Learning Curve
Rated ADULT
Sexual Content

Jim/Blair, Xander/Spike
Chapters 31-35

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Chapter 31

Chapter 31
No one said anything until they all ended up in the parking lot, Jim's hand possessively resting on Blair's shoulder, Riley standing near Buffy, and Spike's arm firmly around Xander's waist. Xander couldn't help but think of three fighters all standing in their own corners waiting for the fight to start, not that Xander wanted to fight. Xander was totally against fighting anyone here, so the analogy wasn't really a good one, but it still stuck in his head.

"Am I the only one assuming that we aren't going to spar?" Buffy asked as she leaned against the metal pole with the handicapped parking sign. "That sounded faintly codewordish, but I don't remember having a codeword."

Jim was more direct. "What's going on?"

Spike let go of Xander long enough to fish a cigarette out of his duster, but he didn't light it. He just twirled it in his fingers. "Froggie's right. It makes sense for this to be a Mazzikim. Angel and me ran into one back in our Scourge of Europe days. That one didn't kill his victims by smashing them into things though. He liked to hear the screams when he looked at someone and they'd start shrinking in on themselves like a giant hand was crushing them. I remember this one woman, her bones breaking as she was slowly crushed and the life pulled out of her. What was left wasn't even dust, it was this oily blob of thick…. Bollocks, I don't know what the hell it was. Angelus took one look at the Mazzikim, and moved the whole family three countries over. Haven't thought about them for a century, though. Rare buggers, at least in this dimension."

"As methods of killing go," Buffy said with a disgusted expression, "that one's right up there on the yuck o'meter."

"Oh man, no joke." Blair looked a little green. "I remember when he had me. It was like he was squeezing. I couldn't breathe, but then Jim came."

"His gold cord, it pushed Sungsen's black cord away," Xander agreed. "The black cord had stretched out like a giant python that had swallowed something, only the something was you, and it was squeezing in around you."

Spike nodded. "Mazzikim kill by sending out an astral projection and swallowing the person whole in that form. This one was new at it, though, was killing people before he ate 'em."

"You mean I wasn't seeing his soul?" Xander looked at Spike. "That was looking soul-like. Well, sorta soul-like anyway. It was freaky, but it had the black cord thing going for it which seems like a demon soul to me."

"An astral projection is a soul, it's just someone who can send his consciousness, his soul, out of his body and into the world," Blair quickly mused. "It makes sense for an astral projection to look like a soul."

"If you believe in astral projections," Jim added skeptically. "But then I've started believing in a lot of things I didn't used to believe in."

"Does that mean the Mazzikim killed Sungsen, that we just killed the demon who took over his body?" Riley asked.

"You didn't kill anything. You just wasted a bullet on a tree. The boy and I killed the git," Spike corrected him. Riley narrowed his eyes, but Buffy's hand on his arm stopped him from snapping back.

"Okay, if you're so sure, let's go talk to Giles. We tell Giles that we know it's a Messy Kim, we get Willow, we go demon hunting, well assuming that Susan Clark is a demon. Riley said she didn't show the same changes Sungsen did, so maybe the demon didn't get to her."

Spike was already shaking his head. "Not goin' to happen, luv. Mazzikim devour a person whole, eat his energy, so Red will look like a giant buffet of power. That's why the git went for the two Shamen. They looked like bloody four-course dinners compared to the rest of us, and when it comes to raw power, Willow still has more than both of them put together."

"Okay, that's disturbo," Xander complained. "Why do demons always eat people? What's with that?"

"People taste good," Spike shrugged.

"And that would be even more distrubo," Buffy sighed. "Okay, as much as I love seeing new people creeped out by your annoying honesty, I still don't see why we aren't telling Giles. If Willow has to sit this one out, she'll be upset, but she'll understand. And if she doesn't understand, she can take it up with her new therapist… just as soon as we find her a therapist."

"Giles won't listen for the same reason Willow wouldn't listen."

"Giles needs therapy?" Buffy asked uncertainly, but then Xander wasn't following this conversation very well either, so he couldn't blame her for the lack of understanding.

"What you said upstairs, you were right. Giles loves you lot. He left Sunnydale because he realized that he had to let you stand on your own two feet. Only, he seems to be limiting that sort of respect to you, luv. If he respected Xander as much, he'd be willing to admit the truth."

"Okay, you've lost me," Blair stopped Spike. "Why doesn't Giles want to admit this is a Mazzikim?"

"If he does, then he has to admit that Xander is the only one who can kill it, and he doesn't want to put Xander on the front line," Spike answered.

"What?" Xander squeaked. He was the back up. He was the carrying-the-first-aid-kit boy. And yeah, he was happy to play a more active role, but he was not the center of the plan. That was Buffy or Willow, Willow could do center, and Buffy was all center girl. He might have said some of that out loud because Spike was looking at him like he had slipped off the sane wagon.

"No help for it, pet. The only way to kill a Mazzikim is to take out the astral form the demon uses and then destroy the body before it can recover. If the soldier-bint has turned into one, the rest of us could send every weapon we have through her without even phasing her. Bloody hell, we could nuke the woman without her getting so much as a broken nail. If she's turned into a Mazzikim, you have to go in there first and take out her astral form. "

Xander stared at Spike, his brain still stuck on the word first. He had to go in first? No way. He was not first material. Panic was slowly building.

"Pet, I'll be right there with you." The back of Spike's hand brushed over Xander's cheek and then slipped around to the back of his neck—strong fingers holding him steady. Xander started breathing again. Of course Spike would be there. He'd be there with bells on if it made Xander happier, not that Xander had ever understood that expression.

Riley stepped forward. "Xander's not a trained soldier. He barely understands his own powers; you can't expect him to walk in there with the intention of taking a human life."

Xander opened his mouth, but Spike put a hand on his arm, stopping him, before he turned to face off with Riley. "That's not your call, mate. Xander's mine, so you don't get any say in this."

"Xander's not yours—he doesn't belong to anyone. And if you think I’m going to let you put him on the front line when he's still trying to deal with his issues, you've got another think coming." Riley clenched his teeth and looked faintly Jim-like in his anger.

"What I think is that an animus Shaman is the best way to kill a Mazzikim," Spike said as he stepped forward. "We don't have Xander, and we have to put Willow on that front line to do a spell to try and take out the Mazzikim's astral form before he can eat her, and that's a whole fucking lot more dangerous." Spike pushed Xander slightly to the side and stepped forward with all his body language screaming for a fight. "I also think Xander's strong enough to do whatever has to be done and I think you need to get your fat arse out of our business."

Riley took another step forward.

"Soldier, stand down," Jim ordered.

"You can't be siding with him." Riley sounded angry enough to take a punch any second, but Jim stepped in front of him.

"I personally wouldn't mind if the sun magically appeared and turned him to dust," Jim agreed, and Riley glared past Jim's shoulder to where Spike now watched with yellow eyes. "However, he is Xander's choice, and he seems to have the best intel on this situation, so you will stand down before I make you."

"Hey, that is sounding suspiciously threat-like. I don't like people threatening my friends," Buffy now got into it.

"This doesn't concern you," Jim said, not taking his eyes off Riley. Giving up on glaring at Spike, Riley turned his attention to Jim, staring back at the older man for a second before his gaze slid away.

"If this concerns Riley, it concerns me," Buffy insisted as she stepped to Riley's side and crossed her arms angrily.

"You know," Xander said quietly, "does it occur to anyone else that the whole instinctive fighting thing might actually have something to it?"

Blair tugged at Jim, pulling him back away from Buffy. "Oh man, something certainly seems to be making everyone cranky. I mean, we're all on the same side here. Let's just take the aggression down a notch. Too many alphas in one room is never pretty, but man, you guys are really taking it a little far."

"Says the Shaman who was ready to slug Bernie up there," Jim said, amusement in his voice, and Xander noticed Riley's body immediately relaxed.

"Well, yeah," Blair agreed, "but that's because the man is an idiot. If he thinks I feel some sort of deference to him, he can kiss my ass. However, I was just going to tell him to take his pompous French accent and idiotic theories and shove them where the sun don't shine. I wasn't planning on threatening people."

"Hey, I'm not being threatening. I'm just making some things clear, like how I don't like my friends threatened," Buffy said as she turned her glare to Blair. Jim physically stepped in front of his Guide.

"Enough, Buffy," Spike said as he stepped forward, and this whole thing was turning into this weird game of shifting positions because now Riley took a step to the side so he was almost but not quite between Spike and Xander, and Xander shifted to move closer to Spike, which just happened to put him closer to Riley. "This isn't about Ellison or the fuzzy little Shaman. He was just trying to keep your boy from saying something he might regret."

"I wouldn't regret anything I said to you," Riley said as he scowled at Spike.

"Way, way, way too many alphas," Blair sighed softly.

"Right, we all agree we have to get this settled before we go after another demon, yes?" Spike asked, but he kept his eyes locked on Riley, who didn't look ready to back down at all. In fact, the soldier's hands closed into fists, and Xander could just imagine how much he wanted to go for a stake.

"Man, if you have a way to keep alphas from acting all alpha, I can get you on the short list for the Nobel Prize," Blair snorted.

"No offense, mate, but you really aren't part of this," Spike said as he glanced over toward Blair. Jim's eyebrows rose.

"You asked us to come," Jim pointed out.

"Yeah, and we'll bloody well need the help if we have to go after a Mazzikim, but right now, Buffy and Major Moron and I need to work a few things out."

"So you want us to get lost?" Jim asked. "I have no problem with that. I wouldn't mind waiting for you back in Cascade, in fact."

"Jim?" Xander asked, suddenly worried that Jim really might head for home.

Jim sighed before he stepped closer and let his hand rest on Xander's shoulder. "Don't worry, Sport. I agreed to help, and Blair's right. If being a Sentinel provides some sort of protection, you're going to need the help. So, I'm not leaving. I'm just being a cranky old son of a bitch who feels like telling everyone around him just how cranky he's getting."

"No joke. He gets into these total curmudgeon moods sometimes," Blair agreed. Jim shot him a look.

"I saw a gun store on Main Street. Blair and I can head over there for an hour or two. Give us a call on my cell when you have this thing worked out or when one of these two blockheads is dead."

"Gun store?" Blair demanded as he completely ignored the someone being dead comment. "Oh man, you cannot drag me through one of those things."

"I sure can," Jim said amicably as he draped an arm around Blair's shoulders and steered him toward the truck. "Even if you spout every peacenik saying your mother ever shoved in your brain. I was a good sport with that damn candle and crystal place, so you can stand around while I find a few toys."

"Oh man, whatever you guys are going to do, do it fast and save me from shopping for guns… please?" Blair asked as Jim herded him toward the truck. Xander smiled at the antics, watching them as he found himself wishing he was in the truck between them. But being there would mean giving up Spike, and Xander wasn't willing to give up Spike, not even to avoid all the conflict.

Buffy sighed as the blue truck pulled out of the parking lot, the brake lights bouncing on the rut in the road. "I know we need them, and I even know they're good guys, but I just know I'm really happy to see the back of them leaving. I'm sorry, Xander, but do you not get that slight feeling of creep when Jim's around?"

"My guess is he doesn't," Spike commented. "There's a quiet spot south of the hospital, a nice abandoned business, follow us there."

When Xander opened his mouth to ask what was going on, Spike just hurried him toward the car, leaving Buffy and Riley to either follow or not. For a second, the two just stood under the yellow light of the hotel's lamp staring. Spike unlocked the car and slid in.

"They following?" Spike asked as he backed out of his space.

"They're talking," Xander said as he twisted in his seat to watch them. "What are we doing, Spike?"

"Settling things," Spike answered, not that it was really an answer. An answer would provide actual answers, not leave Xander even more confused.

"Settling what things?"

"Settling this shite between me and soldier boy," Spike answered cryptically. "Spent some time talkin' to Blair the other night, and the fuzzy little Shaman has quite a few insights. Is it true that when you showed up in Cascade, Jim physically attacked you and then chained you to a wall in his kitchen?"

"I wouldn't say attacked," Xander said slowly, suddenly very concerned about Jim's health.

"Physically touched you, forced you do what he wanted?" Spike asked. Xander had been watching out the back window as Buffy and Riley finally got into a white SUV and started following, but now he turned to study Spike's profile.

"I refuse to answer based on the fact that the answer may tend to get someone eaten," Xander answered slowly. Yeah, he knew that not answering actually was an answer, but maybe if he didn't actually say it, Spike wouldn't actually beat the crud out of Jim. "But there was no one hurt in any way, shape, or form."

"Sentinel told me he shoved you face first into a door, frisked you, handcuffed you, manhandled you to the couch, and then chained you to the kitchen." Strangely, Spike didn't seem angry as he described Xander's first day in Cascade. "The part that Jim seemed to think was a little weird was that you took it so well."

"Um, maybe?"

Spike glanced over. "I'm not going to eat the wanker. I don't like the wanker and he doesn't like me, but I'm not going to do anything about that. We tolerate each other well enough for your sake."

"And I'm grateful. Confused, but grateful. Does this have anything to do with Riley and Buffy following us, or are we randomly wandering from one topic to another? Normally, I’m all for random and unpredictable topic changes, but I'm kinda wondering what we're doing and why we're doing it and why we're taking Buffy and Riley to an abandoned building to do it."

"You want to work with Riley."

"That's a big maybe, but there are a lot of if's in there. And the biggest one is whether Riley is going to be permanently in Buffy's life. I mean, Riley's a nice guy and all, but it's more that doing something good for Riley would make Buffy happy and maybe pull us back together. But if he's going to go the way of Kennedy, then doing something nice for him wouldn't exactly make Buffy long-term happy."

"Right, so this is about Buffy?" Spike dodged around an old woman in a gold Plymouth.

Xander struggled to organize his thoughts. "Okay, I feel a pull to help Riley, but pull I could ignore. But then I think that if Riley is with Buffy then working with Riley would mean working with Buffy, only that doesn't logically make sense because I know Buffy is off in Rome. And her being off in Rome with Andrew… okay, I'll admit that Willow isn't the only one who misses the three Musketeers and curling up watching stupid movies together. I think I'm getting lost in my own argument," Xander sighed.

"So, you're feeling a pull to help Riley, but ya really want to work with Riley because it would get you your little group back, or part of it anyway."

"That's suddenly not sounding healthy in the mentally stable sort of way. Okay, why are we all picking on Willow when I'm basically doing the same thing?"

"We aren't bloody picking on Red, we're just pointing out some truths. And you wanting to keep the people you love together is not the same soddin' thing as trying to force people to never change or tryin' to deny them what they need. If anything, you seem to be sayin' you want Buffy to make a commitment to Riley, to have a life. And you want to be part of that new life she's making for herself."

Xander nodded. "Yeah, that feels right, not that I'm good with explaining what I feel right now. I mean, there's nothing wrong with Riley because he picked Buffy over the Initiative, and that was unexpectedly moral. But unexpectedly moral really isn't enough to make me want to work with him because when he really starts using his senses, with the spikes and the zones, he is not going to be a happy camper. I just… if Riley is part of Buffy's new life, I want Buffy to have her new life and her old life all together."

"The boy who stood by her against Angelus together with the wanker who betrayed her at a suck house," Spike nodded as though he were saying something wise.

"Hey! If this is you settling your past with Riley, that's pretty damn unsettley. He had given up his life for her, and she couldn't let him in. He didn't have anything, and if he does have demon bits like Bertrand said, that must have been pretty sucky. So this is me being understanding because that would have driven me… okay it wouldn't have sent me to a suckhouse, but it definitely would have driven me to a bottle, and we all have our own addiction. Our group is just full of addictions, so Riley would fit right in. If Buffy wants him to fit in. And if Buffy wants him to fit in, working with him would just be sort of fitty, right?"

