xander is right? He needs a more… permanent relationship?" Giles asked, and he was still a little with the seriously disturbed.

"Okay, how about everyone agree to not talk about Xander like Xander isn't here?" Xander interrupted.

"Xander." Willow bit her lip and looked like she had just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She was arguably the most powerful witch in the world, and Xander still had trouble cutting off this need to shield her from anything that might make her feel bad. Yep, he was officially in need of therapy.

"Not with the guilty face, Willow," he said firmly. "I have no self-control with the guilty face, and if something really horrible were to happen to Spike, I don't think I should come back to you guys. In fact, maybe there should be some sort of paperwork so if Spike gets dead-dead, I don't have a chance to try for the world-ending fun. "

"Paperwork?" Bertrand sounded amused, and yeah, paperwork might not really help much if he started trying to raise a temple for world-ending fun.

"Yeah," he said firmly. "Like commitment papers or something. Something that says Jim has custody if I start going with the crazy plan. And I'm sure there are some sort of charms that would help, that would give Jim some sort of control if I caught the crazy bus, but Spike and Jim can talk about that when you guys aren't all here looking at me like I'm timebombish."

"Xander, don't you see? This is why I'm so big with the worry. You've only known Jim for weeks. I could figure out the number of days you've known him in my head. Days, Xander," Willow protested.

"Willow, I get that, but I'm happier with Jim and Blair than at home, and I'm happier with Spike than with Jim and Blair, and the happy curve is going up, you see."

"That is quite unusual. I would expect an Atego to drive you out of his territory," Bertrand mused.

"Yep, unusual. I'm good with the unusual. But Willow, I just don't think I can come back to London."

"Maybe we should step back to our own rooms and think things through before something gets said that can't be unsaid," Buffy suggested as she stood up, ready to leave.

"You'd pick Jim over me?" Willow had her little-girl voice going.

Xander paused and then took a deep breath. "Yes."

"Like that," Buffy sighed.

"Xander!" Willow hissed.

"Good lord, people, can we not –"

"But Giles, did you hear what he said? Years of being best friends, and he's picking Jim over me."

"I'm not picking Jim to be my next best friend, and you'll always be my best friend with the yellow crayon, but I'm not good for myself when I'm around you," Xander struggled to explain.

"You make it sound like you're a junkie and we're having pot parties or magic parties or parties of whatever it is you're trying to not be addicted to any more."

"Not bloody far from the truth," Spike muttered.

"Spike, not nice." Buffy crossed her arms and glared.

"Oi, never said I was nice, luv, especially not when you're hurtin' Xander."

"Hey, no hurting. Why does everybody act like we've done something horrible to Xander? We didn't make him live under the stairs or beat him or something. We love Xander." And that was Willow's angry voice coming out to play. Xander wasn't very fond of angry Willow.

"No, ya just ignored him," Spike shot back, obviously ignoring the signs of the coming Willow anger.

"Hey, no ignoring. We had dinner together every night. And I knew he was all depressed and needed a job and he couldn't do the slaying anymore, which is why I sent him to Cascade and all the cookies in the world won't make up for how sorry I am I did that."

"I'm not," Xander promised her. "Cascade is where I finally got myself together, Will."

"I don't like this version of together. This is the together that's not quite Xander shaped."

"Bloody hell. No, this is the Xander who's not fifteen years old and sniffing after your panties," Spike snorted.

"Um, sniffing was when I was seventeen."

"Not the point, pet."

"This is really getting a little personal," Bertrand said, holding one hand up as though he could just hold off the words that were now flying across the room. Xander had tried that, it didn't work. You still heard all the stuff you didn't want to hear. "Perhaps I should wait in the car?" Before anyone could answer, Bertrand open the door and fled.

"Yes, do that, Bertrand," Giles said absent-mindedly as the door was already swinging shut.

"Spike, you are a… a giant pain in the ass," Willow said with very unWillowish language.

"Oh yeah, like that scares me."

"Maybe it should." Willow's eyes started to darken.

"Hey! I have an idea. How about you listen to me?" Xander suggested brightly. Willow turned to him sadly.

"I've always listened to you. Jim and Spike and Blair have your head all turned around funny."

"Willow, wait a second," Blair interjected when the Willow eyes had frozen Xander's words. How could he tell her that she only listened to the parts that didn't matter?

"Willow, we spent a lot of time on the phone talking before you sent Xander over. Do you really think I would have let someone hurt him?" Blair asked.

"I don't know."

"You do know, Willow. Xander is different, but Buffy is too, isn't she?"

