Learning Curve
Rated ADULT
Sexual Content (No Partner Betrayal!)

Jim/Blair, Blair/Xander, Xander/Spike

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PROLOGUE

"Xander, we really need you to do this for us," Willow blinked in that' helpless little girl' expression she'd been using on him ever since the yellow crayon. Xander crossed his arms and squinted his eye. When she was four and her crayon broke, that look had made him hand over his own crayon. It didn't work nearly as well now that she was one of the most powerful witches on earth.

"Right. And the fact that it's on the other side of the world?" Xander demanded.

"The council hasn't seen an active Sentinel in like five hundred years. This is big. It might be some sort of apocalyptic sign big."

"You're just trying to make me feel better, aren't you?"

"Maybe," she admitted in a small voice. "But knowing how to work with a Sentinel, that would of the good, yes?" she quickly added. "I mean, we already know that a lot of Sentinels end up doing the crazy thing, and if you understand Sentinel psychology, and then we find another Sentinel and this Sentinel is losing his marbles… what with the seeing and hearing things, and really that does sound a bit like schizophrenia, so you really can't blame the doctors for thinking the Sentinels are doing the crazy. There was a guy in the 1800's who might have been a Sentinel and he… let's just say it didn't end well what with mental health field using more chains and boiling water than Prozac." Willow paused in horror, and Xander jumped in before she could continue. He knew her babble well enough to know that she'd just keep right on going.

"So you want me to train to work with some weird nearly-human thing even though no one has seen one in five hundred years and it'll probably be another five hundred before another pops up? Thinkin' I'm not going to be around in five hundred years, Wills."

"Bloody hope not," Spike growled as he aimed his car at another hapless citizen of Springfield. Xander glanced over as Spike backed the car up and aimed it at Ned Flanders again, sending the man rolling down the street. No wonder Spike could never beat his scores on the game, he was too busy mowing down the pixilated population.

"Of course you'll probably still be here mooching," Xander snapped.

"At least I'm of some use, mate. Red's sending ya on this chase 'cause none of us need ya 'round here."

"HEY!" Willow protested that, but Xander turned his back and started walking out of the common room. Yeah, he knew he was big on the useless scale, but he didn't need it pointed out by Spike. The missing eye meant he was more a danger to his own side in a fight. He couldn't even count the number of times Buffy or Spike had to save him from some baddie running up on his blind side. They kept trying to blindside him, he quipped to himself as he strode down the hallway, but even he didn't find his joke funny. One little case of malaria and Buffy wouldn't even hear of him going back on the road to track down slayers. Which left him… it left him nowhere he realized.

He could hear Willow's footsteps running behind him in the hall. She had probably stopped to give Spike shit, which was kinda emasculating, but then he should be used to it by now. He started down the main staircase of Watcher HQ.

"Xander, wait," Willow called. Xander considered ignoring her, but too many years of listening made his feet stop before he'd even made a decision.

"Xander…" Willow came up to him and put a warm hand on his bare arm. He could feel the love there, but he could also feel her helplessness, the fact that she wanted to help and didn't know how. "He didn't mean it."

"Yeah, he did," Xander answered. Spike didn't say things he didn't mean. Spike was rude, blunt, sexy, sadistic, lithe, and honest. Then again, Xander had always fallen for the sadistic ones, and the way Willow was looking at him, he wasn't fooling her much with his 'I hate Spike' campaign.

"You just need some time to sort this out," she said softly, and Xander made the connection.

"You're sending me away from *him*," Xander accused her. "So, how many of you are in on this little plan? Giles? Buffy? Wait, did you call Angel and talk about ways to keep me from making the worst mistake of my life?" Willow pulled back in the face of his anger, and Xander immediately felt guilty. Yep, Xand the Insecure Man spreading unhappiness and misery everywhere he went. Xander wondered what kind of cape came with those sorts of super powers.

"No! I didn't… I just thought…" Willow started tearing up, and Xander's anger evaporated. He reached out and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. You know me, I say lots of stuff I don't mean—it's a disease. I'm just a sick, sick boy… got diarrhea of the mouth here."

"I haven't said anything to anyone," Willow whispered into his chest, and Xander knew she was telling him the truth. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

"Yeah, my skills of pickage suck when it comes to partners," Xander admitted.

"You just deserve someone who loves you."

"Yeah, I know. Maybe you're right about needing some time. So, what's the weather like in Cascade this time of year?" Xander asked as he laid a cheek against her head, smelling the sweet fruitiness of her shampoo.

"Um, I think rainy," Willow said. Xander glanced toward the windows where a grey English drizzle misted the glass.

"Great. More rain. Yippee," Xander said unenthusiastically. Willow poked him in the ribs. "I mean, Yippee," he repeated with a fake smile and a strained enthusiasm. "I'll go pack a bag."

CHAPTER ONE

Xander took a deep breath and looked around the airport. Blair's long hair should be easy enough to spot, or at least that's what he'd thought before stepping off the plan in Cascade and discovering at least half of the guys had long hair. Okay, that was a slight exaggeration, but by that much, Xander thought as a guy who looked a lot like Fabio flipped his hair and hitched his bag up onto his shoulder. Xander shifted his own duffle bag higher on his shoulder as he walked off the ramp and into the waiting crowd. Xander detoured around a happily chatting Asian family as he searched the edges of the crowd.

It was funny how every airport in the world looked just the same... the same light colored walls, the same big windows overlooking the planes as they crept over the grey asphalt. Xander looked up to see a display of Native American headdresses and decorated spears behind bulletproof glass. Yep, there was the obligatory cultural display put up just to prove that this building wasn't interchangeable with the one in Zimbabwe with the shield collection or the one in Phoenix with the Indian pottery collection.

"Xander?" a voice asked from behind him, and he turned around to find the bluest eyes surrounded by a mane of brown and red curls. Blair.

"Blair?" he asked just to be on the safe side.

"Oh man, I'm so totally stoked to meet you. Jim was half convinced this was some sort of practical joke." Blair gestured toward a second man, and Xander turned to smile a hello to Jim. His expression just sort of froze in place as he found himself looking at the scariest guy he'd ever seen. The expression was pretty much like Spike's 'one second away from killing something' face with a bit of Angel's jaw-twitching 'I think you're an idiot but I'm not going to say it' face thrown in on the side. Oh yeah, someone was not feelin' the love.

"Nice to meet you," Xander finally choked out as he held out a hand. Jim took the hand and ice blue eyes searched him for a second, stopping at the duffle bag before that gaze returned to the crowd. Something from Xander's soldier memories screamed about threat assessments and covert ops, and Xander found himself taking a step to the side to get closer to Blair.

"So, are we ready to get out of here?" Jim suddenly asked.

"Um, yeah. This is all I brought since I don't really trust the airlines with luggage. One time when I was flying to Africa they sent this tribal god carving thing I was supposed to use as a way to prove I wasn't some nutcase because it had this big truth mojo, and they mixed up the bags and sent the thing to Denmark and there I was in this village trying to convince them that I was interested in their young girls because of the whole slayer thing rather than the whole creepy pedophilia thing." Xander groaned to himself as he realized that pedophilia might not be a good topic of discussion around cops.

"Tribal carving? Cool. What tribe?" Blair asked as though Xander hadn't been babbling.

"Um, not sure. Might have been demonic," Xander said. He didn't miss the twitch in Jim's shoulders as the man walked ahead of them.

"Demonic tribes? Oh man, that is so cool. I wonder how Dr. Stoddard would react to a demonic fetish," Blair mused without missing a beat.

"Fet—" Xander choked.

"An objects, something with magical or spiritual energies," Blair defined the word, and Xander just nodded mutely. Funny, Xander had expected more freakage, something more like Jim whose back kept going stiffer until the man could give Angel a run for his money in the stick up his butt department. But Blair seemed strangely okay with it. Xander didn't answer since he really had no idea what to say. Anymore his words seemed to either come all at once or not at all.

"Wait here," Jim said brusquely as they reached the curb. Xander thought he was talking to both of them until Jim's hand reached for Blair's back, herding the shorter man away as Xander stood on the sidewalk wondering whether either of them were going to come back. He had a feeling that if it were up to Jim, the two of them would drive off and leave Xander standing in the grey Cascade morning trying to book a flight back to England. Not that Xander necessarily would head back right now. Time away from the demon slaying and time away from Spike suddenly seemed like a good idea.

Xander shifted his bag to his opposite shoulder as people around him hailed taxis and disappeared into the traffic. When an old blue pickup pulled up to the curb, Xander ignored it until the door opened and Blair leaned out.

"Come on, if we make Jim late for work, we'll never hear the end of it," Blair called, and Xander tossed his bag into the back before climbing in the cab.

The ride to their apartment was uncomfortable with Jim's jaw twitching in very Angel-like ways, Blair filling awkward silences with descriptions of the historical significance of nearly every building they passed and Xander watching them in uncharacteristic silence. He didn't know what to say, especially since there wasn't a good reason for him being here. Sure, Willow had a reason for wanting him out of HQ, but these two were just the saps he got dumped on. Even if Jim was a Sentinel, it's not like there was some big huge need for information on Sentinels.

"I left some paperwork in the loft," Jim said in clipped syllables as he parked the truck in front of a bakery.

"You've got time, man. Simon isn't expecting you 'til ten."

"I know, Sandburg," Jim practically growled. Xander had already gotten out and had his bag half out of the bed of the truck, and even though the words weren't aimed at him, he still flinched at the growl.

"Ignore Jim. He's just perpetually cranky," Blair offered as he got out the passenger side and slammed the door. Blair didn't miss the way Jim waited at the hood of the truck and then dropped a hand onto Blair's shoulder as they headed to a door next to the bakery. Xander wondered whether those two were doing it or if his own recently discovered interest in the same sex was just making him look at the world through gay-colored glasses.

"Yeah, no problem. Spent years living with the perpetually cranky myself, only in my case it was the perpetually cranky and occasionally murderous in the blood sucking demon kinda way," Xander answered, his nervousness making words tumble out, "But then at least Spike never shaved his legs with my razor the way Dawn does every time she forgets to put razors on her shopping list." Xander followed the pair up the stairs and neither one answered. Okay, Blair might have, only Jim was pushing the man up the stairs ahead of him.

Jim stopped on the first landing, only a half a story up. "Sandburg, we're out of that organic cleaner you keep under the sink. Unless you want me to use Comet…"

"Oh man, that stuff leaves welts on your skin."

"And it leaves the sink actually clean."

"The organic orange cleaner works just as well."

"If you scrub twice as long," Jim countered. "But do me a favor and run down to the store for some while I get my paperwork together. You know, this would be a lot simpler if that car of yours wasn't always breaking down."

"Hey, she's a classic." Blair protested.

"She's a piece of junk," Jim said with a snort. Xander watched as Blair gaze went from him to Jim and then back to him. Xander knew that Blair knew that it was a set-up, but Xander didn't protest despite a pretty good feeling about what was about to happen. Hell, he'd given a few intimidation speeches in his day, so he got it. Blair had believed Willow's story about Hellmouths and demons and watchers, and Jim… not so much.

"I'll be right back," Blair finally said. "You wanna ride along?" Blair offered.

"Nah, I think I'll stick around and let the Neanderthal intimidate me," Xander shrugged. Blair opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it with an audible snap. Jim's jaw just tightened until Xander could see the muscle bulging.

"Oh man, do not let him scare you. His bark is much worse than his bite," Blair finally said as Jim started up the stairs with heavy footsteps that suggested that Xander had just broken some sort of unwritten rule.