Spike sighed. "I suppose it would, pet. And I know you want your group together about as much as Willow does, which is why I'm tryin' to not eat the wanker. He wants you as a Guide, and he's ripping himself apart because of it."

"Did I miss something? There was a real lack of ripping from where I was sitting."

Spike glanced over. "He's tryin' to respect your opinions and your ideas and protect you, but your opinions and ideas are leading you to me, and to protect you, he thinks he has to get you away from me. He's ripping himself apart fairly well. Might be amused by it if the circumstances were different." Spike sounded almost wistful.

"Wait. That's why you're leading Riley to a deserted and isolated spot? Okay, if it weren't for Buffy in the car, this would worry me even more, but even with Buffy coming, this is creepy."

"Pet." Spike stopped at a red light. Reaching over, he let a finger trace down Xander's cheek. "If you're wondering how serious those two are, Buffy and Riley have been working together for several months now. She's only been in Italy every couple of weeks because she's been meeting up with Riley and his team. That's why the military was willing to tell her about the Kith-harn."

"Um, newsflash, there weren't any Kith-harn, and she hasn't been in Rome? Why didn't she tell us? Okay, more confused, not less confused, which is not really the point of answers. Answers should lead to less confusion," Xander protested.

"If Buffy didn't know someone on base, she wouldn't have even gotten Riley's location. She might not have had the clearance to find out about them bollocksing up one more experiment, but they told her more than they would have told any civilian who just randomly called."

"I thought they called her."

Spike looked over for a second, and Xander could see the exasperation. "Pet, why would they call a girl Riley was supposedly seeing every once in a while? Major Moron's parents are next of kin."

"Okay, I officially think I've been clueless," Xander admitted as he thought back and tried to figure out how he had missed so much. "So, Buffy and Riley are more than just trying to work it out?"

Spike nodded. "They're thinking of making things more permanent, but they've been holding off, trying to figure out how they fit into each other's lives. Government's been payin' Buffy as a civilian consultant on some of Riley's jobs. On others, she just meets up with him."

"Holy double-identities Batman," Xander breathed. Twisting around, he checked out the car behind them and tried to figure out when he had lost track of Buffy so much that she could do something like this without him noticing. Nice, he was all blame-boy because they didn't see him falling apart, and he didn't even notice Buffy was putting it all together and making a life. Hypocrite, thy name is Xander.

"Wait, why do you know?"

"She had to tell me so I could cover for her when I went to Rome to clean up whatever nasties Andrew needed cleaned up because she wasn't there. Besides, after I eavesdropped on her therapy, I might have blackmailed her just a bit."

"You blackmailed Buffy? You blackmailed Buffy and it worked?"

"Oi, you make it sound like my plans never work."

Xander didn't answer and Spike gave an exaggerated sigh. "It's not like she didn't want to tell anyone. She probably would have told you and Willow if you lot had asked."

"Only, Willow and I were too caught up to ever ask. Not making me feel better, Spike."

"She knew you were struggling after Africa. She didn't know how to help other than to ban you from patrol so you wouldn't keep getting yourself nearly killed, but she knew you were hurting. And Willow had that bloody awful breakup and re-breakup and grand finale breakup with Kennedy." Spike shuddered.

"Yeah, that was not pretty," Xander agreed as he thought of screaming matches and bonfires. "But I'm still officially nominating myself for worst best friend ever."

"All of you were doing the best you knew how," Spike said without condemning Xander, and right now Xander was realizing that Willow was probably not the only one in need of therapy. How could he have never asked Buffy how her life was going? But looking back over their phone and vid conversations, he never had. Guilt crept out from a corner in his mind and shook its furry head at him.

"The Slayer's makin' a life, and if you want to be part of that life with Riley and Buffy, I've got to get a couple of things settled," Spike's voice interrupted the silence.

"Settled as in major arterial bleeding settled?" Xander asked with just a touch of worry. "No one's going to feel settled if you break the bones Bernie just fixed."

"Trust me, yeah?" Spike asked. The light turned green, and Spike turned back toward the road.

"With my life," Xander agreed. He didn't say the other half he was thinking, the half that said that as much as he trusted Spike with his life, he wasn't sure he trusted Spike with Riley's life. Glancing back toward the white SUV driven by the soldier, Xander felt more than a little worried about the scheme running around in Spike's head because Spike's plans had a very bad habit of going kerflewy.

Chapter 32

"Okay, Spike, we're here. I don't know why we're here, but we are," Buffy said as she slammed the SUV's door closed. Riley walked around to her side of the SUV and slipped an arm around her before they both walked toward the back of the empty building. The windows had been boarded up, and with the lights from the car and the SUV, it had a weird Mad Max vibe going.

"I can tell you why Jim's okay with Riley and Xander when Froggie says he shouldn't be, but information costs, pet," Spike said to Buffy as he stepped forward. With the car headlights still on, he cast a long shadow that reached across the whole lot and crept up the side of the building.

"Costs? Spike, what's going on? What do you want?" Buffy had dropped the ditzy act as she stepped in front of Riley.

"Don't want anything, luv, but if you want information, that means you have to be willing to face truths you don't want to."

"Like?" she asked cautiously.

"Like facing your own nature, facing the things you've done."

"Enough with the games, Spike. If you have information, let's hear it," Riley cut him off.

"Not talkin' to you," Spike said with a sneer in Riley's direction. Riley pulled a stake out of his pocket, and looked like he was about to attack, but Buffy held her hand up to stop him.

"I've been all about facing the things I've done, you know that Spike. And you've been there for me when I've done it, so I'm wondering where this is suddenly coming from." Buffy suddenly sounded a lot less Buffyish and more like her mother with a seriousness Xander wasn't used to hearing from her.

Xander stepped forward as he studied this Buffy-woman he almost knew. "Spike is the one you turned to when all this stuff was happening, the stuff with you, and you and Riley, and you working for the government. You and Spike are really close."

"We're friends. We're just friends," she said as she looked over at Riley.

"When I wasn't being friend-like," Xander said softly.

"I never said that!" Buffy took several steps toward him, but then stopped with a confused look on her face when Spike stepped between them to stop her.

"Just listen, don't try ta go making the bad shite vanish, pet," Spike told her. She frowned, but she didn't say anything as she looked back at Xander.

"I know you never said it, Buff. I said it. I was a bad friend."

"You were hurting," Buffy said softly without actually disagreeing with him. "I got that. Been there, played the sad music at three in the morning. I always knew you were my friend."

Xander closed the last couple of feet between him and Spike so that he stood next to his vampire and studied Buffy. He might be completely screwing Spike's whole plan up since he was not in on the whole plan, but there were a few things he needed to know.

"Are you going to keep working for the government?" he asked as he looked from Buffy to Riley. She looked back toward Riley, but he crossed his arms and didn't give an answer.

"We do a lot of good work. And yeah, sometimes they're assholes, but they're assholes back in Washington, and since I'm a private citizen, I can pretty much ignore them and make nice later, after it's too late to do anything about me changing the plan mid-mission," Buffy explained. "And I would have told you guys only you were having so much trouble, and coming in excited about how well things were going felt wrong. Hugely wrong. I mean, when Riley came in with this perfect life and I was working at Doublemeat, that felt like the worst point in my life."

"It wasn't perfect," Riley interrupted.

"Um, know that now, but my point is that I never wanted Xander and Willow to feel that way."

"I get it," Xander nodded. "I really do. But Riley, if you're a Sentinel, they're going to start thinking about those senses of yours and what you could do and whoever you have as a Guide is going to end up in the middle of that, and I really would like to work with you, but I won't walk into that kind of mess. And even if I were stupid enough to walk into that kind of mess, because trust me, I've done things that were a lot stupider than that, Spike wouldn't let me."

"Wait, you mean there's a chance Spike would let you work with him if he's not military?" Buffy interrupted. "Why have I spent the last two days talking myself blue in the face about why Riley has to pick someone else? Xander, if you would work with him, it'd be perfect. You already know about the bumping in the night and the slayness, and Blair taught you all about being a Guide. Even if we picked someone else, they'd be working off the reports you wrote while you were with Blair. But now we have the closest thing we can get to an expert without turning to Blair and Jim because those two are not on my Christmas card list. This is perfect."

"Not if Major Moron stays in the army, it isn't," Spike snapped. "And I haven't heard him say he's leaving, and I'm not putting Xander in the middle of that bucket of shite."

"Riley?" Buffy asked.

Riley looked thoughtful for a second. "Yeah, I'm okay with quitting. I would still want to work with the Department of Defense, but when I reenlisted, I insisted on an exit clause. Leaving me to die on that mountain is enough to justify me using it. They won't even go looking for any other reasons. I could work off private contracts with you."

"Are you sure?" Buffy turned and went to his side, her hand resting on his arm, and Xander blinked into his vision. The gold from Buffy's cord was brighter than the streaks of gold in Riley's blue, but where their cords touched, his gold streaks flared, and Buffy's soul cord arched toward Riley. Xander blinked the vision away.

"I'm sure," Riley answered. "We'll still fight. And honestly, I wasn't looking forward to going back. My whole team is gone, Echo *and* Papa companies. Of all the men and women I worked with and trained in the last three years, Susan Clark and Raymond Jimenez are the only ones left, and that's because Clark might be turning into a demon and Jimenez's wife is having a hard pregnancy so he's on leave. Well, Sam's still around, but that relationship is damaged beyond repair, and has been for a while. If I'm going into the field, I'd rather have you at my back." Riley smiled at Buffy, and Xander rested his hand on Spike's back. What must Spike feel knowing that the woman he had given up his demonic existence for, who he had died for and gotten a soul for, had picked Riley over him? Xander glanced over, but Spike's face was impassive.

"Which brings us to the next point, and the bit that ya probably don't want to hear. The boy and I come as a pair. You want Xander, you're going to have to deal with me bein' there every step of the way. And right now, you go putting your hand on him to center yourself, and I'm going to break every bone in it," Spike said while still having the weirdly impassive face. Xander would be less freaked if Spike looked angry, but he just looked like he was casually commenting on the weather.

"Okay, wait. You tell us you'll let Xander work with Riley and then you threaten to break his hand? This isn't making sense in a big way, Spike." Buffy put her hands on her hips and Riley brought his stake up a few inches. Xander opened his mouth to try and say something soothing, not that he actually knew what to say, but Spike's arm reached out and pushed him back.

"Ya never wanted to face the one truth that Riley gets to deal with now. You have instincts and feelings that come straight from the demon bits in you, from the heart of that demon that was used to create the first Slayer. And now soldier boy knows he has his own demon bits pushing and pulling at him. So, are you going to do what you've always done, just ignore it?" Spike asked. Xander looked from Buffy to Spike, feeling the moment pivot like on a teeter-totter, or maybe on one of those dreidels Willow would bring over at Hanukkah. And the minute it stopped spinning fast enough, the thing would just fall over, and Xander felt like this whole moment was ready to fall over. Riley must have felt it too because he took a step forward, and then Spike was there in front of Xander, pushing him back. Taking the hint, Xander backed up to their car and stood silently staring at the others.

"I'm not a demon," Riley gnashed his teeth.

"Buffy, we talked about most everything except us, what we were together," Spike said as he completely ignored Riley. The soldier raised his stake and took a step forward, but Buffy neatly sidestepped into his path.

"What you were was an attempted rapist, or are you all going to try and erase that from your memories?" Riley demanded as he looked from Spike to Buffy to Xander, and this was one time when Xander would rather have been left out.

"Not denying what I did. I didn't want to lose Buffy, I didn't want to get bloody tossed aside again, and I did try to rape her that day. I would have if she hadn't been faster than I expected. I would have raped her and taken her to bed and woke up the next morning expecting her to be happy about it," Spike admitted. Riley looked ready to attack, but Buffy just looked thoughtful.

"I wouldn't have been, you know," Buffy said, her voice strangely without emotion.

"Yeah, know that now, don't I? Now I have the demon and the soul all mixed up in here together, so I know I wouldn't have kept you happy that way."

"Is that what you did to Xander? Did you wait until he was alone and afraid and force your way into his life?" Riley demanded, his voice low and threatening, and for the first time, Xander considered that maybe he should be worried for Spike and not just worried about what crazy game Spike was playing.

"Hey, no forcing. There was no forcing, and I was happier with Jim and Blair than I had been for a long time, so it's not like he waited until I was desperate or anything," Xander hurried to tell them.

"Spike," Buffy stepped close and looked up at the vampire's face. "This is old territory. Why are you bringing this up now?"

"If you three were just demons, I wouldn't," Spike backed up a step and pulled out a cigarette. The lot was quiet as he lit it and pulled a deep drag, making the tip glow brightly. "If you were demons, we'd just fight and get it over with. But ya aren't though. You're humans with human souls and just a touch of demon in you, so this shite needs to be said."

"I'm not a demon," Riley immediately snapped.

"Yeah?" Spike looked almost amused as he considered Riley up and down. "So, if Maggie could have gotten her hands on, say Jim, she wouldn't have given him a nice number and tested those senses? She wouldn't have categorized which demons tried to avoid him… or you? She wouldn't have shoved him in a little white cell with food that dropped from the ceiling?"

Riley looked suddenly uncomfortable.

"All these abilities--Red's witchcraft, Xander's powers, your Slayer strength, Riley's senses--they all come from some demon bits you carry around in you. And Bernie's right about one thing, demons respect hierarchies. Jim doesn't need to fight Riley or Xander because he's already bested both of them. He's put his hands on them and put them flat on their backs, so now they know where they stand with him. And now that he's set himself up as the alpha, he can have them around and even care about them without feeling like they're pushing in on his territory because they all know it's his territory."

"Jim attacked you? When you were injured?" Buffy turned on Riley, the calm of a second ago gone as her back went stiff.

"I was out of control, grabbing for Xander and… it's okay," Riley finished weakly.

"It's more than okay, ya git. Don't you get it? You submitted to Jim and after that, you two could work together. Ya turned all 'sir' this and 'sir' that with him."

Riley turned to Spike and narrowed his eyes. "What are you trying to say?"

"Okay, Spike," Buffy quickly interrupted. "I'm not liking where this conversation is going. You wanted to talk about that day between us, so let's talk about it. If you had raped me, I would have staked you, and I would have hated you forever. You thought you could get me back by treating me like Dru, but I'm not a demon. And if you think Riley is just going to start liking you because you beat the snot out of him, you haven't learned much from your soul."

Xander gasped as he finally caught the drift of the conversation. Okay, this was officially weird. But Spike was shaking his head. "Not saying he would, luv. And I know how wrong I was about that day. I've apologized enough for it."

"I thought you had, but if you're still talking about dominance and submission like this, you obviously haven't understood why you needed to apologize," Buffy said. Xander noticed her hand had wandered dangerously near her waistband, and things were looking entirely too serious. Unfortunately, he couldn't come up with a single joke. Hell, he didn't think he could say a single word because his throat was so tight breathing hurt.

Spike didn't answer right away as he smoked his cigarette. When he turned around, putting his back to Riley and Buffy, Xander was even more confused… confused and just a little freaked.

"I don't think Riley is ever going to like me, and the two of us fighting it out won't change that. But," Spike turned around, "if we don't fight it out and decide who's on the top of this ladder, we won't ever be able to stand each other. So what I'm saying is that we have to sort this out now, or Xander and I will deal with Clark without you and then we'll have to go our separate ways."

