Thoughts Colored Ugly
Rated ADULT for femdom, slavery, and S&M
"This were wrong on so many levels," Mal complained softly as he leaned against the wall and stared at the ceiling. That way he could avoid the displays that Jayne was currently considering with more than a little horror. Right now, Jayne was seriously considering running only River being so gorram enthusiastic about owning Jayne, she'd probably put the law on him.
"We made mistakes, captain, so now I'm making them all right again," River said cheerfully. "How about those?" she asked the young man behind the counter. "Jayne, put up your sleeves so I can see them against your skin.
"Captain," Jayne appealed to the man. His pride had taken a beating lately, and he hated askin' the captain for help, but at this point it seemed necessary.
"River," Mal appealed to her, but River was already rolling Jayne's sleeves up for him.
"Cao," Jayne breathed softly as firm hands held his arm on the counter so the clerk who had a face like one of them little cherubs in a church could hold chains up against Jayne's skin for River to admire.
"River, this ain't right. Now, you stop torturing Jayne right now." Mal put on his best captain's voice, but River didn't seem impressed.
"Nope," River said cheerfully, and Mal got that constipated expression of his. "Captain can't stop me because he made a big old mess out of it."
"Me?!" Mal almost yelped. "I weren't the one who went and got myself put on the slaver's block or the one who went and stole a shuttle. And if we don't hire passage before all the berths are taken, not sure how we plan to get off the planet," Mal sighed.
Jayne frowned at that. "Ain't the Serenity—"
"Couldn't get permission for docking, seems we don't have a real good reputation in these parts," Mal crossed his arms and considered River all thoughtful-like. "Which led to someone stealing the shuttle and coming down before we could work out any proper plan." Mal's eyes darted toward the young blond man who was holding lengths of chain against Jayne's forearms for River to inspect, but he didn't seem to care one whit that Mal's first instinct had probably been to steal Jayne.
"Came, found, bought. Simple," River said as she leaned against Jayne's back and stood on her toes so she could peek over his shoulder. It meant that she was pressing her warmth to his back, and being that Jayne hadn't been sexed in nearly two months, he was having a real hard time reminding himself that it was River and not a woman back there. River pointed to the darker metal with larger links.
"Sixteen links with a center ring should fit nice," the boy behind the counter said as he rolled up the samples. "You want the leg shackles?"
"Nope," River said, just as cheerful as if she was picking out new fabric with Kaylee.
"Gao yang jong duh goo yang," Jayne muttered, but River and the salesman both ignored him. His life really were part of some crap-verse he'd fallen into, something along the lines of those comics he'd read as a boy where the hero got pulled into an alternate reality. It was the only explanation, and right now Jayne figured it served him right for ever signing up with Mal in the first place.
"Got some nice collars," the salesman offered.
River didn't answer that right away, and Jayne turned to Mal with near panic in his guts. He weren't walking around on a leash, not unless River planned to take out half the town with her blades just to prove that he wasn't some sort of gorram da shabi for walking on the end her leash.
"Now, River," Mal started, but River cut him off.
"No, no collar," River announced, and Jayne found he could breathe again.
"Weren't bad enough that Jayne had to go and get himself sold, no had to have River go off thieving and using the money to buy. . ." Mal waved a hand in the general direction of the counter.
"I'll go and get those done up. Shouldn't take me more than a half hour," the boy said as he gathered up the chains and shackles she'd chosen and headed for the back room. River turned and walked the far end of the room where the leather good hung on rings. One column for horse fittings, and another for slave fittings. Jayne groaned. If she bought leather, the last of his bunk fantasies was going to be officially ruined.
"Captain, you gonna do something about her?" Jayne demanded.
"Seems like I've been trying for the last twenty minutes, not that it's doing me much good. It was my shuttle she up and stole."
"I'll buy another shuttle," River said as her long fingers stopped on a thick leather band that was either a small belt or a collar for a seriously fat man.
"With what money?" Mal asked with a snort.
River looked up at him, her expression almost confused. "Money's easy. It flies through the air in little chirps and bits of information. It appears and vanishes with a storm that destroys a crop on one planet or makes for a big harvest on another. One line different on one circuit board, and computers sing in a new key and people will pay."
"Niou-se," Mal breathed. "Mei-mei, do you mean you could. . . "
"I would have made the money myself only I had to get to Jayne and you were too busy with your planning, and this was your fault so I wasn't willing to wait for you to fix it."
"My fault? Exactly which part of this whole gorram mess were my fault?" Mal demanded. Jayne leaned back against the counter and watched, not even bothering to hide his smile. If he had to put up with crazy girl putting chains on him just because the law said she could, then he should get something out of it. Watching Mal squirm seemed like a proper down payment.
"You didn't stop him. He left, and you never stopped him."
"He's a grown man. He's an obstreperous, grown man, and me telling him to stay wouldn't have done a whit of good."
"Then you should have hit him." River pulled a leather tie down from a hook and tilted her head as she held the leather in the sunlight coming in through the window. "Hard," she finished as she looked right at Mal.
"I don't go hitting people to make 'em stay on Serenity. If he wanted to walk, then that's his choice."
River was already shaking her head. "No, I went and said things I shouldn't have said, and you were supposed to fix it."
"Best you not go blaming other people for this here mess," Mal warned as he poked a finger her direction, and then that turned into him poking a thumb toward Jayne. "This were all Jayne's making for walking off the Serenity and going and getting himself put on the auction block."
That made Jayne stand up straight. He knew they'd all go blaming him eventually, but he didn't think they'd get around to it this quick. "Never asked you to come and save me," he growled, and Mal gave him a look that said the captain would be mighty willing to hit him now. Well, it wasn't like Jayne had a whole lot left to lose. He glared right back and took a step away from the counter.
"No!" River said as she stepped between them. The hand she put on Jayne's chest to hold him back still had that leather tie in it, and he got the smell of it in his nose. "Jayne knew if he didn't leave I was going to do something that would make the rest of you all… unhappy. He was trying to not let things get bad between us," River struggled with her speech, pausing as she fought to found the right word to put in the right place.
"Jayne, worrying about making us unhappy?" Mal snorted at that, and even Jayne glared down as River.
"I ain't no fluffy puppy like that barker went saying. I just didn't want to get my balls handed to me on a plate," Jayne pointed out. And that made Mal smile a bit. Yep, the captain knew him well enough to know that Jayne Cobb would take care of his own first and foremost.
"My fault. What I whispered in your ear made thoughts come sliding back into your mind," River said softly as she looked at Jayne and even managed to appear apologetic.
"If you went and said something to Jayne, that's between you and him, but that ain't got nothing to do with me and how I handle my crew," Mal said, breaking the moment, and Jayne could have kissed the captain for that because whatever moment was going on with him and River, that wasn't no place he needed to be going.
River shook her head. "His thoughts were all twisted."
"I suppose twisted would be one word for them," Mal agreed dryly, and River swung around to face him.
"You aren't listening," she complained, her voice near a shout as she looked ready to either cry or break something. That was an expression showing some mighty powerful frustration, and even Mal stopped, holding up his hands to placate her.
"Mei-mei," he soothed her, and that just seemed to make her angrier.
"Never listening!" she blurted.
"Mal's better at talking than listening," Jayne interjected before she could start breaking things… or crying; crying would be a good sight worse. "And I’m not wearing a leash," he said as he looked at the leather in her hand. Of course, if push came to shove, he couldn't actually stop her, but he planned to voice his objection anyway.