"Oh, do not go bringing me into this," Buffy said, both hands held palm up. "I am sitting on the sidelines girl. Maybe I should be sitting in the car with Bertrand girl."

"I'm right, aren't I?" Blair asked gently. "When you look at Buffy, do you ever worry that maybe things are different, too different?"

Willow chewed her lip and glanced around the room, her eyes locking on Buffy for a second before she answered. "I don't know what you mean."

"Oh man, I get it. I mean, with me, it's my mom. I still think of her as this free-spirit hippy, and she called the other day, talking about this man she's thinking of settling down with, and I'm all like, no way, this will last a week, tops. But see, that's not fair because who my mom is now, that's not who she was five years ago or ten or twenty. People change."

"I'm not ten years old. I know that," Willow said with just a hint of that earlier anger.

"Yeah, but when you look at Buffy, you still get that bottom of your gut feeling like things are sliding out of control, don't you?" Willow's eyes darted to Buffy, but she didn't answer.

"Wills?" Buffy asked quietly.

"I don't!" Willow snapped.

"And you thought you'd always have Xander, so that was okay with you. But now Xander is changing."

"Because of whatever you guys did. Even if it wasn't magic, you did something to turn him against me."

"Pet, wouldn't do that. You’re his best friend, and ya always will be," Spike promised her. "I know what it's like to be alone, and I wouldn't do that to ya. We'll both be your friend, and you still have Buffy on the phone every time you pick it up, and I promise I'll never try ta keep Xander from you."

"Yeah, right, because you're all with the trustworthiness." Willow's words made Spike stand up a little straighter, and Xander could see how the barb sank home. Spike carried a demon, but that wasn't who he was anymore. He was trustworthy, only one of the people who knew him best, who lived with him and fought with him and trusted him with the baby Slayers didn't think he was. Xander ached for Spike and pushed away the growing bubble of sympathy for Willow and her fears.

"Willow, Xander needs to change. The way he was before was tearing him apart," Blair took control of the conversation again.

"He was fine."

Blair turned and looked at Xander, waiting.

Xander took a deep breath. "I was trying to figure out how to make everyone think I was fine. I was falling apart, and I hurt all the time, and all I could think was that I couldn't let you know. You're the magically strong one and Buffy is with the power to fling cinderblocks, and I'm the emotionally strong one, the heart, the one who keeps all of you going, but if I'm falling apart, I can't do that. And if I can't do that, what am I supposed to do?"

Willow's eyes filled with tears.

"But Xander. We love you. I love you, you don't have to do anything," Buffy said when Willow couldn't find her voice.

"But I need to do *something* and I thought the something was protecting you guys in the only way I could. I tried to help Anya back to her humanity. I tried to help Buffy see that she needed Riley, and yeah, I failed a whole lot, but I always tried. I tried to be the one who always had a shoulder for you to cry on. And that means there are all these things I never told you because I didn't want to be the one who made things harder for you. I knew about Riley. I'd seen him when Spike and I were out on patrol, but I thought I could just talk to Riley before Buffy found out, and then Spike went and did his whole stab-stab in the back."

Xander looked at Riley, and the man was watching him with concern and something else that Xander couldn't even guess at. Riley nodded, accepting that Xander had wanted to help or maybe forgiving him for not stopping Spike's backstabbing.

"Not in the back, pet," Spike objected. "Major Moron knew I hated him, so if he handed me the perfect ammo, I was bloody well going to use it."

"Can we please stay on track?" Giles asked. He looked about ten years older than when he'd walked in the door. "This conversation is beginning to make me dizzy. So, as I understand it, you have far more power than any of us have anticipated. You have learned to access a power that allows you to rip out souls. Your relationship with Spike is both sexual and magical in nature, and now you have a long-term history of trying to protect the rest of us by not telling the truth. Have I missed anything?"

Xander flinched at the tone, and Spike growled.

"Play nice or I'll toss your arse out, Watcher."

"Um, that would be it in one, G-man. I mean, you knew I was lying about the whole not remembering the hyena possession, and you knew what was going on in Africa, Giles. You told me what to watch out for. You had to know I had stuff rattling around in the brain."

"Xander, I realize that you have sometimes been in unsafe—"

"Unsafe?! Bloody hell, you sent him into the middle of a war zone, and then wondered why he was a few marbles short when he came home. Finn and Ellison, they've been in war, ask them."

"Riley?" Buffy turned to her boyfriend. He hesitated and then walked to her side, slipping an arm around her waist as he nodded slowly.