"You're trying to blackmail us?" Buffy asked, her voice getting sharp. "Riley needs a Guide, so you're going to try and blackmail us?"

"No," Spike shook his head. "I'm tellin' you a truth you don't want to hear. Without the soul, I couldn't understand how important it was to like someone. If I'd raped you, you never would have liked me again, and that would have kept you from turning to me even if I had won that fight. But you need to admit something, too. You couldn't come to me without wanting to put me below you. You'd beat the shite out of me before we shagged, and then you'd leave bloody trails down my back as foreplay."

Xander could see Buffy blush by the light from the car. Riley looked over toward her, obviously uncomfortable, and Xander didn't blame him. He really didn't want to be here to relive the Spike and Buffy show, either.

"That's why I had to cut it off. It wasn't right, what I was doing to you," she said softly.

"Didn't hear me complainin'."

"You should have been."

"I was pure demon back then, luv. I didn't understand why you had a problem with it because I thought it was as good as things got, at least until you'd go denying me in front of the others."

"But it wasn't right. You shouldn't have been okay with me treating you like that," Buffy sounded like she was begging now.

"I was," Spike shrugged.

"Okay, we're going in circles," Buffy huffed as she turned and started for the SUV.

"You cut it off because you liked what we were doing. You asked Glinda if you were a demon because you could feel that power, you could feel things slipping into place and you felt right every time you held me down and took what you wanted. Having the power settled between us, it made you comfortable in a way you never were with the others."

Buffy stopped. Xander watched her and he watched Riley who was now splitting his attention between Buffy and Spike.

When she didn't answer, Spike just kept right on going. "I had to learn to live with my soul, and I can't ever apologize enough for what I tried to do. It was wrong in more ways that I could understand at the time. But it's time for you to face up to what you have rattling around in your head. Now that we know Riley's got demon bits, you two can't ever make it work without dealing with those demonic feelings, and I can't let Riley get anywhere near Xander if he won't admit to what he's feeling and find some way to work with me. We're a package deal, Xander and me."

"And you think this means we have to fight?" Buffy asked without turning around.

"You and me?" Spike huffed a quick laugh. "Luv, you've already shown my demon he's one step below you on this hierarchy. That's why if you tell me the wanker isn't fighting, I won't push it. But I won't let soldier boy get anywhere near Xander, either. Things are too unsettled between your soldier and me, and I won't put Xander in the middle of that fight. I sure as hell won't let him go up against some nasty with Riley, not the way things are now."

"Don't you think you should be talking to me about this?" Riley asked as he stepped forward.

"No, I don't," Spike answered quickly. "I can tell just from the way you to stand, from the way you look to her. You two have already worked it out. You probably spar, and she knocks you flat on your arse every fucking time. You already know she's dominant, and then she goes on those missions and when you feel the need to follow orders, she makes her own calls, so your demon bits, they see her as your commander, the one who makes the final decision in the field. Even now, she's thinking about how you never get upset about her taking charge and her kicking your ass. She's finally realizing that she needs to have that power settled just as much as you do. So, I figure she's going to make this decision for you."

Riley cast a thoughtful look at Buffy, and Xander held his breath. Buffy didn't say anything at all. Shaking his head, Riley turned his attention back to Spike. "I have news Spike, I'm never going to think of you as anything other than the nasty little slime that slid in under the door when no one was looking."

Spike snorted. "Never said it'd change the way we think of each other. I'm just saying that a good fight will let us work together without killin' each other."

"So, I kick your ass, and I can have Xander?" Riley asked.

"Hey!" Xander protested. He was not the girl getting won in a duel. No fucking way. Spike turned and shot him a nasty look, and Xander shut up. Right, trust Spike. But if Spike lost him to Riley, he was kicking Spike's undead ass.

"Xander's not a toy to win or lose. Xander bloody well stays in my bed until either him or me decide otherwise, and that's never bloody going to happen," Spike snarled. "But whether your win or get your arse handed to you, it'll be settled between us and we can work together without wanting to rip each other's throats out."

"So, I win, and you're still there, you're still Xander's lover, but you'll do what I say?" Riley asked, moving slowly forward with more grace than Xander had ever seen him use. Spike shifted his position, moving into a fighting stance.

"To a point. Think of it as rank." Spike pursed his lips. "Right now, you feel a need to obey Jim as though he were your commander. If he ordered you to do something totally barmy, you'd probably tell him to go fuck himself. But as long as the orders are within reason, you're going to back him… well, at least until Buffy tells you to do something different, and even then, it'd be uncomfortable for you."

Spike cocked his head at Riley who was now slowly nodding. "He's right. That is how I feel about Ellison," he said to Buffy.

"So, you want to fight?" she asked. Riley gave a short nod.

"Yeah, but when I kick your arse, that same feeling you have toward Ellison, you'll feel that for me. Even if you don't like me, you're not going to go gettin' in my face and contradicting my orders unless you have a bloody good reason," Spike warned.

"You couldn't take me down in your dreams," Riley almost growled.

"You think you can take me?" Spike asked, his head cocking farther to the side.

"I've killed hundreds no different from you," Riley brought his stake up.

"Hey, we aren't talking about killing each other. Killing bad," Xander protested.

"I'm with Xander on the 'killing bad' front," Buffy quickly added. "If you two want to play the whole whose balls are bigger game, you have at it, but I will kick the ass of anyone who does any killing. Hell, I'll kick the ass of anyone who goes and gets dead, and considering how often we come back from the dead around here, do not consider that a humorous attempt to lighten the mood," Buffy warned. Riley gave a small nod as Buffy came over to stand near Xander. She gave him a small smile.

"Xand, are you really okay with them doing the stupid boy thing?" she asked as she made a gesture toward the two men who now circled cautiously.

"I thought it was a stupid demon thing," Xander answered absentmindedly.

"Boys, demons, pretty much the same thing," Buffy shrugged, but Xander could see the way she pressed her lips together and the frown as she watched Spike and Riley circle each other. Xander put his back to the side of the car and crossed his arms as he watched Riley dart forward, but he couldn't match Spike's speed. Spike danced backwards with a laugh. Worried that Riley might be feeling a little more murderous than he should be, Xander blinked into Shamanic vision. What he saw surprised him so much he might have fallen on his ass if he hadn't been leaning on the car. The red sparks he'd seen between Jim and Riley were there, only they were so bright Xander felt like he was watching a fourth of July show. Seriously wow.

"Got to do better than that, soldier boy," Spike taunted. Riley didn't answer. He focused on watching Spike, his feet shifting as Spike darted in and out without making contact.

"Are we fighting or dancing?" Riley finally asked with a sneer.

"You're not pretty enough to dance with." Spike darted in again, and this time, he landed a hit. But Riley had seen it coming, so the punch caught his arm and he pushed it away without it doing any real damage. Red sparks flew like when a new log was thrown onto a blazing fire. Before Spike could retreat, Riley stabbed forward with the stake, and Xander could feel his stomach turn to lead. Wood. Vampire. Not good. However Spike twisted and slipped away with a laugh.

"No wonder Buffy kicks your sorry arse. Slow as my mother at seventy." Spike gave a wicked smile as he darted in and landed a light hit on Riley's shoulder.

Riley answered with a charge. Spike twirled away, but this time Riley did a weird crouch-kick thing, forcing Spike to leap up to avoid having a leg taken out, and Riley surged forward. Xander could see the point of the stake sink into Spike's stomach as Riley's soul cord flashed brilliant red. Xander lurched blindly forward. Buffy's hand caught him, pulling him back to the car.

"Let them," she said, her voice strained.

Xander blinked away the Shamanic vision and hugged his own waist to keep from reaching out for Spike, but the vampire had already pulled back, his fingers red from where he had grabbed his bleeding stomach.

"Not as cocky now," Riley said, but Xander couldn't help noticing that Riley had lost his stake somewhere along the way. He was now stakeless and Spike was pissed… pissed and bleeding. No wonder Buffy was gripping her own hands so hard that she probably would have broken Xander if she'd been holding onto him.

"I'm not the one who lost his weapon," Spike pointed out as he went back to circling. He attacked again, and Xander could tell he meant business this time. Riley punched right at the wound, and it hit so hard that Xander could hear the fist squelch in the torn flesh, but that didn't stop Spike. He grabbed Riley's fist and yanked the soldier hard enough to the side that Riley lost his balance and fell to one knee.

Immediately, Spike was behind him, one hand on Riley's neck, and a boot on the back of Riley's knee. Riley wasn't going anywhere unless he planned to crawl. Riley punched out with one fist, landing a weak hit on Spike's leg, but then Spike pressed down so hard on Riley's neck that the soldier had to put both hands on the ground or end up with his nose flat to the pavement.

"Could hurt you. Could hurt you bad from right here and neither one of them could move fast enough to stop me," Spike said. This time Xander had to hold out his hand to keep Buffy back.

"Do it. Prove to them once and for all that you're nothing but a monster," Riley said in a strained voice.

"If I were a monster, I would. I would kill you and never understand why the Slayer or my boy cared. I snapped the necks of orphans without thinking about it, and it wasn't important because they didn't belong to anyone. It didn't fucking matter. I bloody well understand how you can look at me and see the monster, but if you want to work with Xander, you need to see something else, soldier boy. I'm not killing you because I have a soul."

"You keep talking about this soul of yours, but it doesn't seem to slow you down that much," Riley grunted.

Spike jerked him up to his feet, and Riley twisted around to take another punch. Easily catching the hand, Spike wrenched it up behind Riley's back and then got an arm around his throat. Since Riley was taller than Spike, it left Riley awkwardly bending backwards, but Xander didn't think Spike really cared about Riley's comfort.

"You have no idea how much the soul slows me down, boy. You remember that guilt when you figured out what Maggie had done? You remember waking up in a cold sweat as you realized that you helped her put Adam together?"

"How could—" Riley stopped.

"Doesn't take a genius to figure that out," Spike snorted. "Well imagine doing that and things a thousand times worse and then waking up one day and figuring out what you'd done. I was a monster. When you knew me before, I was a monster still. I didn't have the soul, so I cared about what was mine and nothing else. Human life meant nothing to me, and Buffy meant something only because I thought I belonged to her. But I've got a soul now, so I’m no more monster than you are. We both have souls and we both have demonic powers that whisper thoughts in our ears. My demon sees that boy as his and he'll rip your arm off and shove it down your throat if you do something to hurt him. My soul loves him, would do anything for him. And my soul is going to let my demon rip your arm off if you do anything to hurt him. So, are we settled now? Are you feeling things between us?" Spike asked.

"I'm feeling you threatening to break my arm," Riley answered. Spike eased off, eventually releasing Riley's arm, but he kept one hand on Riley's shoulder, and the other on the arm he had just stopped twisting. Xander could see strong fingers digging into Riley's flesh, forcing him to stand still.

"Time for some honesty, mate. You feel it, don't you?" Spike asked. Riley remained silent. Xander blinked into Shamanic vision. The red sparks had dulled to faint embers in Riley's cord, embers that highlighted the gold threads. It was like Christmas.

"He's still fighting," Xander said. He could see Spike glance over, but the black demon cord whipping out blurred Spike's features. Moving so fast that Xander couldn't even track the motion, Spike vamped out and sunk his teeth into Riley's neck. Riley gasped and lurched, but he couldn't break Spike's hold as Spike drank far more noisily than usual. Buffy took one step forward and stopped even though Xander was way too shocked to try and stop her. Xander could see the red embers blaze and then slowly die as Riley's eyes drifted shut in ecstasy. Oh god, that was so not nice to do. Xander blinked away the cords and glanced over where Buffy watched with a look of horror and possibly despair.

Spike stopped. He raised his head, mouth red with blood, and Riley's eyes snapped open.

"You done fighting now?" Spike asked, but his eyes went to Xander. Xander could only nod silently.

"Don't ever do that again," Riley said quietly, but he stood in Spike's grip without fighting.

"Don't plan to," Spike agreed amicably. "I don't bloody need to dominate you, Finn. But you need to remember to mind your manners around me or I will remind you."

Spike let Riley go, and the soldier stumbled forward. Immediately Buffy was at his side, her arm around his waist.

"Is this over? Are you two okay now?" Buffy asked. Xander edged around the couple, circling widely before coming to Spike's side.

"I know I'm feeling a lot less homicidal toward him," Spike shrugged. "Can even handle Xander working with him, if that's what Xander wants. And I promise to stop calling him Major Moron. After all, now that I've put him under me in our little clan, I want to make sure others see him as strong, right?" Spike turned to Xander, and Xander remembered Giles' old books, the ones that said only strong vampires got claimed that way in a clan because the stronger the submissive vampires were, the stronger the dominant had to be.

"Are you feelin' less pissy?" Spike asked Riley curiously. Xander slipped his arm around Spike's waist, ignoring the sticky feeling of Spike's blood soaking into his shirt.

"I feel… different," Riley admitted, his hand pressed to his neck where a faint trickle of blood escaped between his fingers.

"Right then, if we can work together for the next day or so, you and I can talk about you having Xander as a Guide."

"Next day or so? I thought—" Riley stopped and frowned. He looked over toward Xander.

Xander took a deep breath and backed up Spike's play. "Um, Riley, you just stuck a stake in my lover, and while I'm all okay with the weird dominance thing because I get it… I get it in the whole I feel it way, but still. You stuck a stake in him. I'm not feeling really happy with you right now."

"Xander." Riley stopped. "I am sorry. I put you in a position where you had to pick between helping me and being with the person you care about. I shouldn't have done that."

"Can I take that as a promise you won't stake Spike again?" Xander asked.

"He didn't bloody stake me," Spike complained. "I let him get that hit in. Didn't want him feeling too pathetic when I kicked his arse."

"Yeah, right," Xander said without even pretending to believe. Buffy smiled and even Riley managed to look a little less grim.

"I promise," Riley agreed.

"And you have to take care of this shite with the military. My guess is that they've gotten those hospital records by now, so they know you aren't dead. You need to tell them to take their job and shove it. The faster you do that, the faster you and Buffy can start building the kind of life I won't mind bein' involved with and having Xander involved with," Spike said firmly.

Buffy just nodded.

"You're okay with me and Buffy?" Riley asked, clearly shocked. Xander was a little shocked himself.

Spike just shrugged. "For a soldier boy, you aren't bad. 'Course you’re a mindless pillock for ever going to a suckhouse, but you're not the first or the last in this group to get hooked on somethin' destructive. And the fact is that I bollocked up what the Slayer and I could have had back before I even understood it. I'd rather have her happy than alone. Besides, I'd rather have someone who wants me, not some substitute for my poncy sire or a punching bag to take her frustrations out on." Spike's arm tightened around Xander's waist, and Xander leaned into that strength. Spike would rather have him. Xander couldn't believe how good it felt to hear that. Spike's hand came up and brushed Xander's hair back from his face, and Xander smiled at that small affectionate touch.

Riley didn't answer. His mouth came open and then closed silently.

"This would be a good place for you to say something nice," Xander pointed out as he turned back to face them. "You know, in the spirit of working together and giving up on the secret plans to kill each other when no one is looking."

"I have one question," Riley said slowly. "Why Xander?"

Spike didn't answer right away. "Ask Xander. He's already asked the same question, so he knows the answer, and it's good enough for him."