"Stay out of this, Jayne," Mal ordered.
"See, see?!" River demanded as she stepped forward. "Tell him, don't tell him, tell him, don't. Back and forth and it gets all twisty around."
"River," Mal sighed as he stepped closer to her, but she backed away stepping close to Jayne's side, and Jayne really had no idea what he was supposed to do about that. Mal looked at him, and Jayne could only shrug. It wasn't his week to be in charge of the crazy girl. Mal gave another sigh, louder this time. "We all just need to calm down. I need to go get us passage off-world. Jayne, you reckon you can handle her until I get back?"
Jayne snorted. Weren't no handling River when she wasn't in a mood to be handled. "I figure I can handle her about as well as you can," he settled on. Mal looked at him with a frown before nodding.
"I've got to go and book us passage." Mal didn't move as he looked from River to Jayne and back. Jayne just waited.
"If there were something I could have done to make you stay, you only had to say it," Mal said, and Jayne figured that was as close as one man ever got to offering another an apology.
"Appreciate that," Jayne offered back. "And I appreciate you showing up during this whole gorram mess. Wasn't looking forward to a life of shoveling manure. Could've stayed on the folks' farm if that were my life's goal."
Mal gave a nod and then headed out the door. The bell over it tinkled merrily before a heavy silence filled the room. Out in the street, the crowds thinned as the auction came to an end. The horse-faced woman who'd bid on Jayne walked by the window holding a chain leash to an younger man's wrist. He carried a two year old and held a boy by the hand. The rest of the kids orbited their mother, laughing and darting around in a complicated game of tag. Jayne would've murdered them all inside a week.
"Get all caught inside my own mind sometimes," River finally offered quietly.
"Think we all noticed. You were the one who damn near gutted me because you thought I'd look good in red," Jayne pointed out.
She was shaking her head. "Got mixed up that time." She put up her hand and rested it on Jayne's arm, which she seemed to be a doing a whole lot of lately. "Could hear you thinking so loud, and you'd look so good stretched out, your whole back red from the whip." River let her hand trail over Jayne's shoulder until it rested against his back. "Red and hot from the whip and you'd take every hit because I wanted you to. Train tracks as the leather licked up your skin and brought all that blood right to the surface so I could stroke your hot back and feel you shiver under me. And you'd confess every sin as your back sang with pain. Look beautiful in red."
And no way could Jayne convince his chun zi of a cock to ignore that. He got hard so fast it ached. River's eyes drifted closed and she leaned into him.
"You'll get us gorram arrested for doing something downright indecent if you don't stop," Jayne growled as he grabbed the counter to keep upright.
"Should find someplace else then," she whispered.
"No, we shouldn't," Jayne said as panic set in. She blinked and looked up at him. Ai-ya, she looked so young and confused, and what he was thinking would put him in that special level of hell Book used to talk about.
"Can hear you. When you need so much you hurt, your thoughts are all laid out pretty," she said as her hand started wandering around to his front. Jayne caught her wrist before she could touch him somewhere that would make him embarrass himself like some teenage boy fooling around with the neighbor girl behind the barn.
"Ain't got pretty thoughts. And the thoughts I'm having, Mal would cut off my balls if your brother didn't get there first," Jayne pointed out.
"They think I'm a child," she said slowly.
"Might be," Jayne agreed. He'd seen her curled up in her brother's arms, so it wasn't a hard assumption to make.
She sighed and pushed away from him, wandering back to the leather fixings. "Had Reaver thoughts playing through my brain. Thought things so ugly you'd never believe them. Thought things that make the worst thing you've ever done look like nothing," she said softly. She reached up and unhooked a collar with metal studs. "Never told them because they don't see me as anything but that girl who was so lost that she kept pretending to be five years old so she could believe the Reavers were just monsters under the bed, that the men with blue hands who brought pain were shadows in the closet that Simon could chase away with a light."
Jayne narrowed his eyes and looked at her. He wasn't a smart man, wasn't good with words, so he didn't have any that really fit this occasion. All he had was a mighty powerful urge to tell some ripe joke that made everyone forget the horrifying words.
She laughed, and he was fairly sure that wasn't a good sign. "You want to tell a joke."
Jayne sighed. "That's getting downright annoying, you reading my gorram mind."
"Can only see the patterns all pretty when you're feeling the needs," she said as she glanced down toward his crotch. His chun zi cock still hadn't gotten the message that it wasn't getting sexed in the middle of a chain shop in clear view of the public. Jayne wasn't sure what the punishment would be for someone who was already enslaved, but he was sure in guai not in a hurry to find out.
"Go looking in Mal's thoughts… Or Simon and Kaylee's, they're rubbing parts often enough that you should be able to look right in at them. Mind, something mighty bothersome about you looking into your own brother's mind when he's thinking on Kaylee, but at least then there won't be no one to cut my balls off." Jayne crossed his arms and tried to look firm.
Already River was shaking her head. "Mal and Simon, they see me like a kid. When I get lost and find myself through them, I don't feel right. I'm not what they want to see me as. The mirror is all warped--planar surface curved so the angle of incidence doesn't match angle of reflection. Wrong."
Jayne just looked at her for a second before focusing on the only part of that whole lot that made any gorram sense. "Ever consider just not getting lost in that mind of yours?" Jayne asked the obvious question. "Seems like you were doing passable okay back at the ship."
"Not too many people pressing in on me. And their emotions aren't about me, so I can let them slide right past, leaving only shadows that don't burn. Some days I don't get lost at all," she said quietly.
"Seems like this is something to talk to that brother of yours about," Jayne said carefully. Being that River was almost acting normal, he didn't want to set her off again.
She laughed. "He sees me…" her words trailed off as she frowned.
"He's a gorram annoying little runt, but he loves you," Jayne pointed out. River nodded.
"Loves me, doesn't see me. Thinks of me as the little girl he left behind. Captain sees me that way too, only I don't want to be that anymore. Want someone who sees me for who I am and doesn't always look at the broken parts."
That made Jayne laugh but good. "Cao," he swore. "I reckon I'm always going to see you as the ji nv who gutted me, so if your lookin' for someone who'll forget the past, you ain't looking to the right person. Kaylee'd be the one you want."
Shaking her head until her long hair dancing in front of her face, River wandered to him, black collar in hand and put her hand on his arm again. "Kaylee's thoughts go bouncing against me, all clanking and rough. Her thoughts don't fit in with all those pieces I still remember, with what I've done. I touch her mind and I feel like… I feel like walking into the dark and not coming back again," River said sadly.
"So, you need someone who ain't so good? Someone who's thoughts don't go contrasting so sharply against the Reavers? Don't rightly think that's a compliment," Jayne snorted, but River tightened her hand around his arm.
"Kaylee, the darkness doesn't touch her, even when it does. Contradictions…"
"Yeah, that's Kaylee alright," Jayne agreed when River went and lost her words again.
"Darkness touches you, but you aren't anything like a Reaver mind. They're all…" she grimaced, and Jayne wasn't sure if that was her struggling to figure out a way to say it or just remembering what a Reaver mind felt like. If he'd had those gan ni niang in his brain, he'd take a bullet to it.
"Don't think I rightly want to know," Jayne cut her off as she took a breath to try and explain.
"But you feel things slower," she said with obvious relief when he didn't want details on the Reavers.