"If he were one of my men, I'd take him off the front line position and get him some help. He's showing classic signs: nightmares, avoidance, detachment. I was with him for one night out there, and I was ready to stake Spike because Xander seemed so emotionally damaged. But this isn't from Spike, is it?" Riley turned to Xander.

"Nope," Xander shook his head. "I stopped carving, I played video games all day. I didn't even get my eye fixed when I was supposed to, and now there's degeneration, so they say the prosthetic might not look right even if I get it."

"Xander." Willow said the word as if it pained her. Riley just nodded knowingly.

"Boy needs some place safe, some place where he doesn't feel like he has to carry the guilt or the secrets. That's why you aren't any soddin' good for him right now," Spike said.

"But I never asked him to—"

"Willow," Blair interrupted, "haven't you ever done something for someone because you thought you were doing the best thing for them, and then figured out that you were hurting them?"

A tear escaped as Willow nodded. "Yeah," she whispered.

"We both have," Buffy said firmly. She reached out and pulled Willow into a one-armed hug. "Been there and made the t-shirt territory. I think we gave them as Christmas gifts one year."

Xander looked at Buffy and saw that she finally got it. "Willow, Buffy, I know you love me, and I really love you guys, but I'm not good at being who I really am around you. I play this part and I don't know how to say when I'm hurt."

"And you can tell them?" Willow asked, her voice shaky as she looked at Jim and Blair, the outsiders, the interlopers who didn't even have as much right as Spike to be there. Xander could almost read her thoughts.

"He doesn't have to tell me. I've been in war, I know what that pain looks like," Jim said calmly.

"He's been in the same war we have. We went through it together," Willow argued.

"Will, it's not the same, and I don't know why. I just—I never talked to Jim about it, but he got it. He saw what I was hiding, and that made me admit that it was there, and once I admitted how much pain I had in my heart, I couldn't just keep being in pain. Every breath hurt. I was so afraid of everything, of nothing. I didn't know how to do anything but keep playing goofy Xander. Hell, I even sat on the toilet and wondered if there was a way to get the job collecting Slayers on Mars because then I could feel all of this pain about being alone and abandoned instead of feeling this pain when I didn't understand it and couldn't get away from it. It was eating me."

Xander stopped as the tears threatened, and Spike pulled him in. Xander let his head rest on Spike's shoulder and strong fingers soothed his hair. "Shhh, pet."

"I don't want you in pain," Willow cried, the words broken by her own sobs.

"Willow, no one thinks you want to hurt Xander," Blair assured her. "Maybe this is a guy thing. Maybe he just needs a male figure in his life, I don't know, but he can't heal when he's with you. If you want him to heal, you have to let him choose a life where he can. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you. He talks about you all the time."

"You mean the way I didn't see that he was like this, the way I didn't help him?" Xander flinched at the sound of Willow's uncontrolled sobs.

"About the way you two sat on the swings and talked about Jesse, about the way you got him through math and kept the secret about him sleeping outside on Christmas and bought him his first comic book with your birthday money," Blair said.

The sound of crying made it hard for Xander to catch his own breath and fight his own tears back. Spike's arms felt safe to cry in, but he had to say this. He took a deep breath and struggled to hold it until he could control his pain. Slowly, he turned to face Willow.

"I feel like I have to be the big brother you can come to and cry on, and right now, I'm more little brother than big brother material, and maybe after I get okay with myself I can play big brother part time, but I just can't come back. I'm staying with Spike. Jim and Blair said we could come to Cascade for a while." Willow was crying on Buffy's shoulder, Riley reaching over to stroke her hair.

"Willow, I know this is a lot, but maybe think about this?" Blair asked. A red head nodded.

"Hey, I'll take you out for ice cream. There's nothing Rocky Road can't fix, right?" Buffy whispered as she hugged harder. Xander wanted to go over there and add his own arms to the hug, but he couldn't, not now.

"I assume you'll still be here at nightfall?" Giles asked. Spike just nodded. Giles ushered the others out of the room, and the four of them were left standing in the emotional wreckage. Xander headed for the bed, sitting before his legs went out from under him.

"Well that went well," Blair said sarcastically. Jim put his finger to his lips to silence everyone. Spike came and sat next to Xander, pulling him in close.

"They're gone," Jim finally said as his shoulders drooped in relief.

"Um, I'm actually thinking it did go well. I was expecting screaming," Xander admitted.

"Well, that's what Blair was here for, wasn't it?" Spike commented as his fingers worked the soreness in Xander's neck.