Xander opened his mouth, but Riley held up a hand red with both Spike's blood and his own. "No, don't answer that. I didn't have a right to ask that question because I can think of any number of reasons someone would choose you, including your loyalty. And you're old enough to know who's best for you." The night fell silent as they stood and considered each other. Buffy's hand rested on Riley's chest and she looked up at him. Spike was right; Buffy had the power there. She needed that, and Angel could never give it to her. The Immortal really had been the worst possible choice if she wanted the control, but Riley fit by her side. Maybe that's why Xander wanted to work with Riley, maybe that's why he argued for her to forgive him years back. Maybe even then he could see how their souls just fit each other.

"Riley?" Buffy asked, her tone asking everything she didn't say.

He nodded. "Yeah, it's okay now. Spike's right. It's more settled now. I still don't like him, but I'm not feeling the need to pull Xander away from him."

"So, Bernie's right about the hierarchies and the demon bits," Xander said, not entirely happy about the arrogant asshole being right about anything.

"Seems like," Riley agreed.

"Wait, you mean I would have had a better love life if I'd just started kicking my partner's asses during sparring a whole lot sooner? Okay, that's weird. Good to know, but weird." Buffy joked. "My therapist is going to be working overtime. Of course, if I send the rest of you guys to her the way I should, she may not have time for me at all."

"That would be funny if it weren't true," Xander nodded. "I'm sorry I was so caught up in my own weirdness that I stopped being a friend, and I'm really sorry I was hiding everything like you couldn't handle it. You would have been handling-it girl."

"I have way too many of my own issues to ever carry a grudge, Xand. We've been friends forever, and we always will be. We just need to get a group rate on therapy," Buffy nodded. "A bulk group rate. Maybe we should just hire a private therapist."

"A demonic one," Riley added. "I can't believe the French idiot was right and I have demonic instincts. The universe has a nasty sense of humor."

"Yeah, mate, it does. Look what it did when it shoved a soul up Angelus' arse. Now that was a cosmic joke if I've ever seen one. So, let's call Jim and Blair and figure out how we're going to go after this Clark woman before she starts snacking on the population."

"Xander, I'm still worried that this is going to be hard for you," Riley said, but this time his voice had the worry without the aggression.

"*You're* worried about me? I'm cornering the market on worry here," Xander admitted. "I'm the one who may have to do the soul-ripping, and I reserve the right to have a complete freak out afterwards, but Spike is right. If I don't do this, people could die which could lead to even bigger freak outs. And if Willow does this, she could get eaten which--again--huge freak out plus a bonus with a Mazzikim who has way too much power."

"The least of all possible evils?" Riley asked quietly. "I just worry because I've worked with Shamen. We had two of the best with us in South America, in the jungle. They went dark, and what was left of them when they were through… it wasn't all that different from what happened to my guys out there with Sungsen, only they consumed themselves. You're a good man, and I don't want that happening to you."

"That's why I have Spike," Xander answered. If Riley was being honest, he deserved at least as much honesty back. "I'm not saying I’m not going to be totally weirded out, because I am. Just… have the therapist on standby, okay?" Xander joked as he leaned into Spike. Yeah, the therapist seemed to have become the joke of the day, but he knew who he would really turn to if he had to rip out someone else's soul or astral projection or whatever.

"Multiple therapists and chocolate," Buffy nodded. "And time alone with Spike to heal, even if we have to take Willow and Giles on safari with us."

"I know a nice isolated part of China," Riley offered. They'd be miles away from the nearest phone, even."

"Right, plan made. It's time to take care of business," Spike said, his voice suddenly all official-sounding. "You fix up soldier-boys wounds, and I'm going to go get a refill on AB negative." Spike nudged Xander toward the car and Xander went. Mazzikim or not, he felt better than he had for a while. The Musketeers might not all be back together again, but at least they were moving in the right direction, and that hadn't been true in quite a while.

Chapter 33

"I hope you don't think we're shopping for you two again," Jim said after taking one look into the room. Xander and Spike had both draped their bloody shirts on the side of the heart shaped tub, and Spike was using a washcloth to wipe away the last of the blood Riley had spilled when he'd staked him in the stomach. Leaving the door open, Xander went to the pile of clothes and grabbed a clean shirt.

"Not soddin' likely. The last set you picked up for us doesn't fit," Spike snorted. "Can't even see my very fine arse in jeans this loose."

"Oh man, I think people are going to be a little more distracted by the bloodstains. What did you guys do?" Blair asked as he stared at the dark brown stains starting at Spike's waistband and then sort of dribbling down his whole leg. In the hall, a kid stopped and stared through the open door, and Jim pushed it shut without looking while Blair closed in on Spike, a look of horror on his face as he saw just how much blood had dribbled. Xander could hear the kid in the hall yell for his parents. Great.

"Got a few things settled with Riley," Spike shrugged, completely ignoring the fact he had just traumatized some random rugrat who probably now thought there was an ax murderer running around. If any human had bled that much, it would have been hospital-time for sure if not morgue time.

"Is this the sort of settling that's going to require me to read you your Miranda rights?" Jim asked. But Xander figured Jim wasn't that cranky because he wasn't hauling Blair back out of the way.

"Riley looks a lot better than him," Xander offered.

Immediately Spike growled. "Riley ended up on his knees at my feet. I bloody fed off him, so he doesn't soddin' look better."

"Hey!" Xander defended himself with his hands up. "I just said he looked better meaning he had less with the blood loss or at least less with the major abdominal injuries. I didn't say he won. He so did not win. He's big old losing boy," Xander hurried to agree as he moved to Spike's side.

"Soddin' right."

Spike went back to cleaning the blood, and Xander hopped up to sit on the counter. It was stupid having the counter in the bedroom, but then the tub was in the bedroom too. The bathroom wasn't really a bathroom in this place, it was just a toilet room, which was weird.

"So, Riley challenged you to a fight?" Jim asked. "He's okay though?"

"Okay as he ever was. Still think he can be a wanker sometimes," Spike snorted and threw the washcloth down. "I give up. Never getting these things clean." Without warning, he unbuttoned his jeans and shoved them off, flashing Jim and Blair with naked vampire bits. Very nice naked vampire bits. Spike flashed Xander a grin when he noticed just where Xander was looking.

"Whoa, hey, how about we come back later?" Blair turned around to avoid seeing Spike naked… again… but Jim just leaned against the dresser and watched without blinking. Jim must be a scary good poker player.

Xander tried for normal as he focused on Jim. Focusing on other stuff would lead to embarrassment, especially when two people in the room would smell other stuff. "Spike told Riley and Buffy that there was a chance I could work with Riley as long as Riley wasn't doing the military thing anymore because me and the military… so not good. And then there's the fact that me and Spike are a package deal and Spike and the military is even less with the good than me and the military."

"So, what's he going to do?" Jim asked as Spike grabbed another pair of jeans from the pile of new clothes that had ended up dumped in one corner.

"Git's going independent contractor," Spike said as he pulled them on and then frowned as he pulled at the seam. "These are soddin' ridiculous. You're a Sentinel, shouldn't you be able to judge sizes better than this?" he complained.

"I'm not your personal shopper," Jim shot right back. "And Riley's going to be a mercenary?"

"Wow, he kinda is," Xander said with a bit of wonder. "I never thought of it as being a mercenary, but he's working for the government getting hired to do jobs privately, so he is. And if I'm working with him, I'm a mercenary too, and that is way cooler than being a carpenter. Or a crazy guy with one eye. Most of Africa pretty much just called me the crazy guy with one eye."

"Sport, that's a dangerous line of work."

"Buffy's already been contracting with them for demon hunting. Riley's just joining her in the private sector," Spike said as he finished pulling at his jeans and grabbed a shirt.

"So, I'm going to be demon hunting with Riley and Spike and Buffy which is strangely no different from most of the year after I graduated, only I'll be getting paid and getting medical benefits instead of living in my parents' basement. At least I assume I'll be getting medical benefits."

"If not you can borrow one of Spike's credit cards. I put a couple of purchases on the card you lent me, so at the end of this, you can either have the weapons or I'll pay you back," Jim commented.

"Watcher pays the bill, so it's not like I care," Spike snorted. "You buy somethin' special for our trip onto the base?"

"Oh man, I do not even want to think about what he bought in that store. I mean, yeah, the projectile gun isn't lethal, but that's almost worse because it means he'll actually use it. Man, if we get caught, we are so toast." Blair sighed dramatically. "My mom will be so proud of me, getting arrested for breaking into a military base and causing havoc. Well, until she finds out about the being armed part."

"You need to have some sort of weapon," Jim said calmly. "We aren't going through this again, Chief."

"Yeah, yeah, got it. But if I have to actually tazer anyone, retaliation is in your future. You are going to be eating vegetarian lasagna and tofu for a month. I hope you know that."

"Understood, Chief. You know I'll try to keep you out of the middle."

"Yeah, I know, and you know I trust you, and I so totally know that we don't have a choice because if the military sits on their collective hands while this woman turns into another Sungsen, we're all screwed. So I'm with you; I just don't have to like it."

Spike leaned against the wall. "Mate, they should be a lot more scared of your mouth than any gun Ellison might have bought you. It's a sight more dangerous than a few volts of electricity."

The easy atmosphere thinned a bit as Jim frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm just a little surprised at how thick Blair laid on the mojo. All they're talkin' about is how they need therapy and Willow needs therapy and they should get group therapy rates. Even this one." Spike poked his thumb in Xander's direction before he headed over to the bed, sitting and putting on socks and boots. Xander looked from Spike to Blair and back. Shit. Quick self-check. Self-hatred about needing therapy--gone. Denial over the ways he'd screwed up his relationships--gone. Weird girly-man insecurities at the thought of therapy--gone, gone, and so totally gone. Xander blinked in surprise.

"I noticed that," Blair said quietly. "I was hoping I was totally overreacting and you guys wouldn't say anything."

Spike snorted. "Not likely. But it's about bloody time someone's talking about it. I appreciate you doin' that mate."

"As one of the mojo'ed, at least I think I was one of the mojo'ed, I have to second that. We were all doing the denial thing a little too long," Xander agreed. "Although it is freaky to think that my new-found mental health is actually shoved in there."

"Oi, you and Buffy are the two who were dealing with all this before Blair went and did his trick. It's not like you were still in denial."

"No, but it sure is easier to say it now. I so need therapy. See? I could not have said that before, at least not without blushing about being a girly-man."

"Shit. Xander. I didn't mean to do something to you," Blair said apologetically.

"I'm saying thank you for the head shrinking, or at least the neurosis shrinking," Xander shrugged.

"This is why I bloody well leave the room when you get going," Spike huffed. "It's probably why the Frenchie left. Pissin' off upper level Shamen isn't smart. 'Course I didn't expect this much mojo from you, but I'm calling it a bonus."

"Oh man. I screwed with people's heads. Fuck. I am so totally messing with my own karma." Blair ran his hands through his hair and looked around with just a slight case of total panic.

"Calm down, Chief," Jim soothed him while giving Spike a cold stare. Spike didn't even flinch.

"Man, what if I do it to someone else? What if I *have* done it to other people? I mean, I totally pushed you to let me come and stay with you, maybe I mojo'ed you." Blair looked up at Jim with an expression of despair, and Xander felt his own guts knot in sympathy. If he thought for one second Spike's love wasn't real, that he had used his powers to make Spike think he'd fallen in love, he would so totally be throwing himself under a train… either that or he'd be totally and permanently disappearing into Simpsons' Road Rage.

"Chief, you didn't do anything to me. I liked you long before that damn warehouse blew up. I was considering calling the health department and having the building condemned just to make you move in with me, so I don't think you mojo'ed me."

"Shit. No way. I had to talk you into it. Oh man, I *have* mojo'ed you and done something screwy to your memories, haven't I?" Blair started pacing, and Xander slid down from the counter, not sure what to do but definitely feeling the need to do something.

"Chief, you had to talk me into it because you wanted to bring the damn monkey."

"Barbary ape." Blair didn't stop as he almost bounced off the wall and paced at a new trajectory.

"Whatever. The point is that you didn't talk me into letting you stay. Will you just calm down?" Jim reinforced his words by reaching out and snagging Blair's arm as he made a pass, pulling the man into an embrace. Blair squirmed for a second, and Xander could see Jim's arms tighten.

"Ellison's right, mate. Shamen can't mojo on their dominants, not without permission. It's just one of those things, and if Bernie's right, no one can muck with a Sentinel without him letting it happen," Spike shrugged.

"And don't you start with that French guy's bullshit," Jim warned. Spike tied his boot and stood up before he faced Jim and crossed his arms.

"You know a lot about Cascade and Sentinels and criminals," Spike started slowly, "He might be full of shite with this Atego bit, but I've been around demons and Shamen for about a hundred years longer than you've been alive," Spike said. "The Frenchman's an idiot, but he's right about demons living in clans. Every demon or half-demon or demon-touched person I know finds themselves some sort of hierarchy. Take the hierarchy away, and those feelings just start gettin' out of control."

Jim stared at Spike for the longest time, his large hands gently touching Blair—a shoulder, his hair, an arm. "You believe that?" he finally asked.

Spike nodded. "It's why Riley and I had to fight. We had to know who had the bigger curlies so we could settle down and make peace. It's why if that one's going to be a Guide, he's going to have to have his own faceoff with the soldier, and I can't get in the middle."

"Wait, what?" Xander yelped. "Hey, I never signed up for a faceoff. I'm religiously opposed to faceoffs. Blair, quick, give me the name of a religion that doesn't believe in faceoffs so I can convert."

"Shakers?" Blair offered.

"See, I'm a Shaker. I so can't faceoff," Xander said desperately.

"You also can't have sex or take shortcuts when walking from one place to another," Blair added, and Xander could hear just a little humor in there.

Xander looked over in horror. "No sex? At all? With anyone?" Blair shook his head as he struggled against a smile. "Okay, that religion officially sucks. But Spike, I'm not feeling any need at all to fight Riley, and if this is about instincts, my instincts are to avoid fighting with people trained to kill with their bare hands."

"He wouldn't hurt you, pet. I'd rip his arm off if he did," Spike pointed out as he came to Xander and wrapped arms around him. Xander put his own hands over Spike's which were over his stomach, and he took several deep breaths.

"If Xander doesn't want to fight—" Jim stopped, and Xander looked up to realize that Spike had gone into gameface. "It isn't my business to get involved. You know, if you come to Cascade, you're going to have to develop a few manners," Jim said calmly.

"Yeah, know that," Spike answered. "Might not be able to do that though. If Xander becomes Riley's Guide, Buffy's going to want to stay close."

Jim narrowed his eyes at that. "I don't want her in my town."

"Yeah, figured that too," Spike agreed. "We might bring Riley for a visit, but I think any long term stays might turn nasty."

"Whoa, wait a minute. How did you know Jim was going to react that way about Buffy? Man, he only told me about an hour ago that her whole blonde act made him want to rip her hair off and shove it down her throat."

Jim's hand stopped its restless touches up and down Blair's arm. "Nice job keeping that quiet, Chief."

Spike just laughed. "I might be worried if I thought you could take her, but I can't and you sure as hell can't," Spike shrugged. "She's gone toe to toe with Hellgods and nasties that crawled out of your nightmares. She's alive, and they're dead. And you're right that the stupid bit is an act, no more real than when the boy makes fun of himself. It's like bloody camouflage, and if you don't look close enough, you'll never even notice the danger under the bad jokes and mangled attempts at the English language, leastwise, not until you're dead. I've seen plenty fall for it. Hell, when I first showed up in Sunnyhell, I fell for it."

"You're still not answering my question," Blair pointed out.

Spike's fingers started circling on Xander's stomach, tracing gentle tracks that made Xander shiver. "Ya won't like it."

"I don't like most of what you say," Jim pointed out.