"Yeah, I've dealt with that sort a lot," Xander said as he looked up the stairs. "It's probably just better to let him get it out of his system." He said the words, but he wasn't sure he entirely believed them as he considered being alone with Jim in an apartment. The man was big. And dangerous. And definitely set off the old Hellmouth radar in a vague creepy feeling up the backbone kinda way. And he clearly didn't like Xander.

"I'll be back as quick as I can," Blair promised as he dashed down the stairs and out the door. Xander wondered for a moment if it would be too cowardly to just sit on the steps and wait for Blair to get back, but then again, he had to face Jim sometime. With a sigh he switched his bag from his left shoulder to his right before heading up the stairs. He only hoped that Jim was waiting in the hall because he couldn’t remember the apartment number.

CHAPTER TWO

Fortunately for Xander, Jim stood with his arms crossed outside one of the doors on the third floor. Xander hitched his bag further up on his shoulder and walked past the man despite the slight Hellmouthy vibes. Or maybe vibe was too strong a word since he was only getting a tingle of Hellmouthiness.

Xander dropped his bag near a couch and turned to watch as the detective locked the apartment door. It really was a nice place, but Xander didn't spare much attention for the room considering the aggression pouring off every tightly controlled gesture Ellison made.

"Want a beer?" the man asked as he went into the kitchen.

"Um, really rather not. Kinda have some bad memories with beer, and since I figure you aren't going to stop growling at me until we talk this out, I'd rather get to the talking part. Not that I want to do the talking part," Xander quickly added, "but if we're going to talk, I really just want it all out on the table. Not big on the waiting. Waiting bad. And I babble when I get all freaked out," Xander trailed off, and the expression on Jim's face suddenly lightened. The man was possibly even biting his lip to keep from laughing, but laughing was better than pounding.

"Freaked out?" Jim asked as he leaned again the square pillar, taking a drink from a bottle of water before crossing his arms. "I thought you people dealt with Hellmouths and demons." Xander couldn't exactly miss the disbelief in the voice.

"And guys who can hear dog whistles miles away," Xander added. He had to remind himself not to flinch when Jim's expression suddenly darkened again.

"Are you suggesting I fit into the same category with demons?" he demanded.

"No! Well, maybe. Giles said there was a theory that Sentinels might somehow be related to slayers like the male half of the line or something because they have these protective instincts like slayers, although really slayers do a lot of hunting and killing considering they're supposed to be protectors."

"Slayers. You mean the vampire slaying girls Ms. Rosenburg described." Jim said cautiously. Xander fidgeted and moved closer to the door even though he knew Blair couldn't get back this quickly.

"Um, yeah. They're extra strong and have this vampire radar thing going on. But Giles also said that the Sentinels might come from some sort of warrior-priest clan that battled demons like thousands of years ago, and some people think they might actually have some demonic blood in their ancestry." Xander stopped when Jim's hands closed around the front of Xander's jacket and slammed him back into the door hard enough to knock the breath out of him. The man was fast, faster than anyone Xander knew who wasn't a vampire or a slayer.

"Oh, hey, no grabbing the guest. Willow said you guys were the 'protect the tribe' types, definitely not the 'eviscerate the guest' type," he joked even though he could feel cold panic wrap around him.

"You aren't part of my tribe," Jim just about growled the words, and that wasn't exactly a protective expression on the man's face. "And I don't buy your line. So tell me who you work for and what you want with us," Jim demanded. The hands tightened so that the jacket dug into Xander's underarms.

"The Watcher's Council sent me just to learn about Sentinels. Who else is going to hire a one-eyed carpenter?" Xander's desperation ratcheted up a notch as Jim turned him and pulled one of Xander's arms behind his back. Ellison shoved Xander face-first into the door, and then used his leverage on Xander's arm to keep him there. "You know, if you're trying to convince me you don't have demonic grandparents hidden up in the old family tree, this probably isn't the way to do it," Xander said as one large hand quickly and efficiently frisked him. The grip on his captured arm changed and then his other side got an equally official frisking.

When the cold of metal went around his wrist, he used the hand he had braced on the door to try and free himself.

"Hey, just hold on one second because I am not into that. Handcuffs were definitely not in the travel brochure, and if you're that cranky about houseguests, just let me know, and I'll find a hotel. Never let it be said I stayed where I wasn't wanted." Xander tried to turn and regain control of his hand, but a kick to the back of one of his knees sent him crashing to the floor, his cheek plastered to the door. "HEY!" he complained even louder as his second arm was pulled to the small of his back before being handcuffed in place.

"Right, so now we're going to have that talk you mentioned," Jim said as he pulled him up and pushed him toward the couch. He briefly considered a sweeping kick aimed at Jim's legs, but considering how easily the man had cuffed him, Xander wasn't making any bets on how well that would go over. He decided on going for the helpless approach instead, which wasn't all that hard handcuffed in a strange city in a strange man's apartment. Why was he the only who always got into these messes?

Strong hands turned him and then pushed him back into the couch, and Xander flinched when the handcuffs tightened uncomfortably as Jim pressed him back against the cushions.

"Who do you work for?" Jim demanded as he stood over Xander, arms crossed.

"The Watcher's Council," Xander answered honestly.

"Do you work for the CIA?"

"What? No. I don't even know anyone from the CIA. Well, except these two guys that showed up in Sunnydale to get this invisi-girl I went to school with."

"The FBI?"

"No."

"Secret Service?"

"You mean the counterfeit money guys? Just no."

"MI-5? MI-6?"

"Okay, I don't even know who that is." Xander's soldier memories suddenly supplied the information. "Oh, hey, wait, do I *sound* stuck up and British to you?"

"Army?"

"No." Xander suddenly found Jim Ellison's face an inch from his, Jim's arms on either side of him as he leaned on the back of the couch.

"What branch?" he demanded in a voice that made Xander shudder as much as any fledge's growl ever had.

"What part of 'no' don't you understand?" Xander demanded. "Not big with the military types here, and I'm not going to pass the physical with only one eye."

"So why did your heart speed up at the question?" Jim demanded. Uh oh. Xander considered how to explain *that* little hitch to someone who didn't even believe in vampires much less chaos mages.

"Um, I might have some Army memories in here after a small Halloween accident with a cursed uniform. But I have hyena memories after a small zoo accident with a cursed hyena, and I don't go eating raw meat… any more. Anyway, my point is that I'm no more a soldier than a hyena," Xander pressed back into the couch as Jim leaned even farther in. "Personal space, buddy. You're definitely in mine, and I really don't know you well enough to be comfortable sharing body heat unless here some apocalyptic disaster."

"Cursed uniform? At least you're original," Jim announced as he stood up.

"Um, not really. Everyone sort of got cursed that night. Well, maybe not everyone, but most everyone."

"Wait here," Jim ordered before heading up the stairs.

"Yeah, like I'm going anywhere like this," Xander snorted in disgust as he leaned forward to take some of the weight off his wrists. And there he sat and waited as Ellison slammed around on the second floor. When the lock on the door clicked, Xander looked up as Blair pushed the door open with a hip.

"I decided to get a few extras while I was out, so if you he-men types are finished growling at each oth…" Blair stopped as he came around the door, and Xander figured it wasn't hard to guess why.

"Um, I think the growling part is over and we've moved on to bondage and general intimidation, which is a bit over-the-top-ish in my book, but seems to be making your partner happy," Xander shrugged awkwardly

"What would make me happy is if you had never called," Jim said as he came down the stairs with a length of chain in his hand: one of those heavy industrial chains with huge links.

"Ya know, technically I never called, so if it's the callage making you grumpy, you really should take that up with Willow." In his head, Xander added, 'the woman who could turn that thing into a daisy chain and leave you making froggy noises as you hopped across the room.

"Oh man, this is the definition of uncool. I told Willow that he'd be perfectly safe here, and I don't think handcuffs and chains fit the bill," Blair added.

"His heart spiked when I asked if he was Army. You may believe this demon crap, but I sure don't, and now that I know where to focus, I plan on finding out exactly who Mr. Harris is representing." Jim wrapped one end of the chain around the pillar and closed a padlock around it.

"Would it help if I once again pointed out that I work for the Watcher's Council? 'Cause I can keep saying that if it helps any," Xander offered as Jim walked over and pulled him to his feet.

"Don't bother," Jim said as he did something with the handcuffs.

"Jim, man, don't do this," Blair finally got around to putting the bags on the counter, and then both of them got to watch as Jim handcuffed Xander's one hand to the end of the chain.

"Chief, if you're right, he won't die from a day chained to the post, and I'll apologize later. If I'm right, I won't risk leaving you alone with him." Jim said to his partner, turning his back on Xander.

"I should be complimented. Usually I'm the guy no one takes seriously, so I normally just get ignored," Xander joked as he sat down on the floor with his back to the post. He might have room to reach a kitchen chair, but he wasn't going to amuse Ellison by trying to reach and finding the chain just a little too short.

"Xander, I am so sorry. He isn't usually such a dickwad," Blair said with a glare.

"Better safe than sorry, so I'll take these keys with me. And don't you go cutting him free. If he isn't still chained to that post when I come back, there's going to be hell to pay."

"Don't go telling me what do to," Blair shot right back, stepping forward until he was chest to chest with Jim. Xander really thought that the anthropologist would have a better chance if he didn't stand a good five or six inches shorter. As it was, it reminded Xander of a Vinji demon trying to take on a Kleynach demon, or a poodle trying to take on a pit bull, and maybe he really needed to stop hanging around Spike and Buffy if the Vinjis and Kleynaches came to mind first.

"Sandburg."

"Ellison," Blair snapped back in the same frustrated tone.

"I'm not leaving you here with someone dangerous. So, the handcuffs stay, or you can both come down to the station and sit your butts in front of my desk until I check out his story."

"So not cool. You think I didn't check out his story? Oh man, you must think I'm a real idiot."

"Chief, I think you're trusting. And I love that about you, but the Army has some deep cover operatives and I'm not letting them get their hands on your research." Jim put up his hand and brushed the unruly curls out of Blair's face. "Or you." Xander could practically feel the connection flare to life between them as they touched, Blair's face turning up to Jim, and in return, Jim's features softened. Xander felt his own loneliness grow in the face of that bond. And really, he wasn't about to be the one who made them turn on each other. Nope. Not going there. Well, not going there again, anyway, he amended that as he thought of his own parents.

"Guys, hey, strangely enough this is hardly the first time I've been tied up. As long as you don't try eviscerating me to summon the fires of hell, I'm weirdly okay with the chain," Xander offered. Jim turned to look at him with ice cold eyes.

"Good because you're staying there until I get some answers." He turned back and dropped a quick kiss on Blair's lips before heading for the door.

"Hey, wait," Xander called just as Jim reached out for the knob. He turned and looked at Xander with the same interest that Spike sometimes gave bugs right before smashing them. "What if I have to pee?" Xander asked as he pulled at the chain.

"Use a bucket." Jim pulled the door open and was gone before Xander could even protest.

"Well, I think your lessons on Sentinels have started. Lesson one, they get really pissy when they think their territory is being invaded," Blair sighed as he went back to the kitchen and started unpacking groceries.

"Ya think?" Xander replied from his spot on the floor. Oh yeah, this was going to be like fun--only not.

CHAPTER THREE

Xander was starting to consider the bucket by the time the door opened and Jim walked through with an expression even grimmer than the one on his face when he left. Xander looked up from his nest of cushions where he was trying to read a huge binder Blair had loaned him. Okay, to be fair he sort of read two or three words, asked Blair a question, and then listened as Blair explained the stuff with more enthusiasm than Willow describing the atomic thingy during a convergence spell whatsit.