"What's what Blair was here for?" Xander asked, and that only came out half making sense, but with Spike's hands doing that with his neck, he couldn't be held responsible for his word choice.

"Spike asked me to convince Willow to reconsider her position."

"You mojoed Willow?" Xander demanded. He looked from Jim to Blair to Spike, and oh yeah, there had been conspiracies there. "Okay, that's scary impressive," Xander had to admit.

"I didn't mojo her. I just helped her see where her own fears and insecurities were creating a major problem."

"Yeah, ya mojoed the witch," Spike said with a smirk.

"I don't know why you say it like I burned chicken feathers and waved entrails at her." Blair rolled his eyes and looked to Jim for back up.

"Don't look at me, Chief. I’m with them, you mojoed her. Of course, I'm voting in favor of mojoing her. Xander, your friends need therapy."

"Um, kinda getting that."

"Yeah, well make sure they kinda don't show up in Cascade until *they* get it. Better yet, make sure they don't show up in Cascade."

"Right. No visiting Cascade unless they have a therapist in tow," Xander nodded. "Um, Spike?"

"Yeah, pet?"

"What about the demon?"

Spike shrugged. "I guess we'll figure that bit out later. Let Froggie do his research. I'm tired."

"Yeah, and Blair and I need to go get lunch. We have some talking of our own to do," Jim said as he reached out and pulled Blair to his side.

"Oh man, the funky levels just keep going up, don't they?" Blair laughed.

"Life in the Sandburg zone," Jim agreed. "We'll be ready by six if you want us along for the ride, but don't expect me to play nice with any of them," Jim warned.

"Bloody hell, no way I'd ask that of you. I'll make a deal with ya, though. You keep me from killin' Riley, and I'll stop you from killing Willow."

"I might take you up on that," Jim said as he pulled Blair toward the door. "You guys get some sleep," he suggested.

Xander nodded. He was caught between utter exhaustion and a brain that was still whirling on high gear. And his face hurt, it had that itchiness from crying and his empty eye ached.

"Come on, pet, to bed with you," Spike said when the door clicked shut behind Jim. Spike went over and switched the light off.

"I can't sleep right now," Xander admitted. As tired as he was, he couldn't.

"No problem, pet. I just want someone warm to snuggle with," Spike soothed him as he pulled the covers up and urged Xander to lay down.

"Snuggle. I can snuggle," Xander said wearily as he let Spike arrange his limbs. Spike curled around him, one leg draped over his thighs, and Xander closed his eyes as he just snuggled with his vampire.

Chapter 30

"Jim, Blair, you two are going with, right?" Xander asked as he stood outside their hotel room. The sun had set and it was time to go deal with round two of the Scooby-drama, so he gave Jim his best pleading look. "I mean, you wouldn't make me and Spike walk into the lion's den alone, not that they're lions, and not that Spike would need help killing lions because he could, but..."

Xander stumbled to a verbal halt as Spike leaned against the wall in the hallway outside Jim and Blair's room and considered him with a raised eyebrow. Right, they'd talked about this. He couldn't keep hiding what he needed. Xander took a deep breath hoping that Jim would save him, but Jim just leaned against the open door to his hotel room and gave Xander pretty much the same look.

"Fine," Xander huffed. "Jim, I'm feeling a need to hide behind people who don't think I'm insane and girly, so would--"

"Oi, you're not either one!" Spike snapped.

"Yes, I know this," Xander said with exaggerated calmness. "But face it: one exposure to the power of Blair is not going to erase all of the Xander is an insane girly-man thoughts from their brains."

"If that's what they have in their brains, Sport, it just proves how wrong they are."

"Totally," Blair agreed enthusiastically as he pushed past Jim into the hallway. "I mean, man, you threw yourself into tracking down bad guys. I'm not ashamed to say Jim's job sometimes scared the shit out of me when I first started. I mean, wow, the adrenaline rushes were like... mindblowing," Blair shook his head at the memory. "But then you would wake up the next morning and realize you could have died... that you almost did die. Man, there were mornings that I was emotional toast. You didn't have those freaked out mornings after."

"Oh, I had them, only I had them back when I was sixteen and trying to put killing vampires between chasing girls and not failing my math class," Xander pointed out with a shrug.

"Xander," Jim put out his hand and let it rest on Xander's shoulder. Immediately Spike's arm was around Xander's waist, but at least the two alphas weren't playing tug of war. "I still think they're jerks, and that is not about my instincts--that's about years of working with people who are too good at playing blind when it suits their needs," Jim said quietly.