"True enough. But unlike some others, you aren't stupid enough to call it wrong just because you don't like it. The fact is the Froggie's right. The first time you really met Blair, you slammed him up against a wall. The minute he let you slam him into the wall, your dominance was set. You did the same to Xander here, only you picked a door instead of a wall to slam him against. Riley you just slammed into the ground, but I assume you see a pattern here. Only Buffy, you don't have the chance to try her, either because you don't want to hit a girl, which in her case is just bloody stupid, or because you can instinctively feel the danger. She sets off your need to fight, but you just can't bloody win that fight if you start it. So, your little pattern of slamming anyone supernatural into the nearest flat surface is gettin' frustrated."

"I haven't slammed you into anything," Jim pointed out.

"Not because you don't want to."

Jim didn't answer that. Xander looked up with more than a little worry, but Jim just continued to lean against the dresser, Blair pulled close. And Spike's hand still traced small circles across Xander's stomach so that Xander had the urge to close his eyes and just curl up.

Spike gave a dark laugh when Jim didn't answer at all. "I feel the same need to see who would win if we threw down. You wouldn't go down as easy as Riley. My guess is you know a dirty trick or two that would give me a run, yeah?" Spike asked.

"I probably do. And my guess is you're stronger than anyone I've tried to take hand to hand."

"No question on that, mate. But the problem is that if we do that, we're going to have trouble separating. You're like Xand here, strong enough that if I dominated you, I wouldn't let go easy. My demon would want you right there under me. Same as the demon wants Xander right there all the time. Riley, he's not a bad fighter, but he's not like you. He doesn't have control over the senses. Hell, he isn't even bloody using them. And I haven't heard him or Buffy say one word about any spirit dreams, so either he doesn't have a handle on this Sentinel-shite yet, or he isn't half the Sentinel you are. You, and the fuzzy Shaman too for that matter, ya smell of power, real power. But my soul won't let me do what my demon's thinking, so it's better if we just avoid having that confrontation."

"You're assuming you'd win," Jim said as he pulled Blair closer.

"Same as you are," Spike answered.

"I still don't like that you're assuming instincts rule me."

Spike shook his head. "Not assuming that at all, mate. If anything, I'm assuming the opposite. Instincts would have us at each other's throats. I'm trusting you to control that instinct, just like I'm trusting you to not give in to your instinct to keep Xander and Riley close. Your Sentinel instincts may think they're yours because they submitted to you, but you're a whole lot more than your instincts, so you'll let them walk away."

Jim and Spike studied each other for several silent minutes.

"So, these demonic rules. I can't mojo Jim?" Blair finally asked in the silence. The question broke the somber mood and Spike let Xander go and gave him a swat.

"Get your shoes, pet. Need to go shopping for some jeans that fit. And no, you can't mojo Jim, not without his direct permission."

"Okay," Xander said as he shoved his feet in his shoes without untying them. "I'm almost caught up with this, but why aren't I feeling a need to fight Riley? Honestly not feeling the need to fight here."

Spike leaned against the counter and just looked thoughtful for a second. "If we were fighting vampires right now, and I was off in the corner kicking demon arse and Buffy had gotten pulled to the side so it was just you and Riley…. If he tells you to take out the demon on the left when the wanker to the right looks more dangerous, what do you do?"

"Okay, that's just stupid. Come on, be honest Spike. If it were down to me and Riley, and we were talking a battle situation, who would you trust more?"

"I'd trust you to make the right choice, pet," Spike said seriously.

Xander rolled his eyes. "Okay, that's kinda scary. I mean, you can trust my judgment at the video store, but if we're talking fighting, I would so say trust Riley first. He says take out the demon on the left, and I take out the demon on the left or at least try to. I might get my ass kicked. In case you haven't noticed, the shiny new powers are not improving my fighting skills, and I wasn't exactly great to start with."

"Ya held your own on a hellmouth when most people ended up dead. You're a better fighter than you give yourself credit for, but ya have to learn to deal with the new powers in the field, pet. Still, if you trust Riley's judgment over your own, you have your answer."

"I have an answer? Okay, I might have come up with an answer but I obviously totally missed it while coming up with it, which is kinda sad."

Blair nodded knowingly. "You already see Riley as dominant."

"So, that means…" Xander let his voice trail off.

"If Riley sees you as submissive, you'll just start working together," Spike shrugged. "If he isn't sure, he'll probably slam you into the nearest door."

"Wait, you mean I'm all ready to be Riley's buttmonkey?"

Spike growled and then he was right there, two inches from Xander's face, and the tender hand cupping Xander's cheek totally didn't match the look of fury in Spike's face. "He'll respect you or I'll pull his soddin' guts out and wrap them around his throat. It's not about anyone being a buttmonkey. It's about knowing where to turn when things go all pear shaped. The world of demons is about fighting, protecting your territory, and ya have to know where you can turn in all that. You turn to those ya see as dominant. Ya count on those who've submitted to ya to not let some wanker stick a stake in your back. Ya spend all your time provin' your worth so those above you know you're valuable at their back."

Xander froze for a second, the deepest part of his brain still on deer-in-the-headlights mode from Spike's anger, and the rest of him struggling to figure out what that really meant. "But that would mean I'm all pro-Riley."

Spike cocked his head. "And?"

"Riley's the one who took Buffy away, and he's always saying things he really shouldn't about you. And he was in the Initiative and he hurt Buffy. I mean, Willow and I stayed up all night coming up with names to call him after the whole suckhouse disaster. I have a list. Okay, so the list sank with Sunnydale, but Willow and I were all listlike about reasons to not like Riley. Well, Riley and Sam. Sam was definitely on the list of notlikeage."

Spike blinked and backed up a step. "Bloody hell. Demon bits and souls just don't fit neatly into one mind."

"Says the guy with a full demon and a soul both crammed in there, and you do pretty good. Of course, you aren't nearly as skilled at self-deception and denial like the rest of us," Xander admitted with a wry look. Spike shook his head and gave him a small smile.

"If Riley weren't competent, I wouldn't have bloody fought him. I would have grabbed you and taken a hike until he did something stupid enough for me to push him right out of the group. Hell, Buffy wouldn't have taken him back if he were a total git. So, if you feel safe turnin' to him if everyone else is busy, I don't have a problem with that. I knew if I fought him and pulled us closer to the rest of your little gang that you'd have to either dominate him or submit to him. I won't have you playing these denial games with your instincts, not if you're going to fight beside us."

"And you're okay with me being the submitty one because me being under you means I'm supposed to be all strong. I could try to win a fight with him. I think I'd get my ass kicked, but I'd try if you wanted to teach me a dirty trick or two. Maybe Jim could help with the human-appropriate dirty fighting." Xander looked over and Jim was watching with undisguised curiosity.

"Submitting doesn't make you any less strong, pet. You've got enough power running under your skin ta scare the pants of Bertrand and any other wanker who understands what it mean to have your power." Spike ran a finger down Xander's arm and he shivered.

"And you'll be okay with this? You're okay with me submitting even if that means he slams me up against a door? I'm not really up for a ringside seat for you pulling off Riley's arm and beating him to death with it."

"Pet, I'm not going to step in any more than Buffy did. As long as he's not hurting you, he needs to get the rules straight in his own head as much as you do. If you weren't sure about Riley's place, if you didn't know if he would be dominant or submissive to you, you'd be a wreck right now. You'd probably get jealous and cranky and be a pain in the arse to be around. If he's not sure how he fits into your life, he's probably giving Buffy that kind of grief right now. He'll be over there wondering if he did the right thing letting you walk away and beating himself up for every time he might have done something to piss you off. Hell, he's probably feeling jealous and wondering what you and Buffy got up to back in high school."

"Buffy got up to nothing as my something got up every night thinking about her in that cheerleading outfit," Xander huffed. "There's nothing to be jealous of."

"Man, jealousy is a feeling, not something that you can justify," Blair said. "Spike, I have a question."

"What's that, mate?" Spike asked when Blair hesitated.

"When you say that you and Jim can't fight, I don't get it. Xander submitted to Jim, and I'm starting to think he might have submitted to me."

Spike interrupted with a loud snort. "Just figuring that out now, are you?"

Blair glared, but he ignored the jab. "But he's leaving. Bertrand said the submissive can't leave, not when it's instinctive."

Spike sighed and Xander caught the furtive look in his direction.

"Hey, we're all about honesty now, remember?" Xander prompted.

Spike's hand closed around Xander's arm and pulled him close. "Bertrand's still an idiot. There are human feelings in there just as much as instincts. I'm guessing those human bits left him squirmin' to get away even when his instincts pulled him to stay with you. That night when I showed up in Cascade, I was bloody furious because I could feel him wanting you two, but he wasn't sayin' the right things if he was truly committed to you. I pushed hard that night, pushed a little harder than I should have maybe, but I knew I was close to losing him. Boy didn't have a chance once I really turned on the charm, especially when I played on that need of his to belong. So, are you ready to tell us what kept you from being happy with them?" Spike asked.

Xander glanced over. "Yeah. I was feeling kinda third-wheelish. Like I would never really fit because you two fit so well already."

Spike nodded. "Thought so. Demon instincts are all well and good, but none of us is pure demon. Hell, not even a soulless vampire is all demon. I bloody hated that you were pullin' at him because I like the bugger. Watchin' Xander drive Peaches up a wall is a treat. And when I came back with the soul, Xander was the one I could trust to always tell me the truth. So, my human bits were 'bout as attached as my demon."

"So, he did choose you," Jim nodded. "If anything ever happens, Sport, and I don't want it to, but if it does, you have a home with us, too. You weren't the third wheel."

"Totally not. I mean, the conventional idea of love as only being between two people is totally arbitrary. Three can love just as well as two," Blair agreed. He looked at Spike with a sly expression. "So, when you say you and Jim can't fight, it's not just about the power, is it?"

"Drop it, Junior," Jim warned as he reached up and ruffled Blair's hair. "Some things are better left unsaid."

"Um, if we're all good now…" Xander stopped and chewed his lip as he considered the next bit. This was big. This was going to be so big and messy. Spike looked at him with an eyebrow up. "Um, maybe we could pick up Willow before we go shopping. I mean, it's always been Willow and Giles and Buffy versus you and me, but this time we'll have Willow outnumbered, and if Willow is as Blair-mojoed as everyone else…"

"You want to try and bring her back into the fold," Spike finished.

"Spike, you said it. You said that having the demon bits means needing a place to belong, and we've always been Willow's place to belong, well, not we as much as me, but if she's feeling alone, can you really blame her for being big with the freaky?"

"Yes," Spike quickly answered, but then his expression softened. "Fine," he grumped. "I always did have a soft spot for Red. Call over and see if she wants to come, but if Rupert invites himself, I'm bloody staying here. You can get me some soddin' jeans that fit."

"One more to go," Xander said happily as he headed for the phone.

Jim made a weird noise. "I can't believe he's that happy with a potentially cannibalistic demon still out there to be dealt with."

"Boy is entertaining," Spike agreed. Xander flipped them both off over his shoulder as he dialed the phone. Apocalypses and demons came and went, the Scoobies, including Spike and Riley, were way more important that any hell spawned nuisance. The Scoobies were forever.

Chapter 34

"Pet, I have something I need to do," Spike commented as he came around to Xander's side of the car.

"Um, yeah, shop for jeans. Remember?" Xander gave Spike his best duh look as Jim pulled into the parking lot in his truck. Xander was tempted to make a comment about alpha males and driving and how little sense it actually made to take both the car and the truck when they were all going to the same mall, but somehow he didn't think Jim would ride in the backseat, and sitting in the back of the truck just wasn't comfortable… or legal.

"Just remembered something else," Spike said as he slipped an arm around Xander's waist and started pulling him toward the hotel where Willow and the others were staying.

"Something?" Xander asked. He waited, but Spike just lifted an eyebrow and stared back silently.

"You're not going to tell me unless I ask, are you?"

"Nope," Spike answered with a snarky smile. "Are you going to ask, pet?"

Xander considered that for a second. Sometimes not knowing was just better on the potential ulcers. "Nope," Xander answered.

"Right then, you toddle off to the mall with those two and get me some jeans. And bloody well get me the right size," Spike frowned as Jim and Blair walked up to them.

"Tight enough to work as birth control, check," Xander nodded. "Well, that is if you still had any little swimmers because being dead is not really good for fertility. Not that it stopped Angel, which is more disturbing than I really care to think about, but then being gay, whether your swimmers swim or whether they don't because your dead or because you wear your pants too tight, totally irrelevant," Xander said knowingly. Blair struggled to not laugh, and Jim and Spike just looked at him like he'd lost his mind. "It is," Xander defended himself. "I'm sure not doing the pregnant thing."

"Just get me something that isn't going to slide off in the middle of a fight," Spike growled. The front door of the hotel swung open and there was Willow. Her hair was just long enough to brush against her shoulders, and she had this uncertain look on her face, and all of a sudden all Xander could see was Willow during senior year agonizing over where to go to college. She'd given up her chance to have something better when she'd thrown away fat envelopes from Harvard or Yale or whatever that big school was... the one that wouldn't let Xander wash their floors. And now, her life was them. Xander smiled at her, and the uncertain look cracked into a smile that quickly vanished again.

"You want us to play escort then?" Jim asked. Xander glanced over and that was not a friendly look on Jim's face as he studied Willow.

"Maybe me and Willow should do the whole shopping thing alone. I mean, I'm used to girls and shopping, but you don't know what it's like to be in the middle of a girl power-shopping moment." Xander said the words, but he didn't feel them. Alone with Willow just felt wrong, but he didn't want to look like someone who was afraid to be in the same room with his best friend. He wasn't. No fear. Just... just really, really big uncomfortableness.

"I thought we were going so you could get clothes for yourself and Spike," Blair said as he not-so-subtly elbowed Jim. At least that meant that Jim was glaring at Blair instead of Willow, which Xander completely appreciated.

"No soddin' way are you going to the mall alone with her," Spike hissed.

"If I'm with her, there's no alone," Xander said with a false brightness that totally didn't match his stomach creepiness, but Spike just crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes, and that was his 'not budging' expression.

"If you want to talk to her alone, you can do it in the hotel room with me outside the door. If you want to talk to her at the mall, you can bloody well go with Jim and Blair."

"It's not that I don't want you guys along," Xander glanced back toward the two men. "I actually do want you there, totally want you there, completely and... you get my point. I just don't want this to be the great staredown. Me and conflict are not best buds and the whole point of this is to try and stop the conflict, not to drag two more people into the drama. Because I am dramaed out at this point."

"We won't make more drama, Xander, I promise," Blair said as he gave Jim one seriously nasty look that promised many months of vegetarian lasagna if the Sentinel didn't agree to that condition. Jim rolled his eyes.

"It's your life and your friendship, Sport. I don't like the woman, but I don't have to live in the same house with her."

"Right then, that's sorted," Spike said as he reached out. Xander found himself leaning toward Spike, as a strong arm slipped around his back and a naughty hand slid down between his legs. When he opened his mouth to protest or possibly beg for more, Spike leaned in and kissed him breathless before pulling back with a wicked leer on his face. "I'm off and you lot can take the car." Spike tossed the keys to Jim without even looking. Then he was off in a swirl of leather. He passed Willow without saying a word, and she seemed to shrink in on herself a little more.

"Xander?" she asked uncertainly as she took a step closer. Xander plastered a smile on his face.

"Will! Your shopping escort awaits, mi'lady... at least if you don't mind actually shopping for boy stuff too because Spike and I left all our stuff behind when we ran for our lives. You know me, I'll wear anything, but Spike is not okay with many things, including the things Jim and Blair picked up for us."