"So, you're sayin' you want me around because I'm dumb?" Jayne felt the kick in the guts, which didn't make much sense seein' as how pretty much everyone thought Jayne was a little thick, including Jayne himself.
"No," River said quickly. "You feel things slow. You get angry and carry that anger all slow and building until it seeps out your skin."
That made Jayne blink in surprise. "Fair description," he admitted.
"Feel loyalty just as slow, all building up in little bits and dribbles, and nothing to overwhelm me." River's hand rested on Jayne's arm and her thumb started making little circles.
Reaching down, Jayne put his hand on her wrist and pulled it off him. He weren't a good enough man to resist temptation like that for long. "Don't matter either way because you said you didn't want to use Mal and Simon to find yourself because they'd see you like a little girl. Can't use me to find yourself or every time you do, you'll see in yourself what I see in you, ain't that right?" Jayne asked. River looked at him amused, and Jayne had the feeling he'd missed something along the way, had gotten it wrong somewheres.
"Don't mind finding myself through you," River finally answered as she brought her other hand up to rest on his chest.
"Even if I think you're a gorram lunatic who's 'bout as dangerous as the Reavers themselves?" Jayne prodded hard. If she didn't want him anymore, he had a much better chance of working free from Mal.
Instead of getting offended, River just shrugged, her fingers trailing across Jayne's chest. "The way you see me is closer to the real me than who Simon sees. Simon says be a good girl. Simon says you need protecting. Simon says one day you'll be all better and normal." River looked up at Jayne, and for the first time, Jayne saw eyes that were flat-out old. "Simon's wrong," she said softly. "Simon's wrong and I need to figure out how to be me when I'm not going to ever get better. I'll always lose myself in the dark some days. People get angry with me, get to feeling those dark thoughts, and I'll go spinning off into them. Didn't like it when you weren't there to hold onto when I tried to come back."
Jayne didn't answer at first, he just stared down at this woman who seemed to have grown up in the space of three sentences. This weren't a child he was talking to. For the first time, Jayne really studied her and wondered how many ugly memories were coloring her thoughts.
"So, I come back to Serenity and give you someone to hold onto when you go having these fits, and you won't go parading me around in a leash?" Jayne asked. River studied him as though she really had to consider the suggestion. Slowly she nodded.
"No more talk of things that would get me gelded?"
She looked at him even longer this time, a frown on her face. "I still want you to give me your pain. It won't be more than I've seen," she said, but her voice was inviting instead of demanding now. Somehow that made it even harder.
Jayne could feel his chest tighten until he couldn't hardly breathe. "Don't think that'd be a good idea," he said slowly, forcing out words that didn't seem to want to come out. She nodded sadly.
"So, can we leave now?" Jayne asked.
"Haven't gotten the chains yet," River said as if that were the most natural thing in the world to announce.
"I thought. . . You said we had a deal. Ain't like you need chains to get me back on Serenity." Jayne frowned down at her, and for a second he really resented that the woman didn't have the decency to look as gorram scary as she were; it'd make it less of a hardship on his ego when his guts clenched every time he argued with her.
"Won't take your pain, won't offer to finish your need," River fell silent as she let her hand stroke his arm for a second, and Jayne growled as his cock hardened enough to make him reconsider his gorram decision right then and there. Fuck Mal and Simon, it weren't fair that he had a woman so interested in him and he couldn't even bed her without getting his balls cut off.
"Won't take that," she whispered in a voice that damn near made him come like some oversexed teenager. "But I won't let you walk away. I bought and paid for you, and I'll be keeping you."
"Ain't trying to leave," Jayne pointed out with exasperation.
River just shook her head. "Messed up real bad once already, won't do it again. I'm getting you nice strong chains, chains that even you can't break."
"Captain isn't going to like you playing slaver," Jayne pointed out.
"Not playing," River said with a wide smile and a shrug. "You are my slave."
"Cao," Jayne cursed, but as long as River had the law and her gorram fighting skills on her side, he wasn't going to be able to do much about it. Chains. Jayne wasn't sure if Mal was going to be horrified or just laugh his gorram ass off.
Hours later, Jayne dropped the boxes on the table next to the door of the hotel room River had let him to and eyed the room. "Ain't but one bed," he pointed out.
"Yep," River agreed without explanation, and Jayne had to roll his eyes. Girl seemed almost normal, shopping for four hours and making him carry the packages which were the sort of thing Kaylee might do, but she still wasn't explaining much.
"Ain't playing a game here. Don't like you telling me what to do without giving me no answers," Jayne growled.
River turned and looked at him for a second before she went to the bed and started unpacking a day's worth of shopping. As far as Jayne could tell, River didn't intend on leaving any of the money from the shuttle for Mal. She'd given him the roll after the first store, a knife place where she'd bought a gorram huge blade etched with Chinese characters for luck and success. And since then, Jayne'd been payin' half the shopkeeps in town enough to set them up for life as River had bought trinket after trifle. The roll was half what it had been when she'd first given it to him.
"Captain will be coming soon," she said as she pulled out a long yellow dress with white lace. "Kaylee will look so pretty in this. She should have come."
"Captain's got a real firm policy on core worlds and slave worlds," Jayne pointed out. River had been holding Kaylee's dress up to her front and she stopped and looked at him.
"Like Ariel," she said, cocking her head to the side.
"Like any core world," Jayne growled. "And he don't want Kaylee anywheres near a slave world neither. Bad enough you been gettin' ideas," he said as he kicked the largest box, the one with his chains. The minute he did it, he wished he could kick himself. The last thing he needed to do was remind her of those gorram chains. River looked at him curiously for several seconds.
"Don't go gettin' any ideas," he said as he sat on the wooden chair next to the tall dresser. River'd got a good room; stealing shuttles paid well.
"Already got lots of ideas," she said as she carefully draped Kaylee's dress over the quilt rack by the window. "Lots," she said with a smile that was again making Jayne's balls consider applying for jobs as internal organs.
"Thought we had a deal. I'm here to remind you that you're a gorram lunatic when you start losing yourself, and you don't go playin' games with my head."
River had just unpacked the colognes she'd bought for Simon, but she dropped them on the bed and came over to Jayne immediately, straddling his lap and sitting on it as she rested her hands on his shoulders.
"I never said I wouldn't play games. I plan to manipulate and beguile," she announced just as easily as she might offer some stranger a casual hello. Jayne just stared at her. "I won't take what you don't offer, but I'll take everything you offer and never give it back," she whispered in his ear as she leaned forward. Jayne put his hands on her waist, only to shove her off, but her hands tightened on him until he had to hunch his shoulders against the pain. Made him think better of trying to toss her off.
"Never offered you this," Jayne pointed out.
"Offered it to anyone who would take it. Put yourself up there and waited to see who would come and claim you," she whispered, and Jayne clenched his jaw in anger.
"Went and got stupid after drinking too much gorram whiskey. Didn't put myself up anywhere. Sure as guai didn't mean to end up a slave." Jayne just about trembled with a need to hit someone, but hitting River sure wasn't a good idea.
She leaned back, holding his shoulders and studying his face. "Big and strong. Not just anyone can hold your leash."
"Not wearing a gorram leash, had this conversation once already," Jayne pointed out, and now fear started in there with the anger. River reached up and ran soft fingers down his cheek.
"See, you'd run now if you could. You can't."
"Ain't lookin' to run," Jayne immediately lied. She tilted her head at him, and just sat there, watching. Jayne could feel the fear start overcoming the anger. Right about the time he was ready to lie about something else to distract from that first lie, River tilted her head the other way.