Xander shook his head. "You're making it sound like they're throwing me to the wolves and they're not."

"Sport, I understand that you guys were fighting when you were too young to really know how to deal with the stress of what you were doing, but their coping strategy is to be willfully blind and hope they don't have to fix whatever problems come up."

"Too bloody right, including this one," Spike said before Xander could answer. "Thinks if he just ignores his own needs they'll magically disappear."

"Hey!" Xander protested. "This is me dealing. This is me asking Jim and Blair to come along for the fun with demons and even admitting that I'm big with the wanting to hide behind them, so consider me willfully unblind," Xander crossed his arms and glared at Jim and Spike. "Or willfully unblind in one eye, anyway," he shrugged.

"Which means you have one eye more than your friends," Jim said dryly. "We'll come, but any more of this instinct crap, and the French guy is out the nearest window," Jim stepped out into the hall and closed the hotel door behind him.

"Oh yeah," Blair quickly agreed. "I mean, he is making gross generalizations about our behavior without even knowing us. Totally stereotyping. Every researcher knows that generalized truths cannot be applied to specific subjects."

"We're not subjects," Jim almost growled, but he also draped an arm over Blair's shoulders.

"No way. I am not saying we are because that guy has serious issues. His theories totally don't match reality, and instead of questioning his paradigm, he just calls us weird. So totally not cool. I bet his sample size of Sentinels is tiny. He probably has as much statistical validity as Hwang Woo Suk's work."

"Um, who who what's work?" Xander asked as they followed Jim and Blair out to the parking lot. Jim had parked his truck next to Spike's blue rental car.

"The guy who faked the human embryo cloning. Science needs to be scientific. Bertrand is coming off like some of the know-it-all professors I work with at the University. I mean, he's as bad as Hwang faking his research." Blair sighed dramatically. "You had to have seen that on the news."

"Nope. I've gone from obsessively playing with Bart Simpson, and that so did not come out the way I meant it because I meant in the video game and not the inappropriate playing with fictional children way, but I went from video games to pretty much non-stop sex with a vampire. Brain melting and leaking out body orifices type sex. Not much room for news," Xander said cheerfully. Jim glanced over with some weird expression, and Spike made one of his laughing coughs.

"Are you sure you're Xander Harris? You seem to make a lot more inappropriate comments than the guy I used to know," Jim said as he slipped his keys in the lock and opened the truck door.

"Oh, you haven't seen anything. My attempt to find out if Buffy was sleeping with Spike somehow convinced her I was gay because I made inappropriate comments about the evil one's body."

"Evil one?" Blair asked from the other side of the truck. Spike headed around to the far side of the car, so they were obviously doing separate vehicles.

"That was back in Spike's pre-souled days of evilness. Well, not evilness so much as threatening evilness without the actual delivery. Point being, inappropriateness is my thing. Inappropriateness and poking fun at the self. And you know, I don't think you got the full Xander-experience when I stayed with you before. If Spike and I come and visit, you may see more of the real Xander Harris."

"Wouldn't mind seeing that, Sport," Jim said as he got in the truck. Xander got in with Spike and watched the town through the window as Spike drove way too fast to a much bigger hotel on the other side of town.

Jim and Blair took longer than Spike, probably because they were actually obeying the traffic laws where Spike drove the same in real life as he did in the Simpson's Road Rage, so Xander stood outside Giles' hotel and watched the clouds drift overhead as Spike smoked a cigarette and waited for the other two to catch up.

"Riley still wants me as a Guide," Xander commented to no one in particular, but Spike stopped breathing long enough to interrupt the pattern of puff-cloud puff-cloud.

"Yeah, noticed." Spike fell silent, even when Xander did his best job of waiting because waiting and him were even less friend-like than lying and him. The plumes of smoke returned.

Eventually Xander gave up on the whole waiting thing. "And are you okay with that?"

"Not me he wants as a Guide, is it?"

"Um, but you're kinda the boss."

Spike stopped smoking and this time he dropped the cigarette and crushed it. "Pet, I'm always going to be the boss, we've discussed that. That doesn't mean that I'm tellin' you what to do. You start goin' off the deep end and raising hell temples, I'll bloody knock you unconscious and tie you to the bed. But tellin' you what to do with your life... that'd be the way I treated a minion, and you're not a minion, pet. You have your own life, so do you want to work with Major Moron?"

"With you calling him Major Moron and him with the staking comments, no, not really."

"Then don't," Spike shrugged, and Xander was fairly sure that he was misunderstanding intentionally.