"We didn't have to pick up anything," Jim said.

"And thank you for the shopping because Spike probably would have just gone to Penny's naked the next morning. He's not really one for social appropriateness." Xander rolled his eyes as he turned to follow Jim and Blair to the car.

Blair laughed as they headed back toward the car Spike had rented. "Man, I so noticed. You have a very high tolerance for socially inappropriate behavior."

"He has a high level of social inappropriateness himself," Jim pointed out as they got to the car.

"Hey! I resemble that remark," Xander said with mock indignation.

Willow watched, her gaze going from one of them to another, all the confidence and strength he'd come to expect from her missing, and he felt his own insecurities rise to the surface. She followed Blair to the passenger side of the car, sliding in the back without a word, and Xander just wanted to make a joke and fix it. His Willow wasn't this uncertain any more. She hadn't been since high school. His Willow slapped Kennedy right across the face in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner and followed it up with a food fight that was still legendary in the annals of Slayer history. For a month after, they'd smell stale mashed potatoes every time they turned on the central heat until finally Xander had taken apart half the ductwork to clean out the bits of food. His Willow didn't chew her lip and sit watching like she couldn't figure out the rules to the game.

The silence in the car was oppressive, the town lights blurring past the side windows.

"There's a mall up here," Blair said, his words clumsy.

Willow nodded. Xander stared out the window.

"I'll give you one hour. I'm not spending all night in a mall," Jim complained.

"Oh man, you are just being cranky. We'll find you a Wonderburger, and you'll be fine," Blair promised.

"That's bribing a police officer, Chief."

"Yeah, yeah. But when it comes to heart-clogging food, you, my man, are so totally bribeable."

"Something you have learned only after years of needing to bribe me. If you're offering Wonderburgers, there's something at that mall that's going to annoy me, isn't there?"

"Hey, you took me gun shopping."

"Chief?"

"You bought me a gun. Yeah, it's a tazer gun, but my karma is still recovering."

"Unless I slept through my philosophy class in college, karma doesn't recover, Junior, and without firing it, your karma doesn't change. So, you want to tell me what exactly you're hiding?"

Xander tuned out and only half listened as Jim and Blair had a sniping argument about some bookstore Blair wanted to visit. He got the impression that Jim probably didn't actually care, but since the good-natured fight filled the car and pushed away the weird lack of talkage between him and Willow, Xander was all for it.

Willow gave up studying the two men in front, with a fair number of glances toward him, in favor of staring out the window. With a sigh, Xander turned to his own window at a total loss about how to fix this. Maybe he should have waited until Spike could come because Xander was just starting to figure out that Spike was a whole lot smarter about people and relationships that anyone gave him credit for. Too late now.

Jim complained the entire drive but, when they got to the mall, he parked at the entrance closest to the bookstore. Silently, Xander followed Jim and Blair into the bookstore, walking next to Willow and still feeling about a million miles away from her. Inside, Blair darted for one section, Jim trailing and complaining the whole way, with him and Willow doing pod person impressions behind him.

Willow picked up a thin paperback with a smiling woman on the front.

"That book any good?" Xander asked.

She looked at him for a second. "I don't know. I haven't read it."

"Oh. Yeah." Okay, that wasn't awkward, not at all. Shit.

"Hey, have you seen Fabulae Mirabiles? This book is a blast," Blair said as he came around a shelf. "Man, I was never a big fan of Latin, but the fairy tales in here are a lot of fun. It's a great way to learn the grammar, and I bet you have to teach Latin to a whole lot of people. You should think about getting some," he said as he pushed a book into Willow's hands.

"We use Wheelock's Latin, and yeah, trying to teach 15 year olds to read Latin isn't always with the fun," Willow admitted. "We have to teach a bunch of other languages, too. You know," she looked around before whispering, "demonic ones."

"Oh man, I have to teach anthropology to eighteen year olds, and there are days I'm surprised I don't pull out so much of my own hair that I end up looking like Jim."

"Funny, Squirt, very funny," Jim commented as he leaned against the end of the shelf and watched the nearly empty store. "You'd have to grow a couple inches to look like me."

Willow's forehead wrinkled before she turned to Xander. "Maybe we should get your things. It's late, well it's not late for us because nightowls here, but the mall has to be closing soon."

"There's a Dillard's next door," Jim offered when Xander couldn't figure out what to say. Should he agree with her or encourage her to keep with the almost-friendly talking with Blair or offer to buy her the book she had just put down?

"Dillard's ahoy," Xander joked, and even he knew it didn't even rise to the level of pathetic. Willow gave him a weak smile and then they all wandered out toward Dillard's. Somehow Blair ended up walking next to Willow with him and Jim trailing. When a large hand rested on his back, Xander took a deep breath and smiled at the quiet support.

"You teach anthropology?" Willow asked, and that was even stupider than Xander's Dillard's ahoy joke because Willow and Blair had done the email thing way before Xander had ever met the guys. Blair didn't even bat an eye. Earlier, Xander had thought Jim had a poker face, but seeing this, he was pretty sure that Blair's poker face was even better.

"Teach and study it," Blair answered cheerfully. "I'm supposed to be finishing my dissertation, but this whole trip has seriously screwed with that plan. Do you realize I have to give up my whole dissertation? I mean, this totally sucks. Three years of work," Blair made a kerflewy noise and threw his hands up. They walked into the men's section at Dillard's and Xander started grabbing jeans.

"What? Why?" Willow suddenly sounded all concerned, and considering how she felt about education, he wasn't surprised that the idea of having to give up on a degree would catch her interest. "I mean, just do a quick search and replace with Atego for Sentinel, and you actually have more research now. I mean, if you're having trouble with the books because some of the demonic books are really kinda confusing, I have a lot of experience. I could help."

Xander actually missed a step and almost went down. He might have gone down, but Jim's hand grabbed him and hauled him back up, Jim's other hand snagging the jeans he was holding from him and dropping them in the basket. She thought Blair needed help? Xander glanced over, but Jim had his poker face on... well except for those little tiny lines around his eyes. Oh yeah, Blair definitely had the better poker face because he was just shrugging at Willow.

"I totally appreciate the offer, but the book Giles lent me looked like most of the anthropology books I've read. A ritual is pretty much a ritual. Well, except for the part where a demon ritual is a little more likely to summon the powers of hell. That's a little mindblowing. But in terms of the archaic language and bombastic authors who think they know everything? Oh man, that's old territory for me. Totally."

"Oh." Willow didn't say anything else. Xander watched as Willow turned and shot him a worried look. And here was awkward silence right on cue. For a few minutes, Xander picked out shirts that had a chance of not getting shredded by Spike on first sight. He stuck to solid colors, although he couldn't resist the deep orange with the red buttons. He might have to hide that one from Spike. For Spike, he picked all black and blood red, though.

"But a dissertation is big, right?" Xander finally asked. Blair nodded. "Then why do you have to give it up? That's like dropping out a week before graduation, and yeah, I totally considered doing that at one point, but not even my levels of school-hateage would let me do something that stupid. It's just one more paper. And I get that a dissertation is a research paper on steroids with even more potential for kicking your ass, but dropping out now isn't big with the making sense."

Blair snorted in laughter. "Research paper on steroids threatening to kick my ass. Oh man, I have never heard a better description of a dissertation. But face it. The university is already so not happy about my use of historical documents when I'm basically trying to work with Biological Anthropology and the ways senses have developed. Jim isn't my only subject. I mean, yeah, he's my only Sentinel... well except for..." Blair glanced back and froze mid sentence, and when Xander looked over at Jim, he could see why. That was not a happy face.

"Anyway," Blair said dramatically. "I have hundreds of documented cases of people with heightened senses, like food tasters and perfume sniffers. So, I'm working with this from a Darwinian point of view. Evolutionary ecology and the development of senses in contemporary and historical humans, evolutionary psychology, that kind of stuff. So let me tell you, my dissertation committee would so not be amused by demons. So not amused."

"Like they're amused with you right now?" Jim asked. "Three years of stalling and you still haven't turned in your first chapter."

"Yeah. I'm so running out of idiosyncratic credit with them. Totally. And now? Oh man, I can't write a dissertation ignoring all the information out there. It'd be like academic fraud. But I can't include the information because they would put me on the short bus to the nut house."

"That's not a long drive," Jim joked softly, but Blair turned and gave him a vicious glare. "Come on, Chief, you can't believe I'm going to be upset about this. You know I support your research, but..."

"But you'd rather I burned it all," Blair said seriously. Jim didn't answer, but Xander could see the answer in the man's serious expression. "Not happening," Blair said firmly. "That research could help other people who are out there and who don't understand what's wrong with them."

Jim still didn't say anything.

"But I can't actually publish now anyway, so I think this just officially became a moot point," he sighed. "Time for some serious tapdancing."

"But if you publish, can you still work with Jim?" Xander asked. "I thought you doing your dissertation was like your secret identity, you know, starving student living with and researching the big, buff detective."

Jim started coughing, and Blair laughed so hard that two women shopping for men's underwear stopped to look at them. Willow blushed, but Xander wasn't sure whether his only slightly inappropriate words or the staring made her do it.

"Buff?" Jim asked with an amused grin.

"I might have noticed. Hey, gay now. I get to notice stuff like that," Xander shrugged as he pushed the cart to the counter. Thank god Willow was still focusing on the guys and not the jewelry counter because they still had a shot at making this a 'grab and pay' guy's shopping trip. If she caught sight of the amethyst necklaces, they were so going to be stuck here until closing.

"Oh goddess," Willow breathed before she bit her lip.

"Are you invoking a particular goddess or just commenting on the fact Xander is eying my partner, and really, I'm feeling hurt here. I mean, we're the ones who slept together, shouldn't you be eying me?" Blair asked as he crossed his arms and went for an expression of exaggerated offense. He kind of ruined it because he kept twitching into a smile.

"You slept together?" Willow almost yelped, and the clerk who had been taking the clothes Xander piled on the counter froze, her hand mid-air as she went to pick up a blue button-up shirt.

"Let's have this conversation back at the hotel or possibly just without shouting," Jim suggested. He gave the clerk a long look and the woman shook her head and went back into motion, scanning the items faster than Xander had ever seen a clerk scan. He sighed. It wasn't so nice to have people go all weird just because you announced you were gay. Xander looked over at Willow as he suddenly realized something else. It wasn't so nice to have people go all weird just because he was a Shaman either. And Willow was with the weirdness. Okay, Riley had been with the weirdness, too… and Giles. But that wasn't the same. Xander didn't share a history of stealing Barbies and sharing yellow crayons with Giles and Riley.

The clerk finished and asked for an obscene amount of money just about the time Xander realized that Spike had the credit card. Jim handed over a card with the name William Masters on it. Jim ended up with the big bags of jeans; Blair and Xander ended up with shirts, and Willow followed them out of the store, her face still red.

"I'm sorry," she whispered out in the nearly empty mall, her hands held up near her mouth, which was always a good hint that Willow was approaching total freak out.

"Hey, I'm gay, you're gay, Spike's gay. We just need to gay up Riley and Buffy, and we can have a complete set. I even have it on good authority that Angel does the gay thing every once in a while. We could have a gay superheroes league, and I don't care how many Italian women Andrew hangs out with, he is so totally in it, well in the gay way anyway. I don't think he qualifies for superhero status. Although considering how the normal ones in our group end up being witches or Shamen or green energy balls, we should keep an eye on him."

"Xander!" Willow hissed, her eyes going wide as she looked from him to Jim. Jim herded them into a seating area, and one glare sent the two teenagers who had been hanging around the potted palm tree off to find a safer place to hang out.

"What?" Xander asked as he dropped onto the world's hardest couch and put the bags down. He thought they were heading home, but if Jim wanted them to stop, Xander would stop. The nice thing about not being alpha was not having to worry about the weirdness alphas sometimes did. Blair sat next to him watching Jim and Willow curiously.

"Xander!" she repeated in an even more indignant tone, her eyes zipping from him to Jim and back to him. Obviously Jim was immune to Willow looks because he dropped into the nearest chair and stretched his legs out.

"What?!" Xander asked.

"Ixnay on the eengray," Willow hissed.

Jim looked up and raised an eyebrow. Willow blushed again.

"Willow, they're friends," Xander said calmly. Okay, so blurting about mystical balls of green energy wasn't the smartest, but Jim and Blair were friends and he hadn't exactly handed out Dawn's dorm room address. At least not lately, and that guy a year back had a damn good story, so Xander refused to feel guilty for that one.

"Um, not to question the friend-status, but Xander...." Willow crossed her arms and that was definitely a questioning the friend-status glare.

"Hey, I get it," Blair said as he held up his hands. "I understand that we don't know each other that well. I mean, yeah, you and I've been emailing for a while, but it's not like you really know me. But Willow, first of all, Xander's comment didn't actually make sense, so if you hadn't said anything, I would have dismissed it as more of his weirdness, and two, he didn't actually tell us anything."

"That's because there is so not anything to tell," Willow said quickly. "No telling. Nothing at all to tell, so of course no telling." Willow's hands fluttered, a gesture that Xander hadn't seen from her… in ages.

"So, we've established there's nothing to tell and that Blair is capable of understanding Mr. Giles' books. We also have a potential killer to catch," Jim said quietly, his eyes scanning the few shoppers that wandered from store to store. "So, Sport, I assume that you had a reason for wanting to have this conversation, and I assume that there's a reason for having it in public."

"What?" Xander asked, his own voice squeaking just a little. "Hey, I am agendaless here. You stopped, you sat; I'm just going along."

"So, you just wanted Blair and me to come along while you bought Spike some pants?" Jim turned to Xander with an expression that made all Xander's denials stick in his throat.

"Xander? You wanted them to come? I thought they just sorta..." Willow waved her hand and Xander could fill in the rest. Willow thought they had invited themselves. Willow thought he hadn't been fast enough or smart enough to figure out a way to keep them from coming.

"I kinda did," he admitted with a sigh. "Willow, I love you and I want us to be okay, but you're bordering on scary these days."

"Me? I'm not scary. I'm so not doing the scary thing because I know the scary thing and this is not it," Willow protested.

Xander pushed aside a need to smooth this all over with a joke as he glanced over at Jim and then Blair and absolutely no help was coming from that direction. "Willow, this is me feeling kinda girly even as I say this—"

Willow reached over and punched him in the arm. "Hey, no gender stereotypes, mister."

"Hey! I got that from you. In fact you and Buffy were the ones who made the girly implications," Xander said as he looked up. Jim was now leaning forward in his chair.

"That's different," Willow said weakly, but from the look on her face, not even she believed that. Xander couldn't just sit anymore; he got up and moved to the spot between the chair and the couch, near the garbage can with the sparkly quartz top that was supposed to make it look like it wasn't a garbage can. It didn't work.

"Willow, you're doing the scary thing because you aren't even looking at me, at what this is doing to me."

"Yes, I am. This is me trying to fix things because I can see how much this is hurting you, and I don't want you hurt. Xander, let's talk about this back home."

Xander wasn't sure if she meant back at the hotel where she had Buffy and Giles to back her up, not that Xander thought Buffy would back her up, but then Buffy might. He shook his head as he realized he wasn't really sure where he stood with anyone right now, anyone except Spike. Spike he could trust—Spike and Jim and Blair. Well, he could totally trust Willow in some ways, like in the way that she always loved him, but he couldn't trust her to do the right thing. And suddenly the whole mess with Tara and the altering of memories came to mind. Yeah, Willow was just Willow. He took a deep breath as he prepared to wade into the mess again.