Okay, he didn't *really* listen to Willow, but he listened as Blair described a Jim who he hadn't yet met, a Jim who was noble and self-sacrificing and overprotective, and maybe he had seen a bit of that last one. And from the expression on Jim's face, he might be about to see more of that, but Xander really didn't know what would have put such a grim look on the Sentinel's face considering Xander really *wasn't* some top-secret super spy.

"As much as it pains me to say this, my bladder and I are very happy to see you," Xander said with a crooked smile despite the look of murder in Jim's face.

"Give me your hand," he ordered as he pulled out the keys. Xander stood up and offered his handcuffed hand.

"Told you," Blair loudly whispered from near the stairs where he stood with his own arms crossed. As long as he got to use a bathroom, Xander didn't care who told who what or when they'd told it. As soon as the handcuff came free, Xander darted toward the door where Blair had earlier flushed the toilet and nearly made Xander ask for that bucket.

After peeing about a gallon, Xander wandered out of the bathroom wondering what exactly he was going to have to face. At this point, he'd be happy with a quick order to get out of Dodge. Of course, he wouldn't, not after a day listening to Blair's descriptions of Jim's abilities, but at least then he could grab his bag and call Blair from the relative safety of a hotel. However, when he opened the door, he found Jim standing in his way.

"Can we just avoid the bondage and man handling? Just tell me where you want me to sit, and I'll sit there -- no pushing, pulling, frisking, intimidating, or handcuffing required," Xander offered as he held up his hands in a show of surrender.

"I, uh, called around some," Jim answered, in Xander noticed both that the words weren't instructions as to where to sit and that Jim looked mildly... well, embarrassed was the closest word he could come up with.

"And I'm assuming you found out that I'm not some big government spy. 'Cause I'm not."

"Yeah. I found one or two people who could confirm that."

Xander waited for Jim to continue, but instead they stood with Xander in the bathroom and Jim right outside it. "Um, not to complain since this is actually better than my accommodations for the afternoon, but are we going to have this entire conversation in the bathroom?" Jim flinched a bit before backing off a step and waving a hand toward the living room. Xander slipped out of the bathroom keeping as far away from Jim as possible.

"Oh man, I knew he had nothing to do with the military. Don't you owe him something?" Blair asked without getting up from the couch. Xander made his way into the living room and sat in the chair.

"Oh, hey, no. No biggie, no need to make the absolutely huge and still slightly cranky Sentinel apologize," Xander hurried to say.

"Xander," Jim started in a tired voice as he walked into the living room.

"No, really, I mean it. All's fair in love and when being incredibly and completely overly protective." Xander really wasn't about to push things, especially with Jim still looking so cranky. He really didn't want to spend the night chained to the post.

"Xander, have you ever heard of The Initiative?" Jim demanded, and it was suddenly very clear that an apology was about the farthest thing from his mind.

"Maybe in an 'I really don't want to talk about it' kinda way," he admitted carefully. It was obvious that Jim could sense a lie, and Xander definitely did not want to get into discussions about the Initiative around the guy. There were a couple of slayer secrets that did not need to go outside the group who had taken Adam down. Hell, he really didn't want to talk about Adam either. It really wasn't a good time what with Spike trying to break up the group and Adam trying to kill the group. Spike's words still stung at him a little. Of course, the truth always did hurt.

"You sound a little defensive there, buddy."

"Oh hey, earned the right to be a little defensive here."

"Who is the Initiative?" Blair interrupted.

"Bad guys, well not really bad guys as much is totally clueless guys, but still. Whether they meant to be evil or not, they still kinda ended up doing evil stuff."

"That's what Major Finn suggested, just not in quite those words..." Jim said.

"Riley? He got promoted? Good on him. So now you know I'm telling the truth. Do we get to skip the Houdini impression... or the half of the Houdini impression. The chaining up half without the escape half since my powers of escape kind of suck."

"I want to hear your version. Who are the Initiative and what is your connection with them?"

"Hey! No connection at all, at least not after I helped blow up their little secret base."

"Whoa -- you blew up a government base?" Blair asked with wide eyes.

"Um, yeah but demons had taken over most of the place by then."

"Start from the beginning." Jim ordered as he leaned back on the couch his one arm resting on the back, and his hand resting on Blair's shoulder.

"Oh man, I'd love to hear that story," Blair added, and Xander smiled at the man he was quickly learning to see as a friend. The comment made him feel like he *was* just telling the story rather than getting interrogated by Ellison. He started at the point where a smoking and chipped Spike had shown up and kept talking until he got to Riley's last visit. Yeah, the one where Spike was sleeping with Buffy, and that didn't hurt him in the least. Not at all.

Yeah, he was just going to keep telling himself that. All the really he didn't know whether it was the secrecy part or the fact that Buffy said yes to Spike after turning him down for the fact that Spike said yes to Buffy after years of making fun of him. And really, this wasn't the time to try and figure it out. Besides, he could distract himself by focusing on the creative editing. Blair and Willow had shared a lot, but some secrets just didn't need sharing.

Jim had just opened his third beer when Xander finally stumbled to a stop.

"Oh man," Blair whispered.

"Yeah, Chief, that pretty well covers it."

"So, is that pretty much what Riley told you?" Xander asked as he tried not to play with the hem of his shirt. Spike always told him it made him look like an insecure six-year-old being sent off to kindergarten. Xander had tried pointing out that five year olds went to kindergarten, not six-year-olds. Spike and just smirked wider and answered with an "Exactly" that it had taken Xander several minutes to figure out.

"There are parts that definitely don't match," Jim said slowly, and Xander opened his mouth to protest. Jim's voice cut him off," Which actually makes it more likely to be true. The only way two people ever describe an event the same way is if they practice their stories."

"No more chains?" Xander asked hopefully.

"No more chains." Blair answered definitively as he turned to glare at his partner. Jim looked back impassively and unapologetically.

"Of the good," Xander said to try and derail the growing tension.

"You have to admit your story sounds a little..." Jim stopped.

"Completely, entirely fucking insane?" Xander added helpfully.

"Yeah, that," Jim conceded.

"So tomorrow the three of us are going to hit the field." Blair said excitedly.

"Wha... no way. Simon is not going to sign off on a carpenter doing a ride along." Jim protested.

"So we don't tell him, but man, Xander cannot learn what he needs to know from books. He needs to be out there seeing how you work, learning how a Sentinel uses his senses, observing you as you defend your territory." Blair might have been impassioned in his words, but Jim's stony expression didn't change a bit.

"Um, I'm really not big on the book learning, so if I could learn things more hands-on..." Xander blushed at his own phrasing. He didn't think he wanted to get as hands-on as those two who had somehow moved closer together at some point so that Jim's whole arm was thrown over Blair shoulder and Blair's hand rested on Jim's thigh. The touching seemed so natural -- so unconscious -- that Xander couldn't resist watching longingly. And despite their clear frustration with each other, the touching continued.

"No," Jim insisted firmly. "This is Simon's job on the line if something happens."

"Oh man, this could make a difference for some Sentinel who the watcher's Council manages to find, the difference between a life in an asylum and life as a functional Sentinel defending his territory. The council has resources we can't dream of, and with a good enough understanding of Sentinel abilities they have a chance of finding and helping potential Sentinels. Think what would happen if no one had found and helped you. We have an obliga..."

"Chief this isn't..."

"The structure they set up to find potential slayers turned actual slayers could be easily adapted to make a global search for Sentinels using existing reporting agencies and some creative hacking..."

"That doesn't mean..."

"And if we can help them find and save other Sentinels, the ability to then empirically study this phenomenon in a larger population could give us clues about how to better protect Sentinels from zones outs or even the phenomenon you experienced when Alex came..."

"Chief," Jim growled, and Xander shrank back into the chair is the two men battled.

"Hey, it's no problem," Xander tried interrupting.

"Oh man, we cannot just keep ignoring the fact that she hijacked your senses. With a larger population..."

"Sandburg, we're not discussing this." Jim's expression came pretty close to the one that Angel would get right before he killed something that he really didn't want to kill. Xander shivered.

"Man, you cannot repress this away. With a larger sample population we could isolate the phenomenon."

"Enough," Jim said as he stood up from the couch, breaking the physical contact that had continued even into the fight.

"Says who?" Blair demanded as he stood.

"Chief, please," Jim said softly and Xander was amazed at the sudden transformation as Blair's mulish expression faded, and he reached out to touch Jim's arm. For several seconds they stood there touching, looking at each other.

"We can talk about it tomorrow, huh? Maybe with some sleep things will seem clearer. Hey, I know, maybe we can just use experiments and demonstrations with Xander after work," Blair suddenly compromised.

"We'll figure it out tomorrow," Jim promised as he reached up to rest a hand on Blair's shoulder, the fingers playing with a curl of hair. "Right now I just want to order some pizza, watch the game, and pretend vampires don't exist."

"I bought all the supplies for my ostrich chili and my mango walnut green salad."

"Pizza sounds good," Xander threw in at this point. What with a being chained to a post all afternoon and the having to watch the fight, he was having a bad enough day already. He really didn't need to cap things off by having to eat vegetables.

"Whatever, man. I just have two words for you guys: Heart Disease." Blair sighed and rolled his eyes, but he also sat on the couch without further complaints while Jim went over to the phone. At least something was going Xander's way today.

CHAPTER FOUR

"So tell me, what did you have to do to beg, bribe, or blackmail Mr. Macho into letting me ride along?" Xander asked as he looked out the front window of the truck.

"Oh man, lesson number... what number are we on now?" Blair asked.

"I lost track somewhere around the forties. Not that I remember any other than to expect general pissiness, and I'm really hoping you have a Cliff Notes version somewhere, because I was never big on the remembering."

"Yeah, no problem. I probably need to write up something that looks less like an anthropological dissertation and more like a practical set of guidelines. But back to your question, don't expect a Sentinel's decision-making process to make sense to mere mortals," Blair told him in a tone of voice that teetered between aggravated and amused.

"Not of the good, huh?"

"A *little* questionable," Blair agreed. "I totally wish I were joking, but I've seen Jim go on guilt trips when it would've taken Superman to do a better job than he did. And then as much as Jim likes to deny it, he does have instinctive behaviors that make it very clear that Sentinel abilities are linked with the primitive brain.

Oh man, you should see when some poor FBI agent comes into town. Jim's territorial imperative kicks in and he will not let them near his case." Blair nodded out the front window where Jim was speaking to one of his snitches, the cop's arms crossed over his chest aggressively. "And then he gets these mystical dreams that send him running off in some crazy new direction. He kicked me out of the house once. He has one weird dream and he packs up everything I own and tells me to leave. My best advice is just go with the flow. God, we must help like real flakes to you, huh?"

"Um, not so much. When it comes to the weird, it takes more than that to even hit my weird o'meter," Xander assured him. "I mean, the guy who hit me upside the head with a microscope hard enough to give me a concussion when I was 16 lived with me in my parents' basement when I was 18. And then there's the weirdage with the dating, and you really don't know weird until your date has spent the evening explaining ways to emasculate men."

"Oh man, I hear you. I dated this feminist literature major once... oh boy." Blair rolled his eyes and held his hands up in surrender to emphasize the horror of the experience.

"Yeah, only Anya tended to use things like branding irons and communicable diseases to do her emasculating.

"Literally?" Blair demanded in a shocked voice. Xander nearly laughed as Blair closed his legs unconsciously. He knew the feeling.

"Literally," he agreed. "Six months after we broke up, I'd still wake up every morning and check to make sure I still, you know, had it."

"I hear ya. Man, I so totally hear you."

"Um, is that normal?" Xander asked as he watched Jim grab the snitch by his jacket and slam him into the brick wall. "I know Hellmouth cops do that, but they're just slightly on the completely worthless side, and I somehow didn't think your normal cop on the street type did that."

"My guess, the guy lied. Jim doesn't take well to being lied to."

"Remind me not to lie to him... not that he's all sunshine and light when I tell the truth, but that... yeah, not really feeling a need to get that roughed up."

"Trust me. Jim may bear his teeth and growl, but he would never hurt someone who wasn't threatening the tribe."

"Are you really sure of that, because I have to tell you that I would be pissing my pants right now because he's looking kinda of the serious there."

"The point of dominance displays is TO look serious, but it's like a stag shaking his antlers to challenge other males. It's not actually meant to cause harm," Blair explained, and the man did know his Sentinel pretty well because Jim suddenly stepped back and crossed his arms again.

The snitch's mouth moved at near Willow speeds, and Xander had to admit that the cop was effective. A little over-protective and more than a little cranky, but then he hadn't been Mr. Accepting when Buffy had first shown up in Sunnydale. Hell, he'd just really wanted to hide his head under his pillow and pretend to not know about the things that went bump in the night.

Problem was that Jesse had been the one he had always hid from bullies with, and since he had sorta staked his best friend, it was hard to do the denial thing. Considering that Sentinels got over-protective of guides, and Xander had just introduced Jim to a whole new world of bad guys who might not just kidnap but could also eat, eviscerate, or sacrifice the guide. Yeah, he got the cranky part. Didn't mean he had to like being glared at, but he got it. And speaking of the cranky devil…. Xander watched as Jim stomped back to the truck.

"Hey, looked like he talked," Blair said enthusiastically.

"Unfortunately, most of it was babble," Jim growled, and Xander could have sworn the man looked his way. Xander quickly looked out the side window and scooted closer to the door.

"So, where to next?"

"Harry said this guy has been picking up girls in the low-rent strip joints. You up for some nosing around, Chief."

"Hell yeah am I."

"You don't have to sound quite so enthusiastic."

"Hey, just because I am happily monogamous with my occasionally cranky roommate does not mean that I can't occasionally look elsewhere. Fantasy is a healthy component of any sexu…"

"Hold it right there, Chief. We have an audience, remember?" Jim asked in a voice that sounded more amused than offended. Xander just focused on the interesting, interesting grey buildings out his window. Yep. There was another one. How interesting—one grey, square warehouse after another. How very, very interesting.

"I'm talking about accepted psychological concepts, I'm not outing you to your golf buddies."

"I don't play golf, and if I did, I wouldn't care if they knew about you, Chief. I just don't think sex is really polite conversation."

"Hey, I'm supposed to be teaching him everything I know," Blair teased, and Xander could feel his heart sputter into second gear at that comment. Oh yeah, just focus on the warehouses and not the hot body next to him. Hot temperature-wise, not hot as in sexy-hot, and here we are focusing on the warehouses, Xander mentally babbled, but babble was good if it could just distract him from thinking about what Jim would kill him for thinking about.

"For right now, can we focus on finding this creep and teaching the kid the boring stuff you usually make me listen to? I know, give him your theory on cultural depression."

"Culturally-motivated repression of the senses. You have a college degree, so I don't know why you pretend to be so obtuse."

"I'm not pretending, Sandburg. I just tune you out after a while. Anyway, give him that lecture and maybe his heart will stop speeding," Jim said.

Xander could feel his heart give another jump as adrenaline flooded his system. Oh shit. Busted. Maybe Jim just thought it was him being weirded out by the whole discussion. Xander focused out the window and tried to ignore the friendly fight that continued next to him. Now that he had known these two for a full day, he could tell that these little mini battles of words were just friendly teasing, but the sex talk was hitting a little close to home.

Xander wondered what Spike was up to. He kept trying to just let his stupid case of lusting go, but every time he thought he had gotten the bleached one out of his brain, the asshole would make some gesture like volunteering to drive him to the airport. Hell, the vamp had even managed a nearly non-insulting type farewell with a final order to avoid any demons large enough to eat him. But maybe Xander was lucky that the whole never been gay before thing kept his mouth sealed shut on the crushing front. If he ever 'fessed up to liking Spike the vamp would make his life a living hell.

"Xander," Jim's voice called, and Xander shook his head as he turned to face the two men in the cab. Jim was leaning forward, his head cocked slightly to the side as he looked over with a concerned expression, and Blair's hand rested on Xander's knee.

"Man, are you alright?" Blair asked. Xander gave a crooked smile before opening his mouth to reassure them that him mentally wandering… not of the new. Instead he opened his mouth and made a different sort of announcement.

"There's something with a big ol' Hellmouthy vibe here, guys," Xander said as he felt the tiny spider feet of creepiness crawl up his backbone. He hadn't even realized there was a Hellmouth vibe until he got off the Hellmouth since Hellmouthy vibes were the norm there. Now he suspected that something was definitely not right. Hellmouthy not right.

CHAPTER FIVE

"Okay. Can you describe what exactly a Hellmouth vibe feels like?" Blair asked. Xander looked at the man incredulously.

"I'm telling you that something out there is putting off danger or evil vibes, and you want to know what evil vibes feel like? Shouldn't you be more worried about out there than in here since something out there has the vibage going on?"

"Welcome to my world," Jim said dryly, cutting Blair off as the man opened his mouth. "Tests later, right now I want to know what's got the kid twitchy," Jim interrupted. Somehow he had expected Jim to do the disbelieving thing, but instead Xander could see the tension in the man's body as he stood next to the open door of the truck scanning the area. Xander slid out on his side and slammed the door before walking around the truck.

The air was thick with a fine mist that refused to turn into an actual rain, and Xander could practically feel the cold soaking into him. Oh yeah, something really, really Hellmouthy around here.

"So, which way?" Jim asked, his head turning as he scanned the various strip clubs and bars and cheap hotels in the areas.

"Me?! You're the Sentinel."

"You're the one with the Hellmouth vibe," Jim countered.

"And I told you I'm vibing, so it's all yours from here," Xander protested. Jim and Blair exchanged a glance that Xander couldn't even begin to interpret and then Blair took a step forward.

"Okay, let's take this one step at a time. When did you start feeling the vibe?" Blair asked.

"Um, I don't know," Xander said helplessly. "When we pulled in?" He certainly wasn't going to admit that his own lusty thoughts had distracted him.

"Okay, let's walk around a bit and see if we can get more specific," Blair suggested as he slipped a hand under Xander's arm and guided him away from the truck and toward the gas station on the corner.

"Can't superman over there... I don't know... sniff the air or something?" Xander complained.

"What exactly am I supposed to be sniffing for?" Jim asked wryly as he trailed behind. Xander turned his neck to look at the Sentinel.

"You're not supposed to be big on the believing me, anyway. Why are you believing me?"

"Man, argue later, focus on the Hellmouth vibes now," Blair demanded, and Xander stumbled a bit as Blair picked up the pace. "So, are they stronger or weaker or about the same?"

"I don't... weaker I guess," Xander admitted as he realized the invisible spiders were starting to just crawl down his spine instead of running.

"Awesome, man. Let's try across the street." Xander really didn't have a choice as he found himself just sort of pushed along by Blair. They crossed the street a second time before the spiders started tap-dancing their way up and down his back.

"Um, feeling something creepy here," Xander admitted as he came to a stop in front of a sign advertising topless dancing, complete with a caricature of a woman with impossibly large breasts.

"Okay, Chief, you stay here," Jim said as he stepped forward.

"No way," Blair countered.

"Chief, I don't want a civilian in here, and I don't want to leave him out here alone," Jim insisted, and even Xander saw the logic in that. He wasn't exactly Helpful Guy in a fight, and even Blair looked half-convinced by the argument.

"How about I just go back to the truck and wait?" Xander offered.

Jim's snort of laughter was unexpected. "And here I thought you were so much like Blair. Obviously not. Just stay in the truck, and we'll be back as soon as we can," Jim ordered, putting a hand on Blair's shoulder as he stepped between his partner and the door.

"If he came, he might be able to narrow down the suspects," Blair argued.

"Not a chance. This suspect is dangerous, and I have enough trouble keeping track of one of you, Chief," Jim said absentmindedly as he focused on the building. Xander backed away a bit, and he tried to tell himself that it was stupid to be so insanely jealous of people he didn't even know. It wasn't even the sex part... with Willow busy running the magical side of the Council and Buffy running around with the Immortal, no one ever touched Xander like that... like he mattered. Spike smacking him on the arm was as close as he came to good touching, and that wasn't exactly good touching since the soul didn't stop him from leaving bruises.

"I'll just go wait in the truck," he turned around and made a near dash for the truck before he lost all his manly points with a good old fashioned bout of pathetic self-pity.

Xander sat and tried not to look like some pervert sitting in the truck between a strip club and a cheap bar. From the way people looked at him as they passed by on the sidewalk, he wasn't doing a very good job. When he first heard the sirens, he was half-afraid that someone had called the cops on him.

Then people started running out of the strip club across the street; two young men dashing for the beat up yellow Dodge parked in front of the bar. A fat older man hurried to the adult bookstore next door. A whole group of seven or eight men made a beeline for another strip place, hurrying as the sound of sirens grew closer.

Xander shifted in his seat, suddenly aware of being vulnerable sitting here, and he reached over and pressed down the door lock. Yeah, because a lock would certainly stop a bullet, he thought to himself sarcastically.

A Cascade police cruiser came around the corner, followed by a second unmarked car with lights flashing through the front grille of the car.

The door to the bar slammed open and Blair came out, yelling something to the two uniformed officers who went running inside while a huge black man got out of the second car and went up to Blair.

Soon enough Jim came out, followed by a burly balding man in handcuffs who was flanked on either side by a uniformed cop. Xander could tell from the smiles that everyone was happy—or at least everyone but the handcuffed guy—and Blair was moments away from doing a Snoopy dance of victory. However, Jim's summoning gesture caught Xander off guard. Yeah, and turning around to see if Jim was gesturing to someone behind him, that was just of the stupid. And embarrassing.

Xander unlocked the door and slid out before heading across the street that newly arrived cop cars had blocked off.

"No one beyond this point," a uniformed officer stopped him.

"He's with us," Blair said as he came bounding over. "Simon, this is Xander," Blair said as the large man followed.

"Another ride along?" the man demanded as he turned to Jim.

"Not my fault I keep collecting geeks," Jim said with a shrug.

"Hey!" Blair complained. "Man, that is uncool."

"Jim, our paperwork on Blair wouldn't stand up to someone taking a good look at it. What's the story on the new one?" Simon stuck an unlit cigar in his mouth as he glanced in Xander’s direction, frowning.

"He's temporary, but he helped track Kent."

"Oh?" Simon turned at looked at him again with new interest, and Xander struggled not to squirm under a gaze that reminded him of Snyder. "How did he do that?" Simon asked.

"Trust me, sir. You do not want to know. Just mark it up as a Sentinel thing," Jim said as he started toward the truck. "Come on you two, time for the fun part of the day's adventure—paperwork."

Xander spend the afternoon flipping through antique magazines while detectives stared at him while trying to look like they weren't staring. Blair, however, seemed so totally out of place and so totally comfortable at the same time. He'd typed reports until Jim had complained about him using the word 'nefarious' in the report. Then Blair bounced from one place to another, perching on random desks in the room as he chatted with different detectives.