"If you didn't call him Major Moron and if he didn't make with the stake comments, it'd be nice to work with Buffy and Riley together instead of all the separate stuff because I'd like less separate." Xander watched Spike's face, but he couldn't see any emotion at all. "But I don't want to work with him if he's not with Buffy because me and the military is just not going to happen, and if you and him can't be less with the mutually offensive, I would rather not be in the same state as him."

Spike's face still didn't show any emotion as he gave one brief nod. Xander couldn't figure out if that was an 'I heard you' nod or an agreement nod and considering that Xander wasn't sure what he had even asked for, he really wasn't sure what Spike might have agreed to. But Jim's truck pulled in, and the time for talking was over. Spike didn't even wait for the other two before he headed for the elevator up to the top floor where Giles had grabbed the biggest room in the biggest hotel in town, which still probably wasn't going to be big enough, but at least everyone wouldn't be gathered around the bed where Spike and Xander had just had sex.

"Xander," Giles said with a smile at the door. "I am sorry about the difficulties yesterday. I have to admit that even I clearly did not understand the extent to which Willow's own difficulties were impacting you. I did suggest she see someone after that rather spectacular break up with Kennedy, but we talked this morning, and this time I think she finally understands that her behaviors are making it more difficult for her to keep you as a friend."

"'Bout time someone pounded that through her head," Spike snorted as he pushed past, grabbing Xander's arm as he went so he dragged Xander past Giles and into the room.

"Um, yeah, hey no harm done," Xander answered, then he winced as Spike's hand tightened a little too much. "Where is Willow?" Looking around the room, Buffy and Riley were on one end of the couch in the living room area of the suite. Bernie was in the only armchair, and a number of empty dining room chairs had been pulled in from the small dining room area at the far end. That table was covered in stacks of books and the coffee table in the middle of the living room had more books, these lying open or with legal pads or sticky notes marking pages. No Willow. And research always meant Willow.

Buffy answered. "We were up all day getting here and then all night talking, and she talked herself out somewhere along the way, and she's still sleeping. I'm a huge fan of therapy, card carrying member of the therapy fan-club, and I know Willow needs to join that club, not just for magic stuff, but for friend stuff." Buffy took a breath. "But Xander, she loves you. I love you. Giles loves you even though he's way too manly and English to ever say something like that. And none of us ever meant to make you feel like you couldn't tell us you were in pain."

Xander studied the carpet and shrugged.

"Boy shouldn't have had to tell you lot." Spike said the words softly, without any condemnation in his voice, but the room went silent. Xander had to choke back an urge to tell a joke and just get all the weirdness to go away. He was saved from his own bad humor by a knock at the door.

"Oh good lord," Giles said as he looked through the peephole.

"I think that's probably Jim and Blair and not the lord," Xander said with a smile. Giles gave him a dirty look before he opened the door to the two men.

"Mr. Ellison, Mr. Sandburg," Giles said in his ultrapolite voice, the one he used to use on Principal Snyder. "Riley is going with us since we are infiltrating his military base, so are you sure you should be here, Mr. Ellison?" Giles asked the question calmly, but Xander could see Jim's jaw tighten, and Blair's hand came up to Jim's arm.

"Are you uninviting us?" Jim asked in the coldest voice Xander had heard from him yet.

"No, no, of course not," Giles stammered. "I am simply expressing a concern for the safety of the people in this room."

"And yet you're fine with a vampire--"

"Fine might be too strong a term," Giles said with a flat look towards Spike, but Jim kept on going.

"And a young woman whose good intentions have seriously damaged Xander..."

"Now hold on one minute." Giles stood up and took a step forward. "Whatever mistakes have been made, they are a matter between friends who have known each other for years. And while we all agree that Willow would benefit from some therapy, it is hardly your place to say so."

"Lots of therapy," Buffy agreed. "And she's going to get lots of therapy, but you are not exactly part of the friend group here, and new friends are good, but old friends are gold, or silver, I can't remember the poem right now, but the point is that old friends do not get tossed out for new friends." And with that, the tension in the room suddenly went on overdrive, which was still better than the weirdly 'let's put Xander on the spot' moment they'd had just a second ago, but it still wasn't exactly fun.

"Hey, hey don't we have bad guys to fight? Fighting good guys when there are bad guys to fight seems a little... totally pointless," Xander argued as he looked from one side to the other. Buffy had been sprawled on a low couch, but she sat up and warily studied the two men. Riley stood up, his eyes going from Buffy to Jim.

"Exactly, fighting each other would be pointless," Giles agreed with a cold look at Jim.