"You can't fix things, Willow. And when you try, it's not pretty, and that's the part where the scary comes in," he said with more honesty than he really liked to use.

"Xander, that's… not nice," Willow said, her voice dropping into an offended whisper. "You make it sound like I mess stuff up."

"Tara." Xander said the name firmly, knowing that it would stab Willow where she was most vulnerable, but he had to get her to see. Immediately, her eyes started filling with tears, and Xander crossed his arms over his stomach. An apology struggled to come out his mouth, even though what he was implying was true, and they both knew it. When he didn't take the word back, Willow's eyes grew harder and the tears vanished.

"We've both made mistakes. You walked away and left Anya at the altar, so you don't have room to talk." Willow crossed her own arms.

Xander nodded in agreement. "You're right. I thought I was weak, that I would turn out just like my father. I have serious issues, but that doesn't change the fact that you do, too. I can't fix your life because I'm just now starting to figure out how to live my own, but you keep thinking you can fix me. You can't."

"Because of Tara? Xander, that doesn't make sense." Willow shook her head.

"Because of Tara, because of the clothing fluke, because of you being so sure that you could put Angel's soul back in that you wanted Buffy to stall."

"I was right," Willow cried. "I was right and you told her to send him to hell."

"I told her to kick his ass!"

"Same thing. Big with the sameness."

"But you didn't know you could do it. You didn't know, and you still tried making the big call, and people could have died."

"So instead Angel died! Well, he didn't actually die, but that's not my point. You don't get to tell me that I'm wrong on all this stuff. You don't exactly do things right! Anya and the altar and sleeping with Faith and then thinking it meant something when she was just using you and you didn't even know it. You picked Miss Serial Killer over me. And then there's Cordelia and the mummy girl and how many others?"

"At least I never tried to end the world," Xander shot back. The second the words tumbled out of his mouth he regretted them. Willow went still, her eyes staring at him like she had never seen him before. "Willow—" he whispered helplessly.

"No. If you don't want—" she stopped, her eyes still empty. An old man wandered into the seating area and sat in the chair opposite Jim. He sat there for a second before looking around. Xander watched his face grow more confused and then alarmed as he stood back up and shuffled off pretty quickly for someone who used a walker.

"I love you, Willow," Xander said more calmly once they had some privacy again.

"Is that why you asked a Shaman to do the whammy on me? Is that why you wanted him here tonight? Did you figure since I had messed up and used a memory spell on you that you had a right to try and tell me what to do?"

"I never—" Xander started to protest because he really hadn't set that up.

"And now I keep thinking that I need therapy and every time I think that, I wonder how much of that is me and how much of that is someone else's magic affecting me because I'm not stupid and being not with the stupid, I know that Blair did the Shaman thing on me and everyone else in that room because now everyone is all therapy this and therapy that and not that there's anything wrong with therapy, but knowing that someone else has been in my head—" Willow stopped to breathe, and it turned into a near sob that stopped her from saying anything else.

"Willow." Xander took a step toward her, wanting to hold her and promise her that it would be alright. Instead she turned on Blair, anger etched into her face.

"You did this. He was fine before he went to you," she said, her voice low and dark. Before she could even finish talking, Jim was there, standing inches in front of her, his body between her and Blair. And Blair was on his feet.

"He didn't do anything. I was dying by inches," Xander argued, but Willow was shaking her head, her eyes growing dark. Xander could see Jim's back tense, and he knew he was seconds away from seeing either Jim knock Willow unconscious or Willow gut Jim. He stepped to Jim's side.

"Stop it," he hissed. Willow backed up a step and looked at him, the darkness in her eyes almost obliterating the white. "You sent me there because you could see me dying. I had seen too much death. I'd been too helpless, too afraid for too long. I couldn't find myself, and I was so busy hiding my pain from you and trying to protect you and Buffy from all this…" Xander lost his words, wallowing in silence as she stared at him with black eyes that hid her pain. It was too familiar.

"I can fix this," Willow said, and from her they were the most terrifying words in the world. She looked over toward Blair and Jim moved, lunging forward. His body was flung to the side without Willow even whispering a word.

"You don't want to do this. Oh man, you so totally don't want to do this. Willow, listen to me, you know I never did anything to hurt you or Xander," Blair said as he backed up, his hands held up in surrender. Xander could faintly hear yelling in the background. Blinking into his vision, Xander could see Willow's cord flashing a dozen colors, a mustard yellow streaked with black almost swallowing the orange of her normal cord, and a weird iridescent gold swirling and twisting inside the cord. It swelled, and Xander threw himself forward.

His hands sank into her cord like into rotting fruit, and Xander froze, terrified of accidentally ripping it out. Gentling his hold, he just tried to keep it from bucking out of his control. Willow chanted in Latin, and Blair's voice babbled in the background, but Xander focused on the cord squirming and bucking and tangling around his wrists like an angry yellow snake.

A new loop launched into the air and Xander didn't have any hands left to try and hold it. He closed his eyes and started praying for all he was worth as he pulled carefully, trying to bring the loop back just by holding the bit of cord in his hands. Xander could feel the cord beneath him tighten and shudder. Opening his eyes, Xander stumbled to his knees at the sight of an iridescent blue cord winding around both him and Willow. For a second, he panicked, his eyes trying to trace the cord back to its owner, only to end up staring at his own chest.

Then Willow fell to her knees next to him, her body now struggling the way her cord had just seconds before. His own blue cord wrapped around her, pulling her cord close to her own body, and for a second, a red flare nearly blinded him, and in that second, Xander understood that Willow could kill him in a heartbeat. The raw power in that cord slid across his skin like ice, but he held on, shaking one hand loose from the soul cord so he could hold Willow's arm and pull her close. They both fell to the floor, and Xander watched the black in Willow's eyes slowly fade as she stared into his face. The red in her cord faded away, and her own orange slowly bled through the other colors until her cord shrank to normal size. Xander blinked away his Shamanic vision and saw her stricken expression for one second before she threw herself into his arms and started crying.

Chapter 35

Xander held Willow, rocking her as she sobbed into his chest. The sound of running feet made him look up, and security guards, nightsticks pulled out, ran down the escalator. Yeah, because little sticks would have done them a whole lot of good if Willow had been doing her scary-Willow impression. Looking over, Jim was up and looking furious. Blair was moving to intercept the guards.

"Everything's fine," Blair assured them, and Jim pulled his identification out of his pocket, but he didn't offer it as he stood back and watched Blair. The taller guard, the one with the long face that reminded Xander of a picture of Jack Sprat in a book he had as a kid, frowned at Blair.

"We got a report of an attack."

"Oh man, no attack. Willow has epilepsy. She just had a spell, but it's passed now. It's all good."

The guard looked suspiciously from one to the other, but Xander just sat on the ground, stroking Willow's hair and letting the others deal with this. "We got a report of someone being attacked," he repeated, sounding more than a little grouchy at not being able to use his nightstick on someone.

"I'm Jim Ellison from Cascade. I'm the one who got knocked down," Jim said as he stepped forward and opened his badge. "Willow caught me before she went down," he said, not exactly lying. "I'm fine."

"She knocked you down?" the young guard asked. Xander could understand their disbelief because Jim looked a little big to be knocked down by the heap of crying girl in Xander's lap.

"Totally unsurprising," Blair nodded knowingly. "Epileptics are incredibly strong during a seizure. Their muscles contract without control. I mean, we can contract a muscle, but if it hurts, we relax it even if we don't want to. An epileptic can't relax a muscle. So when they hit, man, it's like getting hit with a hammer. And because they aren't doing it consciously, epileptics won't pull their punches. So, look out. Actually, most of the time, it's the epileptics who need to look out because they will hit walls, chairs, the floor. I mean, it's scary how much damage they'll do to themselves. It's not unusual for them to break their own bones during a seizure."

The older guard circled the area, obviously looking for some victim other than Jim, even though Jim had a nice sized red mark on the side of his face that definitely made it look more plausible that he'd gotten knocked around. Checking out the area, Xander could see a potted palm lying on its side. Ow. Jim and the palm had obviously had an up-close moment when he went flying, not that Xander had really been paying attention to that half of the fight. In his arms, Willow's sobs slowly started calming.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she said, loud enough that the older guard came back toward them.

"Hey, not your fault," Xander soothed her. Jim gave him a nasty look, but if they were going with Blair's story, it so wasn't her fault, and Xander just wanted to comfort her right now.

"I hit him. I'm so sorry," Willow moaned as she clutched Xander's shirt and buried her face in it.

"It's okay. No one's hurt, and like we always say, any day that ends without a trip to the emergency room is a day in the win column," Xander muttered as he held her close. The awkwardness of earlier was gone as Xander finally realized that this was what Willow needed. She was carrying all the burdens of the school and teaching the young slayers and training them and keeping them from getting killed, and everyone had let her carry all that without thinking about what it was doing to her, and yeah, Buffy and Giles had come home during the whole Kennedy disaster, but when the screaming and throwing and setting fire parts were over, they were gone and Willow was back to running the whole thing. Spike was there most of the time, but even Xander had left her, disappearing into his video games when she needed him. Yeah, Willow was way off the deep end and drowning when it came to control, but they were all letting her drown.

"Do we need an ambulance?" the guard asked as he slipped his nightstick back into place.

"Nothing a hospital can do will help. Epilepsy isn't something you can fix," Jim said in a casual voice as though this happened all the time. "Can you handle her, Sport, or do you want me to carry her?" Xander looked up from the floor and Jim was gathering shopping bags, handing some over to Blair. His tight jaw didn't really match the rest of the calm look he had going, though. Jim carrying Willow was not really sounding like such a good idea because unless Xander missed his guess, Jim would like to drop Willow in quicksand right about now.

"I can handle her," Xander quickly said. "Hey, up and at 'em," he encouraged Willow as he stood and half supported, half carried her toward the door. Behind them, Blair was still saying something to the security guards, but Xander just focused on getting to the exit without any more disasters. Disasters bad. Disasters so totally bad.

By the time they reached the car, Blair had rejoined them, and Jim and Blair shoved the bags in the trunk while Xander helped Willow into the car. She was still curled up on herself, occasionally muttering apologies.

"Okay, Sport, do you want to explain what happened in there?" Jim demanded as he slammed the front door closed. He turned in his seat to glare at Willow and Xander got the definite impression none of them were going anywhere until he came up with an explanation.

"Oh man, before you explain anything, just let me say thank you because I get the feeling I was about to become a Sandburg pancake," Blair said as he grimaced.

Willow chewed her lip and pulled her feet up onto the backseat of the car, wrapping her arms around her knees. Xander had no idea how Jim could keep glaring when Willow was so obviously miserable.

"Right now, I want an explanation, and I want one that convinces me she isn't still a danger to me and Blair," Jim demanded. Xander reached out and caught Willow's hand, holding it as he stared back at Jim.

"She's not a danger, and growling at her isn't doing anyone any good."

"It's making me feel better," Jim answered tersely. "What she did in there is called assaulting a police officer."

"Goddess, I’m sorry," Willow said again. "I was just… he did his Shaman thing and I was angry and I thought you'd done something to Xander." She started to cry softly.

"Whoa, hey, let's all calm down," Blair suggested, and he reached over and rested his hand on Jim's arm. "Willow, I never tried to hurt you or Xander."

Willow nodded without saying anything.

"Xander," Jim interjected, "I'm still waiting for an explanation that isn't going to lead to her in handcuffs."

"No, no handcuffs!" Xander said when Willow gave a gasp. "She's not a danger because I stopped her, or I didn't stop her as much as she stopped herself when she realized I wasn't going to stop trying to stop her, so it's kinda the same thing."

"Okay, can you take that again from the beginning?" Blair asked. "I think I missed the whole explanation part of that explanation."

Xander took a deep breath. "Willow started to use her magic."

"Yeah, I got that part," Jim offered. "It felt like I got hit with a wrecking ball."

"I'm really sorry. I didn't— I thought—" Willow stopped again, and Xander pulled her into a one-armed hug.

"Xander, what did you do when she started using magic? I was talking as fast as I could, but I don't think I did anything to stop Willow, so I'm still wondering why I’m not a Sandburg pancake."

"I grabbed her soul," Xander admitted, shivering as he remembered the feel of her soul in his hands. "And I was holding her for a second, and then her soul started squirming and a big loop slipped free."

Xander stopped as he tried to figure out how he could explain the next part. Blair prompted him, "Was that before or after you fell?"

"Um, before. I fell when I saw my own soul cord, which is freaky. I've never been able to see my own cord. It's like a sci fi rule that you can't see your own freakiness, like when a vampire can't see himself in a mirror, but obviously the rule broke down because when Willow started sliding away from me, I could see my own cord, and it wrapped around her soul cord, and that somehow kept her magic in her."

"I could feel you pressing my magic back," Willow nodded. "And I was angry because I thought Blair had done something to you, the way he made me think I need therapy. I thought if I just killed Blair, things would go back to normal."

"Oh man, that's…" Blair stopped.

"Let me make one thing clear," Jim jumped in, his voice cold and flat. "If you ever do anything to even make me think you're using magic on either of us, I will put a bullet in your brain." Willow's head snapped up, and even Xander focused on the Sentinel, chilled at the danger he could hear in that voice.

"Jim, man, come on," Blair urged.

"Stow it, Chief. She's no different from any other killer, and if she takes another shot at you, I'll stop her however I need to."

"I—I wouldn't."

"I'm not convinced." Jim still stared at her.

"Xander would have died for you," she whispered. "I wouldn't ever hurt you, you know that, right?" she asked as she suddenly turned to Xander.

"I know you wouldn't want to hurt me, but Willow, you're trying to fix things— only you're not good with the fixing." He could see her open her mouth to argue. "You aren't, and I'm not either. Face it, we suck with the fixing, Willow. Spike said that when Cordelia disappeared, Angel used some magic thingy to see where her soul was to see if she needed help, and she was in heaven. Of course, she was bored in heaven, but that's not the point. The point is that we didn't even think of a magic thingy before we brought Buffy back from the dead. And then we left her in the grave. And the clothing fluke, I was fluking right there next to you. And we kicked Buffy out over the whole vineyard thing, but she was right, big with the right, and we were trying to… I don't even know what stupidity possessed the two of us that day, but both of us, we suck at fixing things, major suckage, black hole levels of suckage."

"Sport, I need you to explain to me right now what stopped Willow and what is keeping her from trying that stunt again." Xander looked up and Jim was not looking any happier.

"My soul was trapping hers. If she wanted to go after Blair, she had to go through me," Xander said quietly. "And I didn't stop her because I could feel her power. She has way more than I do, and she could have ripped right through me to get Blair."

"I wouldn't have," Willow said quickly. "You were willing to sacrifice yourself for Blair, and that kind of loyalty… dark magic isn't good at inspiring that sort of loyalty. Blair couldn't have made you."

"Which means you just now figured out that Xander told you the truth the whole time," Jim summarized. "You could have saved everyone a whole lot of grief by just believing him in the first place. Isn't he supposed to be your friend?"

"He is my friend," Willow objected.

Jim snorted. "Maybe he won't say it, but I will. You're manipulative and ten times more controlling than I've ever seen Spike. If you really were his friend, you would have believed him."

"Hey!" Xander protested loudly.

"Oh man, this is probably not the place for this conversation. Actually, I'm not sure there is a good place for this conversation," Blair muttered softly.

"Look, I'm not into games," Jim said firmly, still glaring at Willow, "So let me make a few things clear. Xander is a man who can make his own decisions, and you trying to use guilt or manipulate him out of caring for Spike is a lot more morally questionable than any dominance games the two of them choose to play."