Xander had just tried to stay quiet, something he was doing better at lately. Anymore, he felt like he wavered between running out of words and having fountains of them fall out of his mouth without editing. It was like being 15 with the totally lack control over his own mouth, only then he'd feel about 115 and couldn't seem to care about anything enough to be bothered with talking.

Eventually, Jim had pulled papers off the printer, delivered them to Simon, and had then herded him and Blair back to the truck. Xander silently listened as Jim and Blair talked about cases all the way out to the truck.

"So, one rapist down, two murders, one aggravated assault, and one case of graft still on the table," Blair said cheerfully as Jim pulled onto the street in front of the station. To Xander, it didn't sound like anything to be cheerful about, but even Jim smiled.

"Oh man, that was really something. I can't believe we nailed the rapist on the first day out," Blair practically bubbled as the truck bounced over some road construction.

"Teamwork, Chief," Jim answered with a smile, and Xander felt the warmth of that word.

"Yeah, let's talk about that," Blair interrupted Xander's moment of basking.

"Talk about what?" Jim asked cautiously.

"Talk about how you went from chaining him to a post because you refused to believe his story to believing in Hellmouth vibes enough to follow his lead." When Blair laid it all out like that, it did sound a little strange, even to Xander who made strange a way of life, but Jim only shrugged as he turned with traffic.

"Have my reasons."

"Which you are going to share, correct?" Jim sat silent as the streets flashed by.

"I'm not dropping this."

"God, you're a nag, Sandburg."

"Which suggests that you have issues since you're the one who fell in love with the nag, but I’m not dropping this. So, talk now or talk later, Ellison," Blair teased. Funny, the only people he knew that argued this much were him and Spike. Willow would have pulled out the pouty lip to get these two to stop it; however, these two seemed to enjoy it.

"A man's entitled to change his opinion," Jim pointed out as he pulled into the parking lot in front of the loft.

"Yeah, yeah. Spill. Something changed your mind." Blair asked as he slid over the bench seat and scrambled out the truck after Jim. Xander got out of the truck on his side feeling suddenly left out at the two men started arguing again. Blair followed Jim into the building, and Xander tagged along after. Personally he didn't care why Jim changed his mind as long as he didn't get chained to another post.

"Don't have much *to* spill yet," Jim answered and then the words ended as the three men went up the stairs, but Blair picked up the minute they reached the loft.

"Maybe you don't have much, but you have something, man. I am *not* letting this go, so spill."

Jim sighed heavily as he stood next to the front door to the loft waiting for Xander to come in. "I might have had a dream," he finally admitted.

"Whoa, one of *those* dreams? Oh man, this is heavy. Was Xander in it?" Blair had been heading for the refrigerator, but now he stopped and turned back around.

"You're dreaming about me?" Xander asked, confused. Not that confused was new, but Blair had said the dreams were some sort of Sentinel warning system, and Xander wasn't sure he wanted to be in the middle of a warning.

"Not exactly," Jim said as he came in and dropped onto the couch. "You two aren't going to let this drop, are you?" Xander opened his mouth to point out that he was in no way, shape, or form nagging the cranky Sentinel, but Blair cut him off.

"Not a chance, man. Not a chance," Blair agreed as he came over and sat on the arm of the couch nearest Jim. For his part Xander kept his mouth closed and retreated to the chair despite a growing nervousness that made him want to fill the silence with noise, any noise.

"I saw a cat... Xander's spirit animal."

"I have a spirit animal?" Xander asked, shocked. "And it's a cat? I always figured if I had one it'd be a hyena what with the possession, but then again Dru with her crazy talk did call me a kitten, which really is not high on the list of animal names a man wants to hear applied to himself," Xander said, shock blasting his resolve to not talk. You couldn't spend years half-listening to Willow without knowing that having a spirit animal was big. Really big.

"It's a cat," Jim confirmed, ignoring the rest. "You were tracking something, and I tried to keep up, but you kept disappearing into the underbrush."

"He got away from you?" Blair interjected. "The great Sentinel couldn't keep up?" Blair laughed as he used his leg to nudge Jim playfully.

"Keep it up, Sandburg. I'll give you beard burn in places you don't even want to think about," Jim threatened as he grabbed the attacking knee, sliding his hand to the inside as he captured it. Xander found something else to look at before he embarrassed himself again. Stupid Sentinel senses.

"Okay, so do you see a lot spirit guides?" Xander asked as he tried to remember what Blair had said about the dreams. He really wasn't good with learning out of a book, and Blair's book was nearly as confusing as Giles' books.

"Nope, my own, Blair's, Incacha's, yours, and a rogue Sentinel."

"Wait, you think Xander's a guide," Blair said as he practically bounced on the arm of the couch. "Oh man, that is so cool. So when he said he felt Hellmouth vibes..."

"Slow down, Darwin."

"Hold on, I'm not a guide. I'm the normal one of the group who gets kidnapped and hit over the head and knocked into tombstones and has to be rescued. I'm the one the First ignores, the average-Joe middle-child Jan Brady of our little Hellmouthy Brady Bunch," Xander added. Guiding meant having to watch out for a Sentinel and keep him safe and he was not signing up for Blair's job. Besides, Blair already had Blair's job.

"You have a spirit guide. That doesn't make you a guide, but it does mean you have a connection to the spirit world. It means you might be a Shaman," Jim corrected him. Xander heard the words, but he couldn't quite get the brain to engage. Blair didn't seem to have any trouble with the brain-engage problem because he was already off and running.

"Oh man. But if he found a Sentinel..."

"Darwin, not everyone wants to be around some Sentinel who between the guilt and the sensory spikes is grouchy about as often as not. *I* wouldn't put up with me." Jim's hand was still wrapped around Blair's leg, and Blair reached down to touch Jim's cheek.

"Wouldn't trade my grouchy Sentinel for anything," he said in a tone of voice that made Xander ache with longing.

"Wait. Confused here. So, am I a guide or not?" Xander interrupted the moment. His pity button and his lust button were way to close to the surface here to take any Jim/Blair mush.

"The word 'guide,' it's something Blair and I use, but really a Sentinel works with a Shaman. So, a guide is a Shaman who has chosen to help a Sentinel."

"Giles had this Shaman in to work with Willow when they were trying to convince the spirit of this postal worker to stop with the decapitating of dogs in this neighborhood, and I'm seriously hoping you don't think I'm going to paint my face red and stick bird feathers in my hair. With the patch, I don't think I can pull that off. Now if I had the whole bird sitting on my shoulder, that might be a possible look for me.”

Blair laughed. "Hey, I'm the Shaman of the Great City, and basically I just help Jim with interpreting the dreams, when the big idiot isn't forgetting to tell me he had them. So, start from the beginning." Xander smiled at the image of the man ordering his partner around, especially since Jim looked strong enough- and what with his covert ops background definitely had the knowledge- to break Blair in half. Instead Jim just gave Blair an indulgent look.

"I'm in the jungle and I see the jaguar and the wolf lying next to the temple. I don't see anything else until the jaguar sits up, and looks over my shoulder. When I turn, I catch a hint of something yellow dashing through the trees. I don't know how I know, but I know it's tracking something through the jungle, and I start running after it. Next thing you know, I am the jaguar and I'm racing through the jungle at top speed, my claws ripping through the forest floor. But no matter how fast I run, this flash of yellow dodges away after whatever it's chasing."

"Running, I can do running. Lots and lots of practice with running," Xander confirmed.

"But he was tracking something, so when he said he had a Hellmouth vibe--" Blair's voice broke off and when he started talking again, the hesitation had turned to awe. "You think it's part of some Shaman powers. Cool. Oh man, I would love to have powers."

"You mean you don't?" Xander couldn't help feeling a little guilty at that revelation. He was supposed to be the normal one, not the one with some sort of special powers that made people who were normal feel like they were somehow smaller.

"No problemo. But you know what this means? Oh man, if you can find a Sentinel, you could be a guide. You could keep them from losing themselves in the sensory spikes because trust me when I say I will *not* be getting near another Sentinel. And you could help them track down threats. So now it's more important than ever that you train. We should do some tests to determine how you lock on to whatever you're tracking. You didn't even know the suspect, so I wonder what set off your 'vibes'?" Blair mused in a string of words that would have made Willow proud.

"Watch it, kid. When Sandburg gets going like that, it means he's thinking up new ways to torture you with testing," Jim said as he looked fondly up at his partner two seconds before getting swatted on the arm.

"This is important. Oh man, how could he have picked up on our rapist?"

"Well, considering the suspect is a garden variety human, it wasn't anything related to a Hellmouth, no matter what he calls it."

"I think you guys are making way too big of a deal out of this," Xander protested. Suddenly being the normal one sounded good because being of the un-normal variety meant people relying on him, and relying on him to remember the doctor's appointments was very much okay, but relying on him to track down evil was way outside his comfort zone.

"No way man. Xander, I know you guys have faced major bad guys. Now imagine if you had some way of latching onto the evil, tracking it down before it could hurt someone. You could help save people." Blair kept talking, but Xander had long practice at tuning out babble. He also had a series of images suddenly running through his head. He'd been drawn to Faith the minute she came to town. He managed to hit on the only vampire in a hardware store full of humans... a vampire who had then tried to sacrifice him to the Hellmouth. He remembered a feeling of serious Hellmouth vibeage right before following those bullies into the hyena house where an evil zookeeper shoved a primal spirit in him.

Xander had heard of people's lives flashing before their eyes when they died, and when Caleb had stuck a thumb in his eye and come within an inch of killing Xander, he had relived every mistake and regret he had in life. Now his life flashed before him in another series of moments. And suddenly he questioned the whole demon-magnet reputation.

"Xander!?!" a voice broke into his thoughts.

"Uh, what?" Xander asked as he blinked and found Blair in front of him.

"Oh man, you scared the shit out of me. Are you okay? You're, like, white as a ghost here."

"Yeah, just… thinking," Xander answered, his hands trembling a little as his entire world suddenly shifted two inches to the left. And things really looked different from two inches to the left. Really different.

"Might help to talk about it," Blair said encouragingly.

"Give him some space, Sandburg," Jim's voice interrupted. "In fact, why don't we go out for dinner? Xander, you want to come with us or stay here and eat leftover pizza?" Jim asked. Xander looked over and realized that Jim was being protective of him. He smiled at the Sentinel.

"I hate to let good pizza go to waste," he said weakly, still struggling with the idea that he'd spent half his life cursing his bad luck, only to find out his bad luck WAS his superpower. And as far as superpowers went, this one kinda sucked.

"But…" Blair started, and Jim stood up, and put his hands around Blair's shoulders as he pulled the man backwards.

"No 'buts' Darwin. Xander can watch the fort while you accompany me to a nice little place I call Wonderburger."

"Oh man, not that crap. That stuff will clog your arteries."

"But I'll die a happy man. Get your coat."

"Jim," Blair started, and Xander had to smile at the pathetic tone of voice.

"Not gonna work, Chief. I've been trained to withstand torture," Jim said as he manhandled his partner out of the room, leaving Xander alone with his thoughts.

For several minutes Xander continued to sit and stare at the wall. Then he picked up the phone and started punching the numbers he had memorized while in Africa. The phone rang several times before someone picked up.

"What the bloody hell do you want?"

"Spike?"

"Harris?"

"I was just… Is Willow there?" Xander asked.

"Some big nasty after you?"

"No, Spike, despite the rumor, I am not actually a demon magnet."

"Tell that to someone who hasn't lived with ya, mate," Spike snorted his disbelief. "But if ya don't have some butt-ugly nasty tryin' ta eat you, why are ya callin' at near three in the morning?"

"It's three?" Xander counted in his head. Usually he was only two or three hours off from them, but usually he was in Africa and not on the other side of the globe.

"Bloody hell. You really are a moron."

"Says the man who fell for the fake seer bit."

"Oi, that didn't have nothin' to do with you lot."

"Yeah, but it's still true. Listen, I don't suppose Willow is doing her sit up and read all night thing, is she?" Xander asked. He really wanted to talk to someone and fighting with Spike didn't actually qualify as talking.

"Hold on a bit, yeah?" Spike asked.

"I'll wait."

Xander pulled his feet up under him in the chair as he waited in the fading light inside the loft.

"She's sound asleep over her books, and I'm not wakin' her up for you," Spike said when he finally came back to the phone.

"I don't suppose the G-man is around, is he?" Xander asked. Giles really was his last chance to get any info on Shamans.

"Git went over to Paris ta talk to the froggies 'bout some demon treaty."

"That's sucky," Xander complained. "Not to mention completely offensive," he added when he finally registered Spike's French-bashing.

"Oi, didn't know you were the thought police."

"Yeah, well someone needs to police your thoughts because you obviously don't. Offensive much?"

"You're the one callin' *me*. So if ya don't want to hear my opinions, ya can just bloody hang up."

"What do you know about Shamans?" Xander blurted before his brain could tell his mouth to just say 'goodbye' and hang up.

"Ya mean like the voodoo Shamans?" Spike asked cautiously. "Told ya not ta mess with anything big enough ta kill ya, didn't I?"

"I'm not 'messing' with a Shaman, and what you told me was to stay away from demons large enough to eat me."

"Close enough. So what the hell are ya into over there?"

"It's just that Blair, the guy who works with the Sentinel, is a Shaman and I was just wondering what it really meant to be a Shaman since Blair seems to be of the normal." Xander shifted uncomfortably, and really he didn't know why since he wasn't technically lying. And even if he was lying, it was Spike which meant it didn't morally count as lying.

"Shaman are a strange lot. Most do seem normal when they aren't puttin' on a bone and bell show for the tourists. But their powers... well, ya just don't mess with 'em since ya can't tell their powers until ya piss 'em off." Spike's voice carried a clear warning.

"So, do they all have powers?" Xander asked, as nonchalantly as he could fake.

"It's what makes them Shamans. Some just have more than others. So, if this git seems normal, what makes you think he's a Shaman?"

"Jim, the Sentinel, says he can see the spirit animals of Shaman and Sentinels. Hey, why animals?"

"How the bloody hell should I know?"

"But is it true? Do Shaman all have a spirit animal?"

"Seems like. Played poker with one who claimed his power totem was lightning, but who the hell knows. Could be his spirit animal was a dormouse and he just didn't want to admit it."

"Wait. You played *poker* with a Shaman?"

"Did until I figured out his power let him tell who was bluffing. Soddin' cheat."

"But a Shaman playing poker?" Xander demanded. He had an image of a man with lines of red painted across his cheeks holding cards with one hand and a staff with eagle feathers in the other hand.

"You said yourself that this Shaman you met seems normal. Shaman aren't saints, and they're just as likely to have human faults as anyone else."

Xander thought about that. So being a Shaman didn't have to change who he was, but just knowing that he had this power somewhere in there made him feel... well, it make life make this weird sort of sense at the same time that it completely creeped him out.

"Xander, if you're uncomfortable 'round there at all, ya need ta get out of there. Don't care how normal this guy seems, if he's a Shaman, he's got some ace in the hole. Ya can't let down your guard."

"Gee, you sound almost concerned, Bloodbreath," Xander sniped about two seconds before his brain could point out that it was kinda nice talking to Spike without fighting.

"Not bloody likely," Spike snapped back. "But if you get your pathetic arse killed, the girls are goin' to be in a foul mood for months. Not goin' to put up with the Bit mopin' around like Peaches for the next six months because you're too stupid to keep your own arse out of trouble."

"Well if I did get killed, I'd be dead a lot longer than six months, so not feeling sorry for you here. And actually, not planning on dying, at least not soon, so why are we having this conversation?" Xander asked as he lost track of what they were even arguing about.

"I've had better arguments with a turnip," Spike groused, and then the phone line went dead. Xander held the phone for several minutes before setting it back down and going for the pizza. If life had taught him nothing else, it had taught him that nothing was so bad or so confusing that cold pizza couldn't fix it.

CHAPTER SIX

Two weeks into guide training, Xander was nearly as cranky as Jim. Of course the fact that Blair kept trying to sneak in tests of Xander's new-found tracking powers didn't exactly help matters. Unfortunately, Blair had a resolve face and pouty-eyes that made Willow seem like a rank amateur. At night, lying on the futon in the office, Xander would swear that he wasn't going to do one more of Blair's tests. The next morning, he would shave and shower while giving himself a pep talk about not doing any more tests. He would sit at breakfast while Blair drank green sludge and order himself to not go along with any more tests.

Then they would be on the street, and Blair would start bouncing with some new theory, and Xander would find himself trying to track someone from a clinical forensic description of some horrible and brutal murder. Like now.

"Okay, just clear your mind and try to focus. The star he carves into their backs... that should be unique enough, so just clear your mind and focus on the feeling the killer must get when he's carving her flesh."

"Have I told you lately how much I hate this?" Xander asked as he really tried to clear his mind. He hadn't always been on good terms with his brain, though, and it showed now as the attempt to clear it meant that a thousand images flooded it, from the fact that he needed to get to the Laundromat soon to the memory of Spike's fists flying under the full moon.

"Jim, you gotta help me out here. He's testing me to death," Xander looked past Blair to the smirking man behind the wheel. "There's got to be some law about homicide by testing, right?"

"Not a chance, kid. I try to save you, and he's going to have me trying to identify perfumes from across a mall. You're on your own."

"Oh man. That would be... I wonder if you could actually do that. We already know you can piggyback your hearing on to sight, so I don't see why you couldn't do the same for smell. Why didn't I think of that?"

This time Xander smirked as Jim's shoulders hunched.

"No way, Darwin."

"Come on, Jim."

"Shouldn't you be focusing on the test you already have running?" Jim asked, and Xander shot the ex-soldier a dirty look.

"Traitor," Xander hissed.

"All's fair in love and testing, Sport. Suck it up." Jim answered as he turned the corner and brought the truck to a stop.

"I've got an interview to do. You and Sandburg can keep working on the vibe from here, right?"

"Yeah, no problem," Blair answered at the same time Xander gave a firm, "No!" Jim gave Xander an evil smile before slamming the driver side door shut with him safely on the other side.

"Coward," Xander said to the closed door, not even doubting that Jim would hear it.

"Come on, Xander. Just close your eyes and clear your mind of everything except the case."

"You do know that the minute you say that, the brain instantly goes into hyper-drive, right?"

"Just take deep cleansing breaths."

"Not my breathing I'm having a problem with. Been breathing my whole life without problems, but clearing out the brain? Okay, true, the brain is usually kinda clear of actual useful information, but getting all the useless stuff to clear out is not as easy as breathing." Xander sighed and looked out the window. He wanted to find this killer, he really did, but he just couldn't seem to focus today.

"Okay, let's try something different," Blair said in a voice that was just as enthusiastic when Xander had really been expecting a whole lot more exasperation and a whole lot less patience. "A lot of times when people have trouble clearing their minds it's because their subconscious is trying to send them some sort of message. So, what keeps coming into your mind."

"I have to get my laundry done soon," Xander said as he looked back to Blair with an expression that challenged the man to find a hidden meaning in that.

"Oh man, do you normally spend a lot of time worried about your laundry?"

"Not generally. Usually a sniff test with the underwear and I'm good to go," Xander admitted.

"Okay, that might have been a little too much information, man," Blair laughed. "But I'm betting that you're worried about the fact that a Sentinel can do a sniff test from the next floor down."

The minute Blair said those words, Xander realized the man was right. He didn't really care if his clothes weren't springtime fresh, but the idea of Jim smelling him… kinda ew, both from the smeller and the smellee sides.

"Maybe," he admitted.

"Which is one item taken care of because Jim dials down at home. He isn't smelling your laundry any more than I am, and I'll show you the laundry room in the basement when we get home. So, what else is running through that overactive brain of yours?"

Xander snorted, and then shrugged when Blair gave him a confused look. "People don't normally describe my brain as overactive," he admitted. "Why don't you try reading that file again," Xander asked as he braced his stomach for another round of gore that rivaled the inside out swim team members."

"Oh man, that was the saddest piece of distraction I've ever seen someone try. If you can't clear your mind, that means that you need to deal with whatever is interfering with your ability to concentrate. Keeping it in just corrupts your chi, man. Blocked energies create havoc in the body."

"Some things should stay blocked," Xander said dryly as he imagined what Willow would say about the other thing getting unblocked.

"Man, you are sounding more like Jim every day. He is *not* a good influence on you," Blair said with an elbow in Xander's side. Xander grabbed at the arm and they had a friendly game of tug of war before Xander lost due to a quick finger jab in the side. As soon as Blair retrieved his own arm, he sat back and looked at Xander, clearly waiting for an answer. Xander tried avoiding that look, but as the silence continued, he squirmed with the need to fill that empty space with sound.

"There are just things I don't want to talk about," Xander finally insisted, unable to keep silent any more.

"Like Spike?" Blair asked softly, and Xander sucked his breath in through clenched teeth.

"Wha…? Just don't go there," Xander finally managed to spit out.

"For someone you don't want to talk about, you talk about him a lot," Blair said as he leaned forward and dropped the clipboard with the case information on the dash.

"This is me doing the not-talking thing."

"Xander, you obviously admire him, and from what you've said, he's gone out of his way to protect you more than once."

"Only because he has to. Trust me, there's not a lot of love lost between us." Xander blurted right before remembering he was doing the not talking thing.

"But you wish there were?" Blair prodded. Xander turned and looked back out the window as he tried to rein in his emotions.

"Spike is more about the big romances and self-sacrifice and that is more than a little weird because he was like that even before the soul. And I'm just not the big romance type. I'm sort of the use 'em and leave 'em type. Or the hide 'em in the closet type. Or maybe the leave a girl at the altar type. At most, I would be a drunken roll in the hay type."

"And you'd still rather have that than nothing." Blair said the words softly but in a tone that made Xander realize that he had told Blair more about himself than he had meant to. Blair seemed to get it better than Willow anyway.

"I… I just don't know, okay?" Xander said in a voice that he could feel tremble and crack with uncertainty. "But what I want doesn't really matter since the only thing he feels for me is contempt."

"I don't know what to say about that, Xander, but your powers… they're incredible. Simon said that we should offer you a job and he'd find a way to get the paperwork through. He was floored with how you tracked Kent and then Luther, and Simon does not impress easily."

"Maybe," Xander said, suspecting that even Giles would be impressed with his growing ability to control the evil vibe that had always hovered just below the surface. Not that he'd been telling anyone. In fact, he'd been big with the not telling much in his reports.

"So I don't think he'd feel contempt if you showed your strength. And he does seem to worry. Gotta say ordering you to not get eaten is a strange way of showing concern, but a rose by any other name, man." Blair reached out and put a warm hand on Xander's arm, and that alone was enough to make Xander take a deep shuddering breath as he tried not to lose it at such a small gesture.

"You obviously don't know Spike or you'd be pulling a Willow on me and trying to keep us on opposite sides of the globe," Xander said as he pulled back, the touch painful because of all the things it reminded him of not having.

"But that doesn't seem to be keeping him off your mind. And I may not know Spike, but I know how you see Spike. I know about a vampire who fought to get his own soul because he didn't want to hurt the people he loved any more. And I know that you let him live with you twice, and with your ability to sense evil, I'm taking that as a character reference." Blair didn't reach out again, but the words struck Xander deeply.

"But… I didn't really *let* him live with me," Xander argued.

"But you flew to LA to try and find him after the world nearly ended, and you feel safer with him than with Angel who everyone seems to see as the champion."

"Okay, Angel… just no. Every time I'm around him, I get the vibe big time. It's like he's carrying around this big well of evil and I keep expecting him to slip and drop all our asses into it."

"And you don't get that from Spike?"

"Hell no. He's just more the annoy-you-to-death type. Unless you really piss him off and then he's the snap your neck type. But he's not the torture and maim and throw the world into hell type."

Blair shook his head. "Oh man, there could be a whole new field of psychology here."

"Yeah, if your test subjects didn't eat you," Xander pointed out.

"True. So, if you trust Spike and you're interested in Spike and you are starting to have more confidence in yourself, it sounds like you need to make a decision."

"I'm not big on the good decision-making. I tend to go more for the cowardly avoidance and occasional denial," Xander said with a shrug.

"Well, you have lots of options here. You could be lusting after Spike as a way to avoid forming any other relationship. It's equally possible that after Anya's death you're attracted to someone who can't die. On the other hand, you could be feeling compatibility there. Sounds like it's time for some serious meditation."

"It's like having a Hellmouth psychiatrist. I wonder if there's money in that field? Considering there's still one active Hellmouth in Cleveland with smaller ones in England and Uruguay, you could have a nice little client base," Xander joked.

"Xander, what's bothering you?"

"Nothing,"

"Says the man who's joking and fidgeting and sweating despite the fact that it's cold in here," Blair pointed out.

"Pushy," Xander complained.

"Oh man, you have no idea. Your powers are sidetracked by whatever is bothering you, and you've got to work through it. I know- close your eyes and we can do some light hypnosis. You know, pull it up into the light so to speak." Blair's words made Xander choke as he considered *this* issue coming into the light, and just no.

"I already know what's bothering me, and as Jim would say, it's not polite conversation."

"What the hell does Jim know? We aren't polite people, so polite conversation is so totally not required," Blair said lightly.

"Blair." Xander’s voice was heavy.

"I'm going to keep being this annoying until you cough it up."

"Listen…"

"Possibly even more annoying. I'll wake you up in the middle of the night and ask you to describe your dreams. I'll play my aboriginal music until your head throbs. I'll nag you until you consider taking a dive off the balcony." Blair’s voice was teasing, but his gaze was steady.

"Is this how you get your way with Jim?" Xander asked as he faced Blair's determined expression.

"Totally, man… totally."

"Look, it's really something personal."

"It's really interfering with your tracking, and man, you have to learn how to process these emotions."

"It scares me, okay?" Xander finally snapped, and then he pressed his lips together as he realized he had said too much.

"Spike scares you?"

"No," Xander said cautiously, praying for Blair to just drop it there.

"Oh," Blair said in a voice that made it clear he had figured it out. Xander blushed, he just knew he was vivid red. Not of the good. "Xander, that's normal. I was kinda freaked myself, and I started with a partner who has an instinctive need to protect me. Spike's instincts may work against him in this department."

"He tried to rape Buffy. I don't… I know he's different now and even back then, he didn't want to hurt her, but he's a demon and his instincts sometimes don't match up with human needs. Or human biology," Xander nearly whispered. This fact had stopped him more effectively than Willow's quiet disapproval or Spike's contempt or his own sense of self-preservation, which wasn't actually very good.

"You think he'd hurt you," Blair nearly whispered.

"Not on purpose," Xander admitted, "but yeah."

"Oh, Xander," Blair said softly, and Xander flinched away from the pity and sympathy he could feel starting to gather.

"Okay, how did you two get on? Any vibes to chase down yet?" Jim asked brusquely as he pulled open the truck door. "I just completely blew out with Mr. Andrews, so any leads would be more than welcome."

"Um, no luck, sorry," Xander said as he ducked his head and felt the heat in his face intensify.

"Not a problem. We were solving crimes before you came along… it's just nice to solve a crime without giving myself a headache sniffing the carpet," Jim offered. "You can catch the next bad guy, Sport. Since you're not vibing, why don't we drop you off at the loft so you can write up some of those reports you need to send back to your group?"

"Um, sure," Xander said as Jim started the truck. The offer was just so reasonable, so logical that he couldn't quite figure out why he was suddenly suspicious.

CHAPTER SEVEN

"Hey, who's up for Chinese?" Blair called as he came in the front door looking like the cat that ate the canary.

*Gotta go, B 'n J back from the wars* Xander typed into chat window.

*Stay safe* Willow typed back, and Xander could practically hear her worry. He really shouldn't have mentioned the shoot out last Friday, especially since he'd stayed in the truck like a good little sidekick the whole time.

*Promise* he typed back before clicking off the window. Willow's goodbyes could last longer than her conversations if he didn't take drastic action, like cutting the power.

"Sure, Chinese sounds good," Xander agreed as he looked at Blair suspiciously. The man was bouncing a little too much, even for Blair whose bounce levels were only slightly lower than Willow's.

"Good, because we already brought it," Blair said as he went for the kitchen. Jim followed with plastic sacks decorated with red Chinese characters.

"I hope you feel like eating a lot because Sandburg went a little overboard with the food," Jim said wryly as he put half a dozen sacks on the table.

"Food good. I've been known to eat my body weight in food," Xander agreed as he started pulling cardboard bins out of sacks. He stopped when he found the sesame beef. Oh yeah. Food of the gods. Well, not gods as he hell gods since they were not of the good and didn't deserve Chinese food. Xander knew he was doing the internal babble, but the alternative was watching Jim who had an arm wrapped around Blair's waist and was leaning against Blair's back.

Jim reached around Blair and snagged a fortune cookie, and now he wrapped his second arm around Blair so that he could break the cookie while holding Blair, and oh hey, there were peas in the sesame beef and that was sacrilege. Xander picked the green contamination out of his container, dropping them onto a napkin before retreating back to his chair in the living room.

Time for some TV. Nice distracting TV. Xander flipped to a football game and staring at the game as Jim and Blair settled in on one end of the couch arguing about something, and Xander was not paying attention. Nope. He was inattentive man. He was also hoping that Blair was telling the truth about Jim dialing down at home because he was also becoming sweaty, musky man as Jim groped his partner.

"You screwed up the order, Chief, you live without the sweet and sour chicken."

"Oh man, that is not fair. Just let me have some of yours." Blair reached over and tried to stick his chopsticks in Jim's container, but Jim used his longer reach to move the food out of Blair's reach.

"Give it up," Jim laughed, but Blair wasn't ready to admit defeat yet. Xander nearly choked as Blair half rolled onto Jim, reaching across to get the food. Jim laughed again and arched his back to get the food farther away as Blair proceeded to plaster himself to Jim's front, pulling himself up toward the food with one hand on Jim's shoulder.

"Not going to happen, Chief."

"So you say," Blair answered, and Xander really did start choking as Blair wiggled a bit causing Jim to groan. Blair used the moment of distraction to dart out with his hand and grab the container.

"Cheat," Jim said as he gave Blair's ass a slap before his partner settled down on the couch next to him.

"Whatever. I still got the chicken, and unlike some selfish jerks, I'm willing to share," Blair pointed out as he held the container within reach of Jim's fork. Jim grabbed a forkful and held his free hand under the fork as he took a big bite. Xander took huge forkfuls of his own beef and shoved it in his mouth before he could say something completely and totally inappropriate. Something that would get him killed. Something that would get his pathetic arse, as Spike would call it, tossed out into the hall.

"Good stuff," Jim said when he finished chewing. His free warm went around Blair's waist, pulling him close, and Blair toed off his shoes before hooking his heels into the couch cushions sort of curling up into Jim's side, his arm with the food resting on Jim's stomach. Xander tore his eyes away from the sight of them curled together, their bodies fitting together perfectly.

"So, you get your reports sent off to home base, Sport?" Jim asked, and Xander kept his eyes on the television. Unfortunately, the image of full grown men tackling and grabbing and rolling around on the ground seemed suddenly very gay.... very, very gay. Gay enough that someone should be out on the field protesting the gayness.

"Um, yeah," he answered in a strangled voice.

"Good. We don't want them to think we've kidnapped you," Jim said calmly enough, but Xander could hear a shifting of bodies that suggested that he really, really didn't want to look at what they were doing even though he really, really did.

"Um, kidnapped. Right." Xander stared at the screen, but really, watching one guy slap another guy's ass wasn't helping. Xander shifted his cardboard container down to camouflage his growing problem. The only reaction from the couch was a deep moan that made Xander squirm in his chair.

"Um, I think I'm going to, um, go to... bed," Xander stumbled over both his tongue and his feet as he tried to get past the couch without looking at the couch because he couldn't deal with lookage right now. He totally didn't need to see them wrapped up in each other, and besides, it was their living room, so if they wanted to play tonsil hockey they should be able to, and Xander took the last few steps at a run. The thin French doors to the office were on the flimsy side, but at least Xander had the privacy to throw himself on the bed and open his jeans before closing a fist around his sore aching cock. Maybe they would take their show upstairs and he could sneak into the bathroom.

Xander panted heavily as his mind refused to let go of the image of the two men's bodies fitting perfectly together. Jim's arm resting on Blair's shoulders, Blair curled up into Jim's side. Even more, Xander couldn't escape the image of Jim's face looking down at Blair with such incredible love. And the way Blair's face softened when Jim suffered from a headache or sensory spike. And the way Jim's voice gentled when he said 'Chief.'

Xander was so focused on these memories that he didn't hear the knock until it came again. Taking a deep breath and holding it for a moment, Xander tried to calm down before he closed his jeans over his protesting cock. Okay, that hurt.

Standing was definitely not of the good as he tried to ignore the frustrated ache in his crotch. If he was going to be around these two much longer, he needed bigger jeans. Unless of course that was Jim at the door ready to throw him out for jonesing, which wouldn't be out of character. When it came to anything even remotely related to the guide, Jim had an overprotective streak about the size of New Jersey. Or New York, whichever was the big state.

As he opened the door, he expected pissed off Jim. He got Blair with an indecipherable expression.

"Xander, mind if I come in?" Blair asked even though it was his house.

"Yeah, I'm really sorry about the whole bailing thing, and you know, if I've outstayed my welcome I have no problem giving you guys some space because, you know, you look pretty space-needing out there what with the naughty touching," Xander said as he turned and went to the bed. Sitting turned out to be as awkward as standing.

"Did it bother you?" Blair asked as he closed the door gently behind him.

"Define bother," Xander blurted before he could get the brain in gear. Yeah, real subtle.

"'Bother' would be making you feel bad about yourself. That wasn't the point," Blair said.

"Point?" Xander asked suspiciously. "There was pointage here?"

"Possibly," Blair admitted as he sat on the desk chair near the foot of the bed. "I know you're scared, and I want to help you through this the way I helped you with the Shaman stuff." Blair's soft words made Xander do a literal double take as his brain tried to decode that message. Help couldn't possibly be....

"Um, okay, I'm slow on the uptake boy, and you need to use really small words because otherwise I'm going to get the mistaken impression that you're offering things that I don't think your offering and that Jim would turn me into a puddle of guts for thinking about, not that it keeps me from thinking about it," Xander blurted, biting his tongue as the last part sort of slipped out without permission. Bad, bad mouth.

"Jim's not going to turn you into a pile of guts," Blair said amused as he moved from the chair to sitting on the edge of the bed.

"So you say, but I'm not big on the believing that when he looks at you like..." Xander stopped because he really didn't want to describe the way Jim looked at Blair because it was the way Tara had looked at Willow and the way Spike had looked at Buffy, and maybe, back before he'd screwed everything up, it was the way Anya had looked at him every once in a while. But now, not so much of anyone looked at him like that.

"Xander, neither of us wants you hurt."

"Makes three of us. That's why I'd prefer to avoid Jim-sized fists."

"We *both* want to help you through something that really seems to scare you."

"Both?" Xander kind of choked out.

"He's upstairs, but if I know my Sentinel, he's listening."

"But." Xander stopped. "Yeah, I'm going to need shorter words. Much shorter," Xander finally admitted as he tried to interpret that statement.

"Xander, you're obviously scared of what it means for two men to be together," Blair said softly as he scooted a little closer on the bed. Xander focused on the blue striped fabric of the sheet. His only answer was a cough as his throat seemed to close around any possible words.

"Oh man. I don't want to freak you out, but I really do want to help you with this. You're a beautiful man, inside and out. That sounds pretty cliché, but I would really like to be with you."

"You should have Ellison check you out for concussions because now you're really not making sense," Xander laughed as he stood up and retreated to the wall. He kept his right shoulder to the wall as he tried to hide his own erection behind a slightly bent knee.

"Man, you have to see yourself in the mirror every day. You have to know that you're a handsome man." Blair stood up and stood next to Xander, his hand resting on Xander's shoulder so that Xander could feel the heat soaking into him.

"Oh yeah, I do pirate impression in the mirror as I shave," Xander joked, but it came off more bitter than distracting, and he really needed to work on his powers of distraction because Blair wasn't buying it.

"Such a strong face, and beautiful hair," Blair said as he reached up to run fingers through curls. Xander closed his eyes as the feeling of such an intimate touch.

"I think we should... you know... stop," he whispered.

"Why?" Blair asked while continuing his slow exploration of Xander's curls.

"Oh because the man you love is upstairs listening and I can I just say that's more than a little creepy."

"Would you rather go up there?" Blair asked.

"No!" Xander practically squeaked. Jim was... okay, Jim was impressive and only just slightly totally stunning, but the man was more than a little intimidating. "Not that... I mean... he's just..."

"Is almost as scary as Spike?" Blair asked, and Xander turned to see a small smile on Blair's face.

"Maybe," Xander admitted.

"Yeah, for a long time, that kept me from telling him the truth about how I felt. If I'd known he had a demon under the surface... I might have been so confused and afraid that I might have never told him. I might have packed my bags and run for the other side of the globe." Blair's words stung a little, but the fingers intimately stroking his hair soothed the sting away.

"I just..." Xander realized he had no idea how to end that sentence. He just wanted life to make sense. He just wanted to know how Spike felt. He just wanted to stop being afraid. And okay, if he was being honest here, he just wanted Blair to keep touching him like that. Maybe he even wanted to do a little touching back.

"You know the really sexy part? You're a powerful Shaman. I'm in awe of how you can track evil and protect the tribe. And yet, in the last two weeks you haven't let that power change you at all. You still speak in that same quiet voice. You still do all these small things and never expect people to notice or thank you. Trust me, I know that Jim didn't fix that stove hinge." Xander shivered as Blair ran the back of one finger over his cheek.

"Haven't really been called sexy before. I'm kinda feeling like I'm not holding up my end of the compliments here," Xander said with a small huff of laughter. When in doubt, insult self. It was a strategy that had worked for a couple decades.

"This is about you, Xander. Let me show you. Let me love you," Blair asked as he moved in, pressing himself to Xander's side, and now Xander could feel Blair's hardness.

"I don't know what, well, I technically know what, but I can't really..."

"Just say yes," Blair interrupted him, Blair's arm slipping around his waist as Blair laid his cheek against Xander's shoulder. "You are so damn beautiful that I just want to share this with you. Oh man, just say yes." Xander could feel himself start shaking at the possibility being offered here. Blair was a beautiful man, and looking at Blair's face, he could see that passionate expression focused on him. Those blue eyes had a depth that made him ache in both body and soul.

"Yes," he whispered.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Blair pulled him gently back toward the bed, and Xander didn't even realize that he was holding his breath until he started getting grey blobs in his vision, and how sad was it that he recognized the symptoms of asphyxia? He took a deep shuddering breath and sank to the edge of the bed. He hadn't felt this awkward since Anya had burst into his room asking for orgasms.

He didn't have time to worry about it though because Blair's hand slipped between his legs, massaging a thigh though his jeans. Xander groaned as he brought his own hand up to Blair's forearm. He pulled back almost immediately, feeling somehow guilty for that simple touch despite Blair's far more intimate caress.

"It's okay, Xander. I like the touch," Blair promised as he let go of Xander's leg long enough to unfasten his buttons and pull off his outer shirt. Wearing only a thin t-shirt, Blair leaned into Xander and suddenly stole a kiss. Xander gasped in surprise, and a strong tongue slipped into his mouth, tickling the sensitive skin behind his front teeth. Xander bucked up and instinctively brought his arm around Blair's waist.

When Blair shifted and pushed, Xander let himself be maneuvered down onto the futon with Blair on top. And then Blair let his weight settle in on Xander, and suddenly Xander's cock went from cramped to screaming as the jeans seemed to tighten around them. His moan was actually one of pain as much as pleasure as Blair continued teasing his mouth, nibbling at Xander's lower lip and running a knuckle along Xander's cheek. For his part, Xander just held the smaller man's waist.

Blair finally pulled back, trailing kisses along Xander's jaw.

"Ow," Xander complained as he squirmed a bit.

"Are you--" Blair started before he cut himself off. "Oh," he said as he slipped a hand down between them, popping open the button on Xander's jeans before sliding the zipper down with his thumb. "Better?" he asked with a smile as he setting his weight down on top of Xander again.

"Much with the betterness," Xander agreed as he felt the air drifting over his cock, the dampness making his cock twitch as the air cooled his hot skin. Xander slid a hand up and under Blair's t-shirt, feeling the heat of Blair's skin under his hand as he pushed the shirt up. "Much, much better with the betterness," he repeated as he considered the wrinkled and peaked brown nipple now revealed. Xander ran a thumb over it and felt Blair's groan vibrate his body. As a wave of pleasure rolled through him, he reached down to grab his own exposed cock.

"Let's slow down some," Blair said as he caught Xander's wrist, pulling their linked hands up next to Xander's head before leaning in for another kiss. Xander opened his mouth and thrust up against Blair's weight. When hands started pulling up on the bottom of his t-shirt, Xander arched his back to make it easier. Blair pulled the shirt totally off before shimmying out of his own t-shirt. Now, as he now lay back down, Xander felt the heat of skin against skin. He could feel his entire body tighten with need and lust and if her were being honest with himself, more than just a little fear.

"Slow. I can do slow... maybe," Xander said as he trailed a hand up Blair's backbone, enjoying the feeling of the muscles contracting under his touch. Blair shifted so that he was half on the bed while still leaning into Xander' side.

"God you're handsome," Blair sighed as he traced a finger along one side from Xander's collarbone down to the waistband of his jeans and then back up to a white line in the skin just below Xander's ribs.

"What's this from?" Blair asked as he outlined the scar.

"Um, vampire, I think," Xander answered. "Didn't know there was going to be a quiz." He leaned forward and kissed Blair's shoulder. Blair leaned farther in, and Xander moved up to the neck, first kissing and then nibbling on the skin. Blair seemed to enjoy that as he pressed his crotch into Xander's leg and moaned deeply. Xander moved up to an ear.

When Blair started pushing on Xander's jeans, he arched up off the bed so they would slip off more easily, toeing his shoes off without giving up the earlobe he was gently sucking. A sudden image of Jim outside the French doors listening made Xander hesitate, but then Blair wrapped a warm hand around his cock and Xander couldn't have cared if a legion of the First's minions waited outside the door.

"You like that?" Blair asked as he pushed himself up on one arm. He reached down into his own jeans and came back with a red foil square. Xander swallowed at the sight of the package. As much as he wanted this, and he really, really, really wanted this, he didn't know if he wanted this enough to actually go through with it. When Blair tore the package open and took out the condom, Xander bit his own lip to keep from blurting out a refusal that he really didn't mean.

Instead of putting the condom on himself, Blair reached down and slid the condom over the tip of Xander's engorged cock, rolling the rubber down over the sensitive skin. Xander watched in confusion until Blair leaned down and sucked the head of his cock into that warm mouth, and Xander almost hyperventilated on the pure pleasure that shot up his spine and turned his whole body into a giant nerve that quivered on the edge of orgasm.

Blair ran his tongue over the head, and Xander couldn't help bucking up into that mouth. Instead of choking, Blair fisted the base of Xander's cock and allowed Xander to drive the rest of his cock up into that waiting mouth. The sight of Blair's cheeks puffed out with his cock nearly drove Xander over the edge, but then Blair pulled back and settled himself on top of Xander's body once again.

"So, are you okay?" Blair asked.

"What is it with you and talking during sex?" Xander asked blurrily. He really couldn't focus on much except the feeling of his cock threatening to break off if it didn't get to come. Blair just laughed. When a touch of something cold ran over the skin behind his cock, Xander jumped, his foggy brain cleared by the sharp spike of need as his whole body tightened and his balls drew up on the verge of orgasm. One touch on his cock and that would be the show. Obviously Blair was evil because he didn't touch, and he intercepted Xander's hand when it tried to play sock puppet.

"Trust me," Blair whispered, and that touch returned, making Xander writhe helplessly. "Put your feet flat on the bed," Blair ordered. Luckily he followed that up by moving one of Xander's legs into position because Xander was far beyond being able to comprehend English. It had been so long since he had touched or had been touched like this. His body pressed into the feather light kisses Blair trailed on the inside of his thigh.

"Hand me a couple of pillows," Blair asked, and Xander blinked as he tried to gather enough brain cells to figure out what a pillow was. When he did finally process it, he passed two of the three pillows down to Blair who started shoving them under his ass. Xander pushed up to make it easier, and boy howdy could two pillows make a man feel vulnerable… and horny.

Then Blair's fingers moved down to cup Xander's balls gently, holding them until the heat of Blair's hand burned and Xander thrust up until his ass left the bed. Only when he dropped back down did he realize something was different. Blair smiled and planted a kiss on Xander stomach before starting to work a finger in and out, stroking the skin around the pucker. Xander would have pointed out that he had expected it to hurt, he might have even complimented Blair's technique. However, he couldn't manage more than a needy moan.

"Just relax. I won't hurt you," Blair promised, and Xander felt the cool track of a tear across his face. Instead of answering, he spread his legs farther to give Blair more room to work as he ran his own fingers through Blair's thick long curls. He wondered if his own hair would curl that much if he let it grow.

Blair reached down and took the head of Xander's cock in his mouth again, and Xander thrust up into that warm embrace as he felt the pressure at his ass increase. This time the intrusion felt uncomfortably large, and Xander could feel his own erection soften with the sting. Blair pulled back, and his cock softened even more.

"Press back if you have to, like you're pushing something out," Blair suggested before once again taking Blair's cock in him mouth, this time taking half Xander's length into his mouth before humming. Xander gasped and closed a fist around Blair's hair as the vibrations traveled the length of his cock. Following Blair's instructions, he pushed back and suddenly he felt a fullness stretch him.

Xander hissed in both need and discomfort, and Blair's fingers stopped moving while Blair bobbed ge