"As I explained, the presence of so many magic users, and particularly of another Atego, and one whose existence required you to place your Guide in harm's path with this Sungsen, well, fighting each other could become unavoidable. The arousal of Atego instincts, or Shaman instincts, is a complex subject, but fighting would seem inevitable given the current dynamics," Bernie said. He was sitting in a square armchair and just the way he sat and still managed to seem like he was looking down his nose was talent. Totally offensive talent, but talent. Xander had a quick fantasy of calling Bernie's own Domme, Amélie, just so he could see the man get bossed around, but then for all he knew, Amélie was even more with the looking down the nose than Bernie. And any more of that, and someone was going to get eaten or broken. Jim was staring blankly at the Frenchman.

"Finn, are you feeling any need to fight?" Jim asked without any emotion as he kept his gaze on Bertrand.

"Not particularly," Riley answered. "Feeling a need to introduce a few people to some manners, though." Instead of looking warily from Jim to Buffy, Riley was now glaring rather steadily at Bertrand.

"I can't fault you there."

"I don't think veiled threats are going to help this situation," Giles said in his best aggravated voice.

"I didn't think we were being veiled," Jim answered.

"Oi, if someone's going to get ta knock heads together, it will bloody well be me!" Spike walked into the room, crossing between Jim and his cold stare down with Bertrand, although it wasn't much of a stare down what with Bernie studying the loopy pattern on the beige carpet. "Let's just get down to soddin' business. We get on the base, we find out if the bint is going Sungsen on us, and if she is, we take her out. After that, we can kill each other if we still feel like it," Spike shrugged as he took up the opposite end of the couch from Buffy.

Rather than have Riley sit right next to Spike, which might lead to badness, Xander followed and sat beside his vampire.

"Yes, that would be best," Bernie quickly answered. "This is a rather remarkable gathering, and while I am most pleased to be a part of such an unusual concentration of powers, it might be best to complete our business and separate before there is an incident."

"Incident," Spike snorted. Xander was with him on that. Incident sounded like too nice a word for the potential mayhem floating around the room. Finally moving his glare off Bertrand, Jim moved to a spot near the door where he stood leaning against the wall. Blair waited for a second and then sat in a dining room chair near him.

"Shamen are just as vulnerable to instinctive behaviors, I assure you," Bertrand said as he glanced at Jim before turning to Riley and Xander. "I imagine that our Shamen in this room are simply less susceptible to the urge for posturing since I am clearly the most experienced and competent one here. It establishes a natural hierarchy in which we can function."

Blair made a noise, but by the time Xander looked over, Jim had moved forward and rested a hand on Blair's shoulder. It kept the younger man quiet, but it didn't change the fact that Blair now had a death glare on his face that matched Jim's look from earlier, but now Jim was just looking down with a sort of fond amusement.

"Swallow something wrong there, Chief?"

"I'm fine," Blair snapped. Oh yeah, this was going well.

"So, what's the what with our fun and wacky people-eating creepy linguist?" Xander asked. Riley sat back down, and now the couch was really crowded with Riley's leg pressing up against Xander's. Spike's hand tightened on Xander's knee, but other than that, Spike ignored the soldier.

"We aren't yet sure," Giles said as he sat in one of the dining room chairs that had been pulled up close to the coffee table and its old books. Xander could see Blair's eyes darting to the pile, which was funny because most everyone else was trying to avoiding looking at the potential source of their coming sleepless night. Buffy looked like she wanted to slay the pile.

"Given that Xander had to remove the spirit from the body before he could be killed, there is a chance we are talking about Mazzikim," Bertrand said, and from the pissy tone of voice, he'd said it before.

"I still feel the need for inappropriate joking and deliberate mispronunciations when you say that," Buffy said with a frown. "Why can't we ever find a good demon... or at least a weak demon, I could do with a weak demon."

"Gachnar," Xander said as he held up his hands to remind Buffy of the six inch tall demon.

"Oh yeah, never mind, we do find pathetic demons, but I want more patheticness."

"And why am I getting a feeling this is worse than just not being pathetic?" Xander turned to Spike, but the vampire had a thoughtful expression that made Xander worry even more.

"What exactly is a Mazzikim?" Jim asked.

"This is just speculation at this point," Giles said, and off came the glasses.

"Giles with the glasses off and Buffy feeling a need to play up the blonde. This is freaking me out. Come on, you guys just killed the thing that tried to blow up London, or it didn't actually blow up London, but from what Giles said, it could have almost blown up London based on the whole Pompeii story. We aren't due for more world-ending badness for at least three weeks. How bad could a Mazzikim be?" Xander looked around the room. Riley and Jim and Blair were looking concerned. Buffy and Giles were looking totally stressed, and Spike was doing the weird thoughtful thing. Oh so not good.