Willow blushed. "At least I don't treat Xander like he's inferior."

"I think the train to logicsville went off its rails," Xander quickly said. "There's no inferior. If anything, Spike is all 'woo hoo' for powerful Shamen and let me show you off. Nope, no inferior."

"But Bertrand said…"

"Give me a break," Blair snorted. "Dominance and submission is so not about inferiority, so if that's where you have a malfunction in your thinking, get over it. I'm the first to admit that I play beta to Jim, but that does not make me inferior. I don't think Jim is better than me. I'm just pretty sure he's more aggressive and direct."

Willow blinked at him, frowning for a second before she answered. "How do I know you aren't using your powers to make me think that? Because I walked in on them, and Spike was doing bad things."

"Bad things?" Jim looked at Willow like she had just turned purple or something, but then it was a pretty stupid thing for a grown woman to say. She blushed.

"It wasn't just sex," she quickly defended herself and her definition of 'bad.' "Spike had him tied up." Willow turned her appeal on Xander. "He tied you up; there was tying going on."

Now it was Xander's turn to blush. "And I was okay, Will. I mean, I don't ask about your sex life, so can we please not talk about mine?"

"And being dominant is totally not the same thing as bondage," Blair nodded. "I mean, just because one partner is the epitome of alpha male does not mean he doesn't enjoy getting tied up with ropes and letting someone else take control for a little bit."

Xander blushed even darker at that thought. Okay, he wasn't sure if that was TMI or just seriously freaky or maybe hot. It might be hot. Seriously hot. And seriously freaky in that Jim wasn't even blushing or twitching and Blair had just pretty much said Jim liked to get tied up, which should be blush-worthy.

"Look, Xander still thinks of you as a friend, despite the fact I haven't seen any reason for him to think that. So let's just call a truce," Jim suggested. "We don't talk to each other until we get back to the hotel. Deal?"

Willow nodded.

"And and once we get there, I don't want you anywhere near me or Blair again, or you will not like the consequences. Are we clear?" This time Jim didn't even pretend to ask her opinion on the offer. For a second, Jim sat in the front seat, staring at her. "Chief, you're driving, I'm riding shotgun," he announced. He waited until Blair got out of the car and then slid across the seat, still watching Willow. Xander had the distinct impression that Jim really would have been happier riding shotgun with a shotgun, but Willow sat silent the entire time as Blair drove back to the hotel.

As Blair pulled up in front of the hotel, Xander could see Spike leaning against one of the pillars that held up the covered drive in front. Blair parked the car and got out without a word. Jim paused for a second, still staring at Willow before he opened his door.

"I meant what I said. I don't ever want to see you again," Jim repeated. "Sport, we'll be back at our hotel."

"Got it," Xander nodded. Jim was out, his arm around Blair as they headed for the truck before Xander could open his door. Spike wandered over before crushing his cigarette under his boot.

"Right then, you get that sorted, did you?"

"You left us alone on purpose," Xander suddenly realized as he walked over and poked at Spike's stomach. Spike caught his wrist and pulled Xander in close, wrapping an arm around him, and Xander leaned into his strength.

"Told ya, pet, I can't get involved with you sorting yourself out," he admitted. Willow was standing by the open car door still looking a little lost.

"Red, you okay?" Spike asked. She looked up with swollen eyes, but didn't answer. Spike frowned and then gently pushed past Xander. "Red, ya need to understand something. When it was you and me before, I didn't get in your face because I didn't think a pissing contest would do anyone any good."

She looked up at him with a small frown, but she didn't answer.

"Only now, Xander and Riley and even Buffy need there to be a clear structure, and if ya want to stay part of this family, you have to live in that structure."

"So, you're moving in and making yourself the big head dead guy? Way to take advantage of the situation," she said with more than a little sarcasm, and that was closer to the Willow who had gone toe to toe with Kennedy.

Spike moved fast, pinning her to the car with a hand at her neck, and Willow's mouth opened in surprise.

"Not takin' advantage of anything, luv, and I'm not the head of our little hierarchy, Buffy is. You remember her, she's the one who made the right calls, time after time, even when you lot turned your backs on her. She's moving back to London, so you'll play nice and stop all this shite."

"Buffy's moving back?" Willow asked, her voice now more hopeful than resentful and Spike slowly let her go.

"Yeah, and consider me her lieutenant. You do anything to make Xander uncomfortable, you cast one spell on anyone in the group, you try gettin' any of the younger slayers to think badly of me or Riley or Xander or Buffy, and you won't like what happens, luv."

Willow crossed her arms. "Threats? Buffy's not going to be good with the threats, Spike. She's a big no on threatening the friends."

"It's not a threat, Willow," Buffy said softly. Xander spun and found Buffy and Riley standing on the other side of the car.

"Buffy?" Willow asked. Buffy pressed her lips together, a frown dancing across her face before she got her own version of the resolve face.

"I spent a lot of time getting my own head together," she said slowly. "And maybe my therapist would call this codependent, but someone's made me realize that we need each other. Willow, we all came into our powers together, the three of us. I learned to be a Slayer with my Slayerettes backing me up. You learned to be a witch at my side. Xander was doing his Shaman thing even when we were just calling him a demon magnet. Our powers developed together, and things haven't been okay since we really split up. Well, I've been okay," Buffy amended that. "I've actually been doing good on the job front and the Riley front and therapy front, and I thought you needed therapy way before Blair said anything, so don't give me that look." Buffy sighed. "Look, as good as the Riley and work bits have been, the doing good just isn't all that good without you two. I keep going to my therapist trying to figure out what's missing from my life and why I can't enjoy all the good, and it's because I'm missing you guys. And Willow, you're doing good with the running of things, but you aren't doing good in the actual doing of good."

"I'm all kinds of good," Willow argued.

Buffy shook her head. "Willow, you've turned your life into paying the gas bill and the electric bill and figuring out which slayer is supposed to be training where." Buffy shook her head. "I should have hired someone for that, but you were there, and I just didn't think about what this was doing to you." Buffy looked like she was near tears, and Riley slipped an arm around her without saying anything.

"Oh goddess, don't. I volunteered, and I love the research and late nights when Giles is home and we're trying to find the demon of the week, and that computer security network I just set up, that was good," Willow hurried to explain.

"Is this the life you saw for yourself back in high school?" Buffy asked. "I mean, you haven't had time to take those university classes you wanted or even take a night off. It's time for us to take care of each other again, and this is me not taking no for an answer. Willow, I love you and it's time for me to make sure you aren't ripping yourself to pieces trying to cover my back with the London house, so I'm coming home. Well," she looked up, "Riley and I are coming home."

Xander could see the relief in Willow's smile.

"But," Buffy warned, and Willow's smile faded. "Consider this an intervention. I'm not really happy with this hierarchy crap because it means that I basically ruined big parts of my own life because I had my head up my own ass and didn't recognize it. So, this is me officially declaring that my head and my ass have parted ways and I won't have you making decisions that should be mine. I'll listen to your input, but you don't get to make the decisions."

"So, you're back to declaring yourself a dictator?" Willow asked harshly, and Xander saw Buffy flinch.

"Will," Xander stepped in. "She shouldn't have to. The whole point is that we back her. This isn't her playing enforcer. This is us backing her because face it, she's way better at the decision stuff than we are. Her and Spike can make the big decisions like whether to bring people back from the dead or whether to end the world, and we back them."

"Like good little sheep?"

"We're better at following, Will. Suckage, remember? And I'll admit that the Shaman powers stuff gives me the wiggins. I don't have your power, but I have way more than I'm really comfortable with and lots of power plus judgment that sucks monkey balls is so totally not a good combination. I'd feel a whole lot better if Spike and Buffy were there to keep me from falling into any stupid. If they weren't here, I would go to Jim and Blair because it's about trusting someone. It's not about love because I love you, but you're about as trustworthy as me when it comes to decisions, which is not of the good. I mean, you tried to kill Blair."

"She what?" Buffy demanded.

"What the bloody hell did you do?" Spike demanded, and Willow was pinned to the car again, this time with Spike in full game face, and even knowing that Spike wouldn't actually hurt her, Xander could feel the panic clawing his gut.

"I thought he had done something to Xander," Willow cried.

"Blair's fine," Xander hurried to say as he rested a hand on Spike's back. "She went all dark eyed and I could see her soul getting all bloated with magic, and you're right about the magic letting demonic power in her because there was black in the soul which makes sense with the black in her eyes and the eyes being the windows to the soul—"

"Xander, what happened?" Buffy cut him off.

"I can see my own soul cord now, which is cool, but freaky," Xander said with a weak smile, but Buffy didn't look amused and Spike still had Willow pinned, her hands grabbing at his arm.

"My soul wrapped around hers and wouldn't let her do any magic, but I only managed to do that after she'd knocked Jim into a potted palm. And what with the cut on his face from Sungsen and now the scrapes and bruises from the tree he crashed into when Willow flung him, he's looking a little rough."

"Bloody hell."

"Spike," Buffy said warningly. "Willow, I'm totally riding on the 'Blair and Jim being annoying' bus, I'm right up front with the driver, but they're definitely not on the kill list."

Willow nodded her head. "I know. Xander was willing to sacrifice himself for Blair. Dark magic couldn't force that willingness and Xander wouldn't do that for a bad guy. I know that. I'm sorry." Spike let go of her and took a step back, his arm going around Xander's waist while Willow hugged herself.

"If they're on their way back to Cascade, you're bloody right you'll be sorry because we need them if we're going up against a Mazzikim," Spike growled. "Those are nasty buggers, and Jim and Riley are our best chance. And since soldier boy here isn't even using his Sentinel senses yet, that makes Jim our best chance."

"They're waiting at the hotel," Xander offered. "They kinda don't want to see Willow again, though, or at least Jim doesn't. There were threats, vague threats that included arrests and handcuffs, and at one point bullets and brains."

"Willow, I'm not trying to be a dictator," Buffy said as she came around the car. "I love you guys, and I'm trying to keep us from self destructing. It's not like I care what you do most of the time, but if you start ending the world or killing random people or if there are disasters in general going on, I'm with Xander, your judgment is not always the best. I mean, you didn't want to exorcise an evil spirit that was trying to kill people because he was a Native American."

"He had a right to be angry," Willow said quietly.

"Angry, yes," Buffy nodded. "Homicidal, no. And he wrecked my perfect holiday dinner, and that's just unforgivable."

Willow looked at her for a second, and then Xander could feel something shifting. Buffy reached out, and Willow moved in to hug her, their arms going around each other. Xander moved in and added his own arms around both of them.

"So, we're okay?" Xander asked.

Willow nodded.

"And no more with the trying to get your way?" Buffy asked. "I'm not going to like it, but if you keep playing games, I'm going to make you go away, and that sounded vaguely mobish when really I just meant I'll make you go live in France with Bertrand or something."

Willow didn't answer right away, and Xander could feel Buffy pull back from the hug. He let go of the girls, and Spike's arms came around his waist.

"Red, no one's going to make you go away as long as you play nice," he said quietly. Willow looked over at him for a second and then nodded.

"No more games," she agreed.

"And here's the part where we see if you mean that," Spike said as he considered her. "We're going after Susan Clark, and you're staying here, luv."

"What?" Willow demanded. "You can't leave me behind."

"We're not leaving you behind," Buffy said. "We're having you be the tactical reserve. You need to stay here with Giles and hopefully we'll send word back that she's either not infected or she's dead. I'm hoping for not infected," Buffy said as she looked toward Riley.

"She's a good woman. She doesn't deserve to die as a demon, but if she is turning, she'd be the first to choose death over endangering others," Riley answered.

"But, why can't I come?" Willow demanded.

"This is one of those world-ending decisions, Will. I can't have you with us this time, and I would like to think that you trust me enough to just take my word on that." Buffy crossed her arms and looked at Willow with an expression that again reminded Xander of Joyce. Buffy wasn't hard and sarcastic the way she had been at the end there at Sunnydale, but that was definitely a 'do not argue with me' expression.

Willow shifted from one foot from another, glancing over toward him, but Xander leaned back into Spike's arms and watched without trying to help her. A little part of him wanted to explain, to talk to her about power-eating demons and vulnerabilities and the way that the Mazzikim could eat her while she was trying to set up her spell while he could do the soul ripping part no prep required. Of course, a smaller part wanted her to come so he wouldn't have to do the ripping, but Xander was calling that part of him a big old coward and shoving it in a closet. And he shoved the 'wanting to explain' part in the closet after it because Buffy was right, Willow had to learn to play backup because as leader-girl, she had the suckage going.

"Tactical reserve?" she asked uncertainly.

"You're part of the family, pet. We're not going to leave you behind, but sometimes someone has to be part of the reserve team," Spike pointed out. She looked at him and then at Buffy.

"Right," she said slowly as she nodded. "I can do reserve. Is it okay if I worry myself sick as I'm reserving?"

"Go for it," Buffy smiled, and then she got a conspiratorial look on her face. "But not around Giles because he's looking really cranky today, so when he finds out we've gone rogue on him, he's probably not going to be in the kind of mood where he brings you chicken soup."

"Oh, Giles isn't in on this?" Willow looked a little worried.

"Giles is busy having issues, so we're moving on without him. He and Bertrand can keep each other company," Buffy shrugged. "This Xander being a Shaman thing is really throwing him for many, many loops," Buffy said, her arm slipping around Willow's arm as they headed for the hotel. Willow looked at Buffy with those wide eyes Xander remembered from years ago.

"Xander being a Shaman is a little loop-worthy," Willow said, and then she glanced back guiltily to where Xander and Spike were following. "Not that I'm doing the looping now. I totally get that you're with the Shamanism, and thank you for not letting me kill Blair because that would have been bad.

"I can't believe Jim didn't shoot you," Riley said quietly.

"You're not bloody kidding. Ellison's not the forgivin' sort when it comes to the fuzzy little Shaman," Spike snorted.

"And speaking of, Jim and Blair are back at the hotel, so when are we getting the plan going because they actually do have to get back to work eventually," Xander pointed out.

"We're leaving tonight," Riley offered as he walked beside them, the two girls now giggling about something as they kept looking back.

"If we're leaving, aren't we going the wrong way?" Xander asked. "I mean, if we're going to cut Giles out of the loop, I don't want to be there for the loop cutting because he can get big with the cranky."

"Actually, Spike wants to make a visit to Bertrand," Buffy said before she pushed through the front door to the hotel, her and Willow still arm in arm.

"I thought we didn't like him," Xander said, confused.

"We bloody well don't. Arrogant little piss-ant, but he's a healer. Before we go, we're getting that eye socket repaired so you can get a prosthetic."

"But we don't have time, demons and…" Xander paused, "um, demon and demon and demon, oh my," he sing-songed. "And that works a lot better when we're going after multiple things."

"Loon," Spike complained as they all piled into the elevator. "But we're not leaving until you get healed."

"Seconding that," Buffy agreed. "Like my therapist says, adults have to learn to parent themselves, to take care of themselves and set their own boundaries and love themselves unconditionally. The eye thing, so not parenting yourself, Xan."

"But this still isn't me taking care of myself," Xander pointed out.

Buffy shrugged. "So my therapist is wrong." She slipped her free arm around Xander's waist so that he was held between Spike and Buffy. Xander closed his eye, and for the first time since before Africa, before the end there at Sunnydale and his eye and Anya dying, for the first time, he felt truly and completely whole. Spike was right; it was time to get his eye fixed so that he at least looked as whole as he felt.

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