"Captain's here. Not so happy," she said as she stood up and went back to her packages.
"Right then, should probably let him know where we are," Jayne said as he stood up as fast as he could. He edged toward the door, waiting to see how she'd take it. She was exploring the shape of Simon's cologne bottle with her fingers.
"Hurry back. Otherwise I'd have to put my chains on you," she said calmly. Gritting his teeth, Jayne just about bolted out of the room and into the hotel hallway. This was a fancy place, carpet on the floors, and a couple of people frowned at him. Yeah, he weren't looking his best after three weeks of being in a slave cage, but he had enough money in his pocket to prove he belonged as much as they did. He just sneered at the two in fancy duds as he hurried down the stairs to the lobby.
"Jayne!" Mal called out when he was halfway down the second set of stairs. "River with you?"
"Upstairs inspecting her buyings," Jayne said as he came down the last few steps. The man behind the counter muttered something and then turned to two other customers, a genteel looking couple.
"Is she…" Mal glanced up toward where Jayne had just come from.
"Seems sane enough, which is somewhat disturbing," Jayne admitted. "If this were a spell she were having, I'd be confident that it'd pass. Seeing as how she's spent four hours not doing anything gorram strange enough to get anyone's attention, and she's still ordering me around, I'm starting to get that real bad feeling."
Mal sighed and rubbed his face with his hand. "This were the stupidest thing you've ever done."
"Ain't claiming it wasn't. Didn't know River had thoughts on being a slave owner though, did I?"
"Don't think any of us could've guessed that. Did she really…" Mal didn't finish his sentence, but Jayne weren't so stupid that he couldn't figure out what had put that sour expression on the captain's face.
"Bought more chains than any one person has the right to own. And promised to put me in 'em if I didn't bring you back up quick."
"Maybe Simon will have more luck getting her pried free from this idea," Mal said as he started up the stairs.
"So, you got us passage off-world?" Jayne asked hopefully. Simon might stick him with the world's biggest gorram needle for touching River the way he'd been touching her lately, but if he could get her to give up this idea of slaving, it'd be worth it.
"Can't get us off for three days."
"Cao. Offer more money," Jayne demanded as he considered three days of River playing slave owner.
"Tried," Mal said, his voice tight and clipped in that way that suggested he was close to losing his temper. "Could get myself off, but it seems that we need papers for takin' a slave off-world."
"Then get Simon down here," Jayne said, nearly desperate now.
"Ain't that easy," Mal snapped. "Can't leave the ship with no one up there. Already have the pilot and the captain down here, ain't that enough?"
Jayne stared at Mal, gritting his teeth to keep from saying all sorts of things that ran across his thoughts. Mal sighed.
"Jayne, we're all doin' the best we know how."
"River's doing the best she knows to play slave owner. You condoning that?"
"Ain't condoning anything. Tzao gao, I'm not seeing a way out of this. Law says she has rights over you, and if I press things, I ain't so sure what she's going to do."
Jayne stopped outside of the room River had rented. Leaning against the balcony, he looked down two stories to the lobby of the hotel and struggled against the feeling of restraints sliding around him, and he wasn't talking about the chains. If Mal couldn't get him cut loose, he really might be in a gorram mess. "Ain't good at following orders, and she ain't good at giving 'em," Jayne said softly.
"She ordering you to do things you aren't comfortable with?" Mal asked, his eyes darting to the closed door before he focused on Jayne. "If she's getting too aggressive, I might talk to her again." Mal didn't even bother trying to look confident that talking would do any good.
In the lobby, the genteel looking couple was walking toward a first floor room, the man carrying a small case and a hotel employee trailing behind with two big cases. He was probably a slave. No profit in hiring help on a world that sold people's lives. "She's playin' games," Jayne finally admitted. He hated even saying that much, but he weren't getting out of this without help. "Cap, I know you can't do anything here. Slave planet ain't the place to try and slip the leash, but once we're up there, you've got to gorram help me." Jayne whispered the words so soft that even Mal, standing right next to him, had to lean in to hear them.
"Just hang in there," Mal said, not promising anything one way or the other and Jayne focused on the lobby below. "Give me a second to talk to her."
Jayne didn't move as Mal headed in to talk to River. Talk. Words weren't going to make River change her mind none, and Jayne could feel her scratching at places that he didn't rightly think she had any place scratching. Closing his eyes, he remembered the quiet in his mind when Mal had been walking away, leaving him locked in a hatch about ready to get sucked into space. He remembered that peace, and it scared the gorram hell out of him. And then she'd come along and wrapped those legs around him, and he could feel that quiet like dark waters just below, and if he lost his balance just a little bit, if even one wave rocked the boat, he'd slide into that quiet and be lost.
Gorram right he wanted to run. Could feel his guts knotting as he tried to keep his balance above those dark waters. Gorram weakness, that's what it were. Three weeks in a slave cage and he was about as ready for the bughouse as River. He weren't made to be no slave.
Jayne jerked when a warm hand rested on his back. The slight body leaning into his back told him exactly who had interrupted his private moment of panic.
"All thinking. Too much thinking," she muttered.
"Ain't never been accused of that. I know I ain't bright, but I can't figure out this game you're playing with me," Jayne said softly, the words out before his brain could rightly point out that giving her information was just playing right into her hand. She already held too much of him.
"No game. I just want you," River answered quietly as she stroked his arm, her weight still resting against his back.
"I ain't no fluffy puppy. Done things that would make you plenty sorry you ever wasted a credit on me," he said as he tried hard to keep his thoughts away from Ariel. Didn't need her gutting him for real. After she got her mind back, Mal and him had both gone poking, and it seemed like parts just weren't there, including the bit about him selling them out and trying to turn them over to the feds, and what with her owning paper on him now, he weren't much interested in getting into that.
"No puppy," she admitted. "Big junkyard dog. Guard dog. All teeth and growls."
"Bite just as hard as I bark," Jayne warned as he remembered the description of him at the auction. That were the kind of stuff that left a man mentally scarred for life.
"Yep," River agreed. "You broke his neck. He nearly bit through your thumb, and you didn't even make a noise, and you broke his neck. More bite than bark."
It took Jayne a second to place the reference, probably because he was trying so hard to not think of Ariel. The guard he'd killed getting them out of Alliance custody… right after he'd sold them out. Jayne flinched away from that thought as fast as he could. That were what almost drove the captain to kill him.
"Come see what I bought everyone," River asked as she pulled on his arm.
"Saw everything as you were buyin' it. Seems like you had me do the paying so you could focus on looking at damn near every trinket in town." Jayne didn't let her pull him away right away, and her grip didn't get too insistent.
"Come see it anyway," she asked.
"That an order?" Jayne looked over his shoulder at her.
She bit her lip looking uncertain as she studied him. "Just asking," she finally said. "Don't really know what I'm doing you know. Just know that I want you and I don't know how to do this. You think one thing and then you get all twisty and think another and I can't always follow."
Jayne turned, putting his back to the railing as he looked at her. "You can't figure me?" he laughed. "I'm a real simple man. As long as I get sexed regular, paid well, and have the right to say no one owns my life, I'm real happy."
River backed up a step and looked at him for a long second. Jayne could see Mal leaning against the open door behind her. "Liar," River said as she turned and headed back into the room.
"Jayne, come on in," Mal said when Jayne hesitated. River was there, poking Mal in the stomach immediately.
"Tell, don't tell, tell, don't. You always mess up. You don't tell him no more," River said fiercely, every word a poke at Mal's stomach with her finger.
"Back up there, little sister. You sure don't have cause to go poking at me, and I am the captain, if you remember. I pay your salary, and don't set the law on you when you go thievin' my gorram shuttle." Mal held up a hand, and River stopped, looking at him for long seconds.
"Come see what I bought," her mood right back to friendly in a moment. Mal gave Jayne a confused look, but Jayne didn't have any answers for him. However, standing in the hallway was giving her too much of a change to be unpredictable in public, so Jayne headed into the room and sat on the same wood chair from earlier. Mal closed the door so the three of them at least had a little privacy for whatever weirdness was coming on.
"I got Kaylee a dress and a ring. Haven't unpacked the ring yet," River said as she held up the dress for Mal's inspection.
"Real nice," Mal agreed unhappily. River looked at him for a second.
"Haven't got your present yet. Going to buy you the best shuttle," River said confidently.
"So, everyone else gets a present, and I get a replacement for what you stoled from me?" Mal asked with a little amusement.
"And Jayne back. You left him behind. You weren't supposed to leave him behind and now you have him back even if he isn't yours anymore," River said, and that were the weirdness Jayne'd been waiting for. Mal gave him another confused look, but Jayne couldn't figure even half of what the girl said.
"And this is for Simon. He hasn't had any for so long. Gave it up for me," she said as she held out the bottles that had cost more than Jayne normally made in a year.
"He'll be the best smelling fellow around when we dock," Mal agreed.
"My favorite though," River said as she held up the Chinese knife. It was a work of art, the blade gleaming, the Chinese characters etched into the first layer of metal that had been heated, stretched, folded, and stretched again. Near as Jayne could figure, the man who'd made that knife had spent months working it. River had paid enough for it to buy two more slaves.
This time Mal whistled appreciatively. "Jing tsai." He held out his hand and River handed him the knife and the tooled sheath. He walked to the window and tilted the blade in the sun.
"Could've paid less if you woulda stopped going on about how perfect it were," Jayne complained. "You ain't got no head for negotiating." Truth was, she'd done fine at the other stores, walking away so that one shopkeep even chased after her to sell her a ring, but that first store and that knife, she'd been a damn fool talking up how she had to have it.
"You got him to take less," River said as she came over and plopped down in Jayne's lap. Mal gave an extra blink, and Jayne held his hands wide to show he wasn't taking advantage of the situation to do anything that might warrant castration, especially seeing as how Mal were holding a knife sharp enough to do it.
"Jayne wouldn't let me pay full price for it," River said as she draped an arm across Jayne's shoulder like sitting on him were the most natural thing in the world.
"How much you end up paying?" Mal asked.
"Eight hundred." She shrugged as if the money meant nothing to her, but then it wasn't actually her money.
Mal choked. "Credits? Eight hundred credits? For a knife?"
"Man wanted almost twice that," Jayne instantly defended his negotiating. "Could've gotten it for less if she weren't stroking it and looking at it like it were a kitten she'd lost."
"It's beautiful," River said as she got up and headed over to Mal. He slipped the blade back into its sheath and handed it over.
"It is beautiful," even Mal had to admit.
"It's for Jayne," she announced as she headed back to sit in his lap. She held out the knife and Jayne took it before his brain had even processed that. He'd lost his own knife when he lost that hand of poker, but he hadn't even considered that she might be buyin' this for him.
"Might be best to give it to Mal since it were his shuttle you stole," Jayne said slowly as he looked at Mal's face. Man still hadn't closed his mouth, and he was in danger of getting flies in there.
"Nope. I'll pay the captain back, but the knife is for you." She draped her arm around his shoulder and looked at Mal.
"Got Zoe that book she was talking about. Not many books for sale most places we stop, so I didn't think I'd get a chance to buy it anywhere else. And perfume. Zoe should have perfume," River went on. Jayne just sat with the knife in one hand and River's back in the other.
"Wasn't sure what to get you. Finally decided that I could just get you another shuttle, but one of those new ones. I thought about getting you something else besides, but I was still angry with you about messing up."
This time Mal didn't even bother with arguing the point. No matter what he said, she was going to come right back to him messing up, that was obvious. Instead he closed his mouth and looked at the largest box, the one on the floor.
"Is that…"
"I figured that was my present, not that I really wanted them," Jayne admitted as he glanced over at the box of chains and then at the carefully tooled sheath in his hand. That knife were worth more than anything he'd ever owned. River laughed.
"The chains aren't presents for you. The chains are presents for me," she said as she used his shoulder to push herself up to her feet. "You should always get people what they really want for presents," she announced. "Did you find out that Jayne doesn't have the right paperwork for travelling?" River asked Mal without even a trace of shame.
"You knew?" Mal demanded.
"It's the law. I got you the room next to ours." River went over to the high dresser and opened the top drawer, pulling out another key.
"Next to yours?" Mal asked as he looked from Jayne to River.
"Ain't no one asking me for my opinion on sleeping quarters," Jayne defended himself.
River smiled. "He's my slave. We'll sleep here and you sleep there." She extended her whole arm and pointed very regally at the south wall.
"Might be that Jayne would be more comfortable sleeping in my room," Mal said, obviously choosing every word carefully. Jayne agreed that River looked real close to going off on a spell.
"Maybe, but you messed up, captain. You messed up and then I messed up and then you messed up again, and I have to fix it," River announced as if that made any sense.
"Then give me a chance to not mess up," Mal asked. "Ain't never messed up with one of my crew on purpose, so if I messed up, I got a right to fix it."
River froze. Her hand was half way to one of the shopping bags and she just gorram froze. Slowly, her head first and then the rest of her swiveled to look at Mal. Jayne stood up, feeling the danger in that pose. Mal backed up a step and found himself against the wall. She walked quickly to Mal, putting her hand on his chest.
"Mei-mei," Mal warned in a right fatherly voice.
"Want to, but can't," she finally announced. "Jayne's mine. He sleeps with me," she declared before she turned and went back to the bed and the sorting of presents. She pulled out the old book and fingered the pages. Jayne traded a desperate look with Mal at that wording, but as long as they were on a slave world, and Jayne was a slave registered to River, there weren't much either of them could do.
"You wouldn't really cut his balls off, would you captain?" River asked as he turned to Mal.
"Lao tyen yeh," Jayne swore as he closed his eyes. "I ain't done nothing to her, captain."
"Don't figure you will if you get a choice on it," Mal agreed. "I ain't blaming you for this, least I ain't blaming you past the part where you went and got yourself sold. River, you don't go and do some things to a man… or a woman. It ain't right."
"I won't do anything that isn't right. But I won't not do things that aren't right. You messed up enough for both of us," River said, right back on her favorite topic. "You two should use the bath house. You smell like horses." She turned her back and pulled out new clothes that were Jayne's size.
"Ain't had a bath in a week. Don't figure you'd smell too good working in the sun without bathin," Jayne said with a growl as he caught the clothes. He didn't need any more reminding of his recent humiliations.
"Captain," River sat on the edge of the bed. "He's all twisty turny in his thoughts. Wants to run. Wants to run as far as he can. If he does, things will be a lot worse."
"You planning on enforcing your ownership?" Mal asked, his eyes narrowed. River looked at him calmly.
"You should have. You didn't, and he got all lost. He's mine, and I won't let him get lost, so if he runs, I won't ever let him out of the chains," she said calmly. Jayne could feel the cold run though his body. It was like the boat he were balancing on had started rocking and it was all he could do to not slide off into that quiet. Gorram right he was thinking of running.
"Jayne and me will be at the bathhouse and then come right back," Mal promised. He walked over and put a hand on Jayne's shoulder, holding it tightly enough to tell Jayne that the captain wouldn't let him go and make no more dumb mistakes, not when River was being so gorram unpredictable.
"Have fun," she said and then she was back to sorting her day's purchases without another look at them.
Jayne recognized an order when he saw one. She couldn't make him have fun, but he wasn't about to find out what happened if he didn't bathe and change clothes so he reached for the door.
"You do smell a mite," Mal said as they headed for the door.
"Shut up," Jayne answered. Behind them, River laughed.
An hour later, after the quickest bath in the history of the 'verse, Jayne stood outside the door to River's room, freshly washed with his new knife on his new belt holding up his new britches. Mal waited near the door to his own room.
"Ain't in need of a babysitter," Jayne growled at the man. He hadn't managed more than a dozen words to the captain since leaving the room, and half of them weren't polite. Part of him knew that Mal was struggling to say something supportive, but he was having trouble caring about that part.
"If you need something…" Mal let his words just sort of die when Jayne gave him a glare. Taking a deep breath, Jayne pushed open the door and looked around the room. River was sitting on the window seat, Zoe's book in her lap as she read. She looked up and smiled.
"You d on't smell like a horse no more," she announced as he closed the door firmly behind him. Whatever humiliating thing were going to happen, he didn't need Mal watching. Were only so much a man's ego could take.
She tilted her head at him.
"What now?" Jayne asked as he glanced toward the bed. He couldn't see any chains, but the ring set into the wall above the bed wasn't all that subtle of a reminder that this was a slave world. He wondered whether all the rooms had that or if River had asked for it special.
"Time to sleep," she said, looking confused.
Jayne just stood and looked at her. Whatever was going to happen, he just wanted it to happen so he could quit worrying.
River frowned. "I'm not going to take what you don't give," she said softly as she put the book down next to her.
"Seems you been taking a lot more than I've been giving. Asking Mal if he'll cut off my balls and sayin' I'll sleep with you. I know I ain't got no legal right to complain, and I know I ain't smart enough to talk you outta saying or doing whatever you gorram want, so—" Jayne stopped. There wasn't a 'so' to follow that up. The first two were just truths, they didn't need to lead nowhere.
"Thoughts colored ugly," River said as she stood, and Jayne figured that was a pretty good description of it right now.
"Thought that's what you were wishing for, someone whose thoughts were colored about as ugly as the ones you already have floating around in that gorram crazy mind of yours. Well, you know what they say, if wishes were horses, beggars would eat mighty good on horse flesh."
"Your thoughts aren't ugly. Your thoughts are shiny only now they're all ugly. Chou ba guai." River started swaying, her eyes closed as she fell into whatever spell she was fixing on having. Jayne sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, watching her as he pulled his boots off.
"Ain't looking to send you spinning off into your dark place," he sighed. "But I'm not into this gorram game you're playing, so whatever you're going to do, just be done with it so I can catch some sleep. Unless I'm not allowed on the bed," Jayne said, and suddenly he almost hoped that would be the worst of it. After three weeks of a thin straw mattress in a cage, sleeping on the carpeted floor didn't seem like no hardship.
River stopped, her whole body just ceased like a wind-up doll that was out of spring. Jayne watched her suspiciously as he pulled off his second boot. Slowly her eyes came up to meet his. "Little mice feet," she whispered.
"Gorram crazy. I don't translate crazy," Jayne said as he pulled off his belt and curled it around his new knife and put it on the side table. His fingers seemed thick as he unbuttoned his shirt, but maybe these were just small buttons. He got the last ones free and pulled his shirt off. Undershirt and pants was about as undressed as he was getting unless she was going to order him to strip. Mann's farm hadn't ever looked as good as it did in his memory right now.
"So, I been good enough for you today or are you going to chain me up like a dog?" Jayne demanded as he held his wrists out. River was still watching him.
"All closed," she moaned.
"Ain't my problem," Jayne said as he slipped under the sheets and slid to the far side of the bed. Felt wrong, keeping his back to someone, especially someone as dangerous as River, but right now Jayne felt about as raw as he ever had. Captain thought he were some sort of victim over here being ravaged. Captain and doc were both going to have his balls when they figured out where River got her notions from, no matter what the captain said now. Even Kaylee would look at him with them tragic eyes of hers and stammer and try and tell him that everything would still be okay just because that's what she did. He just couldn't figure if Kaylee would be more upset about him corrupting River or River raping him. She might just explode from trying to calculate who deserved more pity.
Jayne took a deep breath and tried to not curse out the whole gorram 'verse.
"Colored so ugly," River muttered again, and Jayne felt the bed dip. He didn't answer. A hand rested on his shoulder, and Jayne tried to hold himself as stiff and still as he could. "I wouldn't ever hurt you," River said gently, her hand just resting on his arm.
"Ain't so fragile as that. I hurt plenty of people in my day, and if you want to do some of the hurting, I'm not in a position legally or morally to tell you not to, but this game stops," Jayne said to the wall. River didn't move behind him.
"Because of what I said to Mal," River said slowly, like she was putting piece of a puzzle together. Then Jayne turned to look at her.
"For someone who's so smart, sometimes you're about as dumb as I am," Jayne said as he looked at her confused face. "He's in there thinking I'm needing rescue like some gorram damsel in distress."
River cocked her head toward Mal's room.
"At the bathhouse, he were telling me how women couldn't blame themselves for getting raped, but he were looking at me. He were looking at me like I was one of them women in Kaylee's books who always need rescuing." Jayne pushed himself up so he was sitting in the bed.
"You want to take that whip to me?" he demanded. "You want to use those chains and whip me until I'm bleeding just because you think I look good in red? I won't make no complaint, but don't gorram make me out to be weak. Ain't weak," Jayne said, his jaw almost hurting from how long he'd clenched his teeth.
River blinked at him and slid backwards off the bed. Jayne watched her, but she just stood in the middle of the room.
"You going for the chains and whip?" he asked, keeping his voice as carefully neutral as he could. She shook her head.
"Then I'm going to sleep." He turned back over and lay down, but he knew he wouldn't get to sleep any time soon. The door opening and then closing softly didn't do anything to make him less furious. If she were over there comparing notes with Mal, he was going to strangle her in her sleep. Mind, she'd probably wake up and break his gorram neck, but at least then he could die with a little more dignity than Mal thinking he were some poor little waif who needed rescuing.
Time moved slow, the distant sounds of the town changing as the night brought out a different sort of folk. The Henrietta liked doing layovers here, the docks had plenty of rough play for deckhands looking to let off stream. Jayne played with the idea of going down there. He'd feel better if he got to knock a few heads together in a good old-fashioned fight.
About the only thing that kept him in the bed was the thought of River putting him in chains for wandering off. And the law would be on her side. Not even the captain could stop her from parading him around in a collar, his hands chained behind his back. Course right now, he'd rather be paraded around like that then give Mal one word asking for help.
Jayne fisted the sheets as he tried to keep himself from doing something gorram stupid. He hadn't been this angry since the night he'd left home. Still had a line of hard scar from where the switch had broken skin that night. The bastard never would have been able to do it if his gorram friends hadn't helped. That's why Jayne had listed Mal as next of kin. If he died, he still didn't want his gan ni niang stepfather getting Vera back. There were consequences for actions. He done humiliated Jayne in front of half the town. Discipline. Jayne snorted and then shifted over to his back, tucking his hands under his head.
"Losing it, Cobb," he whispered to himself. These thoughts weren't helping him any. The whine of a hover went past, and Jayne closed his eyes. He missed the sounds of Serenity, the noise of the engines that always rumbled under all the other sounds. Hull full of cattle or running empty the way Mal did half the time… didn't make no nevermind because Serenity always had that rumble to her. He'd gotten used to it.
A knock sounded at the door, and Jayne ignored it. If it were River, she didn't gorram need to knock, and if it were anyone else, Jayne had a right to gorram ignore 'em. Knock came and went again before Jayne heard voices out in the hall.
The third time, the pounding on the door didn't leave much room for ignoring it, and Jayne got out of bed and yanked the door open. Mal stood there in socks and trousers, a hotel employee standing beside him.
"Got trouble. Get your shoes," Mal ordered before he turned and headed for his room. The hotel employee started for the stairs, but Jayne reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him into the room.
"What's going on?" he demanded as he pulled his boots on.
"The pit sent a runner. There's a girl who left this as her address before she went into the fights."
"Why the pit send someone here?" Jayne asked pulling his shirt on as fast as he could. He'd been there once or twice and beating the shit out of some nameless opponent in some dirty bare knuckle fighting.
"She won't leave the ring. They're afraid she's going to kill someone. They sent to the magistrate, but he said they couldn't use no guns, but if she kills someone…" the man shrugged. "Were they really talking about that girl who's registered in here?" the man asked all disbelievingly. Jayne slipped on his belt and knife.
"Seen that girl go up against Reavers," Jayne said, and the man lost all color. "She ain't nothing to be fooling with." Jayne didn't finish the thought, but he certainly knew she were a good sight more dangerous right now. He'd gone and pushed her over. She'd gorram told him that dark thoughts sent right at her sent her off into her dark place, and he'd struck out with everything he had.
Ai-yah. Tyen-ah. He'd done a lot of things to be sorry for in his life, including trying to turn River and Simon in to the Alliance back on Ariel, but this ranked right up there. Were one thing to hit an opponent in a fair fight. Him trying to trick the Tams into Alliance custody felt almost fair what with both of them being so much smarter than him. Sending River off into her own mind when he knew she didn't have no control over it felt like stabbing a man in the back. And Jayne Cobb did his stabbing in a man's front.
When he hit the hall, the employee still looking shell-shocked and pale behind him, Mal was waiting at the top of the stairs.
"You think it's River?" Mal asked. Jayne gave the man a cold glare before he headed down the stairs.
"You know where you going or are we just flying off half-cocked?" Mal called.
"The pit. Bare-knuckle fighting for prize money," Jayne said as he hurried out into the night.
"Gos se. She'll kill 'em," Mal breathed.
"Yeah, and then the real trouble'll start," Jayne said as he broke into a trot. Mal ran at his side, and they ducked around drunken ship crew and townspeople out for some fun that would be illegal on any core planet. "Round there," Jayne pointed to a squat building near the docks. Men were wandering toward it, and Jayne had to dodge around a drunk who wasn't walking in a straight line.
He and Mal got to the front door at the same time, shoving others out of their way. "Spectating or fighting?" the bouncer asked, his finger on the trigger that would unlock the main door.
"Neither. You sent for us, because of the girl," Mal explained.
"Fighting. Jayne Cobb staying at the Garden Hotel," Jayne said as he slapped the money down. The bouncer checked him in, took his money and pressed the little button. He could hear Mal still arguing with the man as the door clicked shut again.
Inside, the air was dim with smoke, and the roar of the crowd louder than Jayne had ever heard. Damn near knocked him off his feet as he pushed his way through the line to the man who stood by the entrance to the pit itself.
The stands were packed, men standing shoulder to shoulder. On a normal night, men would sit and drink and bet on which of the competitor was about to end up bleeding in the dirt without all that much heat, but tonight's crowd felt more like a dog fight. Men screamed, looking for blood. And Jayne didn't have to look to know that all that was directed right down at River.
"I'm fighting her next," Jayne said. The pit might have sent for someone to get River under control, but they sure in guai weren't stopping the entertainment.
"Hey, we're set up next," complained a young man Jayne vaguely recognized. He was closely flanked by four others, all wearing the same crew insignia.
"You sending groups against her?" Jayne demanded.
"She wanted…" the man who ran the pit started to explain, but the young hothead cut him off.
"She took out three of our crew, but we're going to teach her a thing or two," he boasted. Jayne reached out and grabbed the kid by the shirt.
"You go in there, and your captain ain't going to have a crew tomorrow, so you just gave your spot in line to me," he said darkly. This close, he could smell the whiskey.
"No way. She's ours," he growled. Jayne cocked back his fist and hit the kid so hard that his eyes rolled back and he slumped to the ground.
"He gave his spot in line to me," Jayne snapped at the man with the list of fighters.
"To us," a voice came from behind Jayne. "Jayne Cobb and Malcolm Reynolds. We're on that list of yours," Mal said, pointing his finger at the datapad the man was holding. The pit man glanced down at the unconscious kid and then leaned up to look over into the ring. The crowd had grown quiet.
"You're up gentlemen," he said with a wave toward the door leading down into the pit. "You may want to rethink this. Two versus her isn't exactly a fair fight, and I don't mean for the little girl down there."
"And how many's she fought already?" Jayne demanded as he pulled open the door. Before he could head down, a small group of bloodied men half walked, half carried each other up through to the main level. Jayne traded a worried look with Mal before he headed down the stairs to the sand floor of the pit. "Were my fault," he said angrily.
"What were?" Mal asked, one step behind. The crowd roared to life as Jayne stopped at the bottom and looked at River. She was crouched in the middle of the ring, one leg straight and to the side, all her weight on the other. One hand rested in the sand as she breathed deep and steady. It was a sight that made Jayne question the sanity of coming down here at all.
"What were your fault?" Mal asked again, shouting over the excited shouts of drunken men.
"This were. Got angry at her."
"I figure you got a right to get as angry as you wanted. How's that make this your fault?" Mal asked as they separated and started edging closer to River.
"I knowed how to send her off, and instead of trying to keep her from sliding off into bug-crazy, I gave her a good shove," Jayne confessed to Mal. Then he turned his attention to River.
"River, I know you're mighty unhappy with me right now. I figure I ain't got the right to go telling you the things I done told you tonight," Jayne tried to keep his voice soothing even if he did have to yell over the watching crowds, and she followed him with her eyes. This close, Jayne could see the purpling bruises and the way she gasped for air.
"She look about done in to you?" Mal asked.
"Looks about ready to fall over," Jayne agreed. "River, just come back to the hotel. Time to sleep, remember?" Jayne asked. Mal dived for her. Without looking away from Jayne, she caught him, spun him around and then managed to get up, perform a spinning kick to his back and then drop down into a crouch before Mal could retreat. He flew forward and plowed into the bloodied sand face first.
Jayne reached out and pulled on the man's arm. "You okay?" he yelled. He couldn't hear Mal's answer because the crowd's screams had doubled. Jayne could see River's eyes drifting closed and that weren't a good expression.
"That gorram hurt," Mal shouted again when the crowd started settling a little.
"Yeah, well she's pissed with you," Jayne admitted.
"You couldn't have told me that before?" Mal slowly stood and rubbed his back.
"You didn't ask."
"Next time, feel free to volunteer information of the sort that would keep me from an ass kicking," Mal suggested.
"Next time, don't assume I'm more likely to get an ass kicking from her than you are," Jayne growled back, and Mal just looked at him all confused. Turning his back, Jayne focused on River.
"Time to stop beating up on all the menfolk. Ain't going to be no one to run the ships tomorrow if you keep this up," Jayne said as he crept closer. He gorram hated doing this in front of all these people because no way was he winning this fight. He wondered if River'd let him stay and kick a few asses just to prove he could after she kicked his.
She looked at him, confused.
"You said you wouldn't never hurt me, remember?" Jayne pointed out as he inched closer, watching for that moment when something triggered her, but she just watched.
"That's right. You're ready for bed, now, aren't you?" he asked as he slowly reached up for her. His fingertips brushed her arm, and it was like watching an overloaded spring snap. She flew forward, grabbing his arm as she passed, and Jayne found himself yanked, her grip snapping him back so hard it felt like his shoulder was getting ripped out. The wall of the pit was nice enough to stop him. Course it stopped him so hard that all the air went out his lungs, but being trapped up against a wall with River holding him was getting to be familiar territory. His cock even gave an experimental stir.
"Not playing now, time for this to stop," Jayne growled over the roar of the crowd. She leaned in.
"Not playing. I want you. I want to make you happy, but every time I think I've find the right door, it's wrong. Too much wrong."
"Got a lot of gorram wrong in my brain, that ain't your doing," Jayne said, and then River was gone. He turned around to find Mal holding her around her waist with both arms. Her head was tilted to the side and the audience was screaming for blood. Whatever Mal was saying in her ear, it wasn't working. Jayne got three steps toward them before River had arched back, throwing Mal off balance so that he fell backwards into the sand. She rolled, coming around for the kick when Jayne got there. He put everything he had into his own kick that connected with her stomach.
She was light enough that she slid back and away from Mal before she could leap to her feet again.
"Might be I should sit this one out," Mal said. "I ain't helping you much, and another hit and you might be looking for a new captain."
Jayne gave the captain a push toward the stairs as he headed for River again. "Ain't foolin. Time to come home," Jayne told her. "You know how to find your way out of that darkness, so if you ain't coming, that's your choice."
She tilted her head, and Jayne braced for an attack two seconds before she tackled him, sending them both to the sand floor. Her fingers found his throat, and Jayne didn't even bother trying to pry them off. He used the last of his air and energy to buck up, throwing her over his head and to the sand. He was scrambling to get to his feet when she landed on his back, driving him to the sand again, this time face down. He could feel the sand getting into his nose and mouth.
"Darkness is so simple. Fight. Win. The darkness is easy to be in," she said, her thighs tightening around him when he struggled up to his hands and knees.
"Ain't where you want to be, thought," he pointed out. Surging to his feet, he flung himself backward toward the wall. Instead of crushing her like he'd planned, she somehow leapt out of the way so that Jayne just about knocked himself unconscious on the wall of the pit. He dropped to his knees, and she was there, her hands on his shoulders holding him down. He grabbed her wrists, but he didn't have the leverage to get her to let go.
"Sometimes I do," she said as she let her head tilt back, her eyes drift closed. She was letting all that anger and bloodlust from the crowd fill her.
"You gonna kill me then?" Jayne demanded harshly. "It's what they want. It's what the darkness wants."
River staggered back away from him as though hit, and the crowd screamed even louder. "The only thing they want more than seeing me dead is seeing you dead," Jayne yelled.
River shook her head, her hair whipping back and forth.
"Ain't you, the darkness ain't you," Jayne told her.
"Feels like it is. I make what I touch ugly and dark. Simon, you."
"Simon were ugly before you ever touched him," Jayne said as he inched closer again. River looked up sharply, and for the first time since coming into the pit, Jayne could see she was really looking at him. "And I were ugly long before you were born."
"You aren't. You aren't ugly," she said as she came close. She reached up to touch him, and he grabbed her arm, yanking her close. She pressed against him for a second and then spun away. "Not ugly," she repeated. Jayne laughed as they circled in the center of the pit.
"Were ugly since before you were even a gleam in your pappy's eye. Ain't the worst thing in the world. Rather be ugly than weak," Jayne said. "Rather be either of those than crazy," he added after a second. It might be cruel, but it was true. River stopped circling and stood there looking at him. "Time to come back," Jayne told her as he stood to face her.
"I did something bad," she said as she stepped close. The crowd quieted down some, confused. "I didn't even know I was doing something so bad. Can't go back."
"I ain't one to give out lectures on not doing bad. Got enough bad in my own past to account for."
"But when you're bad, there's supposed to be punishment and then it all goes away."
Jayne looked at River, and she blinked up at him with such a look of innocence that Jayne knew he'd got that wrong. "I ain't good at riddles," he said slowly.
"I shouldn't have said that in front of Mal. I was angry. He could have had you first and I was jealous and I wanted him to feel bad because he messed up."
"He… what?" Jayne asked.
"On Ariel, you laid down your strength for him. Wanted that. Wanted your strength. Wanted to know you wanted me, only you don't, so I wanted to hurt Mal." River looked almost pained.
"Guay, that what it was about?" Jayne asked. She nodded miserably as the crowd started to boo. "Should go," Jayne said. River shook her head. "Not the time for another of your crazy spells," Jayne said as the atmosphere in the pit started turning nasty. They wanted blood.
"Hurts more when there isn't punishment."
Jayne looked at River's sincere expression and glanced over to where Mal leaned against the wall watching. "I ain't doing this. I really ain't doing this here," Jayne said.
River slapped him. It wasn't even a conscious thought. Jayne pulled back his fist and punched River without even thinking twice. Her small body stumbled back and she fell on her ass in the sand. The crowd exploded, some cheering and others booing at the top of their lungs. After a second, Jayne walked over and held out a hand to her. She was touching her jaw. She smiled at him and took his hand so he could pull her up.
"We done?" Mal asked as he came over. He peered at River's jaw, pushing her hand away so he could see the swelling. The look he gave Jayne weren't exactly pleased.
"We're done," River agreed as they headed for the stairs.
Mal winced on every step before giving River a dark look. "Don't never hit me that hard again."
"You probably shouldn't fight me when I'm in a bad mood," she said, sounding downright sane.
"I'll keep that in mind. In fact, I'll make a memo. Next time you're in a bad mood, you're all Jayne's problem."
"I ain't signing on for babysitting the crazy girl," Jayne complained as they reached the pit master. The man had a pile of notes in hand.
Jayne couldn't remember anyone ever winnin' that much and he wondered just how many people River'd put a hurt on. Fact was it were her money because she'd thrown the fight more than he'd won it, but he wasn't getting into that discussion now. Throwin' a fight was just about a hanging offense in these parts and he couldn't never explain to any of them what exactly they'd been doing in the pit.
"Just need you to sign here," he said as he held out a contract toward Jayne. "Records say you're a slave. Your owner know you're down here?"
"Ask her," Jayne said as he poked a thumb in River's direction.
"Yep," she answered as she poked her sore jaw.