"They are one of the oldest demons, mentioned in parts of the Torah," Bertrand started.

"Yes, but the Torah references are hardly definitive. The work of Everson in 1719 is far more important in this case," Giles immediately interrupted. "They are a breed of demon said to be able to fly through the air and spread their evil by swallowing whole anyone who stands against them."

"Anyone not a Sentinel," Blair pointed out. "Jim and Riley were definitely immune. And I went though this whole kabbalistic period, and I seem to remember that the soul of an evil man could become a Mazzikim."

"Which is why I brought up the Torah reference in the first place," Bertrand quickly added, and oh yeah, from the way Bernie and Giles were glaring, there were just too many smart people in one room. "The way that Sungsen changed could indicate his soul was corrupted."

"Which is rather like blaming the victim," Giles said, his voice getting that tight, strained tone that he usually got when he was trying not to yell. "There is no record of Mazzikim reproducing in such a manner. Everson identified their home dimension, and from the information he collected from two vampires who had visited that realm, they are sexually active..."

"Which does not preclude other forms of reproduction. Really, Ripper, sometimes I think you have entirely too narrow a view on these things."

Xander froze. And yep, that was definitely Giles' Ripper glare. For a minute, the entire room went silent.

"So," Jim started. "It may or not be Mazzikim based on the description. If it is, what are we looking at?"

When no one answered, Blair started. "The Talmud calls them harmful spirits. God spoke them into existence on the eve of the Sabbath of creation. The Zohar suggests that they come from sex between humans and the demons who existed from the eve of creation or that the spirit of an evil man became a Mazzikim after he died. But in Jewish tradition, not all devils are necessarily evil, some do favors for people and believe in god, but they aren't humans. And Mazzikim was a way of naming a particularly evil spirit, as opposed to one who might do you a favor or play a trick on you to amuse themselves."

"Um, not to poke fun at the belief system, but Sungsen wasn't dead," Xander said.

"That we know of," Spike quickly added. "I'm dead, but I still get around pretty good. Could be this Sungsen had already died and the Mazzikim took over."

"But that would mean Sungsen was an evil man. He wasn't," Riley objected. "I've worked with him for three years; he wasn't evil."

"Perhaps the reference to the evil of the man was a metaphor," Bertrand said soothingly.

"And perhaps you are jumping to conclusions," Giles cut him off. "We have dozens of books to go through yet and—"

"And Atego are immune to how many?"

"We can't know because we stopped researching," Giles almost growled.

"You called me in for my expertise, and I am telling you that while most demons avoid Atego, very few possess powers which are affected by them, and Nabatnikov classified them all in his book." Bernie thumped the thin, white book balanced on the arm of his chair.

"And you cannot possibly expect me to take the word of a drunk."

"How dare you suggest I—"

"I was referring to Nabatnikov," Giles cut off Bernie's sudden show of anger.

"Oi, you two argue it out. I figure there has to be somethin' around here to fight, and if not, I could do with a bit of sparring with the Slayer. You comin'?" Spike asked Jim as he practically dragged Xander to his feet. Xander scrambled to get his feet under him before Spike reached the door. Jim and Blair immediately followed, but at the door, Spike stopped and turned. "Can't hardly spar with the Slayer if you stay here, luv. You coming?"

Riley had already stood up and now Buffy stood next to him with her confused look on.

"Okay. I can do that, can't I Giles, I mean, I'm not really one for the research and Willow should be up soon to help with the books."

"We have already found the demon, if Ripper were simply not so blessed stubborn," Bernie muttered, but everyone ignored him.

For a second Giles stared at her, and then he sighed. "Fine. Go find a quiet place to fight, and for the love of god, don't let Riley and Mr. Ellison kill each other. Or Riley and Spike, either, for that matter. We shall probably need them all later, and dead bodies are remarkably difficult to hide when one is not on a hellmouth."

"Woo hoo, sprung from class early," Buffy said cheerfully. "Not that I think of research as class or that I'm happy to abandon you to dusty books and weird verbal fights with the French guy," she quickly amended herself. Giles gave a dismissive wave of his hand, and she followed just as Spike headed out of the room and toward the elevators. Oh yeah, the vamp had something on his mind other than fighting, Xander realized pretty quickly. But then, from the serious expressions on everyone's face, everyone else figured that out too